Hunger
by Hack.Drawer
Summary: Two roommates battling personal battles realize they have more in common than they thought - but both of them are prickly, private and stubborn. Little did they realize that they would become more reliant on each other than they'd imagined. AU *COMPLETE*
1. Chapter 1

**: : 1**

"What are you wearing?"

Law stopped chewing on his apple slice, finding the question bewildering. He thought it was fairly obvious what he was wearing. He looked down at his long legs crossed over onto the coffee table, toes wiggling. They were bright yellow pants with purple plaid stripe, and Law had the thought that they were ugly – but the material was stretchy and comfortable. He then looked up at Sanji's cross expression.

"Clothes," he replied.

"They're hideous," Sanji replied, glancing at himself in the hall mirror before adjusting his tie. His black shirt and vest matched his trousers, and Law wondered whose funeral he was attending.

Law continued chewing on his apple slice, saying, "Not as hideous as your face."

"Your pants are _ten times_ more hideous than your attitude."

"Your entire personality is more hideous than anything you can ever say times infinity."

Sanji gave him a disgusted look, striding away from the hallway mirror, plucking his wallet from the hallway table. Law noticed he left his cellphone sitting there. "That's not even going to get a response from me."

"Yet, you got all pissy," Law muttered as keys were snatched and the door opened and slammed shut. He sighed heavily, lifting the remote to change the channel. He finished his apple and examined the two slices left on the plate next to him. It took two shows on the History channel before he realized that Sanji was not coming back from his cellphone. He pushed himself up from the couch and retrieved it from the hallway table.

It hadn't any personality just yet – just a generic wallpaper, some notifications, and basic news headlines that scrolled across the screen. It wasn't even locked – so he pressed the home button and sat on the couch once more. He wasn't even going to cover his tracks – he scrolled through the apps with some tense curiosity.

His new roommate was not afraid to say anything to his face; he was angry all the time, stomping on the floors with concrete blocks for feet. His room smelled like cigarettes – despite the No Smoking rule – and Law swore he finished entire bottles of wine only to hide them in the trash the next day. He made some cash working at a restaurant; able to afford name brand items but couldn't afford to live on his own. He stocked the fridge with fresh fruit and vegetables and meat cut at counters – but rarely cooked anything more than a soup.

The apartment was a two bedroom, rent-stabilized treasure find near the downtown area, but Law had long suspected it was because it was owned by some shady people who used the building for things he hadn't the imagination for. Law had just barely put his ad up when Sanji replied with cash in hand and a want to move in despite Law not having yet cleaned out the previous roomie's room. He let Sanji have that mess and moved him in fifteen hours later – he barely got a word in before the younger man went at the mess with a rage that could only be described as violent and gory.

After that, Sanji snapped at him like he was some teenaged younger brother dallying in his business. It would have bothered Law into destroying him and his belongings but Sanji also yelled at him to eat the food he bought and cleaned the living area without feeling pressured, and Law had grown accustomed to a clean apartment so he lived with the snappy comments and angry rage. What also helped was Sanji was hardly ever there anyway so it was almost similar to living alone.

But neither of them really knew who each other were.

Looking through Sanji's cellphone, he found a long thread between the blond and someone named "Fucking Idiot" with some knife emojis.

'I'm keeping the dog.'

'Custody issues apply here.'

'Argue all you want – dog stays.'

'Both of us made the decision to adopt him, both of us should have an option!'

'There is none with you.'

'You divorce people, not children!'

'*dog'

'He's my dog, too!'

'He's *mine after you left us.'

"Divorce?" Law repeated aloud, wondering if he'd noticed a tan line on Sanji's ring finger. He thought that this was a considerably cool woman to continue a composed line of arguing with an oversensitive guy. There was more to read but he stopped scrolling because one of his favorite shows had come on.

He woke up at the sound of keys being tossed to the floor and angry muttering. Remembering that he had Sanji's phone, Law stilled as he listened for his roommate to begin an angry search for the device but Sanji stomped to his room and slammed the door shut. So it gave Law time to return the phone back where he'd found it and returned to the couch. He had just pulled his blanket back up to watch some early morning programming when Sanji emerged from his room, stomped to where the phone was and stomped back towards his room. But then he stopped near the living room once he noticed the television was on.

Without any warning, he picked up Law's feet and tossed them to the side to sit on the couch, forcing the older man to sit up sluggishly.

"What the hell are you watching?" Sanji asked crankily, reeking of cigarette smoke and alcohol.

"I don't know," Law answered, unsure if it were an infomercial or a badly programmed newscast.

"What the hell do you do all day besides stealing all the oxygen in here?"

"I'm sure your lungs has asked the very same thing," Law muttered, pinching his nostrils shut with his fingers.

Sanji huffed, propping his feet – with very expensive shoes, it looked like – on the battered coffee table. He rested his angry head on an angry fist and glared at the television screen in silence. It felt very awkward for Law at that moment – it felt like they were strangers sitting on some bus bench, familiar with each other only because they rode the same line at the same time.

"You're so angry all the time," Law then muttered.

"Don't talk to me."

"I live here, too."

"Tch," Sanji hissed, rising up from the couch and stomping towards the kitchen. Law wondered if he stomped this way all his life. "Are you really alive? Did you eat my apples?"

"Yes," Law answered unapologetically.

Sanji slammed the refrigerator door shut, then began striding back towards his room. "Eat the rest of them, you selfish slob."

Law couldn't help but jump as that door slammed shut. He wondered what the neighbors thought of them. Hours later, he was hurrying out from his room with his overnight bag, cursing as his cellphone rang continuously and regrets with yet another sleepless night left him reluctant to leave. He saw the lunch tote on the counter with an angry "Eat This, Shit 4 Brains", and paused to stare at it with bag heavy eyes. He wondered if Sanji had mixed this place up with his own. He could imagine Sanji calling his soon to be divorced wife this and found it laughable. He grabbed it anyway, sure he was going to be too lazy to find his own food later on.

"Maybe you should ask," Penguin said with concern later that day. Law was busy frowning at the Tupperware containers, all open to reveal surprisingly lavish foods with cream, meat and starch mixtures and salad with a smaller container of dressing. He had no idea when Sanji had made it – he supposed he'd fallen asleep on the couch after their encounter and the blond did it then but he was gone before Law's alarm had gone off. Maybe he was a ninja.

Law had just told him and Shachi how angry the guy was, and confessed to going through his phone.

"Don't bother, unless you're going to be friends with him," Shachi advised through a mouthful of sandwich. "It probably won't last long."

"Divorces are tricky," Penguin agreed.

"He's pretty young," Law said. "I think in his early twenties."

"Poor thing," Shachi sneered. "Hard lesson to learn so early on."

Law pushed aside everything but the salad and began picking at the greens – eating one leaf at a time. Penguin looked at him with such a heavy expression that Law looked in the other direction.

"I was a fat kid, Penguin."

"You're a skinny _adult_ , now."

"Let me live my life the way I want to."

Shachi took one of the meat and pasta mixtures and took a bite. His face lit up. "Oh, _wow_! This is amazing! Have a bite, bro."

After Penguin took it, his face reflected his thought. " _Jesus_. Let me have the other one."

"Arm wrestle me for it!"

"I'll take your word for it," Law muttered, not the least bit interested to try. The numbers running through his head assured him he was on the right track. "I think things will work out fine. I'm honestly not bothered by him."

"Until wifey decides he's gotta pay alimony and he decides to kill you and himself."

"I wouldn't mind," Law confessed. "I'm _tired_."

"After all these years, I'm not surprised to hear you say that," Penguin muttered, almost bitterly.

Two days later Law drifted into the apartment, exhausted and dazed. He dropped his bag where he dropped his keys and struggled to take off his jacket. As he drew an arm out, he intended on hanging it up onto the rack nearby, where Sanji's expensive array of outerwear took over most of the hooks. But the jacket felt too heavy and he made a misstep, so he ended up crashing onto the hard floor with his jacket halfway on and his heart racing miles per minute. It was too much effort to get up, so he decided to take a nap instead.

He then opened sluggish eyes to see that Sanji was standing over him, glaring at him. He was wavering as he stood there, expensive jacket flecked with wet droplets of melting snow and a plastic bag dangling from one hand. It looked like it were packed with clothes rather than items from the Chinese takeout place that it was labeled with.

"Did the divorce go through?" Law mumbled into the floor.

Sanji's mouth snapped shut as that glare turned venomous. Whatever he planned to say was obviously forced to the back burner as Law waited for an answer. His face reddened and his jaw tightened, but he somehow let the comment go. He threw the bag carelessly into the living room, where something inside of it shattered like glass.

"Should I call an ambulance?" Sanji managed to release between gritted teeth as he crouched to help Law to his feet. "Are you _dying_?"

"If you can make it quick, then do so without me suffering. I'm prepared to die."

"Then could you at least put something in writing that I'm guaranteed your next paycheck? Doctor? Fucking hypocrite."

"Surgeon," Law corrected blearily. He managed to tilt his head to see what Sanji's feet were encased in. He noticed how wet the hems were. "What, you need money for new crocodile shoes and highlights?"

"I wanted a relaxing evening," Sanji snarled, forcefully pulling Law to his feet.

"But instead you settle for strong armed robbery," Law muttered, finding it embarrassing that his legs didn't want to cooperate.

"…and instead of finishing off this amazingly cheap ass whiskey I found in here to black out for the entire weekend and wipe away my memory storages, I come home to a fucking loser nearly dead in the hall!"

"What were you doing in my room in the first place?"

"It's where I found the whiskey!" Sanji huffed, maneuvering to support him and then looking at the frail man with suspicion. "You aren't naturally skinny, are you?"

"Are you a natural blond?"

"Forcing you to eat something probably won't work here, will it?"

"I could do with a couple of those crackers in the left hand drawer aside the fridge."

"This is great," Sanji muttered to himself, walking Law to his room and dropping him onto his bed. He then roughly removed the man's shoes and jacket while Law barely registered that his drunk roommate smelled strongly of cigarettes and dirty moisture – he was probably wandering the slushy sidewalks for some time before he came home. "I get kicked out of my own fucking home, move into a mob building, my roomie's got a full blown eating disorder, and now I'm denied the chance to forget my own name because this _loser_ is moments from having a heart attack! I just lost my fucking job…!"

"Eviction notice, day one," Law muttered, heart racing noisily with all the movement.

"Give me your goddamn phone," Sanji then snarled, digging into his pockets until he came across the device. "What's your damn pin?"

Law squinted at the ceiling. "Good lord, I'm not even dead yet…"

"I will cram all the leftovers from the couple of days you were gone into your throat - !"

"Oh seven fourteen."

After Sanji unlocked his phone, he began scrolling through Law's contacts. He pressed – _rather angrily,_ Law thought – on one and sat on the floor, rummaging underneath Law's bed. Law lifted his head because it was quite bold of his roommate to know where he'd stashed his old alcohol box.

"I'm the idiot's roommate. Get over here before I kill him. You call the cops, and I'll track you down after I make bail and make you regret it," Sanji said, hanging up moments later and tossing the phone near Law's head. He stood up with a half empty bottle of vodka. Nodding, he uncapped that and walked out of Law's room with it, slamming the door shut behind him.

Law was incredulous. He looked back up at the ceiling. "So, this is how it feels being shut into a nursing home…"

Half an hour later Penguin hurried in, looking just as exhausted as Law felt. He caught his breath once he assessed the scene, but still looked panicked. Law did feel bad for the worry – he was sure Penguin was just as exhausted as he was, and yet Law had caused him trouble with his predicament. Guilt and feelings of failure made his entire body feel heavier than it ever did.

"I _told_ you," Penguin said tiredly, sitting at the edge of Law's bed while removing his scarf from around his neck. He glanced around Law's room before looking at him with a weary expression. "People are starting to talk, bud."

"Let them."

"The patients and their families are starting to talk more so than our co-workers," Penguin amended. "How are you going to secure their confidence when all they can think about is how sick you yourself look?"

"That's what face masks are for."

"I think you should take a vacation and go back to see that doctor," Penguin said with a sigh, reaching up to scratch around his ear. "What if you faint or something in the middle of a procedure…? What's that going to look like? This is something you should do before you're _ordered_ to do it."

"Sometimes I think about taking your advice to heart," Law said slowly, examining the blue in the bed of his fingernails, "but then I start thinking too deeply into it. And get dragged right back into the waves."

"It's been _years_ ," Penguin reminded him gently, as if Law needed that reminder. "And you've made such a name for yourself and are your own person. Like, the only thing that can hurt you is yourself, and you're doing a spectacular job of it, I might add. It's like you're allowing them to win, buddy."

Law thought about it for several long moments before he said quietly, "Don't call me 'buddy'."

"Take the time off. Get treated. It's not that bad like that one time, so maybe it'll be fine with outpatient services."

It startled them both when Sanji appeared drunkenly in the doorway, nearly empty bottle clanking noisily on the hinges as he leaned in. His tie hung sloppily from his collar, his vest was unbuttoned and he was walking around barefoot. His hair was clinging to his face, which was shiny with alcohol sweat. Penguin recoiled away from him.

"So when you leave," Sanji said slowly, words slurring, "can I have your goody box?"

Penguin stood up quickly. "Thank you for calling me over. My friend isn't well, so maybe heaping demands on him this fast isn't a good idea – "

"You were right about the divorce," Sanji interrupted him, pointing at Law before finishing off the rest of the bottle. He exhaled noisily while Penguin cringe a little, reaching over to pick up Law's jacket from the floor just in case he needed to protect them both. "I had the papers served to me, today. Why I got fired. I _over_ reacted. Ha ha. Well. _Fuck_ them too. But you're not going to need that, are you?"

"Don't touch the toilet paper, please," Law said politely.

" _Just_ the alcohol."

"You'll still make rent?" Penguin asked tentatively.

Sanji speared him with an angry glare before pushing away from the doorway.

"I've no problem covering my fucking ass!"

Both men cringed at the sound of him stomping down to his room, slamming the door shut. Law chuckled.

Penguin's face was stiff with concern as he considered the doorway for a few moments before looking at his friend. "He does stomp, doesn't he? Look, get some rest. I'll text you, and maybe we can drive you over there for support."

"Just get some rest," Law muttered guiltily. "Sorry for this."

Penguin nodded. He'd heard enough apologies to last them both for a lifetime. He was sure to hear more because he knew the man well enough to know that he wasn't going to follow through. Their history together guaranteed them both some friendly disappointment that each of them knew well. He draped Law's jacket over the foot of the bed.

The next morning, Law woke up to the sound of retching. He assumed Sanji had done his best to wipe his memory banks and was dealing with the aftermath. So he climbed out of bed, wincing at the cold. It took him some minutes to find his fluffy robe and pull that on, looking at his watch to see if it were time to eat, yet.

He salivated at the thought of eating his preferred breakfast, rising slowly from his bed. He shuffled out from there to the guest bathroom, finding Sanji hugging the toilet bowl.

"Regret it, yet?" he asked dryly.

Sanji spit before shaking his head. Law noticed that his cellphone was broken in the gleaming white of the shower stall. It made him wince, wondering how many phones had to be broken for this guy to get a clue.

"I'm aiming for alcohol poisoning, now," Sanji muttered into the bowl, his words echoing slightly over the dirty water. "Maybe he'll feel sorry for me."

 _Oh_. ' _He'_ , Law thought with some surprise.

"Probably not," he said. "It's satisfying to see someone suffer."

Sanji snorted, leaning his head against the lip of the bowl. It made Law cringe. But when the man didn't say anything more, Law headed into the kitchen to warm up a can of soup and tea. He was eating it directly from the pot when Sanji stumbled in, wiping his freshly washed face with a flowery towel.

"Can I cook you something instead?" he asked drunkenly.

"You know what they say…drinking and cooking makes for a sad statistic," Law answered warily.

"You gonna call that friend to come pick you up?"

"No."

"Didn't you make plans yesterday?"

"Clearly, that alcohol consumption didn't work. You still remember shit."

Sanji threw the towel impatiently into the sink. He wiped his hair from his face, revealing a haggard look – it was much different from Law's own, but seemed to bear the same sort of pain. He leaned up against the fridge, watching Law eating from the pot. He then shook his head and staggered away. Law heard him walk into his room, rummage for the box underneath his bed, the clinking noises of bottles rapping together making him wince once again.

"Only _one_ person dies in here!" Sanji then snapped as he made his way back to his room. Law was prepared for the door to slam shut but when it did, it was still a surprise.

For the rest of the day, he ignored his phone and sat on the couch, flipping from channel to channel. The cityscape changed color outside, revealing fluttering snow and occasional whiteouts that made it difficult to see the skyscrapers in the distance. Evening came and went, and when Law finally lifted his head after some troubled sleeping, he saw that Sanji was in the kitchen – cutting angrily through various vegetables. He didn't say anything, and Sanji said nothing to him. Both men were consumed with their own problems, and though nothing was direct, it was understood that they were strangers and had no footing in each other's world. Another nap took Law through the rest of the morning, but he heard Sanji taking a shower.

When he emerged he was dressed in dark clothes and wearing a dark hood. Law watched him leave, then got up from the couch to find his next allotted meal for the day. He was just finishing up at the counter when Sanji slammed in, carrying a bundle that whined anxiously from his arms. Law was surprised to see the face of a miserable looking bulldog peeking through the fabric, as Sanji struggled to hold onto a plastic bag of items that threatened to shred the bottom of it.

"This unsupervised visitation was allowed?" Law asked tentatively, not wanting a scene caused in their apartment because of this.

"No. This is forcible kidnapping," Sanji replied, marching off to his room. He then called over his shoulder, "He's potty trained!"

The door slammed shut in the hallway while Law furrowed his brow. Then he shrugged because it was none of his business. Halfway through the night, while Law was engrossed in some Netflix documentary and battling a headache, the sound of clicking nails on the floorboards caught his attention. He looked over to see the dog peering cautiously at him, droopy eyes furrowed with a brown spotted brow. It breathed with a faint snore caused by his short nose, jowls hanging low to reveal a lower bite that allowed his bottom teeth to stretch towards his black nose. He wore a dark green collar with his name written in black ink on it. Law was sure this thing had been trashed in the city dumpster then rescued.

" _Woof_ ," the dog snorted, inverted front paws steadily holding up the rest of its large body over the floor.

"Woof," Law returned, rubbing his temple as the headache persisted.

The dog stared at him for several moments before glancing back down the hallway then looking up at him. He waddled into the living area before sitting with his back against the couch leg, face uplifted to catch all the scents. He kept looking at Law cautiously, expecting the man to address him.

The ugly dog made Law wince. The animal looked at the television set, seemingly engrossed in the content before sneaking a look back at him. One of his ears flicked and he tilted his head back against the cushion before Law became aware of Sanji moving about. Once the blond found him, looking unsteady on his feet, he sat on the couch with a hard flounce. The dog pawed at him urgently, Sanji lifting the animal onto his lap. Content, the dog settled there with a hard snort.

"What the hell is this?" Sanji then asked crankily of the television set, scratching the dog absently behind his ears. The dog looked happy.

"That dog is the ugliest thing I've ever seen."

As in reaction, the animal glanced at Law self-consciously, hunching in on itself while Sanji shot Law a dirty look.

"Oh? He understands human words?"

Sanji kissed the animal's head. "Don't worry about that guy," he assured the dog. "You can chew on his bones when he dies."

The dog lovingly snuffed at Sanji's hands then looked at Law smugly.

"You're still ugly," he whispered, then realized he'd heard the same thing once before. It struck him that Penguin was right. They _were_ winning.


	2. Chapter 2

**Naghi-Tan: Oh yes – it's going to hurt. Prepare your heart. And it certainly is ;D Only because it was important that it was. This chapter will explain why Law is the way he is.**

 **Jeminaks: Oh ho ho ho, lock yourself in!**

 **Harmonica Smile: This will definitely be a sad – because it just needed to come out! I had the idea of Law's trousers from a pic I saw on Pinterest and never saw it again. I think he was dressed as Moria, but I'm not entirely sure…they were definitely some of the most hideous pants I'd ever seen.**

 **Krito1389: It's definitely who you think. They will be coasting down the hill of angst and pain, and it'll be hard pinning one with the "bad guy" label DX It's definitely a LawSan, but probably not as the way people would want…**

 **Fyoyaran: It's a LawSan, but not a romcom! DX It's more angsty. Yes, Law is a contradiction – but definitely a Law. XD If that makes any sense!**

 **A/N: Thanks for picking up this story! It's going to be painful. (but be rest assured, no tragedy! …for once…)**

 **: : 2**

The dog's name was Brook, and while the old man was trained and well taken care of – medications were required to control his seizures – Law couldn't help but stare at the animal from time to time, trying to imagine how the stompy, angry soon to be divorcee could actually find the patience to take care of the thing. The dog clearly adored the man, that part was obvious. But he whined from time to time, looking from one to the other, clearly looking for another. The dog didn't understand that he was an unfortunate part of a custody dispute.

Sanji lavished attention onto him – cradling him like a child, feeding him delicacies from the stove, bathing him and comforting him when the dog obviously didn't feel well; he cleaned up the accidents and somehow kept the apartment from smelling like a dog pound. It was Law's first time seeing the angry man this happy. In a sense, that angry energy that often swirled around him seem to turn into a somewhat sad tornado of desperation and forced cheer because even if Sanji were happy with this dog, he was prepared to take him back.

It reminded him of Rocinante and how hard he tried to keep Law well and focused after the death of his family.

A week later, Brook plopped himself into the center of the living room with a hard sigh, settling his underbite delicately over his inverted paws. His mournful eyes looked this way and that while Law sat on the couch, chewing individual almonds slowly. He was exhausted because sleep hurt – his bed was much too firm and his bones protested every position. Sleep was difficult in the first place – his mind running with work, with food, with focus on what his body was doing. He felt like he was on the verge of some fever with his body's sluggishness but he was positive he wasn't sick.

Just tired.

 _I need help_ , he thought vaguely, but didn't put any more weight into that thought.

Brook looked at him, tilting his large head in Law's direction.

 _You're so ugly_ , he thought, but that wasn't his voice. It was an echo from his past.

"What are you looking at, mutt?" he asked low.

"Woof," Brook said, droopy eyes looking at him with caution.

"Well, _woof_ you too."

Sanji emerged from the hall, wearing the same dark clothes as last time, zipping up one of his jackets. The blanket over one arm was unfolded to hold Brook within.

"Returning to the scene of the crime?" Law asked skeptically, delicately biting off a piece of almond. "Why don't you just keep the thing?"

"Because I didn't make this decision on my own," Sanji snapped at him, Brook's bottom wiggling as he hauled up onto all four paws and toddled over with hard snorts. " _Both_ of us were involved, both of us should share the care equally."

"What about the papers?"

"What _about_ them?"

"Did you sign them?"

Sanji gave Law a dirty look as he covered Brook with the blanket and pulled him up into his arms, the dog panting noisily. "It's none of your fucking business," he told Law before snatching his keys and stomping to the hall. The door opened and slammed behind him, and Law's shoulder jumped with involuntary action. He examined the almond he had been working on, then diverted his attention to the television set.

Watching TV helped distract him from the growing hunger pains that rendered his body a sore, exhausted mess. His bones hurt – he imagined that they did so because they were crying out for calcium that he steadily denied because calcium products were dangerous. His kidneys wanted relief – they felt dry and withered, aching from time to time because he drank too much caffeine and not enough water. His eyes felt dry and itchy, skin flaking around his mouth because he often drew his brittle fingernails against the edges of his goatee – keeping his fingers and hands busy, keeping the metabolism running.

His hair was thin and was falling out with a brush of his hand through it; absent actions that had turned into a habit. He collected patches of dark blue strands and counted them between commercials, piling them on the arm rest he leaned against. Everything and anything he could do to interrupt the constant thoughts of food running through his head.

'Don't you think you've had enough, Law?'

Rocinante's voice interrupted his counting. The memory was vague, but Law could see himself as a preteen, cramming hamburger after hamburger into his mouth while the man looked at him skeptically. The fast food place wasn't full, but there were enough people there to glance back at them. As an adult, Law had told himself they were only looking back because the man he'd been with had been a freak of nature – their glances weren't meant for him. But it had taken years to accept that.

'It'll all catch up to you,' Rocinante had warned him. 'You're already quite chubby. I don't want you feeling self-conscious about yourself.'

'I'm so hungry all the time,' Law heard himself reply. It was almost a whine. 'I feel like I'll never feel full.'

'You don't need to eat to feel full, Law,' Roscinante had said gently. 'Just eat the recommended amount – or eat slower, you'll feel full much faster if you do that.'

'I'm not worried about it,' Law had said through a mouthful of burger, 'because I'm gonna grow, anyway.'

'Hopefully…'

Law's eating disorder had emerged shortly after. Rocinante had his own troubles, and unconsciously took them out on Law with light judgement on the teen's eating habits.

' _Again, Law_?'

' _You should learn a little self-control_.'

' _It's weird for a guy to have stretch marks like that_. _It's a little ugly_.'

' _Maybe you should just stick to some fruit and vegetables, today._ '

' _I don't have the money for that, Law_. _Just a sandwich, today_.'

The funny thing was, Law reflected, he was of normal weight for his height and density. He was just a teenager – more involved with his books and his future than his looks. But once the disorder took control, he started to notice more and more of himself than he had before.

If only I did this, I'd _feel_ this…

If only I looked like this, he'd stop nagging me…

If only I could only stick to this, it would show him that I have some goddamn self control…

If I don't ask for that meal, he can save at least ten more dollars…

Rocinante was an absent-minded man – he bought clothes that were sometimes too small for Law to fit but Law made it a mission to fit them. To either please the man, to save money, to make it more convenient for the pair of them, he'd do his damndest to fit the expectations of a man that hadn't any realization what he was doing at that time.

Law began eating less junk food to start off – then turned to clean eating because it was healthiest in the weight of both their expectations. Then he steadily grew obsessed with eating less processed foods in favor of organics and plant based foods and one day, before he knew it, he was in the hospital without any idea how he got there.

'I hadn't even noticed!' Rosinante had exclaimed as the ER doctor looked at Law with some mild disgust. 'I didn't think he was taking this that far!'

'You hadn't noticed your own son's face is concaved? You won't get the ladies like that, you know,' the doctor had told Law firmly, writing sloppily over the form in front of him. 'They want a guy with substance. It's ugly to be that thin.'

'I have plenty of substance,' Law remembered saying. 'Your wife even said so last night.'

' _Law_!' Rosinante exclaimed with horror as the doctor rolled his eyes.

'His only cure is to _eat_ ,' he'd said before making his way to the door. 'Just make him eat food. It's natural for men to do so.'

 _What do you know what's 'natural'?_ Law had thought back then. What made a man 'natural'? To overeat excessively, to look like something from an action movie, to get all the ladies? What was wrong with being himself? What was wrong with saving money in not having a meal?

He gained weight with a diet plan the nutritionist had recommended to both of them that day, but one day he came across clothes that he used to fit. They were things that belonged in the children's section – he remembered going to school with high water pants or too short of sleeves, but he also remembered the two jobs Rosinante had taken to support them, the air of stress in the house when there were red sheets of paper on the counter when Rosinante forgot to hide them.

 _If I just ate less_ …

 _If I could just reuse these_ …

 _If I could be of no trouble_ …

… _I could help him_.

All these excuses were things Law had thought of – things that went into his eating habits that made it "easier" for Rosinante. He was a struggling man trying to provide for a teenage boy that had expensive hopes and dreams for a future where they weren't struggling. Eventually this way of thinking turned comfortable for him, even long after he'd moved out of their apartment and made a life for himself. It was a part of him, now, with no other reasoning to excuse it. It was routine, it was life, it was something as big a part of him as his looks.

He didn't have time for relationships because relationships didn't have time for him. That doctor's words had stuck with him for years after; the expectations of being a man skewed by an ignorant observation. If he wasn't a man for not eating as one was expected to, then what made Law feel confident he could have a companion? He did get lonely, he had to admit, and he had his share of crushes and yearning but the eating disorder often reinserted itself in front of him to remind him he wasn't good enough.

Penguin and Shachi tried to help – often introducing him to potential love interests who lost interest once Law started to talk about food. His actions and appearance made them self-conscious of themselves. The older men meant well but Law began to close himself off once he realized that his ED had more of a priority over him than his loneliness did. Life turned into the mess it was today – moving through roommate after roommate, and listlessly living a life that felt dull and dragging because he couldn't seem to let go of his own control. _It_ controlled _him_.

Penguin was right, he knew. Outpatient services were needed at this point if he couldn't get himself through his schedule without fainting afterward. He knew that if he made it a part of his routine, the disorder would lessen just enough for him to stay steady on his feet and continue without another hospital visit – avoid the queries of his colleagues. But it felt like so much trouble – it felt like he could just do this himself, and he just had to concentrate on doing so.

He felt so _tired_ telling himself this all the time.

He stood up shakily from the couch, dropping his blanket to the side. Blood pounded between his ears, rushing with intensity as his blood pressure dropped. He had to steady himself against the armrest for a few moments. He was in need of meal number three, but he was sure Sanji had just cooked some stew earlier, and Law could eat that. If he could just eat the meals his roommate made, he'd get some clarity and strength back.

He was standing at the stove when Sanji came back, bags rustling at his arms. When he looked at Law, his face dragged heavy with disgust. But he said nothing, striding towards his room in a flurry of snow and mud while Law wondered what his roommate had thought when looking at him. He touched his face with some self-conscious action, wondering if the skin flakes around his goatee were that bad. He ate at the stove, trying not to calculate numbers or actions, taking note of his heart rate and how it felt to stand.

 _Food is fine_ , he thought, chewing a piece of meat thoroughly. _It's to sustain and fuel. It's not a shackle_.

"Are you helping yourself?" he heard Sanji ask from his room down the hall.

The question itself was aligned with the thoughts in Law's head. _Am I_? he thought curiously, looking at the spoonful of tomatoes and celery. The salt and seasonings brought a taste to his tongue that made him feel like a kid again – taking apart all the tastes to bring them together to make eating an enjoyable experience. He knew afterward when the food settled it'd be a different thought and feeling.

"Yeah," he replied, spoon in mouth.

Sanji emerged from his room, swiping hair from his face. Smelling of cigarettes and snow. His haggard features were heavy with alcohol and sleeplessness. He crossed his arms tightly over his chest. "This will keep for exactly three days," he advised crossly. "So warm it up thoroughly at three minutes with a thousand watt microwave, or until the edges bubble in the pot. You don't want bread to dip it in, I advise those god awful crackers in the shelf. Four will count as half a soup with the soup."

Law stopped chewing, skeptical at being instructed like he was some child that didn't know any better.

"Two hours after, hot tea and crackers. In one hour, another bowl of soup, preferably with a light, dressing-less salad. You want me to write this down?"

"You a nutritionist?"

"I'm saying all this because…" Sanji trailed off, looking slapped with some realization. Maybe he hadn't been aware of how bossy he'd come off as.

Law cautiously started chewing again.

"My…my husband…"

"Ex?"

"NO."

With the way Sanji struggled to say it, Law had to assume that this man was not letting go of the other any time soon. It was too tiresome for him to exert anymore thought onto.

They were strangers, not driven to any empathy for each other's dilemmas.

"Anyway, he trained a lot, and wanted to maintain a certain fueling system to keep his metabolism running while maintaining necessary strength and energy. This system will help you from falling dead in the hallway when you come back from work. Not to _gain_ ," Sanji added with a tone dripping with disdain, "just so you know, but it's a weight cutting program."

"Are you suggesting that I should cut weight?" Law asked skeptically.

"He's a lot fatter than you are!" Sanji snapped at him. "This is fine for someone _underweight_ that needs strength to get through the damn day! I mentioned 'weight cut' as a way of assuring you that this doesn't have anything unnecessary to cause fear. As you've seen for yourself, there's more water based vegetables than protein and starches."

Because it was true, it did settle some of the demons in Law's mind.

"These things," he said slowly as Sanji glowered at his salt discolored shoes, "are unnecessary things for you to think of. If there's food, I will eat it."

"I'm not here to take care of you," Sanji said snidely, pushing away from the kitchen, "I cook this shit because I'm still buying too much when I stop somewhere. Eat it all!"

Law licked warm juice from his thumb once he saw he'd consumed most of the veggies and some meat. "So when do you return to your husband?"

"Once he lifts the damn restraining order."

Law's eyebrows lifted. "Did you beat him?"

Sanji gave him a dirty look. "I'm not that crude. It was the only way he could keep me from _my_ house."

"Will you give thirty days' notice before you do?"

"Yeah, yeah…"

"This order does not apply to Brook?"

Sanji was silent on that one, but the volume on the television went up.

 _So troublesome_ , Law thought of relationships in general. _Sharing with another human being means giving too much of one's self. Giving_ up _on one's self. Who has the heart to do that_?

: :

Sanji didn't think too much of his roommate and his obvious problems. His head was consumed too much of his husband.

That night found him staring morosely out his bedroom window, watching the snow fall over the gentle city lights that were already under the weight of it. His stomach ached, his chest hurt, and he'd smoked too much cigarettes. Every part of him felt like someone had taken a hammer to it, weighing heavily with stress, tension and anger. He'd been forced to take Brook to the neighbor's because the doggy door had been locked with something new and he didn't want to leave the dog outside while Zoro was wherever he was. The neighbor had taken the dog with a gentle chiding that perhaps he should abide to the restraining order that had been served to him, alongside the divorce papers.

This room felt like a temporary cell, outfitted with the things he'd taken from his house.

'You can take those suitcases,' Zoro had told him. 'Take the trash bags for all I care. Just get your shit and go.'

'You can't kick me out of my own house!'

'It's under one name.'

'Yeah, under _your_ name because I gave mine away!'

'I put the deposit down – I signed first. I have legal standing to kick you out.'

'I'm not leaving this fucking house!'

'You left a long time ago, what's the difference?'

And Sanji couldn't argue with that because it was true. He _had_ left – it had started out with one anonymous name, then turned into two, then three – Zoro finally noticed when the fifth called the house and told Zoro what Sanji was doing. It was almost laughable that it had taken five men for Zoro to finally notice Sanji, to actually _see_ him.

Sanji could remember the day when he decided he was tired of being ignored – it was their sixth anniversary, and Zoro had said there was no point to anniversary parties because to celebrate the day they'd married year after year was pointless when they lived and breathed together, so what made that day any more special than what they were already doing?

Sanji eventually started telling himself Zoro was too comfortable with expecting him to always be there without any effort on his part, and Sanji was tired of feeling like some roommate.

'I just want you to reassure me that you love me, sometimes,' he'd said some time ago. 'Because it doesn't feel like it.'

'I don't understand why I have to when I already show it,' Zoro had said. 'Bills get paid, chores get done, I do all those stupid things you want me to do when you ask me of it. Saying a few words over and over sounds greedy.'

' _What a stupid thing to say_!'

'I don't know why you expect weird things from me, sometimes,' Zoro had continued with a shrug. 'I agreed to get married, I'm here, you call I'm there – isn't this more than enough?'

'I just want you to fucking _notice_ me, sometimes, because it's like you see me like I'm just some dude that just lives here.'

'I don't even know what that means!'

'Sometimes, you idiot, I feel insecure, too.'

'Calling me names doesn't help, you know. I don't want to look at someone who's calling me an idiot all the time.'

'How else can I get your attention?'

'You already have it! How much more of it do you need?'

 _Did I_? Sanji thought now. _Did I expect too much of another human being_?

He had to wonder if he'd blown everything out of proportion – Zoro was faithful, he was loyal. He wasn't the prince that Sanji dreamed of, but Zoro paid his share of the bills, he was there when Sanji needed him to be. But Zoro rarely touched him, anymore. He rarely asked about Sanji's day, he didn't say anything about the food Sanji cooked, and he never seemed to notice Sanji when he dressed up. He complained whenever he felt Sanji was too pushy or invasive, wanting space, sometimes.

'Why would you want 'space'? It's not like I'm clinging to you!'

'I just feel like you try and take control over every little thing,' Zoro had explained carefully. 'Sometimes _I_ want to make the decisions.'

'It's just that I know what's best for you,' Sanji had told him, looking at him as if he were a slow child, 'and after all these years, what I do for you has made you a bigger man, so…what's the problem?'

'I just feel like you invade my space and make too many of my decisions so that it feels like I'm living your life, and not mine.'

Sanji had stared at him for such a long time that Zoro had glanced up at him, lowering his tablet with a skeptical look. 'So…would you want to return the gesture?'

'I'd rather live my life the way _I_ wanted, and not have to control yours,' Zoro clarified slowly. 'Neither of us should have to live the life the other wants. I don't want you to do something you don't want to do, and I shouldn't have to do something you'd want me to do. Make our own choices.'

'But if that happened, you'd forget I'm even here.'

Zoro's brow had furrowed with thought. 'I think it'd be okay if we didn't have to rely on the other to entertain the other. You know what I mean? We've been together for so long, it's like we weren't ever individuals.'

'I don't want to be an individual, I want to be with someone that wants to be with me just as much!'

'I think this conversation is turning into something different, and you're not listening to me. You're set on what you think and not listening to what I think.'

It had been the first conversation where Zoro had mentioned wanting to be an individual, and all Sanji thought was that his husband was falling out of love with him. He was turning away all of Sanji's actions and suggesting that it would be okay going without each other. It had caused Sanji to feel insecure, because it was too similar of a rejection gesture than a polite cry for space.

He did his best to give Zoro the space he needed but it felt like neglect to him. He wasn't sure if Zoro could feel that Sanji still felt for him, so he started slipping back into his own ways. Zoro would be quick to boot him back into his space, so it wasn't long when Sanji found some affection from someone that was willing to give it. Temporary things, brief things that gave him a taste of what he was craving but dangerous things capable of blowing everything he had to pieces.

And it happened.

Now he was driven into a seemingly constant mindless rage. Angry at Zoro, angry at their friends, angry at himself – _angry_ that he didn't listen to his gut years ago, _angry_ that he gave so much for so little. For caring too much, for wanting too much, for not being realistic, for learning first hand that love wasn't what he thought it _should_ be.

He couldn't seem to control this anger. His heart felt like it was aflame, burning him from the inside out. Angry at Zoro for not seeing him, for making him choose those men, for being caught. For no one to understand his side of the story –

Not that he said anything. Their circle of friends had no idea this was happening before Zoro outed their troubles in front of them at a birthday party. It had made Sanji angry that they chose his side because they didn't know his. Zoro had rejected couples counseling because he felt nothing would help after knowing that his husband was messing around with multiple men already.

Everything was a convoluted mess. With no outlet, no resolution in sight, Sanji could only take all these things and mix them together without any helpful hand to reach in to lessen the weight. Only Zoro could do that, because it had been "for better and for worse", and this was surely one of those worst times and it only had to get better if Zoro could only see what he'd been doing and help Sanji fix it.

Sanji's chest burned with helpless fury. He reached out and snatched the bottle of wine he had been nursing, trying to douse the flames. Sanji assumed this was probably why Zoro drank all the time – for staying true to his vows because that was the kind of person he was. Sanji's gut had told him to _wait_ years ago, but he had been certain that they'd evolve once the years fell behind them.

Sanji knew he had himself to blame for what could be unrealistic expectations of love but he'd always wanted someone to _love_ him.

He had to pull himself together. He was jobless, his savings account would be gone, soon. He had to put all these rioting emotions away to function – they were weighing him down, forcing him into making all the wrong decisions. Stealing Brook right out of the house for a stubborn point in custody wasn't helping him any. It looked like Franky, the next door neighbor, had helped Zoro install a security system. Any capture of Sanji going against Zoro's restraining order could damage Sanji in the future. He'd never see Brook again.

It hurt that the people Sanji had considered friends had taken sides. It hurt that they didn't see his. All that they knew was that he'd been caught cheating, and that automatically made him the villain.

He left the bed, every step full of the weight he carried. His guts twisted and burned and he had too much angry strength in his arms and hands, so the door slammed open as he strode out of his room. He headed to the kitchen, so used to the cooking schedule he'd had for years with Zoro that he just needed to abide to this habit to stay sane.

He cooked some pork stew, the dish being one of Zoro's favorites. He wondered if Zoro missed coming home to food on the table and the fridge loaded with tomorrow's prepared meals. He wondered if Zoro missed his presence - did he even think of him? Was he angry? He was never angry when Sanji was – never raised his voice or looked at him with contempt; Zoro seemed emotionless, carrying himself with a rigid posture that he often used in his competitions. Maybe he felt nothing of the situation but thought of it as an inconvenience to his schedule.

Sanji sliced his fingers, hissing as blood spurted over the cutting board and vegetables. He swept the entire thing away, feeling like his throat had just closed up and his breath caught in his lungs. Silence descended over him as he leaned over the counter, blood coloring the light countertop.

He wished he had his phone, but had broken it having a conversation with Zoro while drunk.

'When I come back, I'd like things to change, please,' he'd said drunkenly while Zoro had sighed impatiently, the sounds of some restaurant in the background.

'I don't want you to come back,' Zoro had told him firmly. 'There's no way I could be civil towards you after finding out what you did.'

'I only wanted some affection, you ass!'

'Yeah, from five different guys. Not knowing that you were doing this, like…when you were finished, did you just come home to me and act normal? How could you do that? It's like you don't have a heart.'

 _Maybe I don't_ , Sanji thought, touching his aching chest.

: :

"I have to find a job," he said the next morning, as Law was scrambling to pack his things and rush out the door. "I'm going to, so don't worry about it."

Law paused in stuffing a couple of articles of clothing into his overnight bag – Sanji had to wonder where he slept doing… _whatever_ it was he did. The fact that Law was some kind of surgeon blew his mind because didn't that job require a certain amount of health and mindful well-being?

The guy was a tall, walking skeleton – his blue-black hair so limp and dull and unkept that it took all of Sanji's self-control not to take scissors to it himself. His bones protruded from his wrists, his jawline so sharp and grotesquely carved that if it hadn't had skin covering it, it would resemble a sort of shelf over a painfully thin neck that allowed his Adam's apple to protrude like some sort of cancer.

Sanji only wanted this guy to stop judging him for his mess of a life.

"Okay," Law answered after giving his messy room a dazed glance. His tone clearly reflected his own lack of care towards Sanji's declaration, near similar to telling a stranger where he was going to sit on a crowded bus.

"How do you get to work?" Sanji asked curiously, trying to picture him behind the wheel of an electric powered vagina wagon.

Law gave him that blank look again, stuffing his keys atop of his clothes. "Uber."

"Your friends don't pick you up?" Sanji asked skeptically. _Did they even care_? he wondered, thinking about Penguin's appearance that one day. Or were they as tired of it as this man was?

"Yours don't?" Law returned, wondering if Sanji even had any. He never heard him talking to anyone, nor did he mention them.

Sanji rolled his eyes, as if disgusted that Law would even ask that. "I'm just asking because if you faint in someone's car, they are going to haul your dumb ass to the hospital through a different entrance."

"And that's thought for concern?"

"You're right," Sanji muttered, shaking his head as he walked out from his room. "It's none of my fucking business!"

Law had the thought that perhaps Sanji was just a naturally bossy guy – whoever his husband was must have been tired of the earful Sanji heaped on him all the time. He zipped up his bag.

"You know," he said slowly, thinking about his words carefully, "if you didn't insert yourself into people's personal business as much as you do, perhaps others would be willing to reach out for you."

Sanji paused at his room door, then looked back at him with a glare. "Then no one would know I was there. I assume you know this as well as I do, considering what you look like."

Law pulled his bag over his shoulder. It felt heavier, today. His heart was pumping furiously, giving him a flushed appearance. Surely he'd been eating more to allow some strength back.

"I never wanted the attention," he replied. "I just wanted to stay out of the way."

Something in his words affected Sanji enough to make him cringe a little. But he wore a rotten expression because of it. He gave Law a snide look. "Maybe I should take a page from your book, eh?"

"I wouldn't think so," Law returned, "because yours already seems a little too flashy."

With that he turned and left, and Sanji felt angry all over again. He kicked his doorframe, pent up energy going nowhere productive.

Outside the door, Law did feel some regret for saying that. His roommate was already done on his luck. Law's own life was painful enough with what he was dealing with – he wouldn't wish it upon another person. He considered going back inside to deliver an apology, but his phone was vibrating – Penguin and Shachi were hounding him with messages to make sure he was fine to work. He had the thought that maybe what he was doing was Sanji's own rough way of caring. Maybe this was how he expressed it because his husband had required it.

He'd apologize later.


	3. Chapter 3

**HS: I can be unpredictable D: Or predictable! I prefer predictable lol It was an accident from Cora – something that will be delved into later so I don't want to release details now…there's more to come. This is definitely going to be taken slowly. : ) Painfully.**

 **Naghi-Tan: Very much so – hopefully this chapter eases up on it! I'm actually not sure how long it'll be…DX Especially after this chapter. There's so much to sort through.**

 **: : 3**

"I have two tickets to the pro-ball game this Thursday," Shachi said, reaching in for a soda that the trio were examining from the outside. The large gas station was full of visitors from around the block, and Law debated water from cold tea. "I'm not going to use them. Plans changed."

"Not a date?" Penguin asked Shachi, already cradling junk food and various brands of energy drinks and Gatorade.

"Do I look like a man that dates?"

"Sadly, no."

"I'm not going to take that as an insult because it's true," Shachi mock wept, hugging his soda before looking at the label. "I can never find my name on these things…"

"I'll just have the coffee from the breakroom," Law decided, arms crossed tightly over his chest as he shivered. All of them were bundled up in winter coats and necessary accessories, the weather outside flurrying lightly.

"Have you given any thought to the thing we talked about?" Penguin asked him low as they headed towards the busy registers.

"It'll be fine," Law assured him tightly.

"Is that a yes or no, or a I Don't Want To Answer kind of answer?"

"Probably a bit of all."

"At least you aren't drinking," Penguin said with relief, the only sort he could truly find in the situation. "Did that guy drink it all?"

"Oh, absolutely. What a raging alcoholic."

Law found his attention caught suddenly by something outside the main windows. He swore it was Brook being carried by a man with surprisingly natural green hair, but the dog was wrapped up in a doggie jacket and a silly looking hat. The man was talking alongside another man with a brilliantly puffy winter jacket, both of them walking into the gas station. When they passed by to head towards the hot food counter, Law could confirm that it was Brook – the dog released a gentle " _woof_ " once they passed by, his droopy eyes locked on Law.

Law turned away because this was none of his business. Penguin and Shachi moved ahead to purchase their drinks, talking animatedly between each other about their dinner plans. He focused on the packages of dried fruits and nuts on the rack near him, thinking about his bag of almonds at home. He'd forgotten to pack some, and Sanji hadn't left him any lunch bags on the counter. Not that he expected him to – just that one time had been unexpected, so to have experienced it once gently prompted him to wonder if it would happen again.

…Not that he'd eat it if it weren't from his list of approved meals.

…Just that to experience it again would be a pleasant surprise.

…But then again he could grow tired of Sanji's expectations in getting Law to eat.

…He'd end up distancing himself from his roommate if it came to that.

…He had no problem distancing himself from people that pushed him to do something he couldn't or wasn't ready to do.

…He was so tired of pushing people away because of this.

 _I need help_ , he thought vaguely, but refused to give it anymore consideration.

He heard the familiar sound of Brook's coughing barks, unable to help himself from looking in that direction. The dog was struggling to be released, looking in Law's direction – probably looking for his other owner. The man holding him looked puzzled as his pet pushed and flopped against him.

Brook escaped somehow, lunging towards Law with his tongue flopping out. His appearance caused expressions of fascination and disgust from other customers, and Law didn't want to be caught in some senseless drama so he strode away from the racks and headed for the main doors to wait for the pair outside. The dog followed him, his owner hurrying after him with puzzled commands.

The sidewalk outside was salted and slushy, and Law remembered that the dog had inverted paws and probably caught illness quickly. So he stopped short so the dog wouldn't follow him out there. Brook caught up to him with an expression of victory, pawing his foot before looking around with expectation.

"Sorry," the green haired man apologized, picking Brook up hastily. Brook struggled once more, head whipping from side to side with a seemingly anxious expression. "Does he know you?"

"No," Law replied flatly, squinting at him. "Is that a natural color…?"

Looking cross with the familiar question, he was pierced with a look. That expression shifted into some disdain. Brook 'woofed' again, looking at Law with some anticipation.

"Your dog is ugly," Law said, arms crossed against the cold.

"I wouldn't say that so freely," came the tentative reply. "You a human doctor, or vet?"

"Does it matter?"

"My dog is sick, so I'm taking him over there. Seems he caught a cold. He was outside for awhile while I was at work."

Law couldn't see Sanji leaving the dog outside of the house in this weather when he returned him, but he didn't know the circumstances. He looked at Brook with consideration, Brook panting lightly with troubled breathing. Law noticed the tan line on the man's ring finger as he fixed Brook's hat. He occurred to him that he had not seen a similar line on Sanji's finger.

He was aware he was being given a suspicious look so he attuned himself to the shorter man. "You weren't the one that dumped him, were you?"

Surprised at the audacious comment, Law replied curtly, "If I were his original owner, I would have killed him with my bare hands to cease his suffering."

A scowl was sent his way. Brook wiggled mightily, whining as he did so.

"He usually doesn't like to talk to strangers, so he must know you."

"I've called him 'ugly' a few times," Law admitted. "He must find it similar to an endearment."

He was given a startled look.

"What do you mean by that?" he was asked low, an expression of distress showing on that steely face. "How do you know him?"

Before anything more could be said, Penguin and Shachi were pushing over each other to look at Brook. The dog did recoil shyly away from their exclamations over his winter outfit, giving Law time to slip outside.

 _It's really none of my business_ , Law thought with agitation, reaching up to pick at his earrings.

When he finally returned home, he noticed the effort he had just maneuvering in through the front door with his overnight back. Every part of him felt weak and tired, and his mind was slipping into a fog only associated with an incoming depression. It happened from time to time, when he caught himself asking when it was time to look for help; when asking himself over and over for an answer as to why he continued doing this returned him no real answers.

 _Who's helping who, here_? he thought as he dropped his bag onto the floor and glanced around for any sign of Sanji's presence. Everything was as he'd left it that other morning – quiet, still, cold. His blanket was curiously in the same spot he'd left it, which made him furrow his brow because Sanji always folded it and tossed it into his room whenever Law wasn't around.

Unsteadily, he put his keys away and set up his phone to charge. The same dishes were still stacked in the rack nearby, and while the refrigerator hummed mightily, he noticed that the same trash bag full of refuse was unemptied. He had to wonder if his roommate had disappeared without notice; imagining he were arrested violating the restraining order, somehow making amends with his ex – was that his ex? – kidnapped by the mob running the building to make rent. Imaginative things that he only glimpsed from tv shows.

He headed down the hall, looking at the closed door at the end. Curiosity made him brave, so he opened the door wide, thinking knocking would be pointless if his roommate was dead. He saw that Sanji was lying on his bed, facing the window. The reflection assured Law that Sanji was still alive.

" _What_?" Sanji grumbled, unmoving as he glared at Law's reflection.

"Sorry," Law apologized clumsily. "I thought I heard a rope creaking in here."

Sanji rolled his eyes mightily, but resumed staring out the window.

Law picked at his clean fingernails before tentatively asking, "So, were you successful?"

"…No."

At the thought of paying rent himself next month, Law figured it wouldn't kill his bank account, but he really needed to depend on someone. It was the only way to keep the shady people from invading his mail box and knocking at his door early in the morning.

"Apparently," Sanji said slowly, pushing himself up on shaking arms, "the way I got fired from my last job is makin' their rounds. Nobody hiring around here."

It occurred to Law that he had no idea what Sanji did. He knew he worked in a restaurant somewhere downtown, but that was it. He then noticed another important detail. His roommate was still dressed in the same clothes he'd been wearing when he'd left for work that morning.

"Smells like death in here," he said flatly.

Sanji grunted, giving him a look. As he sat at the edge of the bed, Law noticed the piles of crumbled papers around his bed, as if each sheet had been balled and flattened out repeatedly then left to rot where it was thrown. One of the pages declared Sanji as the defendant. It reminded him of seeing Brook the day before. He figured he shouldn't bring that up, now.

"Please don't kill yourself in here," he said tightly. "It might inconvenience the mobsters running the place, and they'll charge me the cleaning fee."

"Shut up. What are you doing here so early?"

"'Early'? Are you drunk?"

"I've been two days sober so far."

"And my shift is finished, so I'm allowed to come home."

Sanji looked surprised, looking around himself for some confirmation. He brushed himself off, hands clearly needing to be busy. "Well, _shit_."

He made to get up but sat down heavily once more. Then flopped back onto the bed, staring out the window. Such intense silence passed before Law realized he was intruding, so he shut the door behind him and crossed over to his.

The next evening, as he was gearing up to fall asleep in front of a World War II documentary, Sanji finally emerged from his room. Law was startled at the emergence, looking at the hallway to see what mood his roommate was in but he heard Sanji's bathroom door close instead. The shower came on, and Law resettled in his favored spot on the couch. Wide awake now, he watched the documentary while scratching at the edges of his goatee, testing the thinning of the hair there.

Sanji came out nearly an hour later, sitting on the couch without saying anything. Law glanced at him tentatively, fists bundling up underneath his spotted blanket. He anticipated Sanji's question as the blond's face screwed up with distaste.

"It's about UFO's spotted in the skies during the war," Law said.

"I thought it was Captain America."

"No."

An hour passed before Law realized Sanji wasn't watching the tv, but staring at the spot where Brook often sat. It jiggled his memory to remember seeing him the other day. But he held himself from saying anything because it wasn't any of his business and he didn't want the responsibility of answering tens of thousands of questions that were sure to follow. Of course Sanji would want to know if the man holding onto Brook looked well, if he said anything, if his name was brought up…typical things Law saw on high drama reality tv shows.

At the same time, he felt compelled to at least say something. It was bad enough he was struggling with his own issues; the weight of the depression in the room fueled by two people was rather smothering.

He cleared his throat. "I know this place. I haven't been there in awhile. But I'm up for some oatmeal."

"You have some under your bed."

Law was pretty annoyed that this man had snooped through his goddamn room. But he couldn't be too mad – he pretty much knew every detail of Sanji's because he needed nail clippers that one time and –

"I don't feel like going anywhere," Sanji then muttered, rising up from the couch and returning to his room. Law waited for the slam of the door, but when he only heard the click of the latch, it left him with surprise.

The next afternoon, he barged into Sanji's room. The man was laying in the same position he had been the day before, so Law figured he wouldn't trouble him. He rifled through the drawers next to it.

"What the hell are you looking for?" Sanji snapped at him, unmoving.

Once Law found what he was looking for, he held up the package. "Triple A batteries. The remote is dead."

Sanji sat up to glower at him, lips held tight as Law struggled to open the package. He ended up snatching it out of his hands and ripping it open while Law tried not to look offended.

"I don't want to sound like an asshole, but any way about it is going to make me sound like one," Law then said. "But I've noticed you haven't been looking for a job."

"I know," Sanji snapped, practically throwing the batteries at him. His face tightened up and his voice broke in such a way that it made Law cringe. "But I can't seem to leave this goddamn room."

Anyone's expressed emotions made Law generally uncomfortable. But hearing that and knowing the circumstances that allowed him to understand this made him feel a tinge of _something_ urgent. He was a clumsy person, selfish and absorbed in his own circumstances that often labelled him as brisk, unfeeling person by patients and their families, but it didn't mean he was _that_ unfeeling. Just reluctant to express or allow any absorption of expression to affect him.

It made him uncomfortable to think that this human being was giving up after being angry for so long; to think he'd come home one day to the stench of death and dealing with the aftermath made him even more uncomfortable.

"I still want oatmeal," he said lamely. "I was going to go get some lunch."

Sanji looked at him suspiciously. "I've never seen you leave to get something to eat."

Law shrugged a shoulder.

Two hours later, they were settling in a booth at a restaurant nearly hidden from the main street. Sanji looked quite disgusted with the place, doing his best not to touch anything while his name brand clothes soaked up the rugged seats and smoky ambiance. Drunks sat at the counter, crackheads' heads and mouths twitched as they sloughed through their meals and a pair of tourists took pictures of their plates before eating loudly.

Law sat primly with his hands folded atop of the table, struggling to quiet the rising panic that made his pulse race and his stomach turn. He didn't want to do this – he didn't want to sit in another place where people would openly stare at him, where the pressure to eat something he really didn't want to would wind up on his mind for days. To eat or not, even if he trusted it, would leave him wanting and regretting at the same time.

A waiter sauntered up to their table, giving Law a disgusted look and Sanji a judgmental one. He tossed menus in front of him, knocking over a salt shaker and jiggling downturned mugs. "What you bastards in the mood for?"

"My usual, please," Law answered stiffly.

"That shit makes me sick," the waiter complained. He looked at Sanji when the blond looked at him with open distaste. "What's that look for, rich guy?"

"I can't decide whether your face is a face or an ass," Sanji replied. "Because it seems to talk and shit at the same time."

The waiter's face reddened while Law lifted his eyebrows with regret.

"This a soup kitchen, or a recyclable dump that takes other places' leftovers to serve?" Sanji asked, looking around. "Should I have brought my dirty needles and rubber ties with me to the table?"

"You're _this_ close to havin' your food spit on," the waiter threatened him, index and thumb close together.

"Maybe it'll have some flavor! Bring me your lunch special, and if it turns out to be some pig slop from the meat market down there, I'm spilling it hot in your pants."

"You little shit fan, you think you can get this spectacular service anywhere else? I'll bring you a special plate and laugh while you eat it!" the waiter snapped at him before stomping off furiously.

Sanji looked at Law with an expression of disbelief. "You actually _like_ it here?"

"The coffee is phenomenal," Law said lamely. "And though the oatmeal looks like something from 'The Golden Child', it's absolutely memorable."

"…Is that a movie?"

Law sighed, reminded of Sanji's age. As he always did, Law studied the spoon nearby and calculated how many bites were 'safe'. Another voice in his head told him to stop – he was exhausted by the effort. The silence between them was thick as Sanji scowled around him, light snow collecting in patches outside. Traffic moved slowly, the sidewalks mostly empty. Another man approached them with a sullen expression, dumping coffee into both of their cups.

"I don't want that," Sanji snapped, arms crossed tightly over his chest.

It took a few moments and a wipe up before the large man asked Law, "Is this a new one?"

"Almost two months," Law replied absently, picking up his mug. After blowing on it, he sipped and felt the relief spread through his cold veins.

"Drink it," the older man urged Sanji. "It'll allow you to shit out that dumb look on your face."

" _What kinda shit service is this_?"

"He's looking for a job," Law interrupted, settling his cold hands around the mug. "Do you know of any places in the restaurant industry that are hiring?"

"We're looking for a dishwasher. Minimum wage."

"Ah. That won't help – "

"I'll take it," Sanji said suddenly, leaning back against his seat. He glared up at the man that lifted one grey eyebrow to frown at him, giving his clothes a visual inspection.

"It was a _joke_."

"You offered, I'm taking it."

"We don't take your kind around here."

"I don't give a fuck. I need a job, you need a dishwasher. It's settled. When do I come in?"

"You gotta deathwish, you bastard?"

"If I die here, I'm taking all of you shitty people with me."

"Ah, Mr. Roronoa, perhaps there's something else out there for you – " Law interrupted when Sanji snapped at him, " _That's not my name_!"

"When do I start?" Sanji then asked the older man, gripping his coffee mug with all the strength of someone determined to break something. Law cringed.

"This weekend. 6. If you ain't here, I know where he lives," the older man snapped, Law looking alarmed.

"Fine. I'll be here by five thirty, so make sure that door's open or I'll kick it in." Sanji sipped at his coffee then nearly spit it out with an incredulous look at his full cup. But the older man walked away, refilling others with a similar attitude. Sanji looked at Law. "This has alcohol in it."

Law was shocked, looking at his nearly empty cup with alarm. "No wonder it tastes great."

"You lack tastebuds, dumb ass?"

"Maybe you should reconsider the job offer," Law said slowly. "It won't pay rent."

"I don't plan on being a dishwasher for long," Sanji muttered. "I'm going to take over the place. Turn it around to something that isn't so fucking dirty and disgusting."

Law lifted an eyebrow. But he didn't doubt that determination on the younger man's face. He looked like someone who intended on following through with his word. Frankly, it was too much energy to deal with.

"I'll kill the old man, collect his insurance and have more than enough to pay rent for a few months."

"You just accepted the job offer, and you're already speaking like the workers, here."

Sanji drummed his fingers atop of the table, ignoring the comment. Law thought that at least this anger was productive – it was much better than the uncomfortable silence from earlier. Now that he knew what his coffee was made of, he felt panic slide through his bones. It'd be two bites less he'd have to take –

He closed his eyes with concentration, trying to will that annoying little voice away. He didn't want to hear it, he didn't want to feel it, he didn't want to continue thinking with such panic and precision. He was tired of calculating, he was _tired_ of feeling tired. He wanted to eat a meal comfortably and be at peace with what he was doing.

 _Why was he still doing this_?

"If it's the usual restaurant slop, eat five," Sanji muttered from the side of his mouth while glaring at the kitchen cooks glaring back at him, the older man telling them something that obviously pissed them off. "If you put anything in it, eat three."

Law looked at him sharply.

" _At least_ ," Sanji continued, looking as if he were prepared for battle, "that will make things easier when you're looking at it. But I bet it's the Walmart packets stuffed with brown sugar and milk, so don't even waste your time with five. Choose three."

"And if it's not?"

"What is 'The Golden Child' about?" Sanji then asked him curiously. Law looked at him blankly. "The way you said it makes me feel sick. You tend to joke about death and shit a lot, so I feel that this has something to do with food and body parts."

"Close. And you just challenged them to spit in your food, intending on eating it, so what is the difference?"

"It's different seeing shit on movies than seeing it in real life," Sanji said with a sick expression, hand over his stomach.

Law stared at him for the contradiction.

"Not many people encourage my bad habits," he then said slowly, picking up his nearly empty coffee mug. "So why are you?"

"I'm going to take over that apartment. I refuse to be homeless."

Law tightened his lips as Sanji once again looked at the kitchen with determination. Despite himself, he almost felt like laughing. The dark humor felt more warming than the coffee did.

"So," he said, lowering his mug to the table without taking a drink, "what should I call you?"

Sanji's face seemed to fall, and Law felt he made a clumsy mistake. That dark aura around the younger man returned to weigh his shoulders down, the bags of his eyes to stand out.

"Vinsmoke," he said on a low croak. "That's…that's my name."

Law looked startled. " 'Vinsmoke'? But isn't that the name – ?"

"We're _estranged_ , alright? I don't talk about them, they don't talk about me."

"Some people keep their married names long after divorces," Law said awkwardly.

"Why would I want to keep something that never belonged to me in the first place?"

Law didn't have an answer to that. All the things that he'd listed to release as some form of pleasant conversation promptly left him. He was done socializing in a social place. He was sure to offend the angry young man even further with anything more.

Sanji bitterly picked at a scrape on the old table. He then cleared his throat. "You bring roommates here a lot?"

Law thought of his last roommate. "He knew of this place, actually."

"What happened to him?"

"I don't know. He left one morning in a rush with too much cash on the table. The FBI came in a day later with some questions, but I had no answers. Made the building nervous. Something about arms dealing, but since nothing ever came of it, I…don't think about it too much."

Sanji looked at him with consideration. "Huh."

"I saw Brook the other day," Law then said, unsure why the words left his mouth. Sanji straightened up with a puzzled look. "He…was being taken to the vet. He was sick."

"Who was he with?"

"Some guy with green hair."

Sanji looked like he was stabbed in the chest. His mouth opened with more questions that Law surely couldn't answer but he closed it with some mighty effort. Law watched him warily, waiting for the drama to follow. But Sanji closed up instead.

Their food arrived moments later, slaps of plates and bowls on the table occurring with the threat of breakage.

" _Finally_!" Sanji snapped, looking at the waiter. "I thought I was going to have to go cook this shit myself."

"You should've! We could've held a welcome party right then and there!"

Law examined his oatmeal, prodding the top of the steaming oats with the curve of his spoon.

"Quit looking for blood!" the waiter snapped at him before whirling away.

Sanji looked at Law with some terror.

: :

A few days later, Law was greeted by Brook as the dog waddled towards him. Struggling with his bag, Law looked at the dog with surprise. He saw veterinarian labeled bags on the counter, dog food and what looked like crumpled pieces of paper. The dog's tail stub wagged mightily as he investigated Law's overnight bag, leaving behind traces of drool as he did so. Law gently nudged him aside as he hung his jacket up.

With how happy the old man was, Law couldn't resist a single pat atop of the animal's head. Brook licked him before turning and waddling towards the couch, looking back at him expectantly. Law wondered where his owner was, hearing nothing from the end of the hall or the bathroom. He examined the bags on the counter, noticing that it contained the animal's seizure medicine and some cold meds. He found it interesting that an animal _could_ have cold medication.

Then he realized that it was the first day of Sanji's job, and wondered how the man could think he could rely on Law to take care of an animal he was interested in taking care of. He looked to the dog with trepidation, Brook watching him from the living room.

"Woof!" he said.

Law felt like he was being entrusted to do something more than just surgery. He had no idea how to take care of something other than his disorder. Panic lit his veins. He thought to contact Sanji angrily about this, but he remembered Sanji had yet to replace his phone. He looked around the place he'd lived in for some years, struggling to think coherently.

Brook waddled back over to him and sat, looking at him with a tilt of his big head. One of his inverted paws touched his snow covered shoes, the weight of it obvious against Law's foot. Law searched for instructions on how to care for the creature, alarmed at the lack of it.

He looked down at the dog, hearing its labored breathing. The dog looked fat and happy, if not deformed in various areas. Law stood stiffly, mind blank. Was he expected to clean up after the dog if he had an accident? Was he supposed to walk him? Walk him _where_ , exactly? Did he have a leash?

His stomach grumbled noisily at that moment. He carefully stepped around the animal to wander into the kitchen. It was full of prepared meals, two of them labeled with "Warm up – five min."

Because it looked like soup, Law took one and followed instructions. Brook waddled around his feet, breathing heavily as the surgeon struggled to think. He looked at the animal with caution, wondering if it were capable of some type of dangerous savagery. Brook's mouth fell open with a wide smile, looking up at him with expectance, but Law didn't know what to give him.

Once the microwave called out, he carefully removed his soup and ate at the counter. He couldn't stop thinking about the oatmeal. It had seemed easier to eat after Sanji had told him to.

' _Four_ bites because it's got brown sugar, salt and bits of blueberries,' he'd decided, taking a bite of it before Law had, earning a tremendous glare from the man. 'Just four, you big baby. You can do that, can you?'

And Law had. _Plus_ two more because he was determined to taste the salt that Sanji had said was present. Oatmeal with salt? How was it possible? How could he have not noticed that there was alcohol in his coffee and salt in his oatmeal?

He thought about that meal a lot. Whether it was the strange company he'd had that day, the dramatics between Sanji and the kitchen workers – the strangeness of the overall day – the meal stuck with him the most.

It might not have been a step towards his recovery, but it left quite an impact on him. If he could do that, maybe he was capable of doing more. It felt strange for Law to accept that Sanji was assisting him with his disorder rather than buckling down and begging like the others did, but at the same time he recognized that Sanji wasn't _helping_ his disorder – he wasn't aiding Law. He wasn't challenging him, he wasn't mocking him, he wasn't looking at him with disgust and worry – it caused fear inside of Law that he didn't recognize because he wasn't sure how to label it.

He ate the soup slowly, trying to figure out the mixture of tastes. The huge clumps of vegetables, the mystery meat that could have been some type of beef – he left half of it when the numbers started. It made him frustrated to think that he could be enjoying the meal and was instead of thinking of numbers. Brook sat at his feet, no longer watching him but breathing noisily and examining the floor with interest. Once he felt Law move, the dog looked up at him again. Law wondered if Sanji fed him, glancing for a bowl of some kind.

He didn't want to give him his food because perhaps Brook had a specialized diet. Plus he didn't want to encourage a dog's bad habits. He didn't know what to do with an animal.

He looked back at the soup and took some sips of the flavored liquid inside before abandoning it altogether. He headed to his room, Brook next to his feet. Law had to shut him out, shaking his head as he changed into his treasured house clothes. When he opened the door, Brook was waiting for him. He led the way to the living room, Law watching him before following. Brook settled on the floor against the couch and waited for the television to be switched on.

Once it did, the dog seemed to relax.

Law settled on the couch and pulled on his blanket. He found the Animal Planet channel and found it easier to watch the show with a dog breathing heavily at his feet.

It was a strange sort of comfort he did not want to get used to.


	4. Chapter 4

**Naghitan: They are :( As the story progresses, the ice slowly melts. But they're so involved with their own situations it's going to take awhile D: oh well more story to write! :D**

 **HS: Brook will be instrumental as time progresses - no matter what Zoro tries to do to keep him out of it D: he's already making an impact! It's definitely unfolding - there will be more Zoro (bc I love him) The more space they invade the more they'll learn of each other :) both of them don't realize that they're starting to do more than invade space (as indicated at the end of this chapter!) and once they start realizing it, well...that'll be for the story to tell!**

 **: : 4**

Sanji's life felt like he was riding on a rollercoaster that remained in the upside down position for the whole ride. He could see the world moving on around him but it was at such a distorted angle that he could not see it very well. There were various sights and sounds around him but all were moving too fast for him to sort out. The endless screaming around him seemed to be coming mainly from him.

Everything had been blown into shards that he couldn't catch and repair. So he found himself grasping at the debris and taping what he could back together. All the pieces he'd found did not go together, and did not form into anything he recognized.

Being without his phone was a blessing and a curse – a blessing because there was no one to contact him, and a curse because he could not get into contact with the only one he wanted to. He wanted to see if the other man was doing as badly as he was; but every time he got into contact with him, it sounded like Zoro was doing just fine.

Sanji wanted Zoro to hurt as much as he was, but he was quite aware that it didn't work this way.

So when he broke into their house to take Brook after hearing what Law said, he didn't have a shred of regret. It was a mess – Zoro left things where he dropped them. The kitchen sink was full of dirty dishes. There were empty beer bottles on the counter. The living room had Brook's fur in patches, toys scattered, and the television was on so the dog wouldn't feel so lonely. It smelled like Zoro hadn't cleaned up after him nor emptied the trash. The fridge was empty.

 _Good_ , Sanji had thought, rapidly gathering up all of Brook's medication and stuff them into a plastic bag while the dog followed him around. _You green bastard. You_ do _feel as shitty as I do_.

When he packed Brook into his cozy blanket, Sanji was out the door. Zoro had forgotten to set the alarm so all he had to deal with was the broken lock Sanji had kicked in. He didn't care about the consequences – Brook was in need of care and Sanji could provide it.

It filled him with immense regret to be in this position. He felt like he was stranded on an island far from home, without any communicative devices to use to find any help. Their friends were his friends, now. He couldn't rely on his family – he ran away from home when he was a teenager and never looked back. They didn't bother to look for him. Zoro had been his world, and his world wanted a divorce.

So Sanji was floundering on this island with nothing but an apathic roommate and a dog he was determined to share because he would not give up on him. It was hard to think, sometimes. He hadn't had anything to eat in days because he was overstressed and nothing sounded right. Headaches tore him apart but he'd drink more and forget about it. Sleepless nights had him staring out the window, unable to relax. He hadn't slept alone since he was a child – having no one next to him left him feeling like something was wrong.

He never thought he'd be alone this way. He'd always imagined Zoro at his back and his friends to his side, but now the memories he had of them felt like characters he'd seen in some movie once.

But it made Sanji feel better – Zoro was in pain, too. It made him feel positive Zoro would change his mind. All Sanji had to do was wait. He'd gladly change once they completed therapy and the house was cleaned and their friends talked to him again. He'd put his love on the back shelf and _just be_ in such a way that Zoro could find no fault in it. It gave him some hope to think this way because if he hadn't seen the mess then he'd continue thinking angrily. All he needed was a confirmation of Zoro's battle and life felt hard, but not as difficult.

All he had to do was wait.

But he'd never been a patient man.

: :

He was sitting on the couch with Brook in his lap when Law shuffled in. It surprised Sanji because he wasn't expecting his roommate to come back for another day. The man looked a little upset as he hung his jacket and keys up.

Sanji wondered how the hell the man made it through life like this. Wasn't it painful doing so? He knew the man had a problem – what seemed mystifying to Sanji was that it wasn't getting the attention he obviously needed. Shouldn't he have loved ones posted nearby, begging and pleading for the man to get some type of care? Or was he like Sanji, floundering on some abandoned island?

The difference between them was that Law didn't seem to want help – Sanji did.

Brook greeted Law with a gentle bark before pushing his large head against Sanji's chest with some shyness. The sharp lines of Law's face seemed to tighten under the gentle hallway light as Law shuffled over to the edge of the living room. He looked at Sanji with some consideration before his eyebrows furrowed with mystification.

"You don't have a phone, yet?"

Sanji was surprised that all of this show required such a question to ask. "No. Can't afford one, yet."

Law looked troubled before he said, "Well. It appears you've upset your…ex?"

Sanji frowned, petting Brook roughly to assure him as the dog settled all his weight against his chest, underbite atop of inverted paws. "How would you know about that?"

Sanji wondered why Law didn't want any type of spotlight on him. Why did he choose to 'stay out of the way'? Why was it so uncomfortable to meet people's eyes? Because of what he looked like? Or was he just one of those naturally introverted persons? So closed in on himself that looking up required a pep talk and some bravery?

"I was confronted, today," Law admitted slowly, causing Sanji to tense up as he sat up on his seat, "and was told to tell you to return…Brook…ASAP."

Sanji hadn't asked for details because he knew Law was uncomfortable giving them. So asking anything with that type of matter was pointless. His curiosity raged, but Law wasn't like Luffy or Ussop or Nami – he was reluctant to share because he didn't want the attention, negative or not. Sanji wouldn't get any more details out of him that he wanted.

He ruffled Brook's fur as he stroked him along his sides, Brook nibbling at his chin with affection.

He considered his options. Since his name was on the adoption papers, he couldn't be pinned with any type of crime. Brook belonged to him, too. But he would have to confess to breaking and entering to do so. That could carry some charges.

Zoro was an intimidating man to some. Sanji bet because of the first encounter between the pair – as bewildering as the story was – Zoro might have come to some weird conclusion about Sanji's involvement with Law.

So part of his positivity in being able to return to the man faded a little. Zoro must have come to the assumption that Law was one of Sanji's partners. He doubted Law would defend himself in any way. He couldn't see the man doing so. So he imagined that Zoro threw some threats and upset accusations at the disordered surgeon in order to get his point across and Law ignored him.

"I'll talk to him," Sanji finally said in response, looking at Brook. Brook looked at him with mournful eyes, aware of the tension. "It sucks it happened that way. Sorry about that."

Law stood there for some seconds before turning and heading into his room. He ended up staying in there all night, which added to Sanji's guilt.

After work the next day, he took Brook back to the house. He had to fix this before it could get any worse, and he was going to make Zoro hear him out. The Uber driver pulled away as Sanji told him to leave, heading up to the front steps with Brook wrapped tightly in his arms. The front door opened, and Zoro met him on the front porch.

"It's cold out here," Sanji pointed out crankily, breath coming out in short puffs. "Can we go in to talk?"

"No," Zoro denied firmly, crossing his arms. "You broke into my house to steal off with Brook – he's fucking _sick_ , dumbass."

"Whose fault is that, idiot? How did he get sick?"

"He probably picked up a cold with you doing this shit!"

Sanji couldn't help but say, "You showed no reaction to the shit happening between us, but the moment something happens to Brook, all your emotions come out to play."

Zoro glowered at him.

"I have feelings too," Sanji pointed out, wanting to remind him. "And hearing that he was sick upset me. I couldn't help him, so…I broke into the house to take him and take care of him."

"Who is that person? Was that one of yours - ?"

"It doesn't matter – "

" _It matters_!" Zoro ended up bellowing, voice ringing out over the quiet street. Sanji inhaled tightly to control his own shouting response. Brook whined from his arms.

He held him out to the man, reluctant to do so. Zoro snatched Brook from him, the dog wiggling mightily, vision obscured by the blanket he was wrapped in. He then turned to the house, Sanji following with some panic that this was all he was going to get from him. But Zoro only put Brook back into the house and closed the door, the dog struggling to get out from the weight of the blanket around him. He turned to face Sanji with a cross look to his face.

"I want to come back," Sanji ended up saying. All of his feelings were in that one sentence.

"I don't want you back," Zoro said tightly. "Every time I look at you, all I can think of you fucking around with other men."

"It shouldn't have happened," Sanji said slowly, every word painful to release, "but you weren't paying any attention to me. It was like you forgot I was even there."

"How can you say shit like that?" Zoro asked incredulously, tightening up. "I knew you were there! There was no way around it! You crowded my space like some – fucking - ! Mist, or fog!"

"I knew - !"

"And how could you think fucking around with other men would be a positive thing?" Zoro asked, voice raising once more. It was filled with more emotion he hadn't shown before, telling Sanji he had been thinking about it as often as Sanji did.

"I didn't think it was a positive thing. It was a temporary thing. I knew the moment I realized you'd stopped looking for me in the stands that you had lost sight of me!"

"…What does that even mean?"

"You never looked for me, not like how you used to," Sanji said quickly. "You never said a thing about what I was doing for you. You just – expected me to be there without - !"

"Because you're fucking reliable! I didn't have to look! What shit is that? What is wrong with me knowing I can _rely_ on you?"

"You didn't touch me anymore, you didn't talk to me, you didn't ask about what I was doing – you just knew I was there, and I became nothing but a – a reliability for you! Some _thing_ around you that you knew was there but didn't have to question! I talked to you, I said these things to you and you dismissed them!"

"So you thought cheating was the answer…?"

"I just wanted you to see me again," Sanji said quietly. "As stupid as that sounds, I just wanted to be someone you could see right in front of you. And you never did. You didn't look up. The only time you did was when you got that phone call."

Zoro looked at him with pure disgust before he looked away. He was standing out there without shoes or a jacket, unmindful of the snow fluttering around them. A car drove by slowly, mindful of the slushy surface.

"It was wrong, I know," Sanji said slowly, crossing his arms, " _I know_ it was all wrong, but you weren't listening to me. I just wanted to feel like someone wanted me."

Zoro looked at him, eyes dark with anger. "We were together for seven years – "

" _EIGHT_! It was EIGHT years, you fucking moron!" Sanji couldn't help but shout, all his emotions bubbling up with angry force. "Thirteen if you want to count us being kids!"

"It wasn't _eight_ \- !"

"It _was_ EIGHT! September 18 was our first date, year after that, October 12 was our wedding!"

Zoro exhaled harshly.

"Our _sixth_ anniversary you wanted to stop celebrating the damn date, and this year, January 27 you kicked me out of our house! _Eight years_ we've been married, thirteen overall that we'd been together!"

"Don't you agree that that's a long time for two kids to be together? Not having a chance to be individuals? When we had this talk, I told you I wanted us to be individuals – grow into who we are but – "

"It's the same thing as telling me you wanted 'space', so what the fuck is the difference between what I did compared to what you wanted? You got your fucking space!"

"Thirteen years is a long fucking time. To expect me to keep looking at you and for you to want me to feel a certain way is _impossible_."

"If I could keep looking at you," Sanji said slowly, stepping into his space with wildly gesturing hands, "you could do the same. You could actually put some effort into giving me what I wanted from you – all you had to do was _look_ at me."

"You ask for a lot," Zoro muttered bitterly, looking to the snow that collected on the front steps. "You want me to keep looking at you like when we first started out, and how can that happen when all I see is you, _every_ day, in my face day in and day out, chattering from one end to the other…this is actually the first time in a long time I don't have to deal with that. Being able to breathe air that hasn't been breathed by you already makes me feel like I can see."

Sanji exhaled harshly, feeling his face tighten up. His head was swimming with confused thoughts, his lungs slapped of air. He had been right after all. Zoro had fallen out of love with him, and was only with him because of their vows. But he wasn't much of a man if he didn't put any effort into fixing the problem.

His hands returned to his sides. He felt like he was in shock. Zoro looked at him, and for once, Sanji didn't want that.

"So," he said, aware that his voice trembled a bit, "you don't want to fix that? Because I'm thinking that this is only one of those times where it's for worse, and things like this can be fixed. I've been in that house, moss, you're falling apart as much as I am over this. Once I'm back – "

"I don't want you back. Not after you felt comfortable being with other guys. Like…being touched by you repulses me."

"…I understand, but…"

"How did you even meet them?" Zoro asked incredulously. "Did you download an app, or something? Were you talking or texting them while you were with me?"

"Talking about that stuff isn't going to fix us – "

" _You broke it in the first place_!" Zoro exploded, face reddening as his voice rung off the street once more. "You went out with five different guys, and I would've never found out if that one didn't call me and brag about it!"

"All you had to do was ask me how my day was," Sanji cut over him, " _touch_ me, tell me you loved me, and, _what_ , that's not very manly so you can't do it anymore? You used to do it!"

" _Why_?" Zoro exclaimed, hands out in a perplexed gesture. "It _did_ show! All the time! These are your only complaints? That I wasn't some fucking _romantic_? I was never that person to begin with!"

Brook started barking from behind the door, punctuating through their shouts with mournful howls.

"It didn't have to be _romantic_ , you ass! These little things mattered to me! But you just told me you weren't in love with me anymore, so it all makes sense!"

"I didn't say I didn't - !"

" _You just did_!"

"You make all these things up! Everything was fine until you started fooling around, and it makes me fucking sick that you did that and it didn't show. You kept doing it, you hid it, you said nothing to me that you were feeling some way - !"

"You just accused me of talking too much – I told you _everything_ , I told you all my thoughts and feelings and – when I made those mistakes - !"

"' _Mistakes'_ ," Zoro sneered, glaring at him. "Maybe once was a mistake but you kept on doing it so don't fucking call them 'mistakes'! Maybe I could have forgiven you for one, but not for _five_! I told you you were greedy, and I was right! You _are_ fucking greedy!"

Sanji exhaled harshly, struggling to get his thoughts together because they seemed to scatter under the weight of this encounter. Brook's barking was turning frantic, his claws sounding out as he scraped at the door.

"'Greedy'?" he repeated slowly, the word difficult to leave his mouth. "All these years I have waited on you, hand and foot. I supported you through all your choices and decisions and have been there for you every time you needed me – even when you didn't ask. I made sure your day to day life was without any interruptions – you didn't have to clean, fold, pick up anything. I know all your sizes and preferences and favorites and all I wanted from you was an 'I love you' or 'thank you' or 'how was your day?'. You were my whole life from start to finish and I made some mistakes that shouldn't be the end of what we made together."

"Well," Zoro muttered, arms crossing over his chest as the cold finally registered, "I didn't ask you to do all that. That's something you chose to do on your own."

Sanji stared at him for several long moments, feeling hot rage build up from the pit of his stomach.

"Plus, I got tired of all that," Zoro admitted. "It felt like you were taking control of my life and wanting me to live the way you wanted. I wanted to step out on my own, do things on my own, make decisions for the both of us, too. You never let me do that. I _wanted_ to do that. I told you this. Then _you_ fucked it up because you felt someway about it. Like you were threatened - !"

" _Yeah_ , you said that, but - !"

"Then you got angry about that! I felt like some kid that couldn't wipe his own fucking nose!"

"Was it so wrong that I loved you so much?"

" _Don't fucking say that when you cheated on me_ five _times_ ," Zoro bellowed, erupting with anger that had been building the same way Sanji's had.

"It shouldn't have taken me _five times_ to find what I was asking _you_ for!" Sanji bellowed back, both of them in each other's faces. Brook barked furiously from behind the door.

The tension around them built, the threat of physical retaliation strong. Brook continued to howl and bark, trying to draw their attention. He scraped at the door frantically.

"You're a real piece of work, you know that?" Zoro muttered bitterly. "Expecting understanding and forgiveness for something that can't be forgiven."

"I don't expect to be forgiven," Sanji said quietly. "But I _do_ expect some understanding. When I come back - "

"I don't want you back, how many times do I have to say this?"

"When I come back," Sanji insisted forcefully over him, "we can fix this! We can go to counseling, _I'll_ go to counseling – it'll be okay, because marriage is about fixing a problem and repairing the cracks - !"

"You're so fucking stubborn, you don't listen!"

"This can be _fixed_ , because it's for better or for worse, and this is one of those worse moments that can only get better – maybe this had to happen so we can grow together better - !"

Zoro gave a sound of frustration. "Get off my porch!"

"Moss, marimo, _please_ , look at this as a temporary separation so we can both get our heads back, and when I come back here, we can both fix this and it'll be nothing but a bad bump on the road! This is one thing I am positive about, something we can fix together - ! We made this together, it'll take both of us to fix it!" Sanji pleaded with him, grabbing onto his arm as he made to turn away.

"Get your fucking hands off me! I don't know where they've been!' Zoro snapped at him, jerking his arm out of his reach. "They've probably been over that fucking weird guy that our dog obviously knows!"

"He's my _roommate_ , otherwise I'd be living on the fucking streets!" Sanji snapped back at him. Words rushed out of him as Zoro made his way back to the door, bare feet leaving impressions on the snowy porch. "I have nowhere to go, he was the only ad that answered me the day you decided to kick me out. I have nowhere to go, _stupid_ , I don't have a place! You kicked me out when I have nobody, and you have no right to get mad -!"

"Oh, shut up! You knew this would happen once you got found out! I don't feel fucking sorry for you! Stay the fuck out of my house! Leave the dog alone! Stop breaking into my fucking house!"

Sanji caught his breath when the door slammed shut behind Zoro. He felt a whirlwind of emotions, none of them sticking long enough for him to place his mood on. Brook continued barking at the door, scraping at it before Zoro called his name from somewhere within. Sanji could hear the dog moving away, but emitting sharp barks at the same time, as he knew Sanji was still out there.

Crossing his arms self-consciously over his chest, Sanji glanced around the neighbor's houses, wondering who had heard them. Because he didn't know what to think or feel, he left the porch. He felt numb and hot at the same time, previous hope shattered by that conversation. While on one hand he was glad to see that Zoro felt _something_ , he was dismayed to learn that it wasn't going to lessen any time soon.

He looked back at the house, his home for the past seven years. He glanced at all the additions they'd both worked on, agreed upon projects that turned out nicely with their lack of experience. All the memories they made together with their neighbors and friends were in that house. There was too much history between them for Zoro to suddenly discard – they had their share of fights and disagreements, and there were threats of mutual breaking up but nothing to this degree.

Looking at the snowy covered rooftop, he accepted that he made the figurative roof cave in on his own making – he made those choices to search for affection. He knew it would hurt when he was found out.

He knew he fucked up.

: :

He returned home hours later, soaked and exhausted. He didn't feel like talking, he didn't feel like eating, he didn't feel like drinking to forget – he just wanted to lay down and let the haze settle over him. So he went to his room, shut the door and flopped onto the bed. He ended up staring out the window for hours before he realized he had a job to do. His entire body ached as he got up, showered and got ready for work. His mind felt like it had been covered with a numbing fog – overshadowing all his thoughts and feeling and leaving him a zombie.

He somehow got through the eight hours of work at the restaurant without absorbing the chaos of the cooks and owner, then locked himself in his room upon his return home.

This repeated for almost a week until one day a crash of sound caught his attention. He wasn't sure what he had heard, but it had made his blood jump. Slowly pushing himself to a seated position, Sanji waited until all his bearings had come back. His mind registered the sound he'd heard – pots and pans – and he realized he'd forgotten all about his roommate. Sometimes it felt like living with a ghost – he wondered if Law felt the same of him.

He briefly wondered why the sound should even matter – Law was a grown ass man – and then asked himself why even bother investigating when he was told twice recently that he was nothing more than a control freak. Basically.

Then he realized that maybe it wasn't pots and pans at all. Maybe it was a completely different sound. Sluggishly, he pushed himself to his feet. He hadn't even changed out of his work clothes – he had to wonder if he had within the past few days.

Leaving his room, it actually took a few seconds to remember Law's name. He really didn't – Jesus, he was _totally_ not on this planet – and went ahead to investigate. He saw the man standing in the kitchen, looking worried as he stared down at the floor. To Sanji's disbelief, half cooked food – eggs, soup, what looked like toast, a hot pan that was still steaming – was lying in a chaotic splatter on the floor.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked crankily, reaching out to support himself on the counter.

Law's eyes widened comically large for his bony face. "Are you a ghost?"

" _Enough_. What are you trying to do here?"

"I'm not exactly sure," Law murmured, thin fingers to his chin with contemplation.

Sanji looked from him to the food. The eggs looked suspiciously rotten – the stench was horrendous. The bread had mold on it. The soup was the only thing that looked like it would have been palatable.

"This shit is _rotten_ ," he observed crossly. His head pounded with such a headache that he reached up to rub just above his eyebrows. "Why are you even trying?"

Law looked at the fallen food with some silent consideration. "If I don't attempt to…help myself," he said slowly, "I will lose my job."

Sanji looked the man over, as if he were looking at him for the first time. It occurred to him that Law's eyes looked a little manic, a little too tired – like he was seeing too many things and he was in desperate need of a break. He didn't know the man at all – he didn't know what Law was going through. He only knew that Law abided to a strict schedule and planning of his own making. Sanji had never met anyone with an eating disorder, so he didn't understand why the man refused to eat. He only understood through movies that some highly intense trauma happened to make a person want to render their body an enemy after it had been violated.

So somewhere within the crevices of his own burning pain, some sympathy tugged at his conscience.

"That guy mentioned outpatient services," Sanji said clumsily, unsure if he should get that involved.

Law's jaw set stubbornly, so he knew that was a testy subject. After being accused of being an 'invasive person', Sanji really didn't want to get involved.

"I just need…to learn to eat…something that _I_ can cook," Law said slowly. "I thought this would be fine."

"I can show you how," Sanji offered tentatively. "It's not that hard to make."

"But it's something I want to do for myself."

Those words burned at the edge of Sanji's heart. Zoro had accused him of taking over his life, not giving him a chance to handle his own ends. He tried to tell himself that Law and Zoro were completely separate people. But he did not want to be that over excessive burden to someone else.

"Fine," he mumbled, pushing away from the counter. "Figure it out for yourself."

"Admittedly," Law said quickly, with a slight stumble in the single word, "I don't know how. I apologize, Mr Vinsmoke – "

Sanji held a hand up, face twisting with disgust over hearing that name. "Don't call me that. It's like you're addressing my father."

"Then what should I fucking call you?" Law asked impatiently.

"Just call me Sanji, dumb ass."

"Sanji Dumb Ass, as I was saying, it's difficult to ask for help. But I want to keep my job, and I don't want to see some stupid quack to tell me everything that I already know. But, ah…" Law fiddled with his fingers while Sanji frowned at him, sensing a give in the older man, "I know it's asking a lot. I don't want you to do what _I_ should be doing, but…perhaps a gentle reminder here and there should suffice. Maybe…I don't want sympathy, I don't want nagging, I don't want – "

"Then how the fuck am I supposed to help you?"

"Maybe you can make a meal of your own, and I'll surreptitiously watch from a distance and take my own notes and try it on my own when you're gone to avoid any embarrassing judgment from an experienced cook."

Sanji's lips twitched at the image that came to mind. But he recognized that while Law was asking for his help he was indirectly assisting him at the same time. He realized he didn't remember when he'd last ate anything. It could explain the headaches he had. While it was difficult thinking through the fog of his stress and tension, he realized he desperately needed a distraction.

"Deal," he said. "Starting now. Get that shit cleaned up and let me have my space. You can 'surreptitiously' watch me while you're doing those dishes."

Law sighed heavily. "Fine. Will…will Brook be over any time soon?"

Sanji felt the hurt in his chest, but he was surprised to hear that coming from him. "Regretfully no," he muttered, missing the look of disappointment that crossed the older man's face.


	5. Chapter 5

**Naghi-Tan: It's definitely a mood killer D: Sanji knows he messed up and has to learn the hard way of the consequences. But it'll be a fun thing to explore here :D**

 **HS: I imagined him with binoculars from the living room XD A definite mess indeed!**

 **Fyoyaran: Brook has made his way into people's hearts – his impact is enough to melt some ice around guarded hearts! He's not the hapless dog in the background, though – he's going to do his best to fix his family (ahhhh even writing that makes me cringe inside) As this is a LawSan, it's going to take some time ;)**

 **: : 5**

Law was quite aware that his story didn't match the seemingly traditional line of eating disorder sufferers. The group sessions he attended were often full of stories from victims that chose their vice because of some horrible trauma – his was only because he didn't want to be a nuisance. A bad habit that grew out of control and stayed in control over him. So sometimes he felt it held him back because if someone didn't think it was "that big of a deal", he felt too self-conscious to reach out for help because it wasn't "that big of a deal."

Previous sessions at the clinic he was registered in had given him group therapy sessions and nutritionist visits, where someone visited his home and went through his cupboards and fridge to come up with menu plans that never seemed to stick. His last hospital visit was years ago – he had been on the path to recovery and actually gained twenty pounds when an inadvertent comment from a romance potential had him sliding back into his "comfort zone". From there Law felt there was no point in getting better. He was a grown adult man – shouldn't he have his shit together already?

But he was tired of this life.

He knew he needed help.

But he was sick and tired of being treated like his reasons for his disorder wasn't important. He was sick and tired of sitting at a counter or table, eating the same things over and over again all at the same time, arguing with himself over what he was doing. It was mentally and spiritually exhausting.

His last roommate had encouraged him to have a shot or two before eating.

"You'd forget all about that shit and body would say, 'Hey I'm hungry' and you'd eat and all is well. End of the story here, you deformed bird of a man," he said, cramming pizza into his mouth and slamming that down with beer. Law often had a hard time understanding what the man was saying through his thick Scottish accent, sometimes, so mostly he'd nodded and said something appropriate. This method often earned him blank looks and snappish attitude because Law came off as rude.

So Law tried his suggested method. It backfired and he nearly became an alcoholic instead. Which was why he had various bottles underneath his bed. It didn't occur to him to throw them out. When Sanji found them it was almost a blessing to have it all finally removed from his reach.

Now with his newest roommate, the struggle became worse because he was starting to notice differences – the soups Sanji angrily cooked were nothing like the canned soups Law had stocked in his cupboards. The salads had more content than the usual bags he tossed and ate out of once a week. The meat he added had bits and pieces of seasoning that made Law reflect and consider with each bite.

It was unrealistic to think that this soon to be divorced cook could suddenly cure his years old disorder, but the frightening thing about it was that it made Law more aware of how tired he was.

One could not just _eat_ just because they were told they should.

Days after their agreement, while Law ran a dish cloth over the same spot on a used frying pan, he watched as Sanji diced vegetables and swept them with angry swipes to the side. He had stock bubbling behind him so when he finished searing pieces of thinly cut beef he dumped the meat into the pot for ten minutes before adding the vegetables. Law was sure he could do the same, eyebrow lifting quizzically as Sanji then flung the contents of various shakers into the pot.

He wondered if being angry helped the food taste better.

When Law tried to recreate the dish himself while Sanji was at work, it didn't turn out the same. The vegetables were too crunchy and the meat chewy so he stood at the stove with a thoughtful expression, tasting each individual piece with all the judgement of a man assessing his future. By the time he finished adjusting his directions, he'd finished the stew and felt uncomfortably full. This was a dangerous moment for him – his body did not like the sensation because his mind brought back old memories of Rocinante telling him he was chubby and the battle to visit the bathroom for quick and guilty relief added to the heavy feelings of failure and mistake.

This was the hard part of a meal – accepting it. Panic tore through him because he was over his numbers but a general repetition of assuring himself mildly interrupted that hot flash. He would lose his job if he continued to look as he did – he was warned by his supervisor that the board had noticed his condition and were "worried". Lawsuits were visible in their horizons if his health should cause a failure upon a patient that depended on Law's steady hands.

This was necessary.

This was _important_.

Like Sanji, he'd have nowhere to go if he lost his job and his apartment.

He sat uncomfortably at the couch, pulling the blanket tightly around him. If he could anchor and distract himself, his stomach would stop crying and his mind would eventually assure itself that everything was fine. His face and neck felt moist with a nervous sweat, his midsection gurgling noisily as food was processed. Within the empty apartment, with only the television running, Law felt incredibly lonely.

"I upgraded today!" Sanji announced victoriously as he marched through the front door, kicking it shut behind him. It made Law's insides jump because he hadn't even heard the key jingling into the lock. "That old cretin paying me a dollar more for prep work – I _will_ make my share of rent this month. I've calculated at least two months before those fuckers find _me_ telling _them_ what to do."

Law was self-conscious of himself at that moment – he was at his most vulnerable. He didn't say anything, arm around his gurgling middle as he concentrated on the television set. Sanji didn't seem to expect an answer because he headed right for his room without waiting for one. He emerged minutes later to take a quick shower and was in the kitchen before Law could process that he was.

"How did this come out?" Sanji asked, looking at the empty pot before throwing everything into the sink, cleaning rapidly.

Law didn't feel like talking – all his effort was in his throat. But the thought of losing this small battle and his livelihood was surprisingly strong.

"Could've been better," he admitted thickly.

"If it makes you sick, don't eat it!"

It was too complicated to explain the situation, so Law didn't try. Sanji abandoned the kitchen altogether and sat at the couch with a gusty sigh, head against the cushions. After some moments his head lifted and he looked at Law with curiosity. Law was pretty self-conscious about his gurgling stomach, unable to hide the sounds.

"It's like one of those kids' playsets, you know where you drop a ball at the top of the slide and it hits everything on the way down?" Sanji then snickered.

"Don't you have anything else to do?" Law grumbled, pulling the blanket tighter around himself.

"What'd I miss?" Sanji asked, picking up the remote to turn it up. Law wasn't sure if he wanted conversation or a distraction.

But he answered slowly.

By the end of the show, Law felt a little better physically but now he was trying to deal with the feelings of guilt and regret afterward. It left him in a dark mood. Where he was feeling lonely earlier, he now felt in need of some isolation to deal with these tiresome things.

"So, what is 'The Golden Child'?" Sanji asked curiously. "I couldn't stop thinking about the oatmeal thing long after that."

Law's vision was a little blurry, so he rubbed on his eyes before answering, "It's this eighties movie. It's totally ridiculous, but it's classic Eddie Murphy."

"Who is that?"

"'Coming to America'? No? 'Beverly Hills Cop'? _Wow_. You uncultured swine."

"Admittedly, I don't watch movies very much," Sanji said, scowling.

" _Mulan_ at least?"

"Oh yeah! Yeah, that was a good one…"

"He's the voice of the little dragon."

Sanji looked puzzled. "This guy made actual movies?"

Law sighed impatiently, Netflix up. "Prepare yourself."

While it was loading, Law sneaked a glance in Sanji's direction. The younger man still looked like shit but he wasn't alcohol swollen or moments from collapsing. Law remembered Sanji locking himself in his room for a few days, but noticed when he was looking for socks that the crumpled pieces of paper that had been laying around the bed were no longer there. Law assumed Sanji had filled out a response and that was the reason behind the despondence.

It seemed he'd slipped into a resignation stage – like a man that had reluctantly accepted his fate when there was nothing more to do. In a way, Law felt he identified with that.

He didn't know what to say to encourage him or make him feel any better – he recognized now that they had slipped past that stage of deliberate ignorance to fetter with the delicate recognizance of each other's troubles, so that earned them each a sort of step up on each other's personal blocks.

It wasn't his business to pry and rally, but it was now his business to know that Sanji was getting a divorce and it was Sanji's business to know that Law was going to lose his job if he didn't try.

Sanji was squinting at the television screen. Law wondered why Sanji insisted on not being associated with one of the most well-known families in the city. Now that he looked at him, Law could see that he had similar features to those snotty men that sometimes came through the hospital, checking to see what their father's donation funds were doing. He was curious to know why Sanji preferred struggling compared to their obvious well-off lifestyle.

Sanji looked at him sharply, catching Law in the act of thinking these things while looking at him.

"What are you looking at?" he snapped while Law flushed with mortification.

"Why don't you just siphon off mommy and daddy's funds?" Law ended up asking, words tumbling over each other because of his fluster.

"You know those guys?" Sanji asked instead, furrowing his brow. "How? Are you a spy?"

"Sometimes they come by the hospital on…business. It just occurred to me you look exactly like them."

Sanji frowned at him, lips pulling tight. "If something ever happens to me," he said slowly, "make sure I get taken to the one across town. NOT this one."

"Jurisdictions don't work that way, and we're in the middle of this one…"

"Then drag me into _that_ jurisdiction! I mean it! Enough about mine, why don't I hear you talking about yours?" Sanji asked.

Law shrugged.

"Never mind, I'll just look at that photo album in your closet and come to my own conclusions," Sanji decided lightly, propping his head onto his palm.

"My family died in a car accident," Law said slowly, hoping that when Sanji _did_ follow through with his threat, he wouldn't think differently of Law if he happened across a shoebox with the lid taped shut. "I was raised by someone else."

"Where is he?"

"He had some weird falling out with his brother and just…left me here. Years ago."

"You guys were living here together?"

"Yeah."

Sanji looked at him like it all made sense. "Is that why…?"

"No. It wasn't something terrible, it just…turned into something I could no longer control."

" _Oh_."

Law gave a shrug. "Don't sound disappointed."

"I'm not," Sanji said assuredly. He then looked worried. "Do you think he'll come back?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I find out he's paid my rent or utilities, sometimes he sends care packages, but I don't know where he's sending them from. Or what he's doing. I suspect he's hiding out somewhere for whatever reason..."

Sanji looked uncomfortable.

"In the end," Law finished, "I don't care."

"Well…I guess it explains some things," Sanji mumbled, picking at his knees. "I guess you would have to be…numb…to accept all those things that happened."

"I'm not 'numb'," Law said. "There's really nothing I can do about it."

"But if that man cared enough – "

"See, those are the words that piss me off the most," Law interrupted with a cut of his hand, "that man _cared_ for me. He didn't have to take me in, he was struggling himself, but he gave me a good home, he paid for much of my education, he took care of me. He did everything in his power to do so. This shit today isn't his fault, and I don't blame him for any of it. He didn't make me do this, _I_ did this to my fucking self. Of course he fucking cares, but how can he do shit if _I_ can't do shit for myself?"

Sanji wore a taken-back expression, hands up with surrender.

"That's like saying your family doesn't give a shit – "

"They don't," Sanji interrupted just as firmly.

"I get that, but I'm just saying – if they cared any - !"

"They don't care at all!"

Law exhaled tightly as their movie continued to load. He was already feeling sensitive and irritated enough, but having this conversation was making him feel regret for delving into it in the first place.

"You're right," Sanji surprised him by saying. "I said the wrong thing. I just…I can't imagine that someone who cares for another would just…disappear without saying anything. That's the part I don't get. If he's around, why is he hiding?"

"I don't know," Law admitted shortly. "I don't think about it. Like I said, it was a weird fight."

"Maybe he was murdered?"

"I just said he pays for things from time to time. The owners let me know."

"Who are the owners?"

"I don't know…some guy named Bege. Real Godfather looking type. His wife's nice, though. You don't ever see them, so sometimes I wonder if there's anybody living here at all."

Sanji looked at him with such a stricken expression that Law assumed Sanji had just realized the same thing. Law shrugged.

Sanji stared at him for a bit, then exhaled uneasily. "Wow. What a weird situation."

Before Law could say anything in response, Sanji said, "What does it mean exactly of your supervisors' request?"

"I think that's my own business – "

"Because it doesn't seem like you have the attitude to want to abide by their request."

Law scratched at an eyebrow while he thought about this. "I don't think anyone would understand my circumstances when I attempt to explain it."

"And you don't want outpatient services…why?"

"I don't think – "

" _I only think_ that it's important for me to know details because…" Sanji trailed off, his expression heavy. But he managed to say, "I'm going to be here awhile. So…I'd…like to help in any way I can."

Law studied his expression. "You sent your papers back?"

It was difficult for Sanji to talk about it. But he figured since Law shared some of his personal information, it'd be fine if he did as well.

"I did. So…"

"Don't you have friends to play with?"

"No, you ass. They…sided with him."

"What the hell did you do?"

"I…cheated. Like…five times."

Law looked at him skeptically. "And you think that's something easily forgiven?"

"To use words out of your book…I don't think anyone would understand my circumstances when I attempt to explain it."

Law could understand that.

"If I could turn back time," Sanji said with a low sigh, sinking lower into the cushions. "So many things told me to wait…and yet I was the one to fuck it all up in the end."

"Well…it's easy thinking you can change the world when you're young. When you're my age, all of that gets too exhausting."

"You ever been married?"

"No. They were only in the way."

Sanji looked at him, seeing the regret and remorse plain on the other man's voice. A part of him felt like Law had wanted these things, too, but it was obvious what was more important.

"That sucks," he said.

"I don't think of it that way," Law said.

In the end, Sanji did like the movie. He ended up laughing at various parts but had to recoil at the oatmeal scene. He didn't feel too well after that, so he left before the movie ended.

Law thought about that conversation a lot. He found it difficult talking to most people that weren't being paid to delve into his personal circumstances upon his request, but it had been surprisingly easy to talk to Sanji. He carried the conversation with a strange sort of maturity that was unexpected for his age. He didn't take took much offense at Law's rudeness, returning it just to continue a conversation – to Law it felt like Sanji took cues from his body language and manner of speaking as a way to negotiate through his stubborn word-blocks, so he realized that this people-person was going to be hard to hide anything from.

Much like the way Sanji went through his room.

But he tended to respect Law's boundaries. Law was used to being looked at like he was some kind of circus freak, addressed softly and gently; so not having that directed towards him from Sanji made him feel a little more comfortable.

It was an odd sensation to feel.

He wasn't sure how to process it.

An emergency call had him in the hospital early the next day. After that was complete, he and Penguin headed outside for a brisk walk; both of them were tense and tired, holding a cup of coffee in one hand while bundled against the cold. The sky had allowed some sunlight and blue through, so the city seemed brighter. Piles of dirty snow had been plowed off through parts of the sidewalk, which were a little busier than usual.

He'd just told Penguin the gossip.

"A divorce," Penguin mused, testing the word for himself. "He's just a kid. Cheating on a partner five times sounds about right, nowadays. They can't seem to control themselves like us oldies."

"I think he's older than what we suspect."

"Don't you read the contracts after they complete them?"

"Nah."

"Which is why that Scottish guy turned out to be younger than you thought."

"Yeah, still blows my mind."

"I wonder what happened to that guy…?"

"I've decided not to see the outpatient services," Law said slowly, causing Penguin some distress. "Because the way it's going now…I think I can do this on my own."

"You _can't_ – " Penguin trailed off with a hard sigh. Law knew he was tired of hearing the same thing over and over again.

"It's different this time," he assured the older man. "Because he can cook."

"And you're comfortable with relying on him?"

"I'm not comfortable with it…but I feel like I can depend on it."

"I don't think that's a good idea, man."

"I'm learning a great deal of how to do it on my own. We'd come to an agreement."

"So what are you doing for him? Like, someone's giving you a service, so you have to understand that there's something in it for him later."

Law shrugged. "He never said anything."

"I don't trust that guy. He was married to another kid and cheated on him _five_ times. Which means he's capable of cheating anybody."

"There's that…"

"So while you're relying on him for help that he offers without any returns, don't you think it's a little suspicious?"

"You think so?"

Penguin sighed again. "Law, it's time you focused on these types of things. He's not someone any of us really know – he's literally a stranger from the streets. A Vinsmoke, even!"

"He's _estranged_."

"Still. I think you should be a little more careful with what you have laying around, and what you should trust about him. You don't know, what if he's steadily poisoning you?"

"I hope so. But none of us had any idea that my last roommate was an arms dealer the FBI wanted to pick up."

"Right, right…"

"I think he's more focused on returning to his home than looking forward to forge a new future on his own," Law said slowly as they rounded the block. "He doesn't talk about these things – he switches the subject or turns it back to me, and that's his defense mechanism."

"So…he's like you?"

"I just feel like if he had the chance, he'd return home the minute it was offered."

"It'd probably be for the best. I don't trust that guy. I think it's more important of you to focus on yourself. Don't dismiss the outpatient thing – I think you should seriously look into it and absolutely give it another try. The higher-ups want to see progress for themselves, and everyone's…taking notice of you. I feel like their lawyers are anxiously waiting for any word of a legal case to be dropped on their desks."

"That's just rude."

"I think this is your year, Law. It's absolutely your year to get hold of this thing. I know you're tired," Penguin pressed on him, as Law looked annoyed, "I know you don't want to do this anymore, so I think it's important for you to really consider that you push against your comfort zone to explore things that make you uncomfortable. It's been too long."

"I've heard this a million times, Penguin."

"You're going to hear it a lot more if you persist on being stubborn! _Why_ are you being so _stubborn_?"

Law looked away with exasperation, coffee cup to his lips. He saw the veterinary hospital ahead of him, and the thought of Brook hit his thoughts hard. He had to admit to himself that he missed the dog. He'd gotten used to hearing his heavy breathing and heavy body pressing against his leg when Brook laid against the couch. He missed hearing his toenails click on the floorboards when he left Sanji's room to find him. He wondered if this ex-person was doing a good job of caring for him –

It occurred to him that he was seeing the actual dog of his thoughts dragging a leash behind him down one sidewalk, breathing heavily.

"Oh my fucking god, speaking of the devil," he murmured, dropping his coffee cup with surprise. Penguin turned to look, puzzled, expecting to see either the arms dealer or Sanji himself.

The dog hurried past waiting pedestrians at the light and out into traffic, much to Law's horror. He ended up hurrying out into the street as a car slammed on its brakes, screeching and sliding just slightly to avoid hitting him. Penguin shouted out with horror, but Law just wanted to get to Brook before he could run or get hit by another vehicle. He snatched up the leash, Brook startled at his appearance. The dog attempted to bolt as another car skid to a stop away from them, the driver laying on his horn. Brook howled with terror as Law scooped him up, turning to head back to the sidewalk.

It surprised and delighted him that the dog remembered him. Brook wiggled and whined, lapping at his face with his warm tongue. Law could feel his body heaving with effort and breath as the dog's heart raced, droopy eyes wild with some excitement.

"Are you stupid?" Penguin shouted at him as the cars attempted to straightened out, causing a slight commotion as tires skidded uselessly over slush and ice. "You could've been killed!"

"This is Brook," Law said, surprised at how heavy the dog actually was. It occurred to him that perhaps the dog wasn't heavy at all. Brook was missing his slippers, feet shaking. Law adjusted the animal awkwardly in his arms, trying not to show all those watching that he was incapable of actually holding him. "Oh, he's freezing – he's been outside for some time."

"You _know_ this dog?" Penguin asked incredulously as Brook turned his big head away from his voice, attempting to bury his face into Law's scarf.

"This is Sanji's dog."

Brook immediately perked up at the sound of Sanji's name. His tail stub wagged fiercely as he searched for his other master.

"What is Sanji's _dog_ doing out in the streets?"

Law didn't know. He glanced around, looking for anyone that looked as if they were searching for the heavily panting animal. It was taking everything he had just to hold the animal against him, his arms growing shaky and his face reddening with effort. But he refused to put him down.

"I'll just have to take him home," he decided, Penguin looking at him incredulously.

"Take him back to the vet! He obviously came from there!"

"Ah, but finders keepers, Penguin."

"That makes no sense! This is stealing!" Penguin fretted, following after his friend as he carried him determinedly back to the hospital. The dog looked satisfied, mouth open as he rested against Law's shoulder. "Take him back over there and inform them of – "

"I would, but…I am unaware of the circumstances in his freedom. So it makes more sense that I should return him to his owner. After all, perhaps he misses him."

"This is not a good idea, he was there for a reason!"

Penguin's words made plenty of sense – but Law thought that it made more sense that if Brook was lost and had found his way into his arms, then it meant something. Brook was obviously looking for his owner, and had found him. Law had to reward the dog with his efforts by taking him to Sanji. Sanji would have to figure out the medication situation on his own.

Sure enough, the dog surprised the man with a happy greeting and an awkward run as Sanji returned home. Sanji dropped to his knees with an incredulous shout, both of them howling in excitement. Law thought that it was kinda cute.

"How is this happening?" Sanji asked breathlessly, hauling Brook up into his arms and striding towards Law. "How is he here?"

"I found him," Law responded. "Just walking in the streets."

Sanji's expression turned murderous. Law waited for the millions of questions he was sure to be hit with and cringed a little. But all Sanji said was, "So he's without his medication?"

"Pretty much. He was very cold."

Sanji paced with Brook in his arms for some moments, obviously seething. He set the dog back down onto the living room floor. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"Never mind that. I'll be back."

Sanji was gone as Brook and Law looked at the slamming door with confusion. Law sipped at his tea, looking at the bewildered dog. Brook looked back up at him, brow lifting with question. Once he realized Sanji wasn't coming back anytime soon, the dog slowly waddled over to Law and settled at his feet. He rested against the couch with a hard sigh.

Hours later, Sanji stormed into the apartment with a plastic bag. Brook immediately waddled over to him while Law sleepily rubbed at his eyes, having fallen asleep to the steady snore of Brook's breathing and the show that was playing on low volume.

"We made an agreement," Sanji said, jerking out one of the bottles and finding the right combination for the dog to take. He crouched down to administer them, Brook fighting him but also trying to knock him over with affection. "I'll take him for a week, he'll take him for the next."

"That's great."

"Brook was there because he was still sick," Sanji muttered, rewarding the animal with affectionate rubbing alongside his face. Brook looked truly happy as he lifted his head for more, whining noisily. "But he'd escaped after that fucking idiot left. _Somehow_. How did you do it, you damn mutt? You figured out the doors? How are you so smart with such a pea-sized brain?"

Brook shook his back eagerly, breathing growing troubled with some answering affection. He barked a few times, as if proud of his own efforts. Sanji couldn't retain a stern expression after seeing this, headbutting him with some answering affection of his own.

"Dumb dog, you're such a dumb dog but you're so _smart_! How are you so smart? You're so short! You can't reach the door handles, you crazy mutt! What's wrong with you?"

Law wondered if the animal understood the insults in the endearments administered. Brook was pretty happy, but it was obvious he still had some sort of a cough, his breathing bubbling with his exhales. Sanji rose away from him to examine the medication in the bag, along with some nearly tattered papers.

"' _Stress'_ ," Sanji sounded out with some disbelief. "Brook is stressed."

"Aren't we all?" Law muttered, wondering how people could appoint human events to an animal. "So I take it he took the loss well?"

"He didn't. He wasn't aware that Brook was missing in the first place. Tried to accuse me of taking him. But that got sorted out real quick. Because Brook is… _stressed_ …he agreed to visitation."

Law studied his mug. "Is that a positive thing?"

"No," Sanji said with a sigh, crouching to pick up Brook, swinging him into the air. The dog's legs wiggled ferociously as he barked sharply. Sanji 'flew' him about like an airplane, complete with noises. Law thought it was one of the most childish things he'd ever seen a grown man do. But the dog clearly enjoyed himself, kicking and panting noisily like he was trying to laugh. "He still hates my guts."

Law had to wonder why that answer gave him a feeling of satisfaction. It was such a strange feeling.


	6. Chapter 6

**Naghi-Tan** : Oh I know, it stops the heart! It's a horrible feeling! D: You had a monthlong headache? Yikes? That's the worst! Ah, I know I have to finish 'Burnin' Love' but I need to get back into that mindset after this one. Being a moody writer puts me in bad places with my stories (cringe face)

 **HS** : I just love the idea of Scottish Kid XD It tickles me silly! Law has a history with roommates that are on the odd side – he has more stories. Brook is the piece that's keeping everyone's head on, unfortunately. DX No wonder he's under so much stress, poor thing.

 **Snowflake97** : I am in an angsty mood D: Thanks for tuning in!

 **: : 6**

With his first check, Sanji paid for his half of the rent and utilities. Then he bought a card-fed phone, along with a bottle of Zoro's preferred drink. It was a week after Law had brought Brook home from the veterinary clinic, and after morosely returning the dog to Zoro's neighbor's house because the man wasn't home, Sanji had done some light shopping. It was uncomfortable to think that the longer he lived without his husband, the more he would have to struggle to stay on his feet. Their combined income had greatly allowed them to become homeowners and allow them to live comfortably, but on his own he felt like he was floundering. It had been awhile since he had, and it was as if he were learning all over again on how to be this individual.

He didn't want to be this "individual". Zoro had been his every day, his every night, week after week. But he had to wonder if he were just obsessed with the man in a way that he mistook it for love. Because if he truly loved the man, would he have really made the decision to step out on him with five different men?

Sanji was sure he did. There were so many things he missed of the other man – his presence, his smell, the feel of him, the sound of his voice…it filled him with such a deep ache not to have any of these things now that he didn't know what to do with himself. It was now difficult thinking of how he'd been able to accept another man's touch when the one he wanted was something he couldn't have now.

He drank as he figured out how to activate the phone and fill it with minutes. Zoro had cut him off their phone plan – cut him out of his life in the same manner he had with his swords. The very notion made his heart ache.

Hours later he was flopped over on his bed, staring at the ceiling while the world rotated around him. He jumped when Law appeared in his vision, looking down at him skeptically. When he realized Sanji was still alive, he placed a hand over his heart.

"Oh, thank heavens," Law said in that flat way he used to speak with. Sanji wondered if he had any other emotions other than being ultra-serious or dramatically sarcastic. His roommate was a little hard to figure out, sometimes. "I thought you'd be pickled by now."

"What do you want?" Sanji asked on a slight slur, picking up his closed bottle from near his head and attempting to open it.

"I came in here because the shower has been running for over an hour now – I assume dipping yourself in ice cold water is something that's been on your bucket list, but the water bill – "

"Jesus Christ," Sanji muttered, flopping over as he made to get up. But his arms didn't want to cooperate. "I was _just_ going to take a shower."

"You have a phone now?" Law asked curiously, crouching to examine the packaging that Sanji had left on the floor.

"I'll text you with my new number."

"Please, with your name preferably. Sometimes the past likes to surprise me."

"How many roommates have you had?" Sanji then asked curiously, lifting the bottle carefully to his lips and taking a sip. He cringed and shivered at the harsh burn, relaxing back onto the bed with the thoughts of the running shower gone.

"As funny as it sounds, I seem to be a lighthouse for those that are…floundering," Law said, furrowing his brow as he examined the phone's simplicity. He set the package aside and stood. "So, perhaps too many."

He frowned down at the man sprawled over his bottle, holding tightly onto a half full bottle. "Will you be able to function for work?"

"Definitely."

"Because it's almost six am."

Sanji looked at him with alarm, the reason behind the running shower coming back to him. But once he rose, it was apparent that he would not be functioning properly. He hit his head with the bottle as he gave a disgusted curse.

Law frowned again. "There's no way you'll be able to go in like that."

"I've never had to call into work, before! My fucking life is just…!"

"I'm sure you'll be fine washing dishes," Law muttered thoughtfully. "But the smell coming off you won't bode well with the owner."

"I'm sure Zeff smells worse inside the dining area than he does in the kitchen!" Sanji snapped at him, struggling to get up. The world spun around him, and he cursed himself as he hastily sat, dropping the bottle onto the floor. Instead of trying again, he covered his face with his hands, giving a frustrated yell.

Law thought about it for a few moments, then crinkled his brow with thought. "Why would he smell worse there than…?"

"I've never been such a mess!" Sanji exclaimed, feeling upset. "This is not normal – if I were thinking properly, I would've never been - !"

"Well, one of the three biggest stresses in life happens to be a divorce, so…"

"I fucked it up," Sanji agreed sloppily, taking another drink. "Fuck it. He can fire me."

Law gave a short sigh, arms crossed tightly over his chest. "Then what will happen after that? Don't you have other skills?"

Sanji closed his eyes. "I can clean. I can work for a cleaning service. But my heart belongs in the food industry."

"Well…obviously you don't have it. It appears to be missing."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." Sanji snatched his phone from the floor, sloppily dialing a number. As it began to ring, he cleared his throat, swirling liquid inside of the bottle with a despondent expression. Once he heard the gruff greeting, he opened his mouth to talk when Law snatched it out of his hands.

"I apologize," he said hastily as Sanji shot out to snatch the phone from him, grabbing onto his clothes to stretch for it. "But Mr Dumb Ass will not make it to work, today. He seems to have caught a vicious stomach bug. I am calling from his phone, so if you have any questions or such to extend to him, please feel free to call – "

"I have absolutely nothing to fucking say to him, and who the fuck are you?"

Law looked at Sanji with a stunned expression. "I apologize, I'd assumed this was his workplace number. Sorry for waking you."

Sanji snatched the phone from him, looking guilty.

"Mr _Dumb Ass_ ," Law chided, reddening. "Where are your responsibilities?"

"Shut up. As you can see, I'm not at my full capacities right now! I obviously dialed the only number I fucking know – I was trying to google the restaurant's number, and I obviously failed!"

"…You can't _dial_ Google. How mortifying. I thought I was helping you, and yet I only to perpetuated your messy situation further! Stop dragging me into your disorder, you slop of a human being."

"Oh, fuck you," Sanji sneered at him, tossing the phone over his shoulder to the bed. "You're one to talk."

Law rolled his eyes. "Being this dysfunctional isn't helping your situation any, and once again, that shower is still running."

"Then go catch it."

Law exhaled shortly once more, struggling to put his nerves back as they started to fray. "Listen here, Mr Dumb Ass – "

"It's _Sanji_ , you dick!"

" – you might be living here, but all I ask is that you pay for your share. There has been some characters living here with a sordid array of problems, but once yours starts interfering with our situation – "

"I know what I have to do. I'm a responsible person, I know what I have to do and where I gotta do it and how I gotta do it, I don't need you in here lecturing me! If that's all you wanted to say, then get the fuck out."

Law looked at him crossly. "Then either get to work or properly call in, or give thirty days' notice."

Sanji gave a disgusted snort, cradling the bottle between his knees. "You'll kick me out just like that, huh?"

"I can do this and not be bothered by it. If you don't want to help yourself, then remove yourself. Don't drag others down with you. Get up and get moving."

"See, why can't you be just as firm with yourself as you are with other people?" Sanji asked curiously, squinting up at him.

Law frowned at him. "I know what you're up to. I've got more experience than you with those mind games."

"What ' _mind games_ '?" Sanji exclaimed drunkenly.

"The ones you're trying to play now. Get a move on."

Law left his room, then returned a few moments later. He opened up Sanji's closet, swept through the hangers until he found what he was looking for in the inside pocket of the jacket he'd worn last night. Sanji looked at him with disbelief until Law revealed the remote control. He slammed the door shut behind him as Sanji looked guilty for being caught with it. He honestly didn't remember having it.

He picked the phone up to find the restaurant's number and realized that neither of them had hung up. Zoro was still on the other line. Sanji put the phone down at that moment, listening to nothing on the other side of the phone. Was Zoro listening that entire time? Or had he thought to hang up and failed that?

It hurt that the man he ached for was on the other end of the phone, out of Sanji's reach. He refused to understand the situation as best as Sanji could explain it. Did this assure Zoro that Sanji wasn't rooming with some love interest as Zoro probably thought Law was? Nowhere in the conversation had either of the men spoken softly to each other, but in such an impersonal way that there was no mistaking the relationship.

If Sanji could show Zoro that he was a mess without him, would Zoro develop sympathy?

In all their years together, he hadn't shown any weakness. He was a top-notch individual, keeping both of their lives together with his own hands alone. If he heard that Sanji was falling apart, would it help Sanji?

He had hope that it did. Deliberately, he pushed on random buttons on the keypad.

"Hey, you idiot, I'm still on the line!" he heard from the speakers, the irritation plainly obvious from that side. It gave Sanji hope because Zoro had been listening. He was aware of Sanji's problem.

With a shaking finger, Sanji pushed the disconnect button. Zoro had his number, now. He knew his situation. There was hope.

Hours later, his head pounding and whirling, Sanji dragged himself out of his bedroom. He took a shower and hauled himself to the kitchen after to fix something to eat. He was embarrassed after this morning's transgressions so he hoped to apologize to Law about his actions.

He found the man standing outside the front door, talking low to someone outside. Sanji recognized Zeff's voice and quickly pressed himself against the fridge, panic lighting his feet. Law returned to the apartment with a bag full of food, shutting the door behind him. Once he caught sight of Sanji, he scowled at him.

"Said you need to eat this and be sober by 6 a.m.," he said grumpily.

"He didn't say anything about firing me?" Sanji asked.

"I think he felt sorry for you," Law said, a bewildered tone to his voice. "So hold off on killing him until you can return the favor. Suggested you were a complete and utter mess that should be handled delicately. Tried to lecture me on being more sympathetic."

Sanji's scowl intensified. But it was bewildering how a complete stranger would take that step for another. With the way their work relationship was, Sanji hadn't ever thought that Zeff would apply sympathy towards anyone. He twiddled his thumbs, lips held tight.

"Sorry about this morning," he mumbled. "I was just…feeling sorry for myself."

Law studied him for a few moments. "How long is this going to last?"

"Don't you have any emotions?" Sanji asked impatiently, opening up the bag and taking out the containers inside. They were full of greasy food, things that made him sigh long and hard because he was sure Zeff knew he wasn't sick. "The man I was attached to for years suddenly didn't want me anymore. After devoting myself to him – "

"Was this before or after the cheating?" Law wondered curiously.

Sanji sighed heavily once more, bracing himself against the counter.

"Because I'm pretty sure Jersey Shore taught me that if anything – "

"Jersey _what_?"

"Do you not know pop culture, Sanji?"

"I don't park myself in front of a television set and allow it to entertain me! I like to go out and enjoy the world as it's given to me - !"

"Five different times?"

Sanji sank against the counter with a hard rub of his eyes. Law examined the contents of the containers, using a fork to prod at some of it.

"The more you hear of it, the less it should hurt," Law said firmly.

"You are _such_ an _asshole_."

"Why didn't either of them take you in?" Law asked curiously, opening another container and taking a piece of tomato from a hamburger.

Sanji glared at the stove window ahead of him, feeling his chest and stomach roil with mayhem.

"Or were they aware of the situation?"

"They were," Sanji mumbled, palms against his eyes. "The last one called him to brag about it."

Law was interested because he thought these things happened on tv, not between people. He dumped some salt on another piece of tomato.

"He doesn't want you now that you are? Seems troublesome."

Sanji hated thinking about these things. He continued sitting there while Law picked at various things from the containers, occasionally bumping into him with his bony feet. But he'd given no thought into talking to the man that had called Zoro – he wasn't worth Sanji's time, now. He was angry towards him, but that anger had shifted onto himself for doing this in the first place.

His arms settled over his lap as he pulled his knees up, a thought occurring to him. "I'm going to have to be truthful about this if I'm ever lucky to find someone…who can take the risk," he murmured, mainly to himself. "Just like those that made the rounds of various restaurants in the area – unwilling to risk hiring me."

"Zeff did," Law reminded him. "I guess you just have to find someone with as big a heart as his."

Sanji slumped. His eyes burned dangerously. He thought of all the people that wandered into the restaurant – alcoholics, drug users, people on the run, people that didn't have money but exchanged work for food. He was pretty sure Zeff wasn't what he seemed – there was something suspicious in everyone that came in through those front entrance doors that made Sanji think that the police were going to enter at any moment. He wanted to say these things to continue the suspicion of Zeff's probably wrong doings but he had to admit that Zeff pretty much fed anyone that was hungry.

"Or maybe I'm just not meant for it," Sanji said slowly. "Like…I'm a limited time thing. Spared only a little shit at a time."

Law chewed on a couple of olives before saying, "I'm sure it's not that dramatic."

"I left my family years ago because they couldn't give a shit about me. I knew from a young age that it was impossible for them to love me. I found _that_ guy and some good friends but after what I did…now I'm here."

"Brook loves you. Animals are unconditional."

After some moments of reflection, Sanji said shakily, "What if this is all the love I'll ever get?"

Law sighed, hand on one bony hip as he braced himself against the counter. Sanji wiped his eyes, sniffling.

"Why is it important to be loved?" Law asked curiously, brow furrowed. "All around you are people struggling to ignore each other, yet they want all the attention they can get from social media or Tinder. And if it doesn't go their way, it's the end of the world for most."

Sanji looked up at him skeptically, hair staticky against the dark finish of the cabinet. "I ask you again, you ever been in love before?"

"No, but – "

"Until you understand what it means to give all of you to one person, then how about you not judge me?"

Law made a face. "I can't love someone until I learn to love myself. And look how well that's going."

"Then shut up."

"All I'm saying, Sanji, is that there are more pressing matters in this world than the loss of affection from one person," Law said. "The end of the world is caused by cataclysm or self-indulgences, or an individual with a weapon."

"People can die from broken hearts."

"Broken heart syndrome has similar affects as a heart attack – so if you are short of breath, in your case shorter of breath," Law added, indicating Sanji's smoking habits, "if you are sweating, dizzy, nauseated with some left arm pains and jaw clenching – "

" _Shaddup_!"

" – then drag yourself into the adjoining jurisdiction and get yourself to a hospital."

"I wish you'd just understand – "

"It's probably best that I don't," Law interrupted firmly, taking another olive, "because if I did I'd feed into your heartbreak hotel and make things worse. Or, if I were a more interesting person, I'd cause some drama for my own entertainment. For your benefit I am a selfish person only focused on myself."

He paused while Sanji scowled, glaring at his reflection in the stove door.

"But," Law added slowly, "I did start room in my heart for Brook. Something about that animal inspires my sympathies."

"Empathy."

"Same thing."

"No, it isn't!"

"I grew fond of his disgusting doggie farts and drooling jowls, and he is so ugly it hurts, but having him in the same room as I makes me feel…less alone than I would with a person. Perhaps I should look into getting an animal," Law mused, more to himself. "Maybe taking care of something other than myself will help."

 _Isn't that what you're doing, now_? Sanji thought vaguely. "But you suck at taking care of yourself. How are you not dead yet?"

"Because I obviously suck at it," Law responded flatly, rolling his eyes. "I have enough will in me to live. I don't know why. I haven't _lived_ in awhile."

Sanji knew this to be true – all the man did was come home, plant himself on the couch and watch endless amounts of television. He did not go out to eat, he did not visit any sites of fun, he did not do any of the shopping – he had to wonder how Law had survived all this time with such a dull, boring lifestyle. He popped up to his feet.

"Get a jacket and some shoes," he said. "Or I'm carrying you out on my shoulder."

Law looked at him with some terror as Sanji stalked off to get ready on his own.

: :

They ended up twenty minutes away at a lively museum of arts that currently had a space exploration exhibition going. Law had an expression to his face that looked both scared and bewildered, like he'd been asking himself why he'd followed the younger man's command while Sanji was tense, asking himself why he bothered to come out. The windows rung with space themes while an alien mascot walked about, welcoming everyone that had come in. He passed out stickers, one of which Sanji stuck to Law's forehead with a slap.

After Law removed it, he shuffled after the man with an expression of irritation while they ventured through the lower level floor, full of space themed paintings and art exhibits that inspired contemplation. Neither of them said anything.

Law's fists were tight in his jacket, anxieties present. He knew people were looking at him, taking in his appearance with judgement and disgust – he'd only pulled on his boots because he hadn't expected a trip anywhere – and this only allowed him to pull his jacket tighter around himself. His hat was pulled down low, but it didn't hide his jutting cheekbones and sharp jawline.

They came across a Grey alien throwing up a peace sign. Sanji gestured at it. "You guys could be twins."

"Shut up, miscreant."

"If they ever happened to pop down here, they'd take one look at you and think, Ah, that's a cousin. He's good."

"If they saw you, they'd pickle you into some barrel and drink you for dinner."

"You're so _lame_ ," Sanji chuckled as Law huffed. "And people are looking at you for your pajamas, not at you."

"What makes you think I'm self-conscious of anything?"

"Because I don't think it's the fact that your head's so heavy it won't lift up." Sanji studied an abstract painting while Law glanced around himself, aware he should've changed out of his bright yellow and purple plaid pants. He was shivering, feeling tired and cold from the mere effort of walking uncomfortable distances. He should've brought his scarf.

He struggled to say something, uncomfortable with the silence between them. It was different out in public – it felt like he had to put effort into conversation in a public setting rather than a private one. He could escape at home by retreating to his room or leaving Sanji to face his despondence on his own, but out here he felt vulnerable and open.

"I just don't like seeing other people's judgement," he said slowly. "That disgusting expression of sympathy that always crosses their faces, or that crude look of distaste – like my condition is something some stranger should worry about."

"You think it's wrong for someone to feel sorry for another? Is that how you treat your patients, doctor?" Sanji murmured, crouching to look closely at a 3D display made out of metal.

"Well, no. I feel for them. For their families."

"Then why not for yourself? Why make yourself out into such an enemy?"

"Is this some sort of therapy session?" Law asked accusingly, arms tightening. "This is something I pay someone to hear about."

Sanji straightened up to frown at him. "Then why don't you?"

"I told you," Law said shortly.

"You told me _shit_ because you switched the subject to myself, moron."

Law hesitated to answer. Why should he?

"Because I don't want to hear some stranger say, That's not important. Your diagnosis isn't important."

"Do you want it to be?"

"No, but – "

"You think it's not important because you're not important? How many lives have you saved? You think anyone else can do what you can?"

"These are all things I've heard before. And they are still things that haven't made much of a difference," Law said stubbornly, feeling himself tense up even further. He ended up crossing his arms over his chest.

"Relax your cheeks," Sanji admonished, nudging him with an elbow. "Like anything I say can be anything reliable when I'm as much as a mess as you are. You won't go home thinking that the shit I say is of any value – you think too much over your own thoughts and feelings. Like you said, you're too selfish."

"Then why bother with this conversation?"

"Maybe because I'm tired of thinking about myself. All I think about is myself and my misery – I want to think about someone else's that ain't in any way related to mine," Sanji said with a huff, hands in his pockets as he studied an Alf set-up. "What is this cat thing?"

Law looked from him to the display. "I haven't seen this in years. What a walk on memory lane."

Sanji looked at him curiously. "What were you like when you were a child?"

"Oh, I was…as unemotional as I am now. I liked taking things apart to see how they worked."

"Oh, like mechanics?"

"No, living things. Frogs were my focus."

Sanji looked at him with distaste.

"You?"

"Uh, well…fairy tales, I guess. Adventure stuff, romance. I liked the idea of falling in love and being _in_ love and being loved."

"This stems from a loveless family, I suppose?"

"Yeah, well - ! Did your family love you?"

"Yes."

"Then don't you think you're hurting their memory by doing this?"

"I've heard this, too. They're dead, they don't have a say in shit."

"You're a hard man to reach," Sanji admitted, looking at him. "But I think it's not for the reasons you think."

Law rolled his eyes. "I'm much older than you, I'm pretty sure what my reasons are."

"You closed yourself up. You can't convince me otherwise." Sanji then trailed off, staring at him with a growing sense of horror.

Law couldn't help but scowl back at him, hands fisted in his armpits.

Hands to his mouth, Sanji whispered, "Am I going to turn out like you?"

"Oh, _please_ , I'm convinced you're the type who will fall for the next one that gives you any attention."

"I don't know," Sanji said as they took to the stairs to the next level. He slowed his step to accompany Law's, and Law wondered if this synchronicity felt intimidating or intrusive. "This is painful. Everything about it. This is years' worth of a comfort zone that was ripped out from underneath my feet. Anything I do could repeat the past. What would be best is just…not feeling anything at all."

"Probably for the mental comfort of your next partner," Law agreed as Sanji led the way into another exhibit. This one with flashing lights and soft music that invited visitors to take part of various spaceships with grandiose displays. "If you were a caring person, you'd spare your partner that pain."

Sanji rolled his eyes. They were silent for some time, taking in the displays around them while visitors took selfies and the like in front of dangling pipes and creatures that looked frightening.

"Maybe I'm not," he said with a sigh. "Maybe I am selfish."

"You are. I haven't seen any other examples unless you had Brook at your side. Maybe it's your destiny to be that weird dog person that collects animals for comfort."

"And here we are again," Sanji said, pausing in front of an open UFO, grey aliens peeking out from the inside. "Back on me. You're very good at redirection."

"I think it's easy because you love talking about yourself. Your generation is rather selfish."

"Listen here, old man – "

Law swatted Sanji's pointing finger away from him. "And besides – "

"Your hands are _freezing_!" Sanji observed, capturing one. "Do you have any working blood pressure?"

"Don't touch me!"

"You're a total ice princess!"

Law slid his bony hand between Sanji's scarf and the back of his neck, causing him to jerk away with a cry of outrage. He rubbed and blew into his hands to warm them. "Could you keep your hands to yourself, please? I'm sure you've noticed I don't like to be touched."

"Because you're self-conscious of yourself?" Sanji asked curiously, hands in his jacket pockets. "Ashamed at the thought of someone touching you and deciding that you're not worth touching?"

"Most people would think twice of touching a stranger, you know."

"I think we're beyond that, now."

"So we've traded a few tales between us, it doesn't mean much."

"After I let you meet my dog," Sanji said with playful scorn.

Law snorted, hands sliding into his pockets. "You're ridiculous."

"Are we making memories? Are we living?"

"Is that the point of your little exercise?" Law asked. He studied the aliens looking out at them. "Because I'm pretty sure I'll have nightmares later on."

"Just introduce yourself as a long lost cousin and you'll be fine," Sanji snickered.

Law glanced around them, noting the people taking pictures with the displays as a backdrop. "Why aren't you participating in this?" he asked, gesturing at them.

"I'd rather not," Sanji muttered. "Who's to see it?"

"There is life beyond a divorce. Maybe down the road you'll want to look back and reflect on what a journey it was. Perhaps seeing progress will be helpful."

"Why don't I take your picture on your phone, and you take one of mine? We can do this together."

"I don't want my picture taken. There's no point being reminded of yet another failure."

Sanji withdrew his phone and found the camera app. He handed it to Law, who dutifully took the pic. Sanji struggled to smile but his face felt bloated and stiff, and he really couldn't muster up the traditional expression meant for a camera.

"You should be a model," Law said sarcastically, examining the end result. "They all look like they're mad at the shit that won't leave them."

"Stop complimenting me, it feels weird," Sanji snapped, taking his phone back. He gestured at the display. "It's your turn."

"I'm not taking a stupid picture."

Sanji snapped one anyway, much to Law's annoyance. He felt his phone vibrate as Sanji then sent it to him.

"Progress pictures," Sanji said. "One day you'll look back at this and be proud of how far you've come."

"I'm not looking back. Point is to look forward."

"To _what_?" Sanji snapped at him, opening the camera again. He stood close to the man, stretching his arm out as far as he could. "Piece of shit phone."

Law took it from him and held it at a distance. He eyed the picture and adjusted his arm's stretch so that only Sanji was visible. Both of them wrestled to have both of them in the camera when the phone was snatched out of Law's hand.

"I'll do it," Zoro said crossly.

Both of them froze at his appearance. Behind him, Sanji saw that Ussop and Luffy stood with stiff expressions, as if they were seeing something they shouldn't have. Sanji felt like the air had been sucked out of him while Law stressed over the wrong idea given. The tension was so thick that he wanted to turn and leave but the trio standing there pretty much blocked their way out.

All the words in Sanji's mouth left him because he felt like he'd been caught doing something as wrong as he had when his marriage broke. But he wasn't the type to stay silent for long, so he said the first thing that managed to crawl to his tongue.

"I thought you hated this kind of thing," he said to Zoro while Ussop and Luffy looked at each other uncomfortably.

"So you thought it was safe to come out?" Zoro returned stiffly. "These guys brought me along."

"It was something I wanted to do. For him."

"Oh. For _him_." Zoro turned dark eyes to Law, who looked at him stiffly. But his fists tightened in his jacket pockets.

"My _roommate_ , Zoro," Sanji stressed urgently. "We needed to get out of the apartment."

"You don't look sick," Zoro observed, turning that angry gaze to him.

Luffy said slowly, studying Sanji, "You look like shit, buddy."

"Thank you," Sanji said snidely. It was the first thing that he could say to a friend he'd considered dear, and he felt regretful that it was this.

"But it must mean you feel like shit, right? For what you did."

" _Luffy_ ," Zoro interrupted as Sanji stiffened.

" _No_ ," Luffy snapped at him. He returned his look to Sanji, who refused to look at him. "Way to go, Sanji. What kind of a bastard do you have to be to do this to Zoro? Hiding all those secrets? I _hope_ you feel like shit."

"Luffy, stop."

"I _do_ feel like shit," Sanji responded stiffly while Law looked for an escape route. "I regret it every damn day."

"I'd be more shocked if you didn't! _Five times_?"

Luffy's voice raised as his own anger became obvious, pent up frustration and shock for his friends coming to the forefront.

"The first time might've been a fucked up mistake, but you did it _five times_! It wasn't a mistake by then, it was a _choice_!"

"Luffy," Ussop whispered, hand on his arm, "this isn't the place…"

"I don't care," Luffy snapped, shaking his touch away. "He ran away before any of us could say anything to him! How could you do something like that, Sanji? We all trusted you and thought things were fine – "

"They obviously weren't," Sanji muttered.

"So that gives you the right to do something as filthy as that?"

" _Luffy_."

Luffy's mouth snapped shut as Zoro barked at him. He managed to look away from Sanji to him, expression full of anger. Before Zoro could say anything, Luffy pulled away from him, saying to Sanji, "You guys were my friends for years. _Years_ , Sanji! I was so happy for you both, and you fucked it up! You fucked up and you keep causing him trouble - !"

"This isn't any of your business," Law said, surprised that he did. Upon being recipient of three different angry gazes, he felt the urge to back up. But he stood his ground because this felt similar to an attack. Like numerous dogs upon one, and it was an uncomfortable feeling to bear. "I understand that you are all friends…but the troubles lay between them and not you."

"Who the hell are you?" Luffy asked him.

"He's nobody!" Sanji snapped, stepping in front of his roommate. Zoro glowered at him.

"Oh? He's one of _those_ guys?" Luffy asked, voice tilting reedily.

"NO! Look, there's a time and place for these things, but not here," Sanji said, seeing that other visitors were looking their way with interest. "If you want, you guys can talk to me outside. Not to him. He has nothing to do with this."

"He speaks a lot for you," Zoro said tightly. "Brook's comfortable with him. Even went to him, so – "

"Brook's a dog that doesn't know any better! He's not some child we both hand that's caught up in some custody battle!"

"I answered the phone, yes," Law said to explain his actions this morning, "but those were under considerable circumstances. And you're _welcome_ for rescuing your beloved pet."

Zoro glowered up at him. "It's interesting that these _circumstances_ took place so early in the morning. I'm allowed to have some suspicions."

"When you filled out paperwork to dispute the rings on your fingers, those suspicions weren't yours to have anymore."

"I don't like your attitude," Luffy interrupted, deciding this with a glare. "I don't think I like you."

"The feeling is mutual. And stay out of it, you little chump. You're not the one that took it in the ass, so you have no say in what these two do."

Sanji managed to stop Luffy from physically attacking the man, coming between them to push Luffy away. Ussop quickly snatched his friend's arm while Zoro continued glaring at Sanji.

"Stop making it worse!" Sanji hissed at Law.

" _Roommates_ ," Zoro said slowly. "But yet has the balls to interfere in something that isn't his business, either."

"Any Good Samaritan witnessing an attack would step in," Law said, hiding his trembling fists inside his pockets. "As this is a public space, each of us has a right to be here. Unfortunately, all your damn emotions push you lot to act on your childish whims to lash out instead of conducting yourselves like proper adults. You're separated for a reason – maybe it's best it stay that way."

"For someone that doesn't have any history with either of us," Luffy interrupted slowly, jerking his arm from Ussop's grasp, "you sure do have a ton of shit to say."

"I most likely have a death wish," Law agreed.

"I'll break your face if you talk trash to me again - !"

Zoro pushed Luffy backward, using his bigger body to create a barrier between them. He looked to Sanji again, tossing him his phone. "We're done here, anyway. Continue on with your date."

"It's not a date," Sanji trailed off as Zoro turned and walked off. He felt a hot buildup of emotion lurch up to his throat, absolutely hating his position in the universe right now. Ussop gripped Luffy's arm, the younger man glaring from one to the other with hot anger.

"You were my friend, Sanji," he said tightly. "How could you do this to him?"

Sanji said nothing in response because what happened between himself and Zoro wasn't for his friends to know. Despite always imagining himself talking to them about it, explaining his part – how he felt neglected and unloved – knowing that he could talk to them almost as intimately as he could with Zoro, he couldn't unleash the words now. Luffy was too angry to hear them – on the defense for his friend, angry at the other for betraying him; it was understandable. Sanji would be the same way, too.

Law saw that it was difficult for Sanji to say anything. Looking at his friend with some regretful silence. So he said it for him.

"When was the last time Zoro said anything nice to him?"

Luffy looked to Law with a twitch, lips pulled tight in a frown.

"It doesn't matter," Sanji struggled to say, but it was only an exhalation of hot air that didn't form familiar words.

"You can't answer?" Law asked Luffy curiously. "It has to make you think? If it has to make you think, then perhaps things weren't fine at all."

Luffy frowned up at him, but his mouth stayed shut. He looked from one to the other, hands balled into fists. He glared at Sanji for several seconds before saying, "Tell me the truth, Sanji. Ya think Zoro didn't love you enough, so you caused trouble to excuse yourself out of it?"

Law furrowed his brow, looking at the young man with disdain. But he looked to Sanji, too, seeing his face twist with some pain.

"Yeah," he croaked. "That was it."

Luffy's expression darkened, and his jaw tensed. Law could sense the tension in the air that felt thick and unforgiving, building into something hot and suffocating. He could tell by the way Luffy's shoulders lifted that something was going to happen – he knew it, he _expected_ it, but it still made him jump when Luffy's fist shot out and connected with Sanji's face.

Sanji took it easily, though, managing to stay standing as Luffy snapped, "What a _weak_ excuse! Fuck you, man. For not saying anything! For deciding on your own to break something that didn't need to be fixed. You're so fucking selfish! If something was wrong, why didn't you say anything to your friends? After all these years, you can't talk to us? What a fucking joke!"

Law told himself it wasn't his business to continue interfering. While shocked at the physical violence before him, it occurred to him that he really didn't have a say in these things. It was between them – their familiarity with each other could only be addressed between each other. He was just a stranger, stepping in after the dust began to settle.

But he said, "That's enough. It's not your place to be angry at him. It wasn't your bed you slept in, but theirs."

Luffy pierced him with a look. "Fuck you, old man!"

Law kicked Luffy with enough strength to have him crash into the display, causing most of it to collapse around him. At the noise and attention drew other visitors to look in their direction. Sanji hissed out a curse and grabbed Law's jacket, tugging him towards the stairway nearby. He couldn't even talk as they hurried down the steps. His throat felt tight with all his regret. He couldn't even expand his lungs to breathe properly.

Once outside, the sight of the slushy streets, the brilliant display of museum flags and signs told them were the sidewalk was. But his brain was still rattling around inside his skull. He finally touched the hot, swelling spot on his cheek where Luffy had hit him. He was still processing everything that had happened.

Law exhaled outward. "That was stupid," he muttered bitterly. He looked to Sanji, seeing his expression. The sound of traffic and basic city noises seemed louder than any other thought that came to mind. He pushed his trembling fists into his pockets and waited for Sanji to say or do something. When it became obvious Sanji was having trouble thinking at all, Law sighed again.

Tentatively he reached out and gripped Sanji's jacket. He pulled him into walking, feeling uncomfortable as he did so. Eventually Sanji yanked out of his grip, stalking ahead of him while digging around for his cigarettes, lighting up with a forceful exhale. Law followed awkwardly at a distance, unsure if he had any place to say anything. What _could_ he say? He supposed this was the beginning and end of their "adventures".

It was almost disappointing. He was pretty sure he'd started to enjoy himself before those three showed up. He suspected that the next two weeks were going to be of Sanji retreating into himself and into his room and Law left awkwardly outside, wondering if he truly lived with someone else. It was startling how alone he suddenly felt.

At a stoplight, a crowd of cold pedestrians waiting anxiously for the light to change, Sanji turned to look at him.

He smiled at Law brightly, revealing nothing of what he was feeling. "What a way to make memories, huh? Bet you won't forget this outing!"

"What a fucking awkward position to be in!" Law snapped at him.

Sanji laughed. "I can't believe you kicked him!"

Law stared at him, wondering if he'd lost his mind. _Had he snapped_?

"Despite wanting to stay out of the way, you stayed put. You're a stronger guy than you think," Sanji chuckled. "Nobody could budge that kid when he stands his ground, so for you to react that way – man, I'll be laughing about that for awhile. Hopefully he felt better getting that out of his system. But what an enemy for you to make!"

Law stared at him.

Sanji dashed ashes away, looking up as he chuckled. Fat tears were now rolling down his cheeks, but he didn't seem to notice them. Law fretted inwardly because he wasn't sure what to do about that. So he stood uncomfortably at his side, hands in his jacket pockets. Sanji continued to smoke, focused straight ahead.

"Sorry to have you involved," he said slowly. "Never expected him to be there. He wasn't interested in that sort of thing."

"I wasn't, either."

"But you came. You stepped out of your comfort zone, you came, so…it was good for both of us to get out. If you could do this, consider what you can do for yourself."

In a way, Sanji wasn't as selfish as both of them accused him of being. Law knew this. While the outcome wasn't what either of them wanted, the outing wasn't something that convinced Law that it was a bad one. It was a memory. It was a confirmation that he wasn't limited to apartment couch and the hospital setting.

When the light changed, they continued walking ahead, headed for home. It didn't occur to either of them that they'd come by Uber, and that it'd take some time to actually reach their building.

Law didn't know why he stayed at his side, and Sanji didn't know why he suddenly relied on the man to be there. It just felt like both of them had no idea what to do – pretend to be normal, pretend that it wasn't a big deal. Each of them had the memory for a different reason.

"Thank you," Law muttered uncomfortably. "It was good to get out."

"Heh, no problem," Sanji said, beaming up at him while wiping his eyes, smearing ashes over his jacket and burning his bangs. "Thank you for sticking up for me. It was unnecessary but…thank you."

 _I wasn't_ , Law thought with some confusion. But he said with a shrug, "Yeah. No problem."


	7. Chapter 7

**HS: Ah…tbh I haven't decided yet D: While I see the body of the story, I haven't yet seen the ending. I do hope for a good ending, though. (what kind of confidence is that from the person writing the story? XD) It keeps on developing slowly, but mutually. I like reading those kinds of stories so I like writing them. :D And a backstory? On who? Law is confusion XD (oh, I love that Vine) But he starts growing aware of himself. Oh, but kicking Luffy gave him some unexpected confidence. ;D**

 **Naghi-Tan: Luffy was angry, and helplessly so. Those guys have a lot of things to work out between them, but with how angry everyone is because of the betrayal, it won't be an easy thing to clean up. (it never is! D: ) Law continues to do so. I'm so proud of him!**

 **WulfyFang3: Welcome! They're almost shameless and comfortable in ways that will always end up surprising even themselves. :D**

 **: : 7**

Sanji didn't retreat after that – Law was slightly relieved when he went to work the next morning and continued to keep a responsible schedule thereafter. He trashed the remaining alcohol he'd had and prepared meals in advance. Law ended up taking a few to work later that week, Penguin and Shachi tearing into them eagerly while he picked at his own.

"Things are getting better?" Penguin asked with a full mouth.

"It's almost uncertain," Law replied, tasting his soup and delicately dipping a cracker in. "Because while he certainly endured a trauma, he ended up realizing that he's got to do better. I do still fear that he'll crash again."

"Yeah, he's kind of wonky."

"It was…scary," Law admitted slowly.

The cafeteria was full of people taking advantage of the lunch specials. Patients, visitors and staff dined together at the tables provided, the smell of the kitchen permeating over the room. They were crammed into a small booth towards the back, where the two older men sat at an angle that Law felt comfortable with being unseen. He was working on it – he found himself looking forward to the next outing. Not because Sanji was suddenly in the mood to rearrange things – much to Law's chagrin – but because some of Sanji's intentions inspired Law's interest.

"Being confronted by three people that didn't care of their surroundings. I understand it was a situation that was between them, but with how comfortable they were to attack, I can't help but think of how they might intimidate others."

"That's not something we're normally involved in. Normal people don't enjoy confrontations with a physical retaliation."

"Not like…I was…afraid of them," Law amended thoughtfully, "I'm just ultra aware that I don't pose a threat or have any sufficient amount of defensible skills. But I kicked that kid like it was nothing."

"I'm surprised that you did."

"I am, too. But he pissed me off."

"What'd he say?"

"He called me _old_."

Penguin snorted while Shachi looked at Law skeptically, still chewing.

"Also, I didn't appreciate that he felt no restraints in striking another individual in which he had absolutely no hand in. How could they get so involved with others' business like it was theirs?"

"Well, I mean…I guess friends do that sort of thing, Law. They stick up for each other."

"But there's a time and a place for that sort of thing."

"You retaliated as they did, so does that make you the same as them?"

"Heh," Law chuckled, having that pointed out to him. "It just felt exhilarating. If I could do that, what else am I capable of?"

Penguin and Shachi looked at each other uneasily.

"Admittedly, it kind of hurt," Law adding, rubbing his thigh absently. He finished his soup, dipped the remains with his crackers.

"You really need to take care of yourself. You can't be doing things like that, Law," Shachi chided gently. "With your health, you can get easily hurt. How bad is the bruising?"

Law sighed low, feeling irritation ripple through his veins. But his friends were only expressing their concerns. He shouldn't take it so badly. "It's not that bad," he then answered.

"Having any more confrontations with those guys isn't a good idea," Penguin added in. "They don't care about your condition. They don't care about you. They won't even give it a second thought if you interfere again in Sanji's defense and probably put you on Instagram in some stupid knock out video."

"Thanks for your confidence."

"I'm just worried you're pushing yourself unnecessarily, Law. We both are. The way things are going with that guy, you can't allow yourself to be put into these positions. Let him defend himself. And how did you get there, anyway? You took a car, right? The ice out there can probably allow you to break something if you fall. You can't afford that. You've got to take better care of yourself."

"Yes, dad, yes."

"I know you get mad with us saying all this, but you need to hear it," Penguin insisted gently. "Because I don't think you care enough to think about that sort of thing on your own."

"It would be dreadful if we got a phone call from one of the guys here saying you're laid up on one of the beds. You're not like the rest of us, Mr. Glass," Shachi said, finishing his lunch. "Wow. That was great. Seriously, he's really good at cooking."

Law fiddled with his plastic spork. He hated the lectures. He hated the reminders. But all of them were true. He put himself in this position, in this condition, so it wasn't as if they were talking down on him. He just hated to hear it.

He was _tired_ of it.

That weekend had him and Sanji walking through a crowded part of the mall that made his jaw tense and his lips tight. Teenagers watched him openly as he walked by, not sugar coating their words. He wasn't in his pajamas this time, but in an old pair of jeans that didn't fit the way they used to, and a belt he'd had to stab another hole in. He wore an undershirt and a t-shirt underneath a long sleeved shirt, pulling a worn hoodie over that. He had a scarf wrapped around his neck and a beanie pulled low. It was apparent to those around him that all of these things were hiding a very thin frame.

He avoided looking at anything reflective.

Sanji barged into a shop that smelled thickly of hemp, incense and played some type of reggae. He recoiled with a sound of horror, causing Law to hastily step away to avoid being slapped by those dramatic hands.

"This place stinks like some hippie bathing in hemp and sunlight!" he hissed in a similar tone to describing a crime scene. Law tried not to show his humor, biting his lips inward to avoid displaying any expression. The circular racks showed off various tie dye material, coin skirts and overalls. The walls decorated with flags that were guaranteed to glow in the dark. Sluggish men lingered at the counter talking to a man that brayed with laughter.

Sanji strode to one man leaning against a glass counter that displayed various silver jewelry and what looked like glass pipes. Law was startled to recognize him, faltering in mid-step.

The man looked up at Sanji's approach and looked directly at Law with similar surprise.

"Trafalgar," he exclaimed with a lazy sort of air. "Wow. I'd never thought I'd see the day when you emerged from your pit."

"You guys know each other?" Sanji asked, leaning against the counter to slap the top.

"He was one of my roommates once," Law answered with disinterest, attention drawn to the wall of hemp jewelry.

"I'm Aokiji," the man introduced himself, straightening up and causing Sanji's mouth to drop open.

"Okay, Sasquatch," he said, looking alarmed. "This place is threatening my natural senses, so I'm going to get to the point."

One of Aokiji's eyebrows lifted as he looked Sanji over – he looked like a man that belonged in the Armani store across the way, not in this hippie trap. "What are you in a rush for? This is a good day if you were able to wrangle this guy out from his cave. Enjoy the stroll."

"I'm looking for one of those rock salt thingies that glow," Sanji said.

"A salt lamp?" Aokiji and Law repeated with various degrees of surprise. Aokiji recovered. "For you?"

"No, for my _donkey_. _Yes_ , for me. I figured with the way our ambiance is, we're gonna need an air purifier, and I looked this shit up online and this is supposed to bring tranquility and peace," Sanji said with a huff, hands on his hips. "The more the better, I suppose."

Aokiji looked Sanji with some suspicion. "That's a nice shiner."

"Enough with my good looks, I'm getting self-conscious here," Sanji snapped, glaring around himself as Law's attention drifted to the bumper stickers on display nearby. "I was hoping it'd change things up in that dump of a place. This guy don't like to change anything."

"You're making progress." Aokiji looked to Law. "Is this something that's acceptable to you?"

"I honestly thought he was coming in here for one of those vape things," Law said, brow furrowed as he wondered what a chicken, weed leaf and pie sign meant. "But if it's something he wants to do to distract himself…"

"It's just amazing seeing you out, man," Aokiji said with relief, ignoring Sanji's impatient expression. "You never left the place, much."

"Some things have been challenging," Law admitted vaguely. "This is what you do, now?"

"It's all just a front," Aokiji assured him. "My real work still waits for me on the back shelf."

"What do you do?" Sanji had to ask curiously.

"I'm a secret government agent," Aokiji responded gravely. "How big would you like your lamp to be?"

Since Sanji had no familiarity with the man, he couldn't tell if he were serious or not. He spoke with such a monotone that it seemed nothing seemed to shake him very much. Aokiji yawned as he adjusted his sleepmask over his tightly coiled hair.

Sanji looked to Law, but Law was investigating some incense holders reaching out with one bony fingertip to trace the breasts of a mermaid. "Looks like Hogback's work," he decided.

"I can't take you anywhere," Sanji said with disgust. He turned to Aokiji, hands apart to indicate the size. "I'll take two of them. One for the living room, one for his room. He needs purification."

"I don't want one," Law said, straightening away.

"They're great," Aokiji assured him. "It's a gentle burning that's a little crispy, providing a subtle ambient noise behind all the shrieking and killing of your Netflix favorites. Now remember, you can't lick these things, no matter the temptation."

"Damn, that kills my weekend plans," Sanji muttered sarcastically.

"I would suggest something more alongside your salt lamp," Aokiji then said, not moving from the counter.

"I don't do drugs," Sanji assured him.

"I wasn't going to suggest drugs. I was going to suggest taking home a crystal necklace. Or, in your case, something with obsidian. It's meant to be a shield against negative energies, and discourages psychic attacks."

Sanji stared at him for a few moments. "When am I _ever_ going to experience a 'psychic attack'?"

"You're being attacked right now," Aokiji assured him, tapping his own temple.

"I will _psychic_ attack you with my _psychic_ foot up your ass."

Law tried not to show any reaction to this scene, biting his lips again.

"Maybe green jasper will be good for you," Aokiji decided. "And you, Trafalgar, rose quartz."

As he walked away to retrieve these items, Sanji's eyes nearly rolled up into his head as he turned to look at Law. " _Hippies_."

"He's still the same as he was when I'd met him," Law said. "It was overbearing. I slept constantly around him."

"Yeah, he bores me, too."

"I'm surprised he's still a secret agent," Law then mumbled to himself. Sanji wondered if that was true when Aokiji returned, carrying a salt lamp and a couple of packages. He indicated for Law to join them, the man taking the steps necessary to do so.

"Green jasper," Aokiji showed Sanji the bracelet. "Useful as a physical healing energy. Aids in emotional support and strengthens your self-control. Helps you quit smoking. Drives away harmful spirits and energies. And you, Law, rose quartz to promote self-love and helps eradicate negative emotions and energy. Will help you find love."

Sanji rolled his eyes once more, Aokiji looking at him as he set the items down on the counter. Law unpackaged his and examined it skeptically as Sanji said, "This is pure ass bullshit. What snake oil shit are you trying to sell, here? _Rocks_? I only wanted one thing, and it's there."

"You don't believe in the healing properties of stones, Sanji?"

Sanji frowned. "I didn't tell you my name."

"Sorry," Aokiji apologized, palms together. "I did some quick research on you while I picked out the perfect lamp for your apartment."

"But I didn't… _are you really a secret agent_?"

"Rocinante told me you had a new roommate," Aokiji explained to Law who nodded to acknowledge this. Sanji looked from one to the other with bewilderment. Aokiji looked at Sanji with a slight frown. "Unfortunately, I have nothing exciting to report after that."

" _Who the hell are you guys_?"

Law tried on his bracelet, frowning as it slid down towards his elbow. Aokiji gestured for it.

"Try yours, Sanji," Aokiji suggested.

"These are just colored beads!" Sanji snapped, not touching the packaging. "I don't believe in that shit!"

"Yet, you came all the way over here for a _salt lamp_."

Sanji heaved a sigh as Aokiji tightened the bracelet with a simple tie – when Law put it back on, it fit comfortably at his wrist.

"These are free of charge," Aokiji said to them. "My treat to you."

"Just gimme the goddamn lamp," Sanji snapped, taking the item from the counter. "Where do I pay for this?"

"We barter, here," Aokiji said, leaning onto the counter with his elbows as Law took Sanji's bracelet to examine it. "What can you give me that's of equal value to the lamp?"

"My freaking credit card."

"You'd give me your bank account for a lamp that costs twenty thirty-five?"

"It's not - ! _Ugh_."

"Just kidding. The register is right over there."

As Sanji stomped over, his attention was caught by the incense rack that caused him to veer away from his intended destination. Aokiji looked to Law. "This works out for you?"

"It's been fine."

"Rocinante is concerned."

"Tell him to eat shit."

"I should give you another rose quartz bracelet."

"Quite honestly," Law trailed off as Sanji snagged a handful of incense sticks and a holder. He waved them in their direction before putting everything onto the counter, a sluggish woman making her way over to the register. "I don't have a bond with any of you people. So whatever concern you express – it's not something that sticks."

"Yet, you're outside," Aokiji pointed out, yawning behind one hand.

"Well…things are…complicated."

"I suppose they can be. But what matters is your health. Are you taking care of it? Did you walk here or take the train?"

Law exhaled but didn't answer.

"All it'll take is one fall."

After paying, Sanji barked over his shoulder, "Don't take any candy or brownies from him! We don't need any of the devil's vegetables in our systems!"

Aokiji rested his chin upon his palm. "Come back when that salt lamp breaks. I think you'll both be needing new bracelets."

Outside in the main hall, Sanji looked at his bracelet with suspicion. "What if they're listening devices from the government?"

"If they are, are we really a threat?" Law asked stiffly, eyes glued to the floor. "Besides…they look pretty."

Sanji looked at him with disgust, then snatched his wrist to examine his bracelet. "I should get the rose quartz. I'm the one looking for love!"

Law protected his gift with a hand over it. " _Don't_. It's already made its home, here."

"Ward off negative energies…" Sanji snorted as he looked at his bracelet again, Law rubbing his touch away from his wrist. With the bag holding onto the salt lamp at his side, it banged against his leg when Sanji swung it. Somehow, the younger man had pushed him to walk nearer the windows and walls to avoid bumping into people pushing by. He favored the less active side, a little curious to where Sanji was going now. They weren't heading for the exit.

"I need one more thing," Sanji said, lighting directing him into a home goods store. "A floor rug. That coffee table is scratching up the floor."

"Bear skin would be fine," Law decided, wondering where to find it. "Something in white."

" _Nothing_ with fur. What's wrong with you? You can't bring animal skins into a home where there's already an animal present!"

Law sighed heavily. "I never get to have anything fun."

Sanji gave him an expression of doubt but they found the massive aisles of rugs, arguing on various textures and colors until it was decided that a shaggy white rug was suitable for the apartment furniture. Sanji threw it over one shoulder and walked to the register, nearly knocking people aside as he did so. Law had to admit the guy had some monster strength to carry things so casually in that fashion. But he had to wonder if it required massive strength at all.

His mood was slipping dangerously. He felt jealous of Sanji's health and strength. He knew the man was having difficulties but having a healthy body wasn't one of them. Law was currently tired, his bones ached from the short walk around, and he felt light-headed with a headache coming on. The lights above were irritating him, causing him to rub at them. His hands were shaking because he'd missed his third meal. Penguin's and Shachi's concerns kept flittering to the forefront of his thoughts. He felt he shouldn't have to be so deathly afraid of doing something other people did normally.

 _Just eat_! he told himself impatiently. _Just_ eat _! There is no point going back_!

By the time he made it up to the registers, causally looking at various things on the way to indicate it was his attention span that continued to escape and not his health, Sanji had paid for the rug and was throwing it over one shoulder again.

"We're going," he assured Law. "I'll just carry this all the way home."

Law wasn't sure he was mentally prepared for that walk. He'd hoped they get a car instead.

Sanji suddenly dropped the rug and braced it between his feet while digging his phone out. "On second thought, it might snow again. It should be safer if we took a car, eh?"

"It'd be fine to walk," Law said stubbornly, not wanting to be their decision in spending that much more money.

"Nah, it's going to snow. The clouds were coming in."

Once Sanji had the car confirmed, they headed outside. It drove Law crazy inside to see a clear, sunny day – Sanji was trying to accommodate Law's health by making up little white lies, and what killed Law the most was wondering if Sanji thought it troublesome because surely he didn't have to be this accommodating to his husband – _ex_ -husband.

They sat at one of the outside park benches, Law wiggling until he was seated in a way that his bones didn't ground down too hard on the metal bench seat. Then he crossed his arms and glared out ahead of him. Sanji braced the rug between his knees and looked at him while lighting up.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing."

"Your bracelet ain't working?"

"No. Fuck that guy, he sold us shit."

" _Right_? I knew it!"

Sanji pulled out his bracelet package, examining it suspiciously. Law had to watch him. It was amusing how many expressions could pass across this guy's face from looking at a simple package. Flicking his bangs from his face, Sanji sneered at the type-written tape across the plastic.

"This is a load of crocodile shit!" he said around his cigarette. "No stupid rocks are going to set my chakras right, or whatever."

"Well, it was to ward off negative energy for you. Help you stop smoking."

Sanji stuffed the package into his inside jacket pocket. "That ain't working. Look, we got at least fifteen minutes. Can you stay here and wait for me? I'm going to get a snack. You want something?"

"No."

Sanji laid the rug down behind the bench and hurried off, throwing his cigarette into one of the ashtrays atop of the trashcans before reentering the building. Law sat there and glowered out at the parking lot, feeling like there was so much he was missing out on. All of those walking up to the building were busy chattering about mall plans and lunch dates – all he could think about was returning to his comfortable clothes and sitting comfortably on his couch in the dark, tv on. He felt uncomfortable in his own skin. Though this had been his body all his life, it had turned into something that felt much like a rental. That was a light fantasy of his – returning something that he'd treated badly in place of his old body.

A body that was perfectly healthy and normal in every way. There had been nothing wrong with it.

For the millionth time, Law thought back to the day he'd decided to help Rocinante out by eating less. It was a casual decision to deny a meal – never would he had imagined it'd grow this far out of his control. If he could talk to his past self, he'd encourage him to continue eating, that he was perfectly _fine_.

He heard a teenager tell another that their first mission was to bring a hamburger back to him.

"Maybe a vat of bacon grease," the other giggled.

"God, just _eat_ something! He'd be cute if he did."

The words didn't hurt as much as they used to. Strangers could say anything they wanted to another without fear of hurting them. But he looked down at his clenched hands to avoid making any unnecessary eye contact with anyone, to encourage these types of comments. Maybe he should just meet Sanji at home. If he started walking now, he was sure he'd get there before he did. He stood up to escape when Sanji hurried out, carrying a couple of cups.

"I said I wasn't hungry," Law said testily, hating hearing those words leave his mouth. Absolutely hating hearing himself lie so outrageously when it was plainly obvious that he was.

"I know," Sanji said, seating himself down on the bench. "You don't have to be. But I want you to try this."

Law didn't want to. He didn't want to be forced into eating anything, into saying anything, into agreeing to anything.

"I actually have one more place to go to," Sanji said, scooping some white slop from one cup and putting it into another. "But I need you to try this."

" _Why_?" Law asked sullenly, glaring at the cup being held out to him. Amidst all the judging expressions from those walking up to the doors, it made more sense that he just took it and ate it as quickly as Sanji was doing. But he lacked that sense.

"Because I want to know if you'd like it," Sanji said, not noticing his mood. He jerked his rug up with one hand and leaned it against the back of the bench. "I kinda want to start getting into sweets."

"I don't want to test those things."

"No, for the restaurant. If I can show that bastard I can bake better than him, he'll allow me to start baking. So I need to experiment, first, and this came to mind!"

Law sighed. Sanji couldn't be a dishwasher forever. He glared at the miniature spoon and slop of white in his cup. "What is this?"

Sanji told him. _There were a lot of words for something that supposedly had little calories_ , Law thought, glaring at him. But he took half a bite of the spoonful Sanji had given him. It tasted awful. He spit it out.

"I didn't think so," Sanji said skeptically, scooping a different content into his cup. "Try that one."

"What's this?"

"I think it's strawberry."

Law tried it. The sweet flavor made his taste buds happy, but the rest of him seemed to recoil. _Stop it_ , he told himself. _It's okay to enjoy this moment_.

"Does this have dairy?"

"No. Being lactose intolerant is no joke."

Law made himself eat the other half. He let it linger on his tongue, the cold melting over his taste buds and teeth. He ended up swallowing it with a grimace.

"Last one," Sanji decided, dumping another spoonful into his cup. "This one is mainly ice."

"Why are you eating ice cream in the fucking snow?"

"I saw someone eating it on our way out and I haven't had ice cream in so long! Besides, it's fine to enjoy a treat from time to time. How's that taste?"

Law sighed. Every part of him felt anxious and restless, dread filling his throat and chest. He had to talk himself out of feeling that what he'd done was wrong and remember how he'd earlier reflected on being tired of this constant battle. Remembering just that made him feeling a little better on accepting the treat. If he didn't put effort into himself, the board was going to fire him. It didn't matter how steady of a hand he had, or what his track record was – if he couldn't find fit to save himself, how could they still retain confidence in him into performing his job?

"It's fucking cold, Sanji," he then muttered after taking a bite.

"Then we'll go home?" Sanji asked, eating the rest of the treat. "Or how about I cook, and we can do this thing later?"

Law considered his options. He ended up looking at the rose quartz bracelet, then squinting against the sun to look at him. "What do you have to do?"

Sanji made a somewhat graceful jump shot with the empty cup into the trashcan. The spoon followed before he said tentatively, "Find Brook a sweater."

Despite himself, Law perked up. "We can do that now."

"And maybe get some dog tags done. I feel like he can go unnoticed, sometimes, despite the way he is."

"Maybe with a bell on it."

Sanji's eyes widened with enthusiasm. "Like a cat's!"

"I saw that you can dress dogs of Brook's size with regular baby clothes."

Sanji's eyes widened even further. "There's a Target down the street."

Law gave him a disgusted. "Why are you so _obsessed_ with Target? You're always in one."

"Am not! _Fine_. How about one of those animal stores?"

Sanji stared at him with a frown as Law wondered what sorts of animals awaited him in the pet store. His own enthusiasm had given him a burst of energy. Maybe a hamster would suffice – they were small and cute and could burrow into various things. Or a rabbit – he liked seeing their ears perk up as their whiskers wiggled. Or even a lizard, who could find warmth cuddling with him on the couch. Or maybe even a baby bear or camel. He had to admit his imagination was stretching for these things but he was really excited about going to a pet store. He had no purpose for being in one for himself so he'd never visited one.

"I have an idea for our next outing," Sanji then muttered, hefting up the rug.

Law looked at him with concern. He tentatively took the bag with the salt lamp and hated himself for how weak he was. It took two hands to do so, muscles straining. "Wait, are you going to carry that thing with you?"

"Oh, let me cancel the car, first – "

"I can hold onto it."

Both of them startled as Aokiji spoke from behind them, both their heads snapping back to look up. He was carrying a lighter in one hand and a hamburger in the other.

"If you're just going to the pet store."

"You overgrown tree! Speak only when you're photosynthesizing!" Sanji exclaimed, hand over his heart. Aokiji looked at him with concern.

He flicked the lighter open and made the flame dance underneath the piece of the hamburger standing outside its wrapper, drawing Sanji's look of disgust. After it was sufficiently warm, Aokiji bit into it and gestured for him to hand over the rug.

"Are we on a time limit?" Sanji asked cautiously, not lowering the rug from his shoulder.

"They never notice when I'm there or not," Aokiji said with a shrug of his shoulder. After some hesitation, Sanji gave it to him. "I'll deal with your car and have him come back. I'm sure neither of you can carry all these treasures back with you. Oh, Sanji, I noticed you're not wearing your bracelet."

"I don't want to!" Sanji hissed at him, Law giving him an amused look. Both of them set off across the parking lot to the petstore, Aokiji setting the roll aside to continue warming up and eating his burger.

Nearly two hours later, the pair found him still on the bench – but he was sprawled out over it, snoring peacefully. People were looking at him with a combination of terror and awe. Sanji lifted a foot to kick him lightly in the hip, the man snorting in mid-breath and removing his sleep mask to look at him with insult. He saw that he was loaded down with a few bags and Law was carrying a case with some kind of animal inside.

"Oh, what do you have there?" he asked curiously, straightening up while Sanji retrieved his rug. He opened the bright orange blanket up from the barred window and looked inside. He instantly recoiled.

"His name is Bepo," Law said proudly, looking down at his newly purchased pet. "I like his spots."

Sanji shuddered. "Well. We're done, here."

"Not exactly a cuddly type, but we must start somewhere," Aokiji said, pushing his sleep mask above his eyebrows. "Okay. Your car should arrive shortly. You guys have a good day."

"You won't get into trouble for this? We were gone for hours. This guy wanted to _cuddle_ every freaking thing in a cage."

Aokiji nodded with approval. "That's great. See, Sanji? Those bracelets worked. You should really consider putting yours on."

Sanji steamed as the big man walked off. He looked at Law as he re-covered his cage. "Enough Bigfoot sightings. It's time to go home."

Despite himself, Law ended up taking a nap that lasted for a few hours. Once he woke up, he saw that Sanji had put together the tank in the living room and Bepo was already sunning himself atop his heating rock, watching them curiously. The spotted gecko warmed Law's heart in a way that he'd only felt with Brook.

The rug was on the floor and Sanji was already in the kitchen, cleaning.

"Wasn't that fun?" he asked, not looking up from frantic washing.

Law had to admit that he did have fun overall. He felt uncomfortable with the way his moods had shifted throughout the day, but he felt good about the overall experience. Aokiji had left his mind. He ventured over to the tank, watching as Bepo watched him. When the animal shuffled around to face him, Law took that as an invitation.

Sanji wondered if he should start yelling at him for dirtying his hands before eating or let Law figure out the potential contamination of salmonella for himself. After much debate, he said, "You better read up on how to care for that animal properly. Lizards are different from people."

"I will."

"You have to disinfect ten times more thoroughly at the hospital. So maybe you should consider taking up a work locker and leaving some stuff there rather than just making it with rushing around here. You know?"

"Right."

"A lizard," Sanji sighed with a shake of his head.

 _It's like having a miniature parent on my ass_ , Law thought to himself, the gecko amusing him by licking his own eye.

: :

He couldn't believe the difference he felt when he went into work. He met with some potential patients and noticed his own attitude change. He wasn't so stiff and brisk with his introductions, the familiarity with the scheduled procedure and follow-up leaving him with a more positive stance to reassure the family that he was confident with the success rate. He carried himself with a bit more confidence in his posture. He ate a couple bites more of his lunch and even sampled the one Penguin was eating. He felt good.

He wasn't exactly sure why or how. He kept looking at the bracelet Aokiji had given him, suspicious of its powers. He encouraged Sanji to wear his but the blond was adamant against it. He ended up throwing it at Law to ward off "negative energy" and Law had ended up laughing awkwardly. It was too weird of a moment for him to look back at.

It was uncomfortable to admit that perhaps these outings were helping. Despite their intensive mix of negative and positive actions, Law felt like he was starting to live again. He did look forward to the outing Sanji had planned for the next weekend, suspicious because Sanji was looking up a lot of things on his phone whenever he was home. They were more comfortable around each other – but not enough to delve into personal, intimate conversations.

Law had to admit to himself that Sanji was keeping busy to keep himself from falling further into his depression. Maybe most of this was attributed to the blond keeping his thoughts off his friends and ex, but it was helping Law at the same time. In a way, Law grasped at it because it was the first time in a long time he'd allowed himself to _live_.

: :

That Friday found him sitting in one of the hospital private patient rooms, staring blankly out the window. His mind was buzzing with intense silence while his body settled into a shocked, traumatic state. It wasn't the first time and it wouldn't be the last – but his patient ended up dying on the table. The complications that had arisen were things out of his control – only God could take responsibility.

His actions would go under review the next day. All that had remained in the startling aftermath was the soul numbing trauma of feeling responsible for the matter in the first place. It was painful meeting with the grieving family, and they were quick to forgive him – they knew it was a risk, but they had been desperate to take it. They were prepared for either a miracle or a failure. They wished him well but he would attend the funeral anyway for his own closure.

His fingers fiddled clumsily with the bracelet at his wrist. With how numb his body and senses were to the environment around him, he didn't react to the warm hand on his shoulder. In the silence of the room, he didn't hear the light sound of Sanji's short exhale, or the creak of the bed as he sat beside him. His body grew aware of his presence, though – that heater of warmth settling against his side, the smell of cigarettes and onions, the feel of that hand slipping from his shoulder to the middle of his arm to half hug him. A part of him rejected the contact, self-conscious of his body, of his reluctance to accept any sort of peace.

But another part of him was grateful for the contact because it reminded him that he was human enough to need these things, to remind him he was still a human. His arm seemed to warm under the presence of Sanji's other hand as he rested it there, but only in that spot. Just above the beads of his bracelet, Sanji's fingers settled over the space there. His fingers were warm and heavy, causing Law's skin and blood to react with blossoming warmth. Very lightly, Sanji caressed that limb, chasing away the numb cold that lingered there. The rasp of skin upon skin seemed too intimately loud.

Blood pounded in Law's ears as his stiff body began to react to the presence of another human being's contact. It seemed like it had been hours since he said or did anything, but he had been speaking normally for most of the day. His mouth was dry when he said, "I'm kinda cold."

"Let's go home. Bepo and Brook are waiting for you."

At the thought of the animals greeting him, Law felt a part of himself perk up. His neck was stiff as his head tilted.

"These things happen," he said vaguely.

"Only God decides what he wants. You are only a human being that is caught in His wake."

"…Are you religious?"

"Sometimes you are treated to a sight of a Higher Power, and it makes one wonder. I don't know how you dealt with this before," Sanji said slowly, watching his own hand stroke Law's arm. But he looked at the man resolutely. "But you aren't alone now."

Law felt his chest quiver as he inhaled deeply.

After some moments of reflection, he murmured, "Before the surgery, my patient said that I should forgive myself. And that I should not take it upon myself to bear the weight of this responsibility. I ignored that because I felt confident in my actions. But despite them, he was still taken as I held his heart in my hands."

"You gave what you could, and it wasn't as powerful as God's hands, Law. It's not supposed to be. We're all just humans down here. That was an example of this. You could hold the world in your hands but it's not for you to hold onto. Taking that responsibility upon yourself…it's unrealistic."

Law thought about this for a few moments. "Then why can't I save myself?"

Without thinking, Sanji reached out to brush thin dark blue strands from a cold forehead. His expression was surprisingly gentle. "I think you already have. Come. It's time to go home."

Law just looked at him, eyebrows furrowed. _How could anyone fall out of love with someone so supportive?_ It blew his mind. Then he realized what he was thinking, and felt it was the wrong place to think these things.

"How'd you know I was here?" he then asked, trying to shake off his earlier thoughts. He felt a little warmer than he did before, the numbness slowly ebbing away from him.

"One of those guys texted me that it was taking you awhile to leave," Sanji said, brushing off his pants as he pulled away from him. Law was startled at how cold he suddenly felt with his absence. "So I came here to see why."

"Despite the possibility of running into your family?"

Sanji flicked his wrist to display the bracelet Aokiji gave him. He wore a disgusted expression. Despite the numbness he felt in his face, Law felt his mouth crack with an awkward smile. Sanji then opened his jacket to reveal other talismans – a cross, a clove of garlic, what looked like bear mace spray.

"I wasn't sure if one was more powerful than the other, so I brought them all," Sanji muttered, rifling through them. He closed his jacket, then held a hand out for Law to take to aid him into standing.

After some moments of hesitation, Law took it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Harmonica Smile, Naghi-Tan, WulfyFang3, and Snowflake97 – thank you guys so much for leaving your thoughts! I'm glad each of you are enjoying the progression of things with each chapter – this story has consumed me. I, too, want to see what happens next :D**

 **: : 8**

When Sanji took Brook home days later, his mind was overstretched between what happened with Law and his situation with Zoro. After that encounter in the museum, Zoro had texted him angry messages.

'Good to see that you'd moved on so quick.'

'That's not a date? Looked like one to me.'

'Fucking disgusting that you went from someone that actually cares what they look like to someone that looks moments from dying. Planning on getting to money? You're exactly like your family.'

'Explaining yourself to anyone here is going to be useless – they saw what they needed to. Sucks that none of us could see it before.'

'I can't believe I wasted so much time believing in you.'

All angry things that Sanji felt was rightly placed. He was pretty sure he'd feel the same way. All of it were helpless venting, Zoro's emotions and thoughts finally coming out to the forefront. Sanji felt that it was fine to see this, because it was different from the total calm and silence Zoro had immersed himself in after that phone call. If Zoro could work out his anger and feelings of betrayal in this manner, it'd help them both in the end. After all, Sanji had turned to other men for just a few minutes of attention – actively hid the fact from his husband, returning home to his husband after; pretending everything was fine when it wasn't.

Being compared to his family was a low blow but rightly deserved – nothing could overlook the fact that he'd sneaked about to betray his husband.

Sanji had left the angry and denial stage to enter the bargaining stage, flirting with depression. He was aware that his positivity was ill-placed but after years of being with this man, he truly felt that there was hope in fixing these things. Zoro just had to allow his anger to speak for him, get it out of his system, and both of them could come together after the flames had ebbed so they could work it out together.

There were many nights when he yearned for contact – it had been months since Zoro touched him intimately, but there were years before that when they had a healthy physical love. He wondered what happened to when he'd become unappealing to the other man. He'd overspend his credit card to wear fine things to remind Zoro that he was just as in shape, just as proud of his body, just as healthy as he was. But in the end, if other men could desire him, why couldn't Zoro?

Was it really about the ending of physical love that everything fell apart? Did it really matter that he didn't have Zoro's attention? Was it really worth those few minutes of having someone else desire him?

These questions never seemed to subside.

And Sanji just couldn't allow himself to stand and take it. He needed answers of his own. Unfortunately, his answers never seemed to come out correctly. They seemed just as accusing.

'Did you take notes?'

'You wouldn't know what a date was, even if it slapped you across your head.'

'Yeah, just like my family, aiming for something *useful! What use were you, giving me nothing but day after day a list of things to do! Like I was your personal servant!'

'I can't believe you ever did. It was never appreciated.'

Sanji was still angry, he had to admit. So those texts ate up his refill cards like tickets. They would trade angry messages for close to three hours each night until Zoro stopped responding. Because of this, Zoro willingly stepped out when it was time for Sanji to retrieve Brook. Sanji had to go to his neighbor's to pick and drop the dog off. And each and every time he waited for Franky to tell him Zoro was ready to talk to him.

But this day, after Franky awkwardly took the dog, Sanji turned and left without making any awkward small talk that might encourage Franky to give him the answer Sanji was looking for. He sat in the car in silence, thinking about Law. The man seemed fine on the outside with losing a patient, but something about that night Sanji had gone to retrieve him upset him. He was aware that Law had problems that he never spoke about, was fully aware the man struggled day to day with his disorder, that he had a surprising amount of roommates with mysterious circumstances…but what was he _truly_ dealing with?

Should Sanji ask?

Should he involve himself? But he was truly working on refraining from doing so, still quite aware that he was 'invasive'. But he wondered how anybody could just ignore that man, even if Law insisted he was selfish and uncaring of the opinions of those around him. It made more sense to involve himself, Sanji reasoned, because no one else seemed to. Everyone that knew Law seemed to be _okay_ with what he was doing to himself, and they spoke of him with a tired sort of familiarity that suggested they were _fine_ with what he was doing.

It made Sanji think of his situation – had Zoro just given up under Sanji's love and became numb to it because he could "rely on it"? But how was that a way to live?

If Law truly was uncaring, then why would a stranger's death affect him so much? Was it the stress of his job – literally, with people's lives in his capable hands – that was breaking him down? Or was it truly the disorder? Or was it simple loneliness?

Each outing they had, Law seemed to sluggishly come alive. Like someone squinting in the sunlight after being cooped up in a dark cell after so long.

Sanji knew he wasn't qualified to be of any professional that could help him, and that's what Law needed. Professional help. But the man clearly didn't want it, had convinced himself his disorder wasn't that bad and _where was his damn guardian_?

Not that Law needed any damn guardianship at his age, but where was his support? Those two men that he talked to at work? Why weren't they around? But Sanji had to accept that they probably had more history between them to that point where they supported him gently from where they already stood, having done what they could and accepted that it wasn't up to them.

It felt to Sanji that people had given up on Law after his own insistence and just stepped away, waiting numbly for the inevitable.

Had Zoro done the same thing to him?

Was he even aware of that?

He drew his phone out of his pocket as the Uber driver bobbed his head to some Cardi B beat that made Sanji's ears ache.

'When did you give up on me?' he texted Zoro.

'Genius,' Zoro replied instantly. Sanji pictured him sitting on the couch, beer in reach, Brook already comfortable in his lap. The television would be set on some inane martial arts movie – Zoro liked the foreign films. They'd sometimes fight over who got to watch what, but Sanji usually gave the control up to him, preferring to busy himself with other things while occasionally reminding Zoro that he was there. 'Pretty sure that award goes to you with your first man.'

'You were my first man, moron. I want to know when exactly you thought I wasn't worth the effort, anymore.'

'Ask yourself that.'

'I already told you!'

'Why is Brook wearing such a stupid sweater? I took it off him. There was nothing wrong with his collar, either. Once again, you're invading my fucking space.'

Sanji fumed, texting rapidly. 'Brook belongs to both of us! And he liked his sweater, he was showing himself off to people that saw him. You can't even allow a dog to feel good about himself.'

'Yeah, sounds like you. You practically threw him at Franky and took off – have a hot date?'

'You feel safe spying on me from a distance? Wth's your balls? Can't talk to me directly?'

'I fucking hate your face.'

'If you hated it so much, then why agree to marry me at all?!'

'I had nothing to do that Saturday.'

Sanji set his phone aside before he gave into the temptation of kicking the passenger seat directly into the Uber driver's engine. His phone vibrated with text after text but Sanji fumed, watching the scenery pass by. He felt hurt all over again. He told himself he shouldn't, but he was once again kicking himself for making such hasty choices and assuming that the parts would fall in together after.

Once home, he saw that Law had a book in one hand and Bepo in the other. It made Sanji squirm to see the reptile lounging casually atop of Law's hand, imagining all the infectious diseases that could come from it. The tv was off, and the salt lamp glowed gently atop of a rickety end table near the window. It felt too intimate.

He flung himself onto the couch, exhaling noisily. Bepo's head turned to look at him, clawed toes spread to steady himself. Sanji hissed at him, the lizard pulling his head back to assess the danger before barking. Sanji was startled that the lizard could make a sound like that so he froze.

The tail shook gently as the spotted gecko turned to face Sanji, as if ready to pounce.

"What a frightening animal," Sanji observed with wide eyes. "He's going to attack me and lick my eyeballs clean from my sockets."

Law looked up from his book with a startled look, like such an event was happening right then. The gecko looked at him with a seemingly inquisitive expression. "They are carnivorous," Law said, flipping his book upside down to save his page. "The most interesting fact so far is that in order for him to remain a male, I must keep his tank's heater at 90 degrees."

"Anything less than that will make him a woman?" Sanji asked curiously.

"Correct."

Sanji narrowed his eyes and indicated for the gecko to watch out. The lizard lowered himself into a seeming crouch, as if ready to pounce on him. Law transferred him to his other hand, the gecko looking up at him with a seeming adoring expression. From a canister at his side, Law fed him a couple of mealworms, Sanji's face scrunching up with disgust. His entire body rippled with agitation, almost causing his hair to stand up on end.

"I might as well as be lucky to have convinced you away from that damn spider," he said, rubbing goosebumps from his arms.

"They have life spans exceeding over fifteen, twenty years," Law said. "So it's good."

"A _lizard_ …"

"Of course there will be time where I will not be here to take care of him," Law said to Sanji. "So please take notes on how to care for him properly. I've learned that he enjoys human warmth, so please allow him to sit on you for at least half an hour at a time."

Sanji froze, skin rippling at the thought of having that _thing_ anywhere near him.

"Two crickets should suffice, a couple of meal worms here and there, and his water bowl needs to be free of any insects that go unfed."

"…Where are you keeping the crickets?"

"In my room."

Sanji shivered again. He wiped his forearms of goosebumps. The lizard seemed to yawn, spreading himself out to capture as much warmth as he could from the man's hand. Law stroked the top of his head with one finger, the lizard's eyelids closing in response. He wore such an awestruck look on his face, like he still couldn't believe he had an actual creature resting on him. It was kind of cute.

It was such a different expression from the blank, often disinterested expression that he usually wore. There seemed to be a glimpse of uneasy hope in him that Sanji hadn't seen before. So knowing that Law was attached to the thing and was doing things out of his favored comfort zones was enough to give Sanji motivation to follow his instructions, no matter how uncomfortable they might be. Maybe it wasn't a lot, or significant to him, but it mattered to Law.

He had to wonder if he'd ever made such an impact on Zoro.

"Fine," he said, retrieving his phone. Zoro's messages filled the screen, and when he scrolled down he saw that there was a lot more than that. "Just please make sure to wash your hands and skin thoroughly before you eat anything, or handle anything in the kitchen."

After admiring Bepo for several moments, Law looked over at him. "Where are we going this weekend?"

Sanji had an idea, but it had been on a whim that day. After so much had happened, he hadn't given it any more thought. He set his phone done. "Anything of interest on your end?"

Sanji recognized the indecision that crossed Law's face – he'd often felt it on his own. Too afraid to suggest anything for fear of lack of interest on the other party's part. Zoro often wore a disinterested expression when Sanji offered his suggestions, going along with it _just because_. So it was up to Sanji to fully make the plans and hope that Law got something out of it. So far…he'd been lucky.

"Okay, if not," he said slowly, "I do. But…I think we should stop at the library or bookstore, first. Where'd you get that book?"

"Some trash outside the veterinarian hospital." Law flipped the book over to show Sanji that it was a basic manual on reptile care.

"You should know more about your familiar, so we should go to a proper bookstore."

"We can look things up on Youtube."

"No. These are our plans. It's decided."

Law shrugged with some disinterest, something Sanji expected. But he could tell that Law didn't mind the destination – anything outside of this cave was fine with him.

That weekend had both of them walking into the bookstore with awe. Neither of them had any need for it, finding anything they wanted on their phones or computer, but standing inside of a place that was well occupied and fully stocked felt overwhelming. There was the soft chatter of people from the café nearby, the sound of kids playing in the kids' section, the elevators humming softly as they transported people from one floor to the other.

"We've got a lot of time," Sanji said, attention caught by the size of the food and cooking section. "So don't think we have to rush."

Law turned to him, bundled up in a hoodie underneath a jacket, scarf tied at his neck, fingerless gloves over his hands that he kept fisting in his pockets. He had his hat brim pulled low, the sharp lines of his face visible against the soft lighting overhead. Sanji couldn't help but reach out to retie the scarf while Law struggled to say something within the interruption.

"You think we're going to run into any more of your roommates?" Sanji asked, amused at the thought. "We've run into at least one in every part of the city we visit."

"I haven't noticed that any of them were interested in books," Law said as Sanji finished adjusting his scarf. His cheeks reddened a little with the attention. It was hard to admit to himself that maybe he liked the way Sanji's lips quirked with concentration. "So perhaps not. So should I go find you after we've browsed?"

"Let's have some coffee first," Sanji suggested, pulling away from him. "You good with that?"

"Sure, that's fine."

Both of them purchased their drinks and sat at a table that overlooked the first floor. Law sipped at his drink – it wasn't bad, but it wasn't that pleasant, either. It was his first time trying iced coffee, but he didn't want to say that out loud. He was tickled that he'd made the choice on his own with some confidence. It wasn't very often he drifted away from his strict menu but since he had, he felt that this day was a good one already.

Sanji noticed that Law seemed a little more relaxed, examining his drink with caution before giving equally as cautious sips. The older man seemed a little pleased with himself, but not necessarily in the drink. Before he could say anything, the chair across from him was yanked out from the table, allowing another tall body to take up space. Law choked and sputtered on his drink.

"What, you been fishing in the big people pond for something of a different catch? You caught something different this time, looks a little bit normal than most," said the man, looking at Sanji with distaste while he snapped his gum noisily. He was taller than Law, with wild red hair held back in a headband. His leather jacket creaked noisily over a threadbare hooded sweater over worn jeans, work boots scruffed and discolored from sidewalk salt. He wore a pair of oversized framed glasses, fingernails painted black.

Sanji froze while he processed the thick Scottish accent, mixed with words that he couldn't identify. Law wiped his mouth as he determined that Kid was talking about fishing. "I'd never picked up a pole, before," he said seriously. "Hasn't crossed my mind to do so."

Kid looked at him sharply. "I say anything about poles in this conversation? I'd asked if you got yourself a new roommate. I said he looks _normal_."

Sanji finally understood what he was saying, giving an expression of relief. He glanced at Law. "Which is this one?"

"Ah, the one the FBI was pursuing at one point."

Sanji looked at Kid with renewed interest. "You the arms dealer?"

Kid speared him with a confused look. "Who said anything about dealing with arms? Do I look like some type of body chopper? Hey, what's this about the FBI?"

Law held a hand out to Sanji as Sanji looked confused. "Don't worry, I got this," he said with confidence. "Kid, yes, this is my new roommate."

"Funny seeing you outside your burrow, especially at this time of the year when everyone got on their heaviest coats like some baby just getting used to the world outside of the womb. Everyone all bundled up in their baby blankets, like a snug burrito," Kid snickered. Law and Sanji sat there, struggling to pick out words to understand exactly what he'd said. Kid frowned. "I _said_ it's _cold_!"

Sanji pulled his phone out, muttering to himself. "Hold on. I need a translator."

"Oh, he's a jokester, eh? You think I'm funny? Got you laughing at me like I'm some fucking stand-up comedian?" Kid slapped the table, shoulders hunched as he leaned over it. "Listen here, you. I don't have to know you to get that you already find me a threat. I'm not even gonna be gentle on you, I stand my ground and I ain't leaving it that easy, so don't think you're chasing me away or intimidating me in any way. Insult me all you want, I'm not going to rise up to it to allow you to agitate me."

Sanji blinked at him, finding his phone translator useless.

"We actually ran into Aokiji the other weekend," Law interrupted. "So it's been a running joke that every time we step out, the past comes up to greet me."

"Ah," Kid exclaimed, straightening up with a smile. "And so it has! It's just that the world is surprised you're out of your dark dungeon of a hole, and they wanna come in and say 'hi' just as well as the next!"

Law cleared his throat while Sanji kept his mouth shut. He couldn't navigate the man's words enough to interpret anything as a threat or insult.

"Well…it is surprising," Law admitted.

"I come here for the ambiance," Kid gestured at the crowd. "I can sit here and look at the titty books and not have an ounce of disturbance."

"You like cats?" Sanji asked dumbly. Kid speared him with another look.

"Did I say a thing about an animal in any of my sentences? Are you slow?"

"I'm…a very slow…child," Sanji said lamely.

"God'll forgive you for that mistake," Kid said with a nod. " _If_ you even make it up there. Trafalgar, so I'm curious. You get over that food thing? Because it don't look a day over the thought of any sort of accomplishment."

Law inhaled and exhaled steadily. He answered carefully. "You're still deliberately throwing baseless words around to render a conversation difficult?"

"I've got a bad habit," Kid admitted, crossing his arms as he snickered. "Makes it easier to start a fight or two. 'Course, I ever talk like this in front of another goon, I'd be found out in a snap. Get my ass kicked."

Sanji understood that Kid was using his accent to insert useless words into the conversation, which already contained words that really had no meaning for him ("bit"? "bairn"? "clart?") rendering it nearly impossible for either of them to understand. _He enjoys seeing the world burn_ , he thought with some awe.

"So, Trafalgar, what brings you out in this cold with this sharp dresser of an idiot?"

Sanji was bamboozled by the new words and phrasing, unable to feel any way of the conversation. So he sipped at his coffee and let Law take lead of it.

"Something new," Law answered lightly. "I got a lizard. A leopard spotted gecko. Now I need to know how to take care of it."

" _Ew_ ," Kid muttered, looking at him with disgust. "What you going to do with that, now, eh? Leash it? Walk it hourly?"

"You don't _walk_ lizards, Kid."

"Ain't make a lick of sense to have some reptile as a pet!"

"I like him."

"You're pathetic." Kid looked to Sanji with a huff. "You let get him away with that sort of thing? You blind to the fact that he's unhinged?"

"Eh…it's…not something that's…bothersome," Sanji said lamely.

"You're both _mad_." Kid then looked at them suspiciously, folding his arms over his chest. "Did you both catch a serious case of Ligma?"

Both of them men looked puzzled, brows scrunching as they tried to understand the word and its meaning. Kid looked away with disgust.

"Because it sounds like a bad case, y'know? Thinking similarly, making it acceptable to live with lizards, like you all living in the damn desert like one of them desert families!"

"His name is Bepo," Law offered.

"I don't _care_ what his name is! Here. I got you something. Didn't know I'd be seeing you again, but it can't hurt if you're looking to eat a little something from this here café," Kid then said, pulling out a flask from the inside of his jacket, reaching out to open up Law's coffee cup. "Still looking dainty like some damn useless bird with no wings. KFC imposter. Like something grown under artificial lights, ready for human consumption later."

Sanji reached out to snatch the flask from his hands before Kid could dump the liquid into the canister. He took a swig for himself as Kid shot him a shocked look. He managed to snatch it back as Law hastily covered his cup, pulling it over his lap.

" _Jesus Christ_ ," Sanji cursed, rising from his chair as the burn caused his blood to flare. He tossed the flask to Kid, who hastily recapped it and slid it back into his jacket. "That stuff needs to be labeled as a health hazard."

"I made it myself," Kid snickered. "Weren't that hard to do after reading a few books. Will make you strong and burly like a real man. Put some curls on that bony chest! Gonna need a bit more than that one, eh? Look at you, _hah_! Just as skinny as he is! Both of you need to take some cooking classes, or plant yourselves here at some fast food restaurant. Not the KFC, though. Don't want ya eating your relatives," he added, elbowing Law a few times.

Sanji sat slowly in his chair as his mind began to feel the effects of the drink immediately. He ended up clinging to the table as Law looked at him cautiously.

He looked to Kid. "You've killed him," he accused him.

"Eh, I did something better for you both. Enjoy your time here, you knobs," Kid said, rising from his chair. "And don't you be telling anybody I'm about. This is my favorite spot. Not that anybody should be asking 'bout me in the first place, so maybe don't worry about that nonsense. Blast your mind of it, forget I was ever here. I might even come back later with a little doohickey that wipes away memory, like Will Smith."

He started to walk off with a jaunty step, when he turned around to say, "And get that Ligma treated, for god's sake, you're scaring the older ladies and children."

Once he was gone, Law looking once more at Sanji. "You okay?"

Sanji exhaled noisily, patting the labels of his jacket for his cigarettes. "I can't feel my face."

"That's something the Weekend said once."

"…Who?"

Law sighed.

Once they were finished with coffee, they parted ways to investigate the store upon their own interests. Sanji was busy rifling through the various cookbooks when he sensed a sudden presence behind him. He looked up from the book he had in one hand to see his sister standing there, cradling some self-helps to her bountiful chest. It had been so long since he'd last seen her that it was a shock to see her now. He blinked a few times before processing the fact that Reiju was actually there in front of him, her expression controlled with that blank stare she had.

His heart actually jumped in his throat as he automatically glanced about for his brothers.

"Hello, Sanji," she greeted politely, subtly covering the titles of her books with a shift of her arm. "I thought that was you. I needed to be sure."

Sanji lowered the cookbook down to his thigh, looking at her with caution. "Reiju."

She exhaled tightly, her pink wool coat pulled subtly at her throat. Her pink hair was pulled into a tight ponytail, diamonds winking at her ear lobes. She was beautiful, but in such a way that discouraged any invitation to approach.

"It's good to see you."

After some moments, Sanji felt himself completely tense. He kept scanning the aisles for any sign of his brothers.

"It's just me," she assured him quietly. "I popped in to look for a few titles that spurned my interest."

"I don't want to talk to you," Sanji said finally, closing the book. He wished he'd taken that damn bracelet with him. It was sitting underneath his bed.

"Understandable." Reiju's eyes dropped from his face to his hands, her brow furrowing ever so slightly. "Where's your ring?"

Sanji pictured it tucked inside his wallet. He hadn't worn it in some time because the feeling of being unfaithful made him feel as if the weight of the ring had burnt him accusingly.

"How'd you hear about that?" he muttered.

"Contacts. Plus…father was just checking up on you."

"He wanted to make sure I wasn't coming back."

"He didn't think you would when you took another man for a husband." Reiju's lips tightened briefly as Sanji scowled. "Are you happy?"

"Very," Sanji replied tightly.

Reiju glanced around. "Where is he?"

"Look, it's no business of yours. I don't plan on making it into anybody's business. I just…am not associated with any of you. I – "

"I'd like to meet him."

"So you can go back to father and gloat about it? So the others can talk shit?"

"No." Reiju fiddled with the spines of her books until she said, "I'm happy for you. You got to get out."

Sanji frowned at her, looking for any signs of deception. But Reiju wore such a controlled expression that nothing seemed to jar her any. She returned her gaze upon him, then noted his clothing. Assessing something that she had yet to share with him.

"It doesn't look like you're doing so well," she then said. "Your clothes seem a little too baggy – "

"I'm on the keto diet."

" _Sanji_."

"Look, Reiju, no part of my life is something I'd want to discuss with you. You know why."

"I understand. But…" she trailed off with a building sigh. "Your social media hasn't been updated in months."

Sanji winced.

"I'd created a fake profile," she said slowly, "just to see if you were doing well. Mother would have been happy for you."

"None of this matters to me."

"Your husband only shares movie clips and replies only to your shared friends. One of your friends was very angry at you. Others are sending prayers that both of you are able to get back to your feet," she continued.

"I don't want to talk about this!"

Reiju was silent for some time, unmoving. She only looked away when Law interrupted, startling Sanji with his sudden presence.

"I don't feel so well," Law said low, gesturing at his pile of books. "We should go."

"Hello," Reiju interrupted, drawing his attention. Law frowned down at her. "I'm Sanji's older sister."

"I know who you are."

Sanji looked to Law with alarm, a little off balance by the admission. When the older man didn't bother to introduce himself, she nodded, a slight smile to her lips.

"Are you two friends?" she questioned as Sanji put away the pile of books he had been thumping through, taking two of them. To Law she said, "I recognize you as one of the surgeons from one of our hospitals. It's nice to meet you in person. There's been such _wonderful_ things said about your reputation."

"Thank you for your donations."

"I wasn't aware that you were friends with my younger brother."

"I wasn't aware you'd be interested."

"Our family has some difficulties, and it's expected that Sanji should feel the way he does," she said as Sanji turned away, encouraging Law to follow. Reiju continued with them despite the obvious dismissal. "But I was just mentioning to my brother how happy I was to see him."

"Yeah. Real happy."

"I was hoping to meet his husband, but it appears that he's no longer in the picture – "

"Why do you ignore the obvious?" Law asked her, stopping her short as Sanji continued on. He used himself as a barrier to allow the other man to escape, Reiju having to stop short to avoid bumping into him. "Pursuing him any further isn't encouraging your chances of a happy reunion."

After a few moments of careful consideration, fingernails sliding over the pages of her books, she admitted, "I miss him. It's been years since I've seen him, spoken to him. I find it difficult to give up that easily when he's so close within reach."

"He made the choice to leave. You need to respect that."

Reiju looked down at her books, then retrieved one closest to her chest. It was a well-known book on eating disorder recovery, something that made Law uncomfortable because he was sure she was threatening him in some way. "I'd planned on leaving this in your locker. I'd hoped you take some interest in it. The rumors from the board have reached father's ears. If it weren't for your track record, you'd have been fired a long time ago. Please consider intensive therapy in order to continue working with us. I'm sure your patients, future and past, will appreciate the effort."

Law slapped the book from her hand and walked away. Reiju smirked.

Leaving the store, the cold bite of the air caused both men to shudder. Sanji wore an angry expression as they caught a taxi. Law was disappointed that their outing was cut short, but said nothing as he stared out the window. Sanji struggled to put the encounter behind him, but hoped nothing wrong came between Law and his job. No matter Reiju's actions, he felt on edge with her.

His jaw twitched. "She used to laugh when my brothers made fun of me," he said tightly. "One of their games included this stupid thing they called 'Houdini'. They wanted to see if I could escape locked closets, or refrigerators or locked car trunks – the maids would always find me in time. She did everything they did. For her to approach me like she was genuinely concerned about me…it's like a punch to the balls."

Law nodded.

At the visitation of some of these horrible memories, Sanji was quiet for some time. Zoro had been his peace at that tumultuous time. Sanji could go to him when he was younger, and the man would distract him with his presence. When they fought, as young men usually did, it was nothing like the things Sanji experienced with his brothers. Zoro and their friends helped Sanji understand that what happened with his own family wasn't normal. It hurt to think that the very same people that had saved him had cast him out.

He struggled not to think about it.

He looked to Law. "What books did you get?"

Law quietly showed him, and Sanji chuckled at the sight of one, taking it. "What's this?"

"I wanted to read this as a child, but my father wouldn't let me," Law explained lightly. "Said it would give me nightmares. I was delighted to see that it was available with its original content."

"This shit is going to ruin your brain. I can't even look at these pictures – is this a _head_ walking?"

"Alvin Schwartz was on to something back then."

"He was _on_ something all right! This is scary shit! This is for _kids_?"

"Would you like to borrow it?"

"NO!"

"I'll read a couple stories aloud to Bepo. Perhaps you can listen surreptitiously from the kitchen to see for yourself how 'scary' these stories are…"

Sanji chuckled, returning the book. "You're so weird. And this movie? What's this?"

"It's unavailable on Netflix. You've never seen such killer clowns before."

"How are there _clowns_ from outer space…? Never mind. I don't…there is cotton candy on the cover, so is this something that involves food?"

"Maybe," Law said mysteriously, taking the movie from him and pushing it back into his bag.

Sanji returned his attention out the window. Law looked at him with concern but turned his focus to the scenery passing by. He didn't want to go back just yet. After some time, he murmured, "I'm hungry."

"Want to stop someplace?" Sanji asked immediately. Law was starting to understand what he needed to say or do to get the man's attention. It felt like a crime to use it so selfishly.

Five minutes later, they were seated in a restaurant that had a considerably different ambiance from the one Sanji worked in. Eager to put that encounter into the back of his mind, he read from Law's scary stories book in the accent they'd heard from Kid. Both of them snickered and chuckled like kids in their booth. It felt good to act silly. It took the edge off the confrontation and Law's internal battle with himself on continuing to venture out from his comfort zone.

He didn't eat as much as Sanji would have wanted, but he tried something different and seemed slightly relaxed doing it. He didn't seem to be beating himself up for it after, and both of them decided it was fine to wander the area to look at the shops on the street. Neither of them could afford the things they found, but it was different to get out. When they finally returned home, Law immediately took a nap in his room while Sanji struggled to feed Bepo.

He retreated to his room and thought about what Reiju had told him. He texted Zoro a warning that she was spying on them.

'I should give a fuck *why?' came the response.

Sanji wondered why it should matter after all. It wasn't like they were going to reconcile soon. So he didn't send a response. He curled up on his bed and stared out the window. He watched day transition into night when his phone vibrated again.

'I think we should talk.'

Sanji's heart jumped at the words. It was his chance to see Zoro in person, to start fixing things.

But for the first time, he wondered if he wanted that. Once things were 'fixed', would Zoro constantly be suspicious of him? Sanji felt that he himself would be. Always fretting about that next time, overthinking harmless conversations with catching him speaking to some nameless man. His friends would lower their hackles, but they would be looking at him differently, too. None would accept him with the same open arms as before.

Just as Sanji had with Reiju today – he'd seen the titles of her books she'd carried before she covered them up. He wondered if she were struggling to change under the weight of her family's expectations. But he couldn't imagine that of her – she'd always been the fourth bully. But could someone change the color of their feathers?

After all, _he had_ by disregarding his vows.

If Zoro happened to finally forgive him, would it be the same sort of love? Would Zoro be able to look at him the same?

It felt breath-taking that he'd think this way after what felt like months of bargaining with himself. Settling for his own beaten behavior as being an acceptable judgement. Had he finally reached another stage?

'Is that not a good idea?' came the next text.

Sanji rolled onto his back. He thought of a response. 'Talk about what?' he returned.

'Court is in three days. Shouldn't we both agree on things?'

Sanji lowered his phone to his chest. He was planning on attending by demanding counseling, therapy, recess, _anything_ to stall the process. It had slipped his mind that this was happening soon. Could he walk into that courthouse on his own? He couldn't imagine asking anyone to accompany him. Zoro would have their – his – friends supporting him by being there. Sanji imagined walking alone into that narrow hallway and encountering them all together.

For once…he couldn't find the strength to follow through.

He stared at the ceiling. His phone vibrated a few more times throughout a stretch of time. When he finally looked at it, he saw:

'I thought talking things out would be better. Maybe…seeing if we can be civil. Maybe just you can answer my questions to my face.'

'I have a bunch. I'm just so pissed at you, but I got to thinking that maybe you were right.'

'I don't know, I just can't do this over the phone. So maybe we should meet.'

'*answer, shit head.'

Sanji took a shaky breath.

Something warm, sharp and smelling of something _foreign_ jumped onto his face. It made him shriek like a woman, flapping his arms about wildly, phone flying. The buzzing noises that emerged from the insulted gecko alerted him that Bepo had escaped his cage. Heart racing a million miles an hour, Sanji steadied himself. The reptile was looking at him crossly from his pillow, sides heaving.

Sanji snatched the lizard from its perch, the creature emitting sharp barks that he could feel being released against his palm. He walked into Law's room and sat on the bed with a harsh drop to wake him up. The man lifted his head sluggishly, focusing on the gecko that looked at him with seeming relief, claws out, as if reaching for him. Sanji placed the thing onto Law's back, where he promptly crawled to Law's neck and hid underneath the collar of his hoodie.

"He escaped," Sanji said crossly. He heard crickets chirping quietly, but he had no idea where they were. It sounded muffled, so he assumed they were in the closet. It messed with his urges to find a Raid can to get rid of the problem.

"He was in your room?"

"He crawled onto my face!"

Law sighed heavily, hugging his pillow. "Time to bathe yourself in sanitizer."

Sanji frowned at him. He wiped his sweaty palms on his pants for a few moments before he said quietly, "Zoro wants to talk to me in person. Think it's a good idea?"

It took Law several seconds to process that question. Sanji was asking him for his thoughts on something he rarely talked about. It was momentous. He struggled for the right answer.

"I know where you can get a gun."

Sanji slapped his shoulder. "It's a serious question."

Law slowly pushed himself up into a seated position. Bepo was visible briefly as he clung to his collarbone before pushing himself up and over his shoulder, where he emerged from Law's hair at the back of his neck. Sanji looked at the creature with distaste.

"If you have to ask someone about it," Law said slowly, "then it must make you nervous to some degree. Why are you nervous?"

Sanji exhaled low. "He wants answers – I want answers. Both of us have questions that only each other can provide."

"New ones? Or ones that have already been answered?"

Everything had already been laid out in the open. Sanji could only think that the ones that hadn't been asked were the identity of the men he was with, the dates and locations where it happened. Where he was now. What he was doing. If he were _okay_.

He lowered his lashes to look at shaking hands. "No. Old ones, probably. Like a merry go round."

"Do you think…he wants to help fix things?"

Sanji wondered. None of Zoro's texts revealed this. So he shook his head. "Probably not. Probably just to get things off his chest."

Law scratched at his eyebrow. For some reason, this whole thing filled him with anxiety. The thought that Sanji would suddenly leave him – no, this _situation_ , not him exactly – made his stomach tighten up. He couldn't think of any good advice to give because nothing came to mind. Just a weird, buzzing panic that made it difficult to concentrate.

"Then no," he said slowly. "Because…both of you are still angry."

"The court date is next week."

"Perhaps it might be about amicable agreements?"

"…he wants full possession of the house, some things…material things…" Sanji sighed.

 _How troublesome_ , Law thought.

"I don't know why I'm hesitating," Sanji admitted, a little too manically. "If I'd heard that a week ago, I'd be leaving right now."

"What changed?" Law asked curiously.

"Seeing Reiju."

Law was a little disappointed that it wasn't because of his own influence. It made him feel like he wasn't much of an influence at all. Just another self-failure that made him feel bad. He was just another presence in Sanji's world without much weight.

Literally.

"Seeing her, I…couldn't feel another way about her," Sanji admitted low. "Even after seeing she was holding onto self-help books. So it made me think…even if I go back, he'll never look at me the same. I'd never look at myself the same."

Law could feel Bepo prowling around the cowl of his hoodie. The weight of the gecko was surprisingly firm.

"And Brook?"

Sanji's face was heavy. "In those papers, Brook would be his."

Law frowned. The thought of not having the dog around the apartment was a rather troublesome one. He ended up chewing thoughtfully on his bottom lip. "You've got to go negotiate a custody order for him, then."

I…don't think I can't face them on my own," Sanji admitted slowly. "He'll have…all our friends there for support. Not of his own decision…but that's just how they are. Walking up to face them at this point…by myself…"

Law furrowed his forehead with thought. "Well, you can't continue stealing him away forever. I'm sure the judge would understand if you pled your part to continue being a part of his life."

"It's not the same impact as a child," Sanji said carefully. "Animals aren't…"

"Then perhaps this is a subject you can talk about with him. Instead of the other subjects that will most likely come up."

Sanji considered it. Then he nodded.

"Instead of agreeing to meet him at some location he's comfortable with, take him to work," Law suggested. "I'm sure you'll find support there."

"The old man can monitor the situation if we get too much," Sanji agreed slowly. "Okay. So…I guess I'll arrange that."

He patted Law's shoulder as "thanks", Bepo squeaking as he was under the weight of that hand. Law wore a tight-lipped expression, feeling Bepo crawl out from the comfort of his sweater once he recognized Sanji was gone.

Sanji answered Zoro, confirming a time and place for their meeting. A neutral area. He was sure the guys at the restaurant would give him shit for this, but he had confidence in Zeff stopping that shit short. The old man was useful for many things. He set the phone down and felt anxiety permeate his entire body.

 _What did he truly want_?

As he was musing over this thought, it occurred to him that if he chose to fix this marriage with Zoro, he would have to leave Law behind.

This single thought felt like a catch in a closing door. A mysterious blockage that couldn't be identified right away.

It suddenly occurred to him how disappointed Law looked as they were talking about this. With a start, Sanji wondered if he missed seeing other things while he was swept up in his own personal hurricane. Law had opened up significantly since Sanji started using him to take his mind off things. He was actually looking forward to leaving the apartment, he spoke more, he tried things on his own. He bought his own pet – all these things with Sanji's 'gentle' pushing. He looked more lively, he actively put effort into his eating habits – if Sanji should leave him behind, what would happen?

He had caught Law looking at him strangely a few times; he felt like there was some looming presence there between them that had yet to be identified. Once he reviewed his memories, he realized that Law's awkward blush at the bookstore with Sanji fixing his scarf wasn't out of embarrassment with the public mothering. He was looking at Sanji with an expression of shy acknowledgment of someone else's touch.

Had anyone else tried to touch him in such a personal way? Made efforts for him that pushed him out of his own limited station?

Sanji felt like that man in the rapidly blinking meme. He placed a hand against his mouth with some rapidly descending shock, overlooking the fact that it was the same hand that he'd handled Bepo with.

 _Was this the right time to get the wrong idea of things_? he wondered.


	9. Chapter 9

**Domoto55:** Thank you! It would be wonderful to have support when one is caught up in that misery – it's a tough battle to negotiate on one's own, but in the end it is up to ourselves to make the decision. And even then, it's a lifetime battle. I send you all my support and just know you can PM me – we might have more in common than you know!

 **Naghi-Tan:** this chapter will give you some answers D:

 **12tailedninja-demon:** I know! DX I'm just eager to get this all out before my mood ends and I end up abandoning ship at the last chapter (again! ARGH). I am inwardly an emotional person, so if *I don't feel it when I write, then it doesn't get written well. Unfortunately when the feeling goes away, so does my will to write (agh so *annoying!) I loooooooveeee lizards :D So writing Bepo as one delights me lol

 **Dromso:** Thank you! Thank you! thank you! :D

 **Snowflake97:** He's been so wrapped up in his issues, he can't see what's going on around him. Unfortunately, his feelings will arrive slowly…*very slowly…because of this chapter's mess. D:

 **WulfyFang3:** They are slowly getting there! Thank you for continuing to follow!

 **: : 9**

Sanji waited for Zoro's arrival. His insides were quivering with agitation, but his body was stiff within the booth furthest from the other diners. His hands were resting atop of the table, forearms cupping the dining settings in front of him. Zeff's only rule was that they keep their voices lowered as to not disturb the snoopy cooks that were already trying to pry in on the situation.

He had a list planned out before he'd arrived – all the topics that needed to be covered, the questions that he needed answers for. The negotiation for Brook. He was trying not to let his thoughts over Law interrupt him.

The surgeon had left for work that morning without saying anything. Sanji had no idea what was going on in his head, but he couldn't afford to focus on that aspect when he needed all his wits about him to deal with Zoro. He knew he was too emotional to stay steady.

When Zoro finally arrived an hour later – spiking Sanji's agitation levels with exasperation – Zeff led him to the table. He ended up pouring them both coffee.

"Anything to eat for either of you?" Zeff asked gruffly.

At the twin shakes of head, he grunted before leaving. The tension was thick at the table, and both of them unconsciously mirrored each other's movements by crossing their arms and sitting in defensive postures on their seats.

All the words and lists Sanji had practiced scattered. He could feel Zoro's anger simmering around him. From the expression on his face, it looked like his words had left him, too. It was awkward sitting in that booth – for two people that always had a word for each other, the absence of voices felt overpowering.

Sanji desperately needed a distraction but he wasn't about to cow down in front of the man to show any sign of weakness. In all the aftermath of the decision, he hadn't shown Zoro any of this – no tears, no sadness, no vulnerability. The other man hadn't, either. Sanji had to wonder if either of them had shown such an emotion in front of the other at all. In all their years together, to be strong individually and together allowed no room for such things.

"Well?" he croaked, shuffling uncomfortably after hearing this of his voice. He cleared his throat. "Say something. I don't want to sit here all day, staring at that angry mug of yours."

Zoro's scowl turned darker. If only Sanji could have worded that better.

"You don't think I'm allowed to be angry?" he asked Sanji. "Coming here just confirms what I've been feeling."

Sanji lowered his eyes to the coffee Zeff had poured, watching steam waft from the top. His jaw twitched.

Zoro sighed noisily. He was so tense that he seemed immoveable.

"No apology will ever be acceptable," Sanji mumbled. "No matter how many times I say it, it still won't lessen the fact that I…did these things. So you have a right to be angry."

"Anyone would be in this situation!" Zoro snapped at him. He swiped his hands through his green hair. "For you to do that, then come home…"

"For one thing, I'd like to point out that it wasn't like I pursued you after," Sanji had to say. "You had your focus on different things. And I didn't want to touch you because – "

"That makes sense," Zoro said slowly, understanding coming to his expression. "You stopped showing any kind of affection."

"I'm surprised you noticed when I gave any," Sanji muttered.

Zoro's face reddened. He speared the other man with a glare. "I wasn't deaf, blind or unfeeling, moron."

"Yet you couldn't tell me yourself that you weren't feeling it."

"Why should I?" Zoro asked.

"That's what I was looking for!"

"In other men," he scoffed, arms tightening at his chest. " _In other men_ – where did you meet these people? Are they guys I know?"

"…No."

"But they know who we are, they know who _I_ am, so who am I going to encounter later on down the road that's going to laugh at my face?"

"If they do, then it's up to you to deal with them."

" _How is that fair_?"

"It's not," Sanji muttered. "It wouldn't be."

'You'd have kept doing this if I hadn't found out, wouldn't you?" Zoro asked, watching him.

Sanji didn't feel an answer was appropriate at this point. So he let his silence speak for him. Zoro exhaled sharply, looking away with disgust. Sanji knew at this point he wasn't going to get the reconciliation that he'd thought. He'd accepted this thought days ago, but it still cut him like a hot knife through the chest.

"I talked to you," he said slowly. "I explained what I was feeling. You didn't want to acknowledge it to start fixing it."

"I told you why I didn't," Zoro snapped. "Told you I wanted some fucking space from you. You're like some fucking needy thing, needing constant damn attention!"

"How is giving you everything 'needing constant attention'?" Sanji snapped back. "I showed you every damn day up to then that I loved you!"

"Don't use that word here," Zoro interrupted, looking at him furiously. "Don't think using that word means anything, now."

"What, _love_? Made you uncomfortable then, makes you uncomfortable now. What's the difference?"

"How is it 'love' when you can chose to step out - ?"

"How was it 'love' when you chose to ignore it?"

"I didn't! I was secure, I could rely on it! But you chose to fuck it all up!"

"Not like you were any happy, either! You chose _not_ to be interested in what I was doing, you chose _not_ to be happy with what I gave so you chose to have 'space'! Whatever the fuck that means!"

"If you felt that way, then you should have separated from me then," Zoro snapped over his rising voice. "Instead you chose to double dip. Made me look like a fucking idiot!"

Sanji exhaled slow to settle his bubbling emotions. Zoro grit his teeth to keep from speaking anything that he hadn't already had before. It felt like a merry go round.

He leaned forward in his seat, wiping his face. "I just want a clean divorce. I don't want to pay you, I don't want to give you anything."

"I put just as much money and effort into those things," Sanji said low. "But I don't want your money, nor do I want that house. I want to share Brook, and pick up the things that belong to me rightfully."

"Enough with your attention to him. You only want him to continue being a presence around me."

Sanji gave him an outraged look. "I love Brook just as much as you do!"

"I just don't think Brook should have to be shuttled from place to place when you don't even have it steady for yourself."

"I have a good place."

"Oh, with that guy?"

"My _roommate_ and I are on good terms."

Zoro snorted. "Now that I'm aware of your shit, I can see you fucking that up, too. And I don't think Brook needs that stress of meeting so many people while you find the attention that you crave."

"Shut up, Zoro. You sound stupid."

"You know what's stupid? Is you fucking up a good thing!"

" _Was_ it a 'good thing', you dumb ass? Because this problem started because _you_ wanted space! I gave you the fucking space you wanted, but it was obvious that you had a problem with me in the first fucking place!"

"I didn't have a problem with you! That sounds so fucking _ridiculous_! How was it a fucking problem if I could _depend_ on you?"

"Then tell me, to my face," Sanji demanded bitterly, "that you loved me. Tell me you appreciated me. _Tell_ me these things!"

"What's the point of saying these things now? I look at you, I fucking hate you!"

"If you hated me, then you had to love me at some point, right?"

"This is so _stupid_!"

" _Why is it so hard for you to say_?"

"What a man gives is more powerful than some _words_ ," Zoro stated. "I showed enough of it with what I gave you. And it wasn't enough."

"When actions aren't being given, don't you think some words would be sufficient? Did you like my cooking, moss? Do you miss it now?" Sanji asked before Zoro could say anything in response. "Do you _miss_ me _being there_?"

Zoro stared at him in silence while Sanji waited for the answer. When the silence stretched and Zoro looked away, Sanji felt his own face fall slightly. What he didn't know was that Zoro was struggling not to show any weakness in front of him. Just as what Sanji had thought of the concept earlier, he was struggling to retain his façade of strength.

With his lips tight, Sanji muttered, "All it takes is a simple admittance, Zoro. Even if it sounds corny or stupid, unmanly or whatever – all it takes is a _stupid_ gesture or word. That's all I was looking for."

"So you found it in _other_ men."

Sanji knew that they weren't going to get anywhere. Zoro was stuck on that while Sanji himself was stuck on his. Counseling wasn't going to help either of them, considering how stubborn they were. Both men refused to yield because both of them didn't want to show a vulnerability to the other. Whether it was because they were afraid of being mocked or afraid to be seen as weak – he understood that.

So he gambled with the concept of showing that.

Meanwhile, Zoro had convinced himself that Sanji felt no remorse for his actions because he didn't show it. Sanji was stubbornly holding onto his pride and waiting for him to give so that Sanji had something else over him. Zoro refused to give Sanji that satisfaction after humiliating him with what he did.

Both of them sat in pensive silence, each thinking nearly similar as the other.

"Tell me you regret it," Zoro said slowly. "All of it."

"In exchange for what?"

"You never did apologize properly."

"I just said that no apology was good enough."

"It would help."

"So you want me to grovel at your feet?"

Zoro pointed at him. "This is what it felt like, Sanji. Being told to show my love when it was already present."

" _Is this a fucking game for points_?"

"If you can't grovel at my feet with your apologies, then you have no apology to give."

Sanji stared at him for several moments, unmoving. But he finally found the voice to say, "Even if I did, would you forgive me?"

"Probably not."

"Even if we somehow both agreed to get counseling and fix things, you wouldn't look at me the same."

"I wouldn't."

"Even if years had passed, you'd never see me as the same person standing in front of you at the wedding. You'd see someone else you can't bring yourself to touch, talk, or trust. So what's the fucking point to an apology?"

Zoro glared out the window. Sanji stared at his coffee once more.

His heart thundered in his chest as he weighed his options. When he looked back at this moment, would he regret it? Would all the should have, would have, could haves turn into a painful regret, a potential instrumental factor that might have had the power to change things between them?

If he stepped down from his stubborn position, could Zoro find it in his heart to forgive him?

Or would he just make a fool of himself?

Zoro was thinking the near exact same thing. If he chose to tell Sanji that he _did_ miss his presence, would it be for the right reasons? Would Sanji take that and use it as a way to manipulate his position back? Make Zoro into more of a fool than he already felt he was?

Both of them knew they'd leave this café with regrets when they'd already acknowledged their own vulnerability. Both of them debated on stepping down.

Both of them convinced themselves that they shouldn't.

"Well, this was a waste of fucking time," Zoro muttered bitterly to himself. "Coming all the way out here just to hear the same shit over and over again."

"Yeah, well, you weren't any help, either. It's not like you had anything helpful."

"Did you really think this could be fixed?" Zoro asked him curiously, resettling to hear the answer. "Did you think that this whole entire thing could be fixed if I said you could come back?"

Sanji exhaled. "I did. But…realistically, I knew there was going to be further problems. I knew…neither of us would change from this moment."

"Then why even think about it at all?"

" _Because_ \- !" Sanji trailed off. _Did_ they have a good marriage? When neither of them would give?

Zoro frowned at him when he stopped short. "Because _what_? Why couldn't it be?"

"Is that something you'd want?"

"No! Not at this point…"

"Then what's the point of answering?"

"Because there you go again, hiding something from me you should be sharing with me."

"I don't have to share much with you when you don't appreciate what you're being given."

"How would you even know I wouldn't appreciate it if you don't give it in the first fucking place?"

"Because you never appreciated it when I was actually there, stupid! You never said anything about that!"

"I did appreciate it because I could expect it!"

"At the fucking snap of your fingers! I'm not some damn slave!"

"I didn't think of you as one!"

"You sure treated me as one!"

"Just because your family treated you like one - !"

"My family has nothing to do with this conversation! Leave them out of it!"

Disgusted, Zoro crossed his arms again while Sanji simmered with anger. He did find himself thinking about his family – with Reiju approaching him, would he ever accept her apology for the things that they did?

Sanji knew he couldn't, but he could take a relationship cautiously. With restrictions. But he could never bring himself to trust them, her – so how could Zoro at this point? How could he?

He smirked. "This _was_ a waste of time. But I'm going to appear in court to fight for Brook. So expect to see a lot of me."

Zoro rubbed his eyebrows. Agitation caused his shoulders to grow rigid. "You and what army? No one thinks you're stable. You look like a crackhead – is that what that guy's into? Sharing his supply with you?"

"Don't talk about someone that's better behaved than you."

"So, are you fucking with him, too?"

"Why does who I fuck with matter when you don't want me back?"

Zoro tightened up. "Is he one of those guys?"

"No."

"You're going to use him in the same manner you used me to get away from your family. Then when you're done using him, you're going to fuck him up just like you did with me."

"If I were to fuck someone up with my actions, it meant that I was actually cared for. So are you admitting to me that this hurts you as much as it hurts me?"

"You don't have any feelings, you don't have a fucking heart to feel anything with."

"If I didn't have any, I would have never agreed to date you in the first fucking place. You're about as worthless to any use I might have as a goddamn rubber spatula on a hot pan."

"So the entire marriage was a farce, huh?" Zoro asked, rising to stand from his seat. "This whole entire thing, all these years, it was just something you were using to get away from them, right?"

Sanji closed his eyes to escape the accusation and put his control back in line, even as his blood boiled.

"These things you're saying is shit I'd expect you to say," he said slowly. "You're angry, you have a right to be. I know I hurt you more than you'd like to admit to me or yourself. But there is nothing I can do to fix it. Nothing I can say to repair it. All this time I'd thought that things could be restored if we work on them together, but it appears that's not going to happen."

Zoro's hands clenched into fists. "So are you admitting to wasting years of _my_ time for your own fucking amusement?"

"To have 'wasted your time'," Sanji said, "would mean you'd invested your own into it. So don't think this was all one sided. It never was. There's two of us present. So either one of us is lying about how much it hurts, or neither of us felt anything in the first place."

After a few moments of contemplation, he was surprised when Zoro ripped the table from its steel bearings and tossed it over his head. People looked with surprise and horror at the sheer strength involved, the crashing noises of the table settling against the far wall causing the kitchen cooks to dash out for a look.

"You've never apologized for what you've done, and you keep making yourself the fucking victim in this thing!" Zoro shouted furiously at him. "You're not sorry – your apology has conditions attached to it! All that's needed is an apology! Of course you wouldn't feel apologetic after what you've done – you're only fucking sorry you were caught!"

After that, the conversation was over and Zoro stalked away, causing other diners to scram out of his way. Sanji sat there in silence, coffee dripping from the seat around him.

From that reaction, he could deduce Zoro that for a man to have so much anger in him, there was still much pain he was dealing with. Sanji wouldn't know what kind, exactly, since neither of them would relinquish their position to admit it.

Zeff walked over, looking at the mess with disdain before looking at Sanji. He leaned onto the booth seat Zoro had been sitting in, hand on his hip. "Ain't no apology going to fix that," he said.

Sanji nodded to agree.

: :

During a meeting, Law found himself thinking about various matters that had been bothering him for the past few days. Staring at a blank notepad, pen settled over it in case something came up, he realized that his feelings felt strange and misplaced. Improper.

Were they only there because Sanji was the distraction he needed from his day to day routine? Or were they genuine feelings sprouting from a useless crush? Obviously Sanji wasn't interested romantically in any way about him. Why should he be when Law was such a mess? Law couldn't give anything to him – he was right in that no one else mattered but himself, because anyone coming between him and his disorder was just someone that was in the way. And Sanji would interrupt that if Law gave him the power to do so, and Law was sure to refuse that interruption even if it came from Sanji.

He acknowledged that this disorder was his own battle to fight – he brought it upon himself, cultivated it, nourished it, protected it – no one else gave it to him. If he couldn't bring himself to love himself, how could anyone else?

Sanji was young, he had potential to secure the interest of someone that didn't put themselves first. Holding onto him when he was obviously struggling to save his marriage to someone he _did_ love was a hurtful sort of selfishness that Law couldn't put on another.

Law had to acknowledge that this was another one of those useless crushes he had, where he would hopelessly pine after someone and say nothing, convincing himself he was of no worth. And besides, what could he say that would be supportive to Sanji in this time of need? Should he root for Sanji's success, or drag him down to a point where Law could only manipulate his time for his own selfishness?

Law could see himself doing the latter because rooting for the former was just like shooting them both in the head. From the way it sounded, Zoro was not in the mood for any reconciliation. So to set Sanji's hopes to pursue it would be…cruel.

Law couldn't think of himself being a champion in Sanji's world. But he could be the distraction Sanji needed. Sanji was the type of person that needed to focus on other people's problems before facing his own. It was obvious from the way he disregarded his own problems to jump when Law was struggling.

Law felt he was good at being selfish – so if this was the only part of Sanji he could have, then he would take advantage of it for however long he could. Until Sanji packed up to leave, until Zoro took him back, until Law himself was manipulated back into his cycle – but at the same time, he had been thinking a lot about recovery.

Not because of Sanji, but for himself.

For his job, for Bepo, for his friends – there was every reason for him to think of it. Now that he was on shaky ground with the process – having started with the meals, allowing himself to eat sporadically on outings, being threatened to take steps to take care of himself, the constant concern and criticism from friends – he felt like he could continue those steps. He acknowledged that he felt a little more energized than before. He was _okay_ with taking extra bites – he was _okay_ venturing slowly into the forbidden foods zone. He was not thinking of recovery for Sanji's approval – this was for _himself_.

So he thought once more into taking advantage of outpatient services. It didn't fill him with as much trepidation as it did before. If it didn't work out, then perhaps he could just do this on his own. Push himself more and more a little at a time.

He imagined himself gaining weight. He imagined wearing clothes he didn't have to pin or belt, imagined being confident into wearing less. Imagined having successful relationships. None of this was about Sanji – it was about him.

Hours later Law locked his bathroom door behind him. Sanji wasn't home, yet, and Law wasn't sure how to feel about that. But in the privacy of his own bathroom, he looked at the mirror he kept covered over, the old t-shirt movable only to allow him to see to shave. He pinned a corner back, looking at his reflection. It made him wince to see the concave shadows of his cheeks, the sharpness of his bones pushing against his skin, the thinning of his hair around his hairline. He could imagine patients and colleagues looking at him, thinking of how horrid it was to think that he was 'okay'. The collar of his shirt was wide and gaping – but a normal size for a small man. It hung on him like a curtain. Slowly, he pulled the shirt up and over his shoulders and head, hesitating for a few moments before letting that drop onto the sink. Every visible part of him was sunken or knobby, jutting or sharp.

He touched his collarbone, his very soul hurting just to see himself. This was why he avoided mirrors, avoiding seeing any part of himself in any reflective service. Looking at himself, it was a wonder he was existing at all.

His eyes looked dead – his expression was flat. His lips pale and flaky, his eyes heavily shadowed and hooded. His skin grey and over stretched. He looked like the living dead.

He exhaled for as long as he could, watching the action on his body as he did so. None of this was something he imagined looking at when he was a child. None of this was something that made him proud. He was ashamed, sick, horrified and angry at himself. If he couldn't love himself, how was anyone going to love him?

He looked at the rose quartz bracelet on his wrist.

He remembered Sanji's touch on his bare skin, comforting him. It had been awhile since he'd let anyone touch him. His flesh responded to the memory by growing into a hot flash. He couldn't imagine anyone touching him out of their own desire or comfort. He was too sharp of a person to allow that.

Normally he'd contribute to rejection in the effort by talking himself out of it. There was nothing to motivate him to do so when he was at the age he was, when he was comfortable. But the edges of thought regarding recovery persisted with more strength than that. His exhaustion in battling himself at every meal was catching up. He thought about how he could barely hold onto Brook – how his hand trembled when Bepo was laying there. How cold he was all the time, wearing layers upon layers to maintain warmth and to look somewhat "normal".

He thought about how everyone thought he was "ugly" – how Rocinante unintentionally contributed. He thought about how peaceable it would be to just sit down with one of Sanji's meals and just _enjoy_ it without worry of numbers.

Law took a deep breath and exhaled slow, watching the movement in his seemingly deformed body. He was _tired_.

A door slammed in the apartment, causing him to jump. He pulled his shirt back on, fixed the t-shirt over the mirror. He checked to make sure the door was locked behind him. In the quiet of his bathroom, his hands trembled as they clung to the edge of the sink. His stomach growled noisily, but he'd already had his sixth meal for the day, and he couldn't imagine Sanji wanting to cook anything after his meeting with Zoro. More than likely, judging from the slam, the younger man was hiding in his room to deal with his own thoughts and feelings. He continued to focus on his future.

He could take administrative leave to check himself into outpatient services, take a week to recover and plot his recovery with qualified professionals. Attend the funeral with the freedom of knowing he didn't have to go to work right away. He'd put the necessary effort in and see how it went from there.

It wasn't going to be an easy road. He had himself as his own enemy for much of his life, so he figured facing off against himself wasn't going to ease up just because he was tired and was ready for recovery. He acknowledged reaching this stage a few times before and failing those. Those old feelings came back like an old wound, his own inner voice telling him he was setting himself up for another failure.

But he was tired of failing.

He was tired of not living.

He was _tired_.

Maybe…just maybe…this was his last chance. Maybe this time he'd be successful. There were more maybes after that, but he acknowledged having the strength to _hope_.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when the bathroom door rumbled underneath the strength of a kicking foot.

"You alive in there?"

"Whatever shit I had in my system, it's gone now," Law said in response, settling his jumpy heart as he straightened away from the sink.

"Did you eat? I smell eggs, so what did you make?"

Assessing the other man's tone and determination to distract himself, Law decided that Sanji was in need of something to do. He pulled on his robe, tied it closed as he unlocked the door and opened it. He examined Sanji's expression, but he couldn't tell what mood the man was in as he frowned up at him. He was startled to see the look in his eyes – it told him immediately that the meeting had not gone well.

He didn't know how to give any comfort, or say anything appropriate. So he said the one thing that he could.

"Can you make me something to eat?"

: :

In the end, Sanji said nothing about the meeting, but was gearing up to head into court for the first hearing. He'd decided he was going to try and get some type of custody over Brook, but didn't have any confidence in the matter. All the experience Law had with divorce proceedings came from Judge Judy and Divorce Court, so he couldn't offer any helpful advice. When he noticed that Sanji was dressed up and ready to go, Law went with him. It was weird that Sanji let him. His mind was too discombobulated to argue against the older man's decision to do so, and he displayed annoyance that Law was curious about how the process went – each of them refusing to admit it was a gesture of support.

Maybe too scared to truly admit to themselves what it was.

It wasn't what Law was thinking – he expected a tough judge in a wide, empty courthouse setting but in reality it was a small room with some old chairs tied in small rows, and a judge that looked as if he'd stepped out from some senior retirement group. The speakers on the walls buzzed lightly as the recording system captured the proceedings that happened there. When they arrived, Zoro wasn't on his own – he had the trio from the museum with him, as well as a couple that looked upset. None of them acknowledged each other, but it felt wrong to Law that Zoro would have so much support after all these years and Sanji was left standing there like some despicable villain.

The couple, a tall man with blue hair and a tall woman with long dark hair watched Sanji with eyes that were rimmed red but said nothing in his direction. Luffy glared at Law the entire time, which Law found amusing. Ussop's head was down, but he didn't give any space between himself and Zoro. Standing there for their turn was unbelievably uncomfortable.

Once everyone was seated – to their respectable sides – Law was aware of the curious looks from the others. But he kept his eyes either on the middle of that tense, rigid back that Sanji held or his hands, which trembled slightly with rising adrenaline. The judge flipped through the papers and asked both men a series of questions that Law didn't pay any attention to. All basic things that each man answered in a firm, strong voice.

When it came to Brook, it was stated that there were no laws dictating the dog's custodian. Both men would have to come upon an agreement right then and there what would happen. Both men argued their case. The single bailiff standing there looked a little nervous. The judge awarded Zoro the dog just because Sanji had broken a restraining order to break into the house to retrieve him. But he granted Sanji permission to enter the home to take his things. He was given direction where to go to change his last name, and to remember to file for a new social security card. Both men were reprimanded for arguing about Brook's placement.

The woman cried quietly into some tissue. Ussop struggled to keep from showing any emotion but his chin trembled. The tall guy wiped his eyes, sitting stiffly with his hands on his knees. Luffy looked from Sanji to Law with fury, like he had been personally wronged in all of this. The whole mood was similar to that of a funeral.

At the end, when the judge finished his determination of the matter, everyone rose to their feet. It hadn't taken more than twenty minutes. The two men in front continued to sit in their chairs, looking worn – but they didn't look at each other. Sanji rose first to leave, revealing nothing in his expression. Law made to accompany him out when the woman pushed past Luffy and Ussop to reach out to hug him. Sanji hugged her stiffly then pulled away to leave. Luffy reached out to grab him, but Ussop yanked him back. Law noticed the kid looked furious, but his eyes were just as red and watery as the others'.

The pair of them left the room first in silence, walking the narrow hallway towards the front of the building. Nothing could be said at that point. Law couldn't tell what Sanji was thinking. He wasn't sure how to comfort him. Feeling that the battle for Brook was going to depend only on Zoro's mercy, Law had to compare the feeling as being helpless. He missed that dog, so he couldn't imagine how Sanji felt about it.

They were home in less than twenty minutes. Law expected Sanji to go to his room and fade out of drunken existence for a few weeks like he did earlier. But Sanji went to the kitchen and started dicing up vegetables and warming up soup stock, making lunch for both of them. Since he was acting like normal, Law changed out of his clothes and into his preferred pajamas. He was on the couch with an old episode of "Mash" on when Sanji announced that lunch was ready. Both of them ate at the counter. Law's stomach was too upset to finish more than a few bites – admittedly, he wasn't even thinking of numbers.

When he set his bowl aside, Sanji looked at the content left behind, then at him accusingly. That short, small moment held some significance in it; the weight of the things that happened, the stress and tension – whatever it was finally made him break down. Being in the presence of someone breaking down allowed Law clear thought. Awkwardly, he placed an arm around Sanji's shoulders and let him sob against his chest. It felt somewhat natural to cradle his head to him, lightly ruffling his hair.

It was surprising that he had the strength to support them both.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Due to circumstances (yet another wildfire – 'Old Souls' was actually influenced by one last year!), I might be updating less this week (hopefully only this week!). I managed to fit this chapter in amidst the bustle of RL!**

 **Naghi-tan, Snowflake97, Harmonica Smile and WulfyFang3 – thank you so much for your thoughts and feelings on the last chapter. I enjoyed reading your responses because it makes me think that I'm succeeding with detailing how both of them are struggling with their own different things, what impact their situations has on them, how it's not an immediate romance (it'll def be a LawSan tho!) – it makes me feel good, as a writer, that I'm able to make you all *feel stuff. I appreciate the time you spent telling me T_T** **Thank you** **!**

 **: : 10**

The days swept by with confusing images and a numb sense of reality. Law noticed that Sanji steadily began to grow quieter. He often sat on the couch without saying anything or shifting expression. Every time he spoke it seemed to require effort. Eventually, the food packed in the cupboards and fridge began to dwindle and rot. Law realized he was picking up cans of soup from the nearby food mart and reverting back to his own meal plan as fresh food options began to lessen. It startled him how dependent he'd grown on Sanji in the length of time they'd lived together, and that was upsetting because he'd only relied on himself.

Law looked at this as one of his first challenges – it was easy to fall back on something he was comfortable with, so he realized that this was something he had to stand strong on. Once he was able to catch himself after seeing this obstacle, he felt like he was on an unsteady ledge, which felt like it would give at any second.

He determinedly added more content to his meals – a dash here, a pinch there, extra bites, dairy products. But his mind kept telling him that it wasn't worth the effort because he was eventually going to run out of more options. The little stubborn voice in his head that spoke up from the back whispered that he wasn't making much of an effort; that even an extra egg wasn't an improvement; that dash of milk wasn't enough to help with anything; the notch on his belt was too tight. He was aware that he was battling himself so it made sense to focus entirely on himself.

He reappeared at the outpatient services desk with Penguin at his side.

But even that was discouraging. His file was plucked out from a nearby filing cabinet, clearly waiting for him. But he there were no updates in his progress, and he was introduced to a counselor he already knew by face; the nutritionist greeted him cheerily but had the same information at hand as she had the last time; it was as if they all had paused upon his leave to resume upon his return. He was inches similar to his last check-in – despite his efforts these past couple of weeks, he hadn't shown any physical signs of improvement. That struggle had felt like it was a waste, a breathless battle that had him stumbling backwards, ready to fall.

It all felt like a setup designed to help him fail. He wanted away from this disorder but it kept clinging to his ankles, pulling at his hair and hands. Shouting at him that he wasn't worth the effort to recover because he had done this before and he'd failed it numerous times before.

Eventually, he realized he wasn't making any improvements and life hadn't magically changed since he started. Eventually, he stopped eating that extra egg. He stopped taking extra bites. He stopped buying creamer for his coffee. He used work as an excuse to miss appointments. Feelings of failure began to weigh in on his determination and the will to give it up became stronger.

Eventually he was standing at the kitchen counter, watching a pot of soup turn cold and wilt as he lost track of time due to numbing uncertainty and doubt racing through him. Where was his strength and earlier will? He lost his appetite to nothing at all, unsettled by the suffocating feelings of having no success in regaining his footing. What had motivated him to get better was steadily being crushed by his comfortable feelings of failure.

 _Why was it so difficult to recover_? What was so damn hard about it that he couldn't seem to find the strength to pull himself over the ledge when he was so tired of dangling from it? It was frustrating sitting at a table, staring at his food – feeling his stomach tighten and grumble noisily, knowing all he had to do was put his full spoon in his mouth and being unable to do that because the voices were so loud in his head. It was frustrating seeing the looks on his friends' faces; it was frustrating seeing his hands began to tremble; it was frustrating laying in his bed, feeling every ache and pain in his bones and joints. His vision was starting to deteriorate – growing blurry and dangerously sensitive to light.

He often sat down on the couch and wished he could travel back through time to talk to his teenage self – give himself tough encouragement and advice.

People could tell him to "just eat!", but his mind and body cried out for understanding. One couldn't "just eat!" when they'd spent most of their lives battling just that. Those standing on the outside couldn't understand how upsetting it was to eat normal food because it physically caused discomfort once settled, and that his mind, so conditioned to think on various tracks, could not be coaxed to one track. It was frustrating looking around and seeing everyone with their mouths open to eat; it was frustrating not having that freedom to _just eat_. It was frustrating not being _normal_ because he'd brought himself to this point with his own decision. He was his own enemy, his own obstacle.

Eventually, Law realized that he hadn't heard Sanji talk in days.

Both of them sat on the couch one night, watching a documentary on Disney workers. Bepo was clinging to his shirt, and Law realized he hadn't paid much attention to him. The spotted gecko watched him with seeming concern, head tilted this way and that. Law wondered when he'd last placed him on his neck, so he shifted the lizard from the front of his sweater to the back of his neck. Bepo wandered back down to his sweater.

Law ended up checking his pulse. It was dangerously low, his skin cold despite the layers he wore, the blanket he sat under. He had to wonder why he wasn't dead, yet.

Law looked to Sanji, seeing the blond watching the television set with a blank expression. He was still wearing his work uniform, apron tied around his waist. It occurred to Law that he did not remember seeing the man in other clothes. He blinked a few times, trying to recall their last conversation.

He said slowly, "Will you eat?"

Sanji looked at him, as if surprised to hear his voice. He then furrowed his brow with consideration.

"Ah, no thanks," he said listlessly. "I'm not hungry."

"Well, did you?"

"Around lunch time, I suppose."

Law considered this with a frown. Sanji had greasy, stringy hair that seemed to cling to his face and neck like panels of yellow. His facial hair peppered his jawline and upper lip like fast growing wheat stalks. His eyes were colored purple underneath – he had seemingly new lines around his mouth, like accusing parentheses. Law winced. He wondered what he himself looked like.

"You look like shit," he said with observation. "You look like you probably smell like it, too."

Sanji looked over at him with surprise. But instead of reacting with any type of anger, he said, "Yeah…yeah, I probably do. I honestly don't remember taking a shower, today."

Law's face reacted with distaste as Sanji sniffed himself. Sanji lowered his arm to his lap with a shrug.

"I don't care," he muttered. "Washing dishes doesn't require much of an appearance anyway."

"I thought you had plans to take over that restaurant…?"

Sanji shrugged again. His face was breaking out where his hair clung to his skin. He then looked at Law with some curiosity. "So…how did that appointment go?"

"What appointment?"

"The…she was supposed to come here and look at the cupboards, or something?"

Law frowned. "That was over a month ago, Sanji."

"Oh. Shit….felt like it was yesterday." Sanji looked startled at this, picking at too long nails before asking, "Well, how's it going? With your…appointments?"

"I…I stopped going. They weren't very helpful."

Sanji looked at him with a start, eyes cruising over Law's guilty expression as the older man turned away.

"Oh," was all he said, with no emotion behind it.

Both of them continued watching the documentary in silence. Hours passed, and Law snapped awake after falling asleep. He thought he'd heard Sanji say something, so he lifted his head from the cushion to look at him. Then he looked down at himself, but Bepo was nowhere to be seen. He carefully unwrapped himself, searching for all the places a spotted gecko could be found.

Then he looked to Sanji again, seeing him pick at his nails.

"What?" he repeated after some moments.

"I said…both of us have given up," Sanji repeated slowly. "I'm sorry. I hadn't realized that you were in this condition."

Law frowned at him. "Am I a child to be taken care of? As I've been an adult for far longer than you, my responsibilities are not up to anyone else."

Sanji exhaled low. "I know, but…I'm so used to noticing what everyone else needs that – "

"That's not _your_ responsibility. It's theirs. Mine is mine. Take care of yourself."

Sanji's eyes closed heavily before opening with a struggle. "That's hard to do. I don't know how."

Law thought that was a powerful admission to give. It occurred to him that Sanji did not – he had been so focused on his ex-husband's well-being that when he thought to take care of his own, the effort had blown up in his face. It also occurred to him that he was in a similar position – so focused on saving other people's lives that he found saving his own was a struggle.

He searched inside of himself for any kind of response to give.

"You can start by taking a shower," he suggested slowly.

Sanji snorted.

"Take baby steps," Law continued. "Until you're back on your feet."

"What about you? What's the deal with you? Don't you want to get better?"

Law didn't know how to answer that. He didn't want to. It was too complicated sharing his thoughts and feelings on something another person just didn't understand.

Sanji looked at him when he realized Law wasn't answering. His eyes looked as lifeless as Law's had when he'd seen himself in the mirror. When he realized he wasn't going to get an answer, he resumed picking at his nails.

Law continued searching for Bepo, but he couldn't find him.

Nearly a week later, he wound up fainting at the hospital during a consultation. The board demanded that he take leave to "take care of himself". If he brought back a suitable doctor's notice that he was fit to continue his duties, he'd retain his job.

Quit honestly, it was the lowest point Law could hit. He'd always managed to slip by on promises that turned out to be empty, but this was a fatal blow to his finances. Being forced to "take care of himself" wasn't something pretty on paper. He ended up sitting outside the hospital with his overnight bag stuffed with things from his locker, waiting for Penguin and Shachi to finish up their duties. Outside the hospital, people were in too big of a hurry to notice him. The cold had eased up, but he still sat outside on the smoking bench fifty feet from the Emergency Room entrance with a thick jacket, hat and scarf, gloves anchored tightly to his hands. Down the block, he could see the gas station that he and the others visited a lot – it occurred to him that he had not seen Zoro or Brook in ages.

He watched traffic pass by, his mind numb with his thoughts and feelings. It took him several moments to realize someone was staring right at him, and he shifted dry eyes from the street to the right.

It was Luffy standing there, holding full bags within both hands. He looked quite victorious once he recognized that it was Law. So he approached determinedly.

"You strike me," Law warned sluggishly, "and you'll be charged with murder. Because I will most likely die."

Luffy scowled at him as he sat at the other end of the bench with a huff. "I wasn't thinking of hitting you. I was just remembering how mad I was at you for kicking me and now realizing I wasn't really mad at all."

After rummaging through his bags to retrieve a packet of jerky, he ripped that open. Law found it hard to focus on the younger man because his mind was so enveloped on his sense of failure and lack of self-worth. His frame made it uncomfortable to sit on the bench. _Everything_ hurt.

After cramming half of the package into his mouth, Luffy glared out at the traffic and chewed. It was an obnoxious sound that eventually drew Law out of his fog to glare sideways at him.

"Where's Sanji?" Luffy asked once he was able.

"I honestly don't know," Law answered vaguely, thinking of Sanji's mood.

Luffy frowned. "He move?"

"To La-La Land."

Luffy pulled out his cellphone, drawing up his Maps app. "Is that local?"

Law pulled his lips tight. "Why?"

"Because! I want to talk to him."

"Isn't that for him to decide?"

Luffy sighed noisily, lowering his phone. "I don't know where he is, he's not answering his phone."

It occurred to Law that he did not remember seeing Sanji with it at all. Neither of them communicated unless they were at home, and that night was the first time they had in a very long time. Both of them too enveloped within their own problems to notice what the other was doing. Strange for two men that lived together. He wondered if this is what a relationship felt like.

Luffy looked at him, holding out a piece of jerky with an expression of concern. The piece of dried meat did not appeal to him in any measure – it would be too uncomfortable chewing on something so hard. Law shook his head slowly, careful not to cause himself any dizziness. Luffy continued staring at him.

"Why are you like this?" he asked curiously. "You're a doctor, so why aren't you more doctor-like?"

"Can you imagine how many times I've asked myself that same question?"

"I can't. Because…" Luffy trailed off, face falling heavily. "Sanji isn't with you anymore, is it? Because I can't see him letting anyone starve – "

"His life isn't for me to make any comments on," Law replied.

"So he's _not_ there? Where does he work?"

"Why would he want to talk to you after the things you said and the things you've done?"

Luffy sighed noisily, turning his pained expression to the street. "I want to apologize. I thought a lot about stuff, and…I realized that I hadn't heard Zoro say anything nice to him for a long time. Before, when they started out, he'd say a lot of things that were _kinda_ nice, but…not lately. Not…so I think that what he did, he was just looking for someone that appreciated things. Not that Zoro _didn't_ , but…he never said that he did. Or showed it."

"He's doing a lot better," Luffy then said in an assuring tone to Law, who started to tune him out because none of this was anything important to him. These were all things Luffy should be saying to Sanji – it wasn't up to Law to tell Luffy about Sanji. "He stopped drinking so much and started working out again."

"I really don't _care_ …"

"But you can tell Brook is _so sad_ ," Luffy added, rummaging for a package of cupcakes. "Because he waits at the door and stares out the window, and he doesn't smile anymore. That ugly thing, I feel sorry for him. But Zoro doesn't want to share him with Sanji anymore. He takes him on more walks, but Brook's always looking for him."

Law felt vindictive because that dog displayed so much joy at the sight of his other owner, and it was really the only time Sanji showed any joy right back. Why was it so difficult to share a living being just because the parents couldn't stand each other? He imagined that this was why people killed each other after a divorce.

"We seen you in the gas station and there's that hospital thing," Luffy gestured in the direction of the veterinary hospital, "so I thought if I come down here to see you, I could somehow get in touch with Sanji."

"You made your decision," Law said slowly, thinking about that courtroom scene with some dread, "you chose to take a side. There are no take-backsies."

Luffy looked at him with a trembling frown. "We were going through so much! All of us were shocked - !"

"Then it's up to him to want to reach out, yes? The first moment of trouble, and you turned your back to treat the one hurt the most. Things like that cause…scars, if not treated properly."

Luffy's eyes widened and watered.

"I know that, now!" he snapped. "So I just want to say _I'm sorry_!"

"The bleeding hasn't stopped. The wound had gotten infected," Law said slowly, thinking of Sanji's appearance. "I'm sure when he's ready to get himself treated, he'll do what's necessary to get better. Your hands are dirty – you don't know how to sanitize properly. You'll just make the wound worse."

Luffy looked puzzled. He was aware Law was giving him advice, but he wasn't sure how to take it. Law rose from the bench slowly, giving his body time to adjust to the pressure. His head swam and that buzzing sound returned. He had to concentrate on not fainting as sounds merged into a blur. Luffy grabbed his arm with some concern – Law yanked his arm away once he was able to steady himself.

Looking a little out of place, Luffy's lips traveled to one side of his mouth. He kept looking up at the older man, as if debating within himself to continue pursuing this direction or move on to another option.

He exhaled heavily as Law looked for Penguin and Shachi, picking up his bag with trouble.

"I can't imagine Sanji letting you do this to yourself," he finally determined. "So I feel that he's not living with you, anymore. I don't know who the guys were that…that he…was messing with, so…I don't know where to go from here. I don't know how to find him. My friends – our friends – we just…want to see him again."

Law scowled at him, Luffy looking at him with a determined frown. "You are so stupid."

"No, _who's_ _the stupid one here_?" Luffy gestured at him. He looked disgusted while Law shifted his expression to that of a blank one. "Who does this to himself? _Who does this_? Why do you hate yourself so much?"

"Children will not understand until they're standing in the same shoes as an adult."

"I'd _never_ imagine willingly starving myself for attention!"

Before Law could say anything, something came to Luffy at that moment. His eyes widened and Law could _see_ the lightbulb going off over his head. He watched as Luffy looked down at his bags, then stuffed them both into the nearby trash can. Law was alarmed at the willing toss of unopened food stuff as Luffy exhaled heavily.

He looked at Law with a thumbs up. "Give Sanji a message for me," he said. "Tell him I'm going to not eat a thing unless he talks to me."

Law rolled his eyes. He held onto his bag with both hands. "At this point, it's not going to matter to him. I live with him, and he – "

Luffy's eyes glowed with victory until Law realized his mistake. Luffy gave a pump of his arm. He pulled his bags out from the trash can and walked backwards away from Law before settling against the nearby heli-pad wall. He pulled out his cupcakes once again and watched Law stand there, clearly not allowing him to leave his sight.

At that moment, Penguin appeared, waving an arm. "Shachi's getting the car!" he called out with reassurance. Luffy stuffed his mouth quickly, watching Law with that same determined look to his face. Considering traffic, Law felt that a few detours would be fine.

 _I'll outsmart him_ , he thought with confidence.

: :

Because of the strangeness of the encounter – feeling nervous, now – Law ended up telling Sanji about it when the man returned home. Sanji's reaction was a low, tired sigh. He had what looked like food stains around his shirt and pants. Law was pretty sure the man hadn't taken his advice. There were sweat stains on his shirt and he could definitely _smell_ him. Like cigarettes and old body odor, mixed with onions and sweat. It made his eyes water.

"I don't want to talk to him," Sanji mumbled bitterly. "I don't want to talk to anybody."

"I think it'll be fine," Law said. "Because I temporarily lost my job."

Sanji looked at him with a start.

Just as bitterly, Law mumbled, "If I want it back, I need to be well."

Sanji scratched just above his ear. There were definitely flakes falling away from the spot, coloring his shirt. "What does that mean?"

"I need a doctor's note to return."

"So just make one up."

Law looked at him impatiently before looking to Bepo's tank. He'd left it open, hoping that the lizard would return. But there still wasn't any sign of him. He wondered if Sanji noticed, and he didn't feel like saying anything.

Sanji sighed noisily, crossing his arms over his chest before wandering down to the couch. It occurred to Law that either one of them could have sat on the lizard and smothered it into the cushions. He didn't smell anything rotting, though. It occurred to him how unfeeling he felt about the reptile – how could he, when he couldn't even feel anything for himself?

He ended up mirroring Sanji's sigh before taking up his end of the couch. Both of them were so enveloped within their own problems that neither of them said a thing. It was hard to reach out to feel anything for another person when they couldn't allow themselves to feel for themselves.

He scratched around his goatee, the rasp of sound noisy against the still silence. Law looked over at the salt lamp that hadn't been turned on in…quite some time.

Sanji exhaled. "I never thought," he said slowly, his voice slightly raspy, "that I'd turn out this way. Like…I can't remember the moment when I gave up."

Law couldn't, either, so he nodded in agreement.

"I don't see the point," Sanji mumbled, looking at his fingernails. "Like…life?"

"Are you suicidal?" Law asked sharply, horrified at the thought of finding him one day.

"I think we both are," Sanji pointed out, looking at him. " _Both_ of us are just wasting away under the weight of our – _whatever_ this is! Both of us are going to wind up dead! Who has the key to this place? Who is going to find us when neither of us turn up?"

"I can see that cook kicking the door down to look for you," Law said dryly.

Sanji looked bothered. "I can, too…but…I guess the point is… _why_ are we doing this to ourselves?"

Law shrugged. He didn't know Sanji's reasons, and he didn't want to discuss his.

Sanji studied his own hands, the sound of his dry fingers rubbing together noisy.

"I made a mistake," he said slowly before Law interrupted him with, "Five?"

Sanji rolled his eyes. " _Five_ ," he confirmed with irritation. "I made _five_ mistakes. I know it's my fault. I know I fucked it up. I shouldn't…there should be no sympathy for me. In the end, I did this shit with my own free will, and…the consequences were expected. So…why…why did I stumble?"

Law couldn't answer that. But he felt it was similar to his position. He made his choice – all of them. All of his adult life. And the consequences were _this_.

"I should be happy," Sanji mumbled, furrowing his brow. "I should be happy because I was caught…I wasn't forgiven for something that I knew was wrong…I should be happy because I don't…feel like a slave, or unappreciated…but…I'm so _unhappy_ …and I don't understand that. There's no apology or fix in the world that can correct my… _five_ …mistakes. So…why aren't I happy?"

Law shrugged.

"Is it a chemical imbalance? Am I not…eating properly?"

"Are you eating at all?"

"Why am I on the opposite end of the spectrum? Where is my life? I always felt so much joy and peace cooking, but I can't bear to pick up a knife. I can't…I can't _breathe_. That's what it feels like," Sanji decided low. "I feel like I can't breathe because the air is too thick."

Law nodded with understanding. "Lung cancer."

Sanji frowned at him impatiently.

"That's how it starts. Restrictions of the lungs means – "

"It wasn't a literal thing!"

"I feel like," Law started off slowly, "neither of us will understand what it means to be in each other's shoes. So describing it feels like a waste of breath."

Sanji looked at him for a few moments, then nodded in agreement. "I felt like more of a person being with someone."

Law considered this. He couldn't understand the notion, so he said, "I feel less of one because I never allowed myself that sort of thing."

"Why?" Sanji asked curiously.

"Because I hate when people tell me what to do. Don't you feel that way?"

"I do," Sanji admitted with a wince. "But a relationship isn't like that – "

"You can't say that when yours failed spectacularly under your own hand."

Sanji sighed noisily.

"So what do you know of it?" Law asked. "If you left home early, found what you were looking for in someone that didn't satisfy you – you can't say anything about what love is, or what a relationship should be."

He was aware that he was being harsh – but he couldn't sugarcoat his words if he didn't feel any empathy.

"You're right," Sanji agreed slowly. "I shouldn't. I just have…I just rely on all these bits and pieces I see around me. I believe in my dreams rather than my reality. I put others before myself because it…makes me feel better. Because I am unworthy of anything better."

Law's lips tightened. _Damn_. It sounded so close to his own feelings.

"If I don't have this, then what's the point?" Sanji mumbled, looking off at something only he could see. "If I can't love myself, then how can I love someone else? And maybe I _didn't_ love him. Zoro. Maybe I relied on him too much for my own selfish reasons, never really attuning myself to what he wanted? Maybe, from the very beginning, I used him to satisfy cravings I couldn't identify then. That makes me the villain. That makes him _right_."

"In the end," Sanji muttered bitterly, looking at his fingernails, "my family was right about me."

Since Sanji didn't provide any detail after that, Law had no idea what they were "right" about. He assumed that this contributed to Sanji's feelings of self-worth.

"So," he said after a long stretch of silence, "what are you going to do about it?"

Sanji shrugged. "I don't know. What _can_ you do? I mean…what can I do?"

Law mimicked the action. Sanji looked to him. "What about you? I mean…are you going to check yourself into a clinic? Or how does that work?"

Law sighed, drawing his blanket tight around himself. "What's the point? They have my file on hold. Every time I try and get out of this mess I created around myself, I fall back in."

Sanji wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "I feel like you don't have much support."

"What _can_ other people do, Sanji, when I refuse to listen to them? I don't even listen to myself."

Sanji shrugged in response. "It feels good knowing that someone will catch you when you trip."

"Did anyone catch you?"

Sanji frowned while Law felt threatened. He honestly _hated_ this feeling. It wasn't like everyone was an enemy – they weren't trying to hurt him, so why was he so afraid of taking their outstretched hand? Frustration and anger warmed him from the inside. So angry at himself and his way of thinking that it felt like a physical thing inside of him, needing to be physically removed and pulled out.

Sanji watched his inner feelings play out on his face while Law glared out at his trembling hands. Something inside of him somehow _understood_ that the words Law threw back at him weren't something given with weight. A part of him perked slightly.

"You were right," he started off slowly. "I feel like I can understand your position. You'd once said you'd done this to yourself, this was of your own doing. No one contributed. I feel the same. I created my own problems – I feel, personally, that the things I do earn me no empathy from others – "

"Sympathy."

"EMPATHY, because I keep doing it to myself, _over_ and _over_ and _over_ and I don't want to hear what others say, because what do they know?" Sanji insisted. "They're not in my shoes. So hearing them give me advice, or telling me to help myself or I deserve what I gave myself – none of that is going to make me feel any better."

"I – "

"How long is your leave?"

Law frowned at him. "For as long as…as long as I have a clearance to return."

"Let's do this," Sanji negotiated. "I think that the place you go to is shit because they make you feel like shit. Let's try another place."

"I don't want to – "

"And you'd think that way because you're already comfortable with what you know, right? How do you know that it doesn't work if you're so comfortable in that zone? What if part of the reason why you can't get better is because you already know what to expect in a place that's given you similar results?"

Law's frown deepened.

"There has to be other clinics out there, with different personnel that won't treat you like the same guy that's already seen them before."

"I don't want – "

"Because it's uncomfortable, right? Isn't this your lowest point, Law? Losing your job because you can't…do whatever it is you do? Literally holding someone's heart in your hands – don't these strangers give you too much trust? Why can't you return the gesture by giving someone else that chance?"

"Because I know the rate of failure!"

"Is your life _that_ valuable to think that you can't take a chance?"

Law glared at him. _Obviously_ , his life wasn't. _Obviously_ , he didn't think so. _Obviously_ , he didn't feel any confidence in giving himself to another person to fix. If he failed himself, how could he expect others to succeed?

"We're both stubborn that way, huh?" Sanji murmured, sitting back in his seat. "Neither of us are too proud to hold ourselves up, but too fucking proud to allow anyone in. Is it for their concern? Or ours?"

Law remembered how he'd done this out of concern for Rocinante's finances. To "stay out of the way."

He furrowed his brow a little. _Why was he fighting this suggestion_?

Wasn't he _tired_ of giving in all the time?

Wasn't he tired of having no control?

 _Why couldn't he just give in and take that hand extended to him_?

He felt heavier than he did before, thinking these thoughts in a whirl of repeats. He'd fallen, but he could see the hand reaching for him to help him up. Shouldn't he take it after all this time? _Obviously_ , he could not do this on his own. _Obviously_ , he failed himself – so should he trust someone else to step in after all these years of turning away someone's offer?

But why was that thought so _frightening_?

He looked at Sanji. How could he think to trust a guy that couldn't live on his own? That fell apart once he had no one to cling to? And if Law should give him his hand, would Sanji forget all about himself once he had someone to focus on?

Law had to wonder, _Is this my last chance at recovery_?

Sanji rubbed his eyes, looking at Bepo's tank before looking at Law. His eyes skirted all around him before looking at him with some panic. "Where's your lizard?"

"I'll take the offer," Law said slowly, ignoring the question. His voice felt heavy as he released it. He felt winded. He felt scared because he was entrusting his life on a stranger that couldn't even save his own life. He was taking a risk, jumping a crevice he had no chance of clearing – reaching out for a hand stretching for his while the other was clinging to a fracturing rope. Both of them quite capable of falling.

With some hesitation he added, "As long as…you take care of yourself."

Sanji frowned at him with consideration. It was an odd condition, but he wasn't sure how to take it.

"I don't want to be the focus," Law said after determining that expression on Sanij's face. "Get your depressed ass on meds or start jogging, or something. Get a haircut, clean your skin, start dating – _whatever_. I don't want you to think this is all about me."

"I don't want to date," Sanji said hastily. "I…don't think that being with someone after failing my marriage would make any sense to me. I'd only repeat my mistakes."

"I don't care what you do, just fix yourself. Don't they have therapy for divorcees?"

"I…don't know. Sounds stupid."

"So does being told what to eat and how to do it."

Sanji sighed noisily. His hand went to his hair and swept it back. " _Fine_. Deal."

He extended his hand to shake on it, but Law did not trust it. He made a face until Sanji retracted it. He smelled himself and winced.

: :

That night, Sanji sat in the tub for quite some time. Just struggling to think beyond the thick fog that had seemed to settle permanently over his thoughts felt like a monumental effort. He thought about the deal he and Law made – it felt like such a risk. Was he capable of helping another person right now? Especially someone that far gone? It startled him how close to death Law looked _._

It made him feel a whirlwind of things. Guilt, shame, horror, fascination…he knew Law didn't blame him, but Sanji was a goddamn human being that did have empathy for other human beings, and for some reason, that empathy ran away from him. The man had lost his job (temporarily, he understood) because of his condition. But he felt angry at that – clearly, this person needed help. So why did the board, after all these years, expect him to help himself? Clearly, Law needed another employer.

How had Sanji checked out for so long? But it was something that had settled over him eventually, until he hadn't even realized what happened until being forced to face it. He had been so swept up in the loss of Zoro, over the end of love, over a new and uncertain world where everything was nothing what he'd dreamed it to be.

He accepted that the end of his marriage was his own mistake (five of them). He accepted that he was not a victim in this – he willingly caused his own misfortune. He was the cause of his friends turning their backs to him. He deceived them, his husband and himself – he took full responsibility for the explosion. He might as well as drew the knife over his own throat.

He understood why Zoro hated him so much – to have so much trust and faith in another person that said "I Love You" ripped away by the revelation of another man – Sanji was sure he'd never forgive himself for that. The things he'd wanted were things that seemed to trivial, now.

And perhaps he hadn't loved Zoro at all – not as a person. But as a 'safe place', a rope to help him from the crevice he'd fallen into at the hands of his family. Zoro had been his hand and Sanji took advantage of it.

Now, months later, he could look back and see all the mistakes and beliefs he'd made up in his mind to tolerate this marriage. He'd settled because he believed in the concept of love, that it truly existed. If he could make it happen, then it was there.

Only…that step had been rickety. Fouled by the truth.

Zoro had tolerated him because Sanji was pushy.

And now, after everything, Sanji lost trust in himself, in his belief, in the concept that he'd so lovingly crafted with his own hands. Who was he as a person if what he believed in didn't exist as he thought? Having love, and being loved in return, wasn't the work of one person. It involved two. He didn't have that with his family; he didn't have that with Zoro. The one thing he wanted he couldn't believe in, anymore. So the depression had settled in without him noticed that he couldn't see. Every day lived was just another day of mechanical action without him being present.

He went to work, he cleaned, he kept to himself. He smoked too much, he ate too little, he clenched his teeth too hard. His muscles felt stiff from being too rigid. He couldn't sleep – it eluded him, teased him, but refused to embrace him. When he did, he saw pictures of his family and friends laughing and mocking him, forcing him into corners he couldn't escape. He couldn't find joy in cooking because food made him sick; because feeding others, once a great pleasure, now seemed like an unbearable chore. What was the point of nurturing others if he himself couldn't have it?

It wasn't that he was actively suicidal – he didn't feel any urge to remove himself. He just felt like he was slowly disappearing.

He only vaguely noticed Law if the man said something to him, and even then, the memory did not stick. He absolutely could not remember interacting with him much – he didn't even know if he were there! How horrible of a person was he if he couldn't even acknowledge his own roommate's existence? It was as if he were entirely on his own.

But now that he saw him, Sanji felt overwhelmed by his deal. How does one "save" another person that didn't want to be saved?

He had to take that back. Law _did_ want to be saved. He just didn't know _how_.

He took Sanji's offer, despite his earlier show of refusal. But Sanji could _see_ how tired he was – it was all over that face. It was in the hopeless way Law answered, as if all his own efforts had just blown up in his face and he was tired of clinging. That's the impression Sanji got from him.

Sanji didn't know how to support a man that refused support. It was easy to say "Let me help you," and take over the rope. But Law refused that. So Sanji needed to find another way to catch that outstretched hand.

On his day off, he noticed Law looking at his phone. It occurred to Sanji that he didn't even know where his was. He did not remember where he'd last left it. Surely it was dead by now, so calling it was pointless.

But he asked, "May I help you find a place?"

"It's not like a Target, Sanji," Law returned impatiently, lowering his phone. Sanji noticed that he was having difficulty seeing things. He wondered how starving one's self affected eye sight. "They're not available at every block."

"Then may I ask someone?"

Law gave him a bewildered look. "And, what, tell them about my business?"

"It's common, isn't it?" Sanji asked tentatively. "In a food industry, surely there are those that would know."

"And so people can look at me like I'm a fucking freak."

"Look at me," Sanji said, gesturing at himself. Law looked reluctantly. "I think I would pass, right?"

Law ended up shrugging in response, and Sanji found that as permission.

"Thanks for allowing me to help you," he said carefully.

Law gave him a bewildered look. "Why would you be thankful for that?"

"Because it feels good to be needed," Sanji answered. Law ended up thinking about that. Sanji wondered if Law was going to ask him to find Bepo – but then again, he didn't want to bring it up if Bepo had accidentally died.

So Sanji approached Zeff once he arrived at work.

"I don't think that guy wants help," Zeff said gruffly, starting coffee.

Sanji pursed his lips then said, "It's…for me."

Zeff looked at him skeptically.

"I wanted to look a certain way," Sanji said slowly, pulling self-consciously at his apron. "And now I can't…like…"

"It's not that I'm holding the information for any sort of ransom," Zeff then said. "It's up to the guy that wants help. You can lead a horse to water, but ya can't make him drink it if he don't want it."

"But I need treatment. Or…I will die," Sanji assured him gravely.

Zeff studied him for a few moments, then put down the pot he held. He overlooked Sanji's lie. He had to doubt himself, though. He'd noticed Sanji's downfall over the past month or so – everyone had.

"I have a…friend," he said slowly. "And he sees a guy. But it ain't cheap or even – you might be admitted during evaluation. Can you do something like that?"

"I got time," Sanji assured him.

Once he had the name, Sanji made it his mission to find his phone. For some reason, it was laying underneath the mountain of ice in the freezer. He would have to get another. So he told Law, and Law looked it up. That weekend, both of them walked through a set of narrow doors and into what looked like a mansion. It assured the public that it was privately funded.

Sanji ended up walking out alone. It was to his relief that Law had agreed to stay for the weekend – to be evaluated, to be given fluids, to be given time to process his options - payment free – but both of them suspected that someone was paying for this visit, anticipating Law's arrival.

He wondered if Rocinante had the place bugged.

Once he returned home, he ventured into the kitchen.

He took a gamble. "Hey, if you find the lizard, can you please put him back in the tank? I don't want to wake up with him on my fucking face."

Then he cleaned out the fridge, cupboards and disinfected the counters. He put away dishes from the dishwasher that he remembered loading – _months_ ago.

By the time he was finished, he was exhausted. He slept in his bed for hours and woke up with a start.

Venturing into the living room, disoriented by his nap, he wasn't sure what he was looking for. But he found Bepo sitting in his tank, happily spread out on his rock. His water dish was full. He had a cricket running around the rock. There was a box of them sitting at the base of the stand. Sanji looked at it with distaste then looked around the apartment suspiciously.

"You cowardly scumbag," he said aloud, tone thick with revulsion.


	11. Chapter 11

**Naghi-Tan: Eventually, he'll come forward D: It's tough for them both, but things are changing for the positive! ; ) Brook and Sanji do have a good relationship – I wish I could write it better D:**

 **snowflake97: Thank you! :D Hopefully things will start to get better now that they hit bottom. This chapter should be a little perkier! Bepo is alive and kicking and the reason behind that will be revealed eventually.**

 **WulfyFang3: Ahhhh! That's reserved for another story! LOL**

 **: : 11**

It took a few weeks for Law to eventually open up about his disorder. He was so guarded against the 'usual standard' that he needed this time to venture forth with the basics of it. The therapist was patient and kind, and didn't allow him to feel like the cause of his disorder "wasn't important". Law eventually began realizing the roots of the disorder stemmed from the trauma of losing his family in the car accident. Binge eating as a preteen was his attempt to fill the emptiness he'd felt at losing them, and anorexia had become a way of having control over something he didn't have when they'd perished. Being allowed to see it that way opened up Law's eyes – he'd never attributed these things to his disorder, but once Marco was able to point that out, it felt like everything made sense.

His sessions were twice a week – once for therapy, another for food exercises. There was a nutritionist present, but Belladonna encouraged Law to invite Sanji, as his roommate and last minute emergency contact, to participate in what felt like a food workshop and not a clinical, humdrum detail of what to eat and how to eat. Sanji was reluctant to interfere and Law felt awkward with the invitation because they weren't that close – but both of them ended up making meals together at her designation.

Sanji realized that these workshops, designated for Law to understand that food wasn't an enemy, was a rather sneaky way to invite support for both of them. Law had mentioned that he'd started cooking his own meals by watching Sanji, but Sanji hadn't been cooking in a while due to his own depression. So doing this with each other, side by side, allowed Sanji to start working through his own issues by supporting Law. Belladonna was gentle and supportive, pulling in various ingredients with immense information on the content that made each meal new and different while gently nudging against Law's calorie limits. In the meantime, she was urging them to communicate together – which made it more awkward, considering that it felt strange to open up to each other in this fashion.

While they shared certain experiences with each other privately, none of it was intimate or personal. But it helped them open up little by little, learning new things each time. It made things weird back at the apartment for both of them – they weren't sure why this was affecting the relationship they already had, but it made them both uncomfortable. While Sanji was glad he could help in some way with Law's recovery, he felt awkward knowing personal details that Law admitted at Belladonna's coaxing during the workshop. While Law was glad Sanji was there to work out some of his issues by becoming interested in cooking again, he felt awkward hearing about how Sanji cooked this and that for Zoro.

Sanji didn't mean to bring Zoro up so much – it just felt like he was finally admitting to himself just how much his ex-husband took over his life so that it seemed that he was barely an individual himself. It had never occurred to him how co-dependent he was until he actually faced it.

It wasn't the easiest time for Law. He wasn't magically fixed just because he was doing things differently, or that he could come to grips with his disorder. His mind still fought him; it was surprisingly panic-inducing how he'd freaked when his clothes started to fit differently, and while he noticed a subtle improvement, it didn't reflect right away with others. He was still losing hair, he still could not look at himself in the mirror, his hands still shook and his stomach protested with each new meal he made himself. He realized that this was going to take longer than he thought.

"But we're beyond your usual point, right?" Marco asked him when Law pointed out his frustrations. It occurred to Law that they were. Right at this time he'd quit his progress, overwhelmed by his own insecurity and doubt. While he still felt those, he felt more comfortable admitting that he felt stronger this time than the last.

"Why do you think that is?" Marco asked. "What's different about this time?"

"Probably the ambiance here," Law admitted sarcastically while thinking about the answer. "More…plants."

Marco already understood that Law used sarcasm to safeguard himself, so he nodded gently. He gestured at several large pots sitting near a window. "These are designed to purify the oxygen in your room, so perhaps that's right."

"We have this salt rock lamp at home that's…sitting in the corner of the living room. We haven't turned it on in a very long time. It was interesting to have."

"Tell me, what happened the day you retrieved that lamp? Such an odd thing for the pair of you to have," Marco added, looking at him curiously. "Neither of you look like the salt lamp type."

Feeling slightly relaxed now that they weren't venturing into personal matters, Law thought about that day he and Sanji met Aokiji.

"We…did a lot of things that…I don't think either of us ever did. That store was…something I couldn't see myself entering, purely based on the outlook it provided. Hemp jewelry, potheads, vape pens and stoned cashiers. It smelled like…hippies basking in the sunlight," Law added carefully, thinking of how Sanji said it.

"Why does that memory make you smile?" Marco asked.

Law froze, unware that he had.

Marco shifted in his seat. "What else happened that day?"

"We…had ice cream. With snow still on the ground." Law found himself tightening up unexpectedly. It was difficult talking about something like this when it gave him suddenly unpleasant reminders of how good that day made him feel. It reminded him of his blooming feelings for the other man. They were missing all this time because of the circumstances, so suddenly being reminded of them – suddenly realizing them all over again – it was an unpleasant splash of hot water.

"But it was a great memory," Marco pointed out after some silence. "And you allowed yourself to enjoy ice cream. Is it wrong to feel happy?"

Law wondered what Marco would think if he'd explained his feelings. This wasn't the time to admit them or understand them. He had to focus on himself.

"It was a good day," was all he said, careful to control his expression.

That Saturday, he and Sanji found themselves standing in front of the food mart Sanji had liked to use. Both of them looked at the sliding doors with heavy reluctance, as busy shoppers walked around them and pushed carts with varying content. It was noisy, busy, and both of them could smell the deli. For Law, it was his first exercise to shop with a list he had made with Belladonna's assistance, and for Sanji, it was his first time out since his depression started. Both of them felt anxiety racing around their chests. Both of them felt reluctant to interact in such a busy place, making contact with people. Both of them knew it had to be done.

"It would count," Law said slowly, avoiding meeting the curious gazes of shoppers around them, "to just step inside the foyer and step back out."

"We can do this," Sanji said with determination, fists clenched at his thighs. His teeth was clamped around a cigarette filter that had already burnt down. "We have to, we can't just…make things last until you hit the gas station from our apartment to get goddamn _soup_."

Law looked at the list he had in his hand. There were a few ingredients there. He noticed a stack of baskets just inside the second set of doors. He worried about how he would look carrying that thing.

He looked to Sanji, who finally spit out the filter from between his teeth. He started biting his nails, then reacted with a growl and a light flail of his arms away from his teeth.

"Let's do this," he said, stalking ahead. He snatched a basket from the stack, and Law slowly followed after him. He felt like he had an overwhelming audience watching him as soon as he stepped in. But he told himself to stop feeling this way, for everywhere he glanced people were focused on food products, screaming kids and a loud deli server that served food with dramatics.

He plucked out a basket from the stack nearby, awkwardly cradling the handle in both hands. He'd memorized the list but every ingredient suddenly disappeared as his ears began to ring. He thought he was going to faint again, so he stood off to the side. He had no idea where Sanji left, the bustle of people overwhelming his sight.

He ended up seeing on the bench aside of the deli and feeling stressed as he clutched the basket handle in one hand. He ended up examining why he had these feelings, hearing Marco's voice as he did so.

Why did the store stress him?

Was it the new list? The expectation of eating what was on that list? Seeing people look at him?

Law exhaled low, calming the rising flames of stress. He started telling himself that it was silly to feel this way – _clearly_ he was shopping to make a meal, and it was no one's business why he looked the way he did. _Clearly_ he was shopping to eat, to nourish himself and he did not have to explain himself. He had every right as everyone else to be here.

Sanji showed up unexpectedly with everything on Law's list, cramming it all into one bag while tossing the basket towards the rack. He grabbed Law's arm and yanked him after. Law was surprised to see him sweating profusely around the neckline of his shirt, his face red with effort.

He took the bag from him as Sanji gulped in air just outside the doors, people looking at him with puzzled action.

Fanning himself, Sanji straightened up from holding onto his knees. "Panic attack, I guess," he sputtered uncomfortably. " _Holy shit_ , what is happening to me?"

"Depression," Law said with a shrug. "I suppose. Unless you're doing meth behind my back."

Wiping his eyes, Sanji managed a strangled laugh. " _How_? How – it's just a freaking _store_ , why am I freaking out like this?"

"Did you…run into someone you know?"

"No. I just…all I could think of was getting the stuff on your list - ! Oh…was…were you supposed to do this as part of your exercise?" Sanji interrupted himself to ask.

Law shrugged. "I can cook it."

For a few moments, Sanji seemed to struggle with himself. Law could see him cursing inwardly, because his mouth twitched and his eyes seemed to flare with some dramatic temper he hadn't shown in months. He could just imagine that the younger man was cursing himself out for "being bossy".

"I really didn't want to do it anyway," Law said slowly. "It was overwhelming just walking in there."

"That'd be great, because…I don't think I can do it. Cook. I mean, only because that's something you should be doing, I can just…help or something, in some way," Sanji then said anxiously, hands clenching the other in a show of control. He then lit up hastily, much to the dismay of those passing by them. He ignored a couple of comments as he exhaled, so Law wondered if he were still struggling to restrain himself from taking over Law's exercise.

It was hard holding onto the bag. His fingers felt slippery. His muscle strength wasn't that spectacular. But he held onto it determinedly while Sanji struggled to hold himself back from doing it himself.

After some minutes, Law suggested, "Should we eat here and save cooking for later?"

Sanji considered the deli the pair of them could see from the outside. He instantly wanted to say no, but he said reluctantly, "Sure."

Minutes later they were both seated at the back table, where they could only be seen if someone walked into the deli to use the drink station. Sanji had a sandwich he hadn't dressed and Law had a cup of soup with a small bag of chips. Neither meal looked that appetizing, nor did either of them made the motion to start eating. Sanji was burning with stress – he hadn't realized how nervous he was to be back in the public eye. He'd lost so much confidence and security in himself over the past few months; sick at the thought of facing his former friends, again. Scaring himself over his imagined reaction of seeing them. His mind had gone absolutely blank for the week's meals – it was like he'd forgotten the basics of grocery shopping. All of this accumulated to the panic attack he had; which seemed so _pathetic_ considering the circumstances.

Sanji inhaled and exhaled slowly before he said, "So…you think this is working out for you?"

Law considered the milestones he'd made so far. He ended up nodding. "I do. I've never gotten this far, before."

Sanji looked relieved. "That's good to hear."

Both of them fell back into awkward silence for a few minutes. Law glanced up at Sanji to see him frowning down at his sandwich, both hands clutching the chair seat. He was starting to clean up – he took daily showers, changed and washed his clothes, put some effort into paying attention to his face. Now he just looked like someone that had a hard night's sleep rather than looking sleepless. With the warming weather, both of them had chosen light sweaters and jeans, while Law layered up with a black, hooded jacket and light scarf.

"I want to watch a movie," Sanji then decided. "In a theater."

Law couldn't remember the last time he watched a movie in a theater. He wondered why.

Once they agreed upon a movie, Sanji bought butter-less popcorn, some candy and a soda. Law wouldn't allow himself any of those – the idea of indulging was intimidating. But he could hear Marco asking why it was a crime to _enjoy_. Law found himself wondering what his younger sister would have bought while enjoying a movie with friends – with him. With their parents.

It was startling thinking of this subject all of a sudden. He had not given them a thought in what felt like years. Most of his head was consumed with his job, with food – it occurred to him that he didn't even remember his parents' voices, or Lamie's laugh. He froze in his seat while Sanji dumped popcorn into a cardboard tray and set it on his lap.

"Just in case," he assured the older man while sipping at his soda. He immediately made a face.

Eager to get his mind off his family, Law asked, "What is that?"

"It tastes like diet. _Disgusting_. I'm going to go exchange it. Want water?"

He was off before Law could answer, and the older man glanced around himself uncomfortably. The theater was large, but already had some couples, a few singles, and what looked like a family at the end of their row. So everyone's voices was quiet and gentle, the sounds of them enjoying snacks filtering in above the soothing sounds of the music as it showed local advertisements. Law looked at the popcorn tray in his lap, then took a kernel. He ate it slowly, allowing the taste to permeate his taste buds. It wasn't bad, but it made him feel panicked because it was dangerously unsettling how he could let himself splurge.

He once again pictured his little sister cramming popcorn into her mouth and sipping at her soda without pause. He wanted to recapture that feeling of freedom. He wanted to feel it for himself. Sanji had a box of candy in the other cup holder. Chocolate covered peanuts. Law reached for them.

His mother had used to mix her popcorn with M&M's. He remembered that. He dumped some peanuts into his hand, watching it tremble. Then he dribbled popcorn over that. One by one, he ate all of that. It hurt to remember more of his family as he chewed, recalling bits and pieces of his childhood in such a random moment. It had never occurred to him that his disorder had been the aftermath of losing them.

Sanji returned with a brand new soda, settling in his seat before noticing what Law eating. He looked at him with surprise, then worry.

"You okay?" he asked quietly, hand reaching over the armrest between them to touch Law's arm. The theater darkened at that moment, and Law hadn't realized it then but his cheeks were wet with tears he didn't know were falling. It was embarrassing to acknowledge this, touching his face with palms and fingers smeared with chocolate. Sanji quickly passed him napkins, then wet a couple with the water he'd purchased.

It would be shameful to walk out into the hall and use the restroom with chocolate on his face. Law ended up letting Sanji wipe his face with the napkins, using the darkness of the theater to feel _okay_ doing so. He trusted the other man to protect his dignity and not make a big thing out of the situation.

"The last time I watched a movie, I was with my family," Law explained. "I guess it just caught up to me."

Sanji ended up ruffling his hair as Law wiped his nose with a clean napkin. "I _guarantee_ you that no matter where they are, they are extremely proud of you. I bet they're smiling in heaven, seeing you here."

"You're so _cheesy_ ," Law mumbled, but he trusted that Sanji was right. It was weird that he could picture it.

Sanji chuckled, nudging Law's shoulder with his forehead before turning back to the screen with his popcorn. In the end, Law could say with comfortable ease that this was another one of those good days.

When Law tried to explain to Marco at his next appointment the significance of his progress, Marco just smiled with understanding.

"What do you feel when you think of your family, now?" he asked curiously.

Law had to think about it, but ended up shrugging. "Right now, I'm just remembering things. It…astounds me how much I had not thought about them."

"It tells me how powerful your disorder had become," Marco said. "It seems like it's a separate entity. But one that's steadily being lassoed and contained."

"I wouldn't be that positive," Law said with some uncertainty. "It's not something that's…I had it for most of my life, it's not that easy to rein in."

"Of course not," Marco assured him. "It won't be easy. It's not supposed to be. Killing a toxic part of ourselves involves much more than just…milestones. It means facing memories we don't like, memories we may have forgotten, memories we just made. It means looking into the mirror, Law, and seeing every part of ourselves we didn't want to see before. But every time you look into that mirror, you're going to realize something."

"How ugly I am?"

"That you can actually face yourself," Marco corrected. "Which is usually the toughest part about this disorder. You can look at yourself and see for yourself the damage you've done – but what makes it different this time around is now, instead of looking at yourself and seeing the damage, you can look at yourself and see so far what you've _repaired_. It's visible, Law. It became visible when you started thinking of your family."

Law thought he was full of some new-age shit that belonged to the store Aokiji worked at.

But when he got home that evening, he mustered up the courage to look at himself. He was disappointed that he could not see the physical changes Marco insisted were there. But the longer he stood there, the more he realized that he had pieces of his father clinging to him. He had his father's wild hair – thin and scraggly, now, but Law imagined that once he was healthy he'd have the same thick, seemingly uncontrollable hair that his father did. He had his mother's eyes. He remembered that she had a beautiful smile. He had his father's shape – he had his mother's hands.

Tears dripped to the carpet at his bare feet. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand. His family was physically gone, but they'd always been with him in spirit. _In_ him.

And they probably were encouraging and supporting him from wherever they were now – he thought about how Sanji spoke of a Higher Power. He didn't believe in it because he believed in his own hand and his own work. But he had to believe that people went somewhere when they passed – even if they were quiet, even if he couldn't see them, they were still present.

He looked at himself in the mirror once more. His chest didn't look so thin, he realized. His bones weren't as prominent. His shoulder joints weren't so knobby. When he breathed, his ribs didn't push so hard against his skin. He furrowed his eyebrows. He ended up touching his sternum, tracing over the line with his fingers before settling his palm over the left side of his ribs. His heart beat steadily inside of his rib cage.

It didn't seem like much, but Law felt encouraged. He could see his progress. He could see his family. He could _remember_.

: :

Both of them were able to wander into the grocery store days later. Sanji had written a bigger list and both of them agreed upon that week's meal plans. It was the first time Law had started to feel a little more confident of himself – he left his jacket and hat at home. His clothes were still too big on him, but because he felt a certain way about himself, he nervously plunged forward with a simple sweater shirt, jeans and his hospital shoes. People looked at him and made quiet comments but he was sure that thing wouldn't die so easily. He had his hands fisted in his jeans pockets, though, clenched tightly as tension strummed through him.

But as small of a step as it was, it was one of the biggest he could take at this point. Sanji seemed more relaxed with him – Law had grown to understand that he was holding himself back from taking any sort of control to dominate the outing. He'd realized that Sanji was using more "May I…?", or "Can we…?" in place of his usual "I'm going to." He refused Law's suggestion on finding his own therapist, claiming that doing this was enough for him to work on himself.

Both of them wandered the fresh fruit and vegetables, picking out things from the list. Sanji pushed the cart while Law read off the piece of paper with his tense handwriting. Both of them were haggling each other over a bag of mixed vegetables versus fresh when they became aware of heavy breathing from behind them. Both of them looked to see Luffy standing there – dripping with sweat and effort, alarming other shoppers.

"I found you!" he managed to heave out, glaring at Law before looking at Sanji.

Sanji put the bag aside. Law wouldn't blame him for leaving the scene, watching him with curiosity. But after a few moments of composure, Sanji turned away from his cart to face Luffy.

"What do you want?" he asked, with just a touch of a snap in his tone.

Luffy looked at him, then tensed up. He struggled to get his breath back, but also struggled to align his thoughts. To Law, it seemed like all the words he wanted to say suddenly just crashed spectacularly and jumbled together, like a fatal car accident. He imagined big words laying like dead bodies alongside Luffy's simple sentence structures. It was alarming how big his imagination was growing.

" _Sorry_!" Luffy ended up shouting, the word ringing out throughout the store. Sanji looked surprised while Law rubbed his left ear, which was closer to the young man. "I'm sorry!"

"For what?" Sanji asked on a bewildered tone. "Don't be sorry."

"NO! I'm not – I'm not taking my apology back!" Luffy shouted at him, then struggled to lower his voices, fists clenched at his chest. "I'm saying _sorry_ because…I've been trying to say that all this time! I – I've been looking for you, for, like, _forever_ \- ! I could've said it better if he'd just – give me you!"

After he pointed accusingly at Law, Sanji glanced at the older man. It amused him to see that Law looked vaguely amused as he watched Luffy.

"He did tell me about you," Sanji then said to Luffy quietly, noticing that people had returned their attention to their shopping. "What am I supposed to do about it?"

Luffy exhaled hard, finally able to breathe normally. He stared up at Sanji with examination. "You didn't want to talk to me?"

After some consideration, Sanji said, "I didn't. Not to any of you. Why?"

Luffy frowned, casting his attention to the contents of their cart before looking at both of them again. He focused on Law once more. "You weren't at the hospital."

Sanji snapped his fingers to regain his attention. "I accept your apology. Now, scram."

"No," Luffy refused with a shake of his head. "I have a lot to say."

"I don't…" Sanji exhaled shortly. "I don't want to hear it. Really, there's nothing for me to say – "

"It took me a long time to realize that - ! I kinda get why you left Zoro," Luffy interrupted him. "It took me a long time to think about it, and I get it. So…I just want to apologize for the way I acted. Because – but -! I don't understand why you couldn't talk to us about it."

Sanji frowned deeply. Considering the subject, Law felt that it wasn't one that Luffy was going to give up any time soon. So he took hold of the cart.

"I'll finish this," he told Sanji, giving him the privacy Luffy was demanding. Sanji looked after him reluctantly before crossing his arms tightly over his chest. Luffy continued staring up at him with an angrily determined look, like he was going to fight every word Sanji would say. Eventually he crossed his arms, mirroring Sanji's look.

"Speak," Sanji said, growing uncomfortable with the confrontation. Every part of him was rigid with tension, and he couldn't help but glance around, looking for the others. Looking for escape routes.

"Back then," Luffy said with some uncertainty, "before all of that started – weren't we your friends? Why couldn't you have said anything?"

"What business was it of yours?" Sanji asked. "Was it something you'd understand then?"

"I would've _tried_!"

"And what after that? What would you have done to fix the matter?" Sanji asked him sharply. Luffy looked frustrated at this, lowering his fists to his side. "You can't make someone…feel something for someone that…either lost the feeling in the first place, or never had it."

"I know Zoro says stupid stuff like he doesn't care, or it doesn't matter, or - !"

"It has come to my attention that it was my fault from the beginning," Sanji interrupted him. "I…confused something I thought was love with something that turned out to be…a convenient way to escape."

"So…you didn't love Zoro?"

"I don't know what to feel at this point," Sanji answered honestly. "What I thought I had wasn't something that…was real. And it was my fault."

Luffy gave an impatient sound before saying noisily, "You always blame yourself for everything - !"

"I blame myself because it was myself that put myself in that position!" Sanji snapped at him. "At this point, I don't know what love is, anymore. Maybe I didn't love him in the first place. Everything that I thought I had with him…wasn't exactly…what I had insisted it being…"

After Sanji trailed off lamely, unable to talk about it any further, Luffy frowned up at him.

"That's a lotta years being a liar," he said.

Sanji just nodded because it was the easiest thing to do.

"It's best this way," he added. "Not…there's no point talking to you about any of it. Not now."

Luffy exhaled with frustration. What he'd set out to do had practically blown up in his face. He was so sure it would work out with his apology, that Sanji would automatically open up to him and they'd fix it and be friends again – but now his thoughts were wild because he understood that Sanji was claiming he wasn't in love in the first place. But his memories convinced him differently of this matter, so he knew Sanji was lying in some form.

To either make him mad, or make him go away. His instinct told him that it was the latter.

Luffy wasn't not a patient man.

"Why are you lying?" he asked.

Sanji glanced uncomfortably at those that were subtly eavesdropping. He gave Luffy a scowl.

"Just leave me alone, all right?"

"NO!" Luffy lowered his voice once others looked their way. "I just want…an answer. A _good_ one. I just…I know I did this badly, I just - ! I'm sorry it took this long of a time to understand these things, I just…! I know you won't come back, I know - ! Look!"

He took out his phone, flipping through various photos. Fearing what Luffy would show him, Sanji took the advantage to step out of sight. By the time Luffy looked up to show Sanji a picture of Brook, he was dismayed to see that Sanji was gone. He pocketed his phone and raced out onto the main aisle to look for him.

It probably didn't help that he ran like a large animal was chasing him – Sanji evaded him easily by hiding behind displays or crouching behind shoppers. Luffy was out of breath by the time workers nervously approached him to calm him down. He caught sight of Law using a self-checkout lane, so he ventured in that direction, wiping sweat from his forehead.

Law glanced at him after pausing in mid-scan. "Should I call an employee over to assist with you, lost child?"

Luffy glared at him. "I'm not a lost child."

"Here," Law said, passing him a chocolate bar.

"Oh, wow, thanks! I needed this," Luffy said, ripping the packaging open to take a bite out of half of it.

Law waited for him to start chewing before saying, "You'll have to pay for it."

"Wow, you dirty dog! Tricking me," Luffy accused, taking over on the next stand to do so. "Sanji ran away from me."

"Well…can't help you there."

After Luffy completed the purchase, he balled the wrapper up to shove it into his pocket. He stood there while Law finished scanning up his groceries. Luffy wore a glum expression.

"I want to apologize and fix the relationship that we had," he said slowly. "And I get that it'd be…hard because…neither of them are speaking to each other. Or that any can forgive each other. I get that Zoro's still mad, and I get that Sanji is…ashamed. But – "

"It's not up to you," Law said impatiently, reloading the cart with full bags. "Stop bothering me."

Luffy exhaled noisily. "Can you just give me his phone number?"

"I would if he had a phone."

"He doesn't have one? _How_?"

"It suffered an unfortunate ice accident."

As interested as Luffy was in that story, he pushed it aside to scowl. "Everyone has a phone!"

"All his contacts had included my prissy self and probably his boss," Law mused. "I'm sure if dogs could have a phone, Brook's, too, would be included."

Luffy looked off into the distance with a sad frown. "That's so sad…"

Law thought about being unable to communicate with Brook personally. "I know. I'm sure he would have interesting things to say."

"Who, Sanji?"

"Brook."

"I mean, he's okay with Zoro, but he obviously misses Sanji, too. Sanji was kinda like his mom and Zoro the dad," Luffy added sadly. "Sometimes he cooperates with Zoro to take his medication and eat, but other times he fights it and Zoro gets so frustrated because he's trying to take care of him. So Brook is really missing his mom."

"Not the mamma," Law commented vaguely, an image as Brook over Baby Sinclair from the show, "Dinosaurs". He could even picture Brook dressed in the yellow crop shirt and diapers. It was so amusing to him that he smiled faintly.

Luffy wasn't sure what he was speaking about, but ignored the comment. "It's sad not having friends."

Law gave him an irritated look as he pushed the cart to the exit. He was sure Sanji would catch up eventually. "Well, whose fault was that?"

Luffy gave a frustrated expression, but it was something he couldn't help. He walked alongside Law, then looked at his cart. An idea formed. "I can help you carry these home."

"No need for that. I'll help."

Both of them looked up to see Chiffon standing there, a gleaming black car awaiting at the curb. She was wearing some multi-dollar outfit that looked a little cringey with her loud makeup and curled hair. "I saw you guys shopping," she told Law. "We're going in the same direction."

"Damn," Luffy muttered, then perked once more. Law realized he intended on following the car home.

"We need to make a few detours," he told Chiffon as a man dressed in black left the front seat to help load his groceries aside the baby already strapped into his car seat, gurgling happily with some toy.

"That's fine," Chiffon assured him.

Luffy scowled at Law. Law looked at him. "Understand the message, kid. I believe it's loud and clear."

: :

Sanji was home when Law and the others had finally managed to lose the kid chasing them. He lingered in a safe hiding place until he saw that the area was secure, then helped Law gather their bags. He was sheepishly silent as they headed back to their apartment after saying "thanks" to Chiffon.

"Think you'll be running forever?" Law asked him curiously as they entered the elevator.

"I just need some time to settle some things within myself," Sanji muttered. "I mean…I don't know how to feel with that. That he wants to apologize…I mean, I guess he's allowed to. But…I don't know why he'd want to."

"Guess he wants to be friends again."

"Doesn't he realize how awkward that'd be? Before, I looked forward to explaining my part but now – after all this, I…don't think it's necessary."

They headed down the hall to their apartment once the elevator let them off.

"What good is it going to do?" Sanji asked as Law found his keys to unlock the door. "After all this time, after what happened, what's the point of being friends with them again?"

"Closure?" Law asked with a shrug as they walked in.

He stopped short once he saw that Bepo had escaped his tank, looking up at them from the floor while Sanji caught himself from bumping into the other man after turning from the door. The spotted gecko quickly crawled up one of Law's legs while Sanji watched with a shudder. With a seemingly cheery look, the lizard perched onto the man's right shoulder. Law carefully made his way to the kitchen to set his share of the bags down onto the counter, Sanji doing the same behind him, closest to the fridge.

Sanji wondered if he should share his theory with Law. But he reasoned that if Law wasn't that concerned about Rocinante's sly behavior, it probably wasn't that big of a deal. But Sanji didn't understand how a man who took care of Law as a child could just stand back and watch him starve to death. It didn't make any sense. He felt anger towards a man he didn't even know.

At the same time, he told himself not to get involved with Law's personal business. Sanji wasn't of any position to interfere with what the man was doing. They were roommates, thrown together by chance, who happened to have…rather striking similarities. He wondered what Law would say of him when Sanji finally succeeded in securing his own place. Would he be as memorable a roommate as Aokiji and Kid? And who would take his place? Would it be someone compassionate and understanding?

He just didn't understand how any of those people allowed this man to melt away to this point. At the same time, he had to consciously pull himself back, not allow his feelings to take over. After his failed marriage to Zoro and the things that came out of it, he felt if he grew too involved with Law's situation, he'd treat it the same way he had with Zoro; grow dependent on someone that didn't have the strength to be firm with him.

Sanji was afraid to love again. As a result, he was afraid of getting close to anybody else. But he kept being drawn into Law's world because of his recovery efforts. Law drew his boundaries and Sanji did his best to stay aside of them. But he was afraid of what he'd do if either of them crossed that boundary.

During dinner, Law frowning as he took a bite of his own creation, Sanji politely ate as Law made a face. Bepo was bumping against one of the glass walls of his tank, ignoring the cricket that scampered over him. The lizard was upset he was banned from their eating area.

"This is fucking gross," Law announced.

Sanji couldn't taste what was wrong with it – it felt like his tastebuds had died long ago. Making all that smoking he'd done finally killed them.

"It's edible. That's what matters," he said, lowering his spoon. He actually wasn't sure what it was supposed to be.

"I can _taste_ the salmonella."

"The eggs are supposed to look like that."

"Why is this a food source?"

"I think you did a fine job. This is what quiche is supposed to taste like."

"Why don't you cook it?" Law asked stubbornly, looking at his bowl with distaste. "The things you make don't taste like unwashed ass."

"Are you an expert in unwashed ass?"

"I imagine it's something that you can taste by looking at it."

Sanji chuckled. "So when you look at an asshole, you think, Hmm, this tastes exactly as it looks."

"Like runny eggs. I guess if you have a taste for it, you can do it."

"Noted."

"Yeah, pretty sure that's what it would taste like," Law said vaguely.

"Or it just tastes like skin."

"Oh, you would know, right?" Law looked at him with consideration while Sanji lowered his spoon with an amused look. Intense silence hung between them.

"Are you suddenly considering being polite? Or realizing the error of your thoughts?" he ended up asking as Law then looked uncomfortable.

"Can you just please cook something else?" Law finally asked with some embarrassment.

"What goes through your mind, sometimes?" Sanji wondered aloud.

"I have already acknowledged that I have many inappropriate thoughts, there's no need to further embarrass myself."

"You never act on these things?"

"If I did," Law said slowly, "I'd be arrested."

"That is funny. Because I don't think you're a person capable of such deviant things."

"Despite it all, Sanji, I'm still a man. And we're dogs. _Most_ of us."

"That box in your closet – it's taped up with something that doesn't match the tape we have here. So opening that is going to somehow align with this conversation, isn't it?"

Law struggled to suppress a sheepish smirk. "Don't open it," he warned Sanji. "I am very embarrassed about that period of my life."

Now Sanji was insanely interested. But he had to play this game slyly. So he shook his head. "I'm not interested in whatever 80's flavor sex toys you have in that thing."

"Why would it be 80's?"

"But you don't deny that it's a sex toy."

"It's my most precious collection, and I'd rather you not bother me about it."

Sanji pursed his lips, playing with his food while Law struggled to control his expression. He then said, "Knowing you, it's not exactly something shameful. It's something that you'll give the wrong impression of."

Law shrugged. "It does make me feel fabulous."

Sanji looked at him for a few moments, then settled against the table. "It's something like…toys. It's a toy."

Law gave a twitch, as if acknowledging this as a 'yes'.

"It's your sister's toys?"

Law ended up trying to hide a smile of mirth. Sanji wondered if he almost crossed a line bringing that up, but Law ended up saying, "She wished they were."

"So it _is_ toys. And considering your love for that era…" Sanji gave it some thought before saying, "I'm going to need the internet to look this up. That's too far back for me."

"As a child, didn't you have toys to play with? Or were you of the tablet generation?"

"Don't make yourself out to be an old man, you're only a few years older than me. And I had toys," Sanji stressed. "All the boy things that made us masculine and tough."

Law considered this. "Well, if my parents waited a few more years being born, they would have fit right into this generation's set of free will parents."

"Don't tell me they're Barbies…"

"No."

" _Law_."

"No. It's not."

Sanji sighed heavily. 'And they're not your sisters?"

"Nope. Totally mine. Even has my initials on the hoof."

Law realized he'd made a mistake, causing Sanji to think hastily.

He laughed. "Don't tell me you're a fucking _Brony_!"

"That name is so obnoxious. And it's a small collection, I'm not exactly obsessed, I just kept the ones I had all these years."

"You have to show me! You _have_ to!"

They ended up looking at the small collection of My Little Pony toys Law kept from his childhood. Sanji erupted into laughter and mangled smoker's coughs as Law demonstrated that they were capable of changing color under warm and cold water. He insisted that he'd wanted to be a veterinarian before his dad's influence changed his mind. Each of the toys had a structured background and story. Both of them ended up laughing about Law's memories with them.

Law hadn't spoken about personal details of his family to anyone, before. But it felt good talking about them, now, using the collection to do so. How encouraging his mother was providing him with new ponies when they came out, how proud of his father was that Law wanted to venture into the medical field, how Lamie argued and fought with him over the toys.

Sanji was in awe that a family could be so encouraging and so supportive of their son's interests, despite it not fitting into the mainline. He was happy Law shared these things with him; he had a great time being in that moment. But once he realized that this felt too intimate, when the laughter died down, he helped Law tape the box back up again. He helped him put it away then ventured into his own room without saying a thing.

Law was confused by the abrupt departure, hearing the door shut behind Sanji. He felt like they were having a good time, but Sanji suddenly just closed up and left him without saying anything.

He didn't know what he did wrong.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Law is often referring to Jersey Shore and Laguna Beach. Man, I loved those shows back in my day! XD This chapter turned out to be a long one – I couldn't cut it in half.**

 **Naghi-Tan:** T . T

 **Harmonica Smile:** I need some humor to clear the air – it's so emotionally intense. Especially this chapter! I thought Marco would be in a good spot in this story – took me a lot of thinking as to who could fill it, and his face popped up first. It's a small part, but it's pretty important. Law is definitely fighting to recover, and it isn't an easy process but it's starting to get stronger. Doesn't make it an easier when venturing out of a cave created by his own hands keeps crumbling around the edges D: His disorder had him so occupied that he'd stacked his memories of his family away but with Marco's help and his small support around him, he can do it! (Maybe…I still can't see the ending D: ) I'm doing ok : ) Rocinante will come back around…someday…but his involvement will stay small, considering how big this pair's problems are. To minimize my emotional wellbeing lol

 **Guest:** It was a definite, wonderful perk, wasn't it? He's getting more hopeful and a little bold, but…sorry about getting your hopes up when you read this chapter D:

 **Snowflake97** : They are on the mend! Luffy will pursue them to the ends of the earth to be heard – considering that he'd derailed off his plans in canon to ask Sanji a "question" XD. There will be moments ahead! Someday…

 **WulfyFang3:** Both of them are toeing a line that gets further muddled in this chapter. Neither of them bold enough to say much but skirt around the issue. At least they acknowledged to themselves that there is _something_ there! I know Law is a coin collector but this seemed more fitting for this modern AU, considering his television obsession.

Thanks to all that read this fic!

 **: : 12**

Sanji felt like he was in a defining position – he was struggling to pull out of his depression with mighty effort. He started it off feeling as if he hadn't slept at all – he thought about the things he needed to do and how to do it; he thought about how to improve it. He thought about the actions he was taking with Law in Law's recovery; he thought about how he needed to tip-toe around the apartment because Bepo knew how to escape his tank. He thought about Brook, he thought about Zoro, he thought about Luffy and his friends. He thought about how hard it was to get himself up on time, to properly shower and dress, to do basic things.

Everything was a physical and mental struggle. It seemed a little better now, but there were days where this depression weighed down his limbs and scattered his thoughts and made life feel like it was a terrible thing. Ever since the divorce, it felt like he'd lost a whole part of himself that had to be reconstructed again. It seemed like a topic that didn't hold weight or importance, but it was his struggle. He had to wonder just how many other people out there struggled to _live_ after a divorce, and why wasn't it an every day topic?

But it was starting to occur to him that he _rarely_ thought of himself. He told himself he needed to start off thinking _about_ himself; how he could improve _his_ appearance, how to like _himself_ more, how to give himself some TLC. He was divorced, but still giving everyone else but himself the care he needed.

Had he ever in the first place?

He'd spent most of his childhood trying to please his family; he spent the rest of his life trying to make Zoro and the others happy. Part of his co-dependency was giving Zoro everything so that Zoro would love him, but that backfired. Now he was in a place where he was alone and starting over and learning how to be a person again, and he'd never thought it was going to be this difficult.

Law had his boundaries. If he felt Sanji was being too pushy on him, he'd speak up right away and Sanji found it helpful to ease off the gas in order to give the older man the space he needed. He could feel himself falling into the role of caretaker once more, but getting frustrated when Law either ignored him or denied him the action; Sanji only recognized that he was frustrated because it was his own security being checked rightfully by someone that was firm with him. It was a good thing. Sanji was grateful for that.

Zoro had let Sanji make the decisions, then get irritated with them later. Sanji had insisted it was for Zoro's own good, but now…Sanji could see that he took control in a way that wasn't healthy for both of them. No wonder Zoro was so conditioned to rely on him without giving anything back in return.

Sanji realized he had to continue taking this road with his own feet to find himself. He had to find out what sort of person he actually was on his own. He didn't have Zoro and the others to rely upon; he didn't have a family to call and ask advice from. All he had was Law, the restaurant and a lizard that liked settling atop of his forehead whenever he escaped the tank. He missed Brook terribly but he had to trust the old dog was being cared for by Zoro. He had to let that go.

The things he and Law shared with each other were starting to creep past their earlier boundaries. The toys was one example; the recovery efforts with Law was another. He was starting to see what sort of person Law actually was, and it was startling how similar he was to Sanji. Law's only difference was that he preferred to shut himself away to avoid attention, rather than fight for it in the way that Sanji had. But both of them shared a similar sort of humor, interest and a relaxed comradery that Sanji hadn't found in anyone else. It was startling how easy it was to sit side by side with the guy and watch show after show without feeling awkward about it. They had a respect for each other where they would pick each other up without expectations or judgement. Law didn't get angry at him, but had a sort of avoidance towards the mood that made Sanji feel guilty in a way, but Law would address it later where it felt like he wasn't being attacked.

Of the fog that made its home in Sanji's head, it only started to clear when Law was present.

After all the tumultuous things that had happened, he could finally sit down and _think_. And the one thing he really needed to face as that uncomfortable, looming _something_ that Sanji had noticed before.

He was only blind and deaf because of his circumstances. But his intuition was picking up something from Law's end that started to make Sanji uncomfortable. It wasn't the right time because he wasn't over Zoro, and he couldn't bear to make himself love again because he couldn't believe in it. But he definitely felt a sort of interest coming from Law – he couldn't deny it or play it off.

It was in the little things; the occasional too long stare in conversation, the slight blushing, the closeness to which they stood –

Sanji wasn't ready to accept or consider another person's feelings. He was such a mess. The thought was intimidating.

He didn't want it to ruin what felt like a good friendship, and he didn't want to be anyone's expectations. He wasn't ready to make anyone happy – he had to work on himself.

It wasn't that Law was pushy in any sense – Sanji couldn't see the older man making any type of move. He didn't say or do anything that could be considered flirty and perhaps Law thought the same thing of himself; he was busy working on recovery so perhaps it wasn't anything that Sanji could stress over. But Sanji didn't want to disappoint him; he also didn't want to reach out to take advantage or draw attention his way.

Now that he was aware of it, he felt intimidated by it. So his walls came up sharply.

"I won't be able to attend sessions with you," he said later that week, fidgeting with his lighter.

"Okay," Law said, nonplussed. Sanji was relieved and annoyed that he wasn't invited to share the reason _why_ – Law took it at that and changed the channel.

Sanji wanted to be clear about the invisible reason why he was shutting himself away, but he knew directly confronting the thing head-on wasn't good for both of them.

So he said, "The thought of dating anyone at the moment makes me feel such anxiety."

Law glanced at him before looking at the show playing with confusion. "Sanji, this is 'Law & Order'. Is that what's troubling you?"

Sanji glanced at him with puzzlement, then looked at the screen. He hadn't been paying attention in the first place. "…Um."

"I think you're being too dramatic," Law then added as Bepo crawled from the back of his neck to rest over his shoulder, lightly doing push-ups. "There are some good stories out there. Not every person is the one you're pulling away from."

"I know, but – "

Law exhaled. "Eventually, Sammi Sweetheart and Ronnie found others they could be happy with."

Sanji couldn't remember what show they were from, but Law sounded positive about it so he took it as that.

"And Kirsten found a man that was better than Steven could ever be, so I believe in second chances."

Sanji realized this man needed to get out more. He was sure Law was talking about characters from tv shows, but he couldn't remember from what.

Law nodded with confirmation, mesmerized by the crime scene breakdown playing before them. "There's always something better…"

Sanji furrowed his brow. "Why don't you date? Or have you?"

"I'm too selfish," Law muttered. Sanji couldn't tell what tone he was using to clarify what he felt, exactly.

"But have you ever?"

"It never worked out to consider any of them…relationships. So I don't have any horror stories to share."

Sanji shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He watched tv for a few moments before saying, "It's all the same. It's just two people passing time, lying to each other before ultimately realizing that nothing works."

Law thought about it. "Eventually, though, there has to be more than that. Otherwise, why is love so coveted?"

"Because it's security and reliability. Being alone is…troubling."

"Why?" Law asked, looking away from the television set as a commercial came on. "You answer to no one, you don't compromise with anyone but yourself, you've got no one but yourself to rely on. You don't get to be disappointed with anyone else's decision, you don't get hurt, you don't – "

"All those things are scary things, Law, but there are other things that are great things," Sanji insisted. "There's the body contact, there's the intimacy, there's the sharing of experience - !"

"Yeah, I get that, but it seems like a lot of work. It's _exhausting_ ," Law added, stroking Bepo's head, the spotted gecko's eyes closing with pleasure. "Trying to please another person is like doing everything it takes to make the reflection of yourself better."

"There are rewards when it's a good relationship."

"Neither of us know what that is."

Sanji grumbled. "Maybe if you had an actual relationship, you'd understand what I meant."

"I had plenty of admirers, and _maybe_ a couple of girlfriends in high school," Law pointed out. Because it sounded like Law wasn't even sure of that, Sanji had to look at him skeptically. Law insisted with a rather lame, "I _did_ …"

"Show me proof."

Law sighed, holding Bepo to his cheek. "Animals are so much easier. Their love is unconditional. They don't care what you look like, or smell like or are even interested in your day to day shit. They just like you for you."

Sanji frowned over at him, wanting to slap the lizard from the man's face to avoid him contaminating himself. He straightened up in his seat.

"Let's find you a date."

" _Ugh_."

"It'll be great. I know someone."

"And I think you remind me too much of Steve Buscemi."

"Shit head."

" _Arschgesicht_."

Sanji had to admit, hearing that said so calmly in that often monotone voice sounded a little sexy. He was uncomfortable acknowledging that. A part of him that felt dead seemed to warm a little – it seemed to whisper that he was a very lonely and very single man.

He wanted that part of him dead.

"You're bilingual? Or just bi?"

Law chuckled. "Bepo, _attack_."

The lizard looked at Sanji, turning on his shoulder to face the horrified blond.

"I will cook you and eat you off a stick!" he threatened the gecko. He then looked at Law. "Let's go down to the park and look at dogs."

An hour later, both of them were nursing Starbucks drinks while watching various dogs play with each other and their owners at the dog park. Both of them wore frozen expressions, as if both were asking themselves at the same time why they were doing this. It was a beautiful day out, encouraging runners to wear less layers and for kids to play noisily on playground equipment. There was a skate park nearby, where shouts, laughter and music rang out. Bikers, walkers and people enjoying the day were scattered about throughout the wide paths.

"Do you think your perception of dating will change as you get better?" Sanji asked Law, watching a German Shephard play with a chocolate Labrador.

Law shrugged. He was wearing a hoodie over jeans – everything about his clothing looked so loose and large, but Sanji could see that his wrists and hands were starting to thicken up.

"Why are you so engrossed in this subject?" Law asked.

Sanji shrugged. "I just ended up thinking about it."

"Life only stops when you're dead," Law pointed out.

"I just think that you need someone in your life that can be what you need," Sanji said slowly.

Law looked at him with a frown. "I do have that."

Sanji felt his heart slam a little harder with apprehension.

Law turned his attention to a small terrier that was trying to get the attention of a cocker spaniel. "Bepo is all the support animal I need," he added gravely.

Sanji sighed.

Law looked at him again. Sanji noticed he hadn't really drank too much of his Americana – he noticed that despite his attitude, the older man had a somewhat tense grip on his cup. But Sanji couldn't tell whether it was being outside that was doing it, or the conversation. He didn't understand why he was so insistent on drawing the boundary he couldn't name aloud.

"Are you thinking of moving out?" Law then asked. "Is this why you're so insistent on sharing your misery?"

Sanji sighed again. "No. I just…"

"From the day you moved in until right now, I do worry about finding you with a bag over your head, or something," Law said with concern. "Listen, I've been alive longer than you. I've been alone for longer than you have. I don't need someone watching over me, or feeling sorry for me, or nagging me into doing something I know I should be doing. If you're going to leave, at least give thirty days' notice so I can find another roommate."

"I just feel," Sanji said slowly, "that it's important to say these things."

Law gave him a confused look.

"I'm just not ready," Sanji added.

"Well," Law muttered, watching dogs bark at each other with greeting, "I'll be sure to let your admirers know."

With the way he said it and the way he wore a puzzled frown throughout the conversation, Sanji thought he'd possibly imagined things; confused friendship with something more than that. He wore a sort of troubled expression as he clutched his cup.

 _Was I that obvious_? Law thought to himself, playing with his straw. He acknowledged that this conversation had nothing to do with his disorder; Marco had told him that any perception Law thought he had that coincided with it was just paranoia stemming from his own mind.

 _Of course_ Sanji wouldn't have any interest in him because of his disorder – it was most likely his personality and for the fact that his walls were up higher than the president's ambitions.

But he couldn't help but think that if he wasn't so underweight and malnourished, Sanji would notice him differently.

"Did your parents love each other?" he heard Sanji ask.

Law furrowed his forehead, glancing at him. But when he thought of his parents, he ended up nodding. "I'm sure they had sex when they thought my sister and I were asleep."

Sanji looked at him with disgust. Law shrugged in response, sipping at his drink.

"I mean, if they didn't, then they wouldn't, right?"

"You are a cockblock of your own making, I swear."

"I don't want to talk about my parents."

"I just want to know if you had a good example – or if you were scarred by a bad parental type of love. Which is why you avoid it."

"I bet your favorite holiday is Valentine's Day, isn't it?"

Sanji frowned. "No, actually."

"Mine's Halloween. It brings me joy seeing the tears of kids crying because of a stupid rubber mask," Law said thoughtfully, gazing off into the distance. Sanji frowned harder. "My second holiday is Daylight Savings time in fall. That extra hour really makes all the difference."

"That's _not_ a holiday."

"It should be." After a few moments, Law said, "You shouldn't be scared to take another chance, Sanji. Most are grateful that they can get one. At least…that's what the ones on my table say."

"You _literally_ fix hearts, you're a heart surgeon."

"Aren't I good one, though?"

Sanji felt his breath catch in his throat. Maybe it wasn't meant for the way he took it, but damn it if those words didn't impact him in such a strong way. He ended up looking away just to put himself back in order.

"Yes," he murmured, eyes locking on a puppy that eager pulled his owner after him towards the park.

 _Are we talking about two different things_? Law wondered, a little terrified at the sudden quiet between them.

"What made your relationship worth thirteen years?" he asked curiously.

Sanji's fingers twitched around his cup. But because they were on the subject anyway, considering that the relationship was dead, considering there was nothing to save…he decided it was something he could talk about.

"It was…me using him to…get away, I guess," he mumbled.

"I mean, eventually, that was part of it. But in the beginning?"

Sanji thought about it. It still hurt when he did. He still found himself wondering when it had all gone wrong – asides the affairs he'd had, that is. "It was exciting. It was…something I could count on that made me happy. I felt good when his happiness was evident."

Law could see Sanji catering to the green haired man on hand and foot. He understood that Sanji put others first, based off the things he said and did. He knew because he had to put a stop to those things happening to him.

"It served a specific purpose, right? Humans need a purpose from each other. Most of them, anyway."

"Not lizard people…"

"Even I need people," Law admitted slowly, shifting about on the bench. "I value my friends. I value their company, and I can count on them being there when I text them. Without them I'd…I'm sure it'd be different. People need people.

"At the hospital, I see it more – people clinging to each other, afraid to lose someone. Years upon years of familiarity and comfort, attachment leading to families – it's natural to want to be with someone. I'm sure they all experienced loss of some kind but most took the chance to seize an opportunity that they couldn't help but take."

Sanji imagined that Law had seen this. But for him to think positively on a subject he himself avoided – who was he really speaking for?

He scratched his ear.

"You're an unexpectedly positive person," he said.

"To be honest, Sanji, everyone on television is positive, and look how well it works for them," Law said, causing Sanji's face to drop with irritation. "But you have to ask yourself – is this what the writers intended, based on audience preference? Or is it the writers themselves, writing from experience? Either way, everyone believes in second chances."

"I just…feel…you need to get out more and experience this shit on your own."

Law made a face. "Actual _interaction_ with people?"

Sanji bit his lips to prevent a smile from forming because he did not want to encourage the other man's reasoning. Law looked dead set on believing himself, so Sanji did not want to fan those flames.

"I think it's best not to rush," he said. "Making any rash decisions when it's still difficult to look at myself in the mirror and see the things I did – "

"I kind of understand why you did it."

"That sort of thing should not be excused in any way, because I should have done it differently. I still should not have set out and hid the fact that I cheated, _multiple times_ , on a man I'd promised values to."

"Well, there's that, but if words had fallen on deaf ears in the first place, then how were you supposed to fix it?"

"Counseling."

"And if he didn't agree to that?"

Sanji exhaled. He reflected on the way he would have 'changed' for Zoro by accepting a loveless marriage for however long it took. In the end of that matter, would either of them have changed a thing? Or would he still have stepped out with the first person that showed him positive affection?

"I'm afraid I'll do this to another person," he said carefully. "At this point, when I'd take anything because I feel…starved…it'd be another rushed mistake. I feel like I wouldn't recover. So it's important that I…learn to like myself again. Because right now I don't. I don't think I'm worth it. And I'd be taking advantage of someone else's kindness to waste their time."

Law's mouth twitched with a frown. How similar that sounded to his problem…he could identify with that. What happened when he finally reached a point where he was okay with looking at himself in the mirror, knowing that the reflection looking back was someone another person could love as well?

But at the same time he recognized that this Sanji, compared to the one that came roaring into his apartment months ago, was a defeated and insecure man. He understood Sanji's side of it because it was near similar to his position – he heard the man's fear, insecurity and pain because it was similar to his own voice. He had to wonder what it was that pulled them together – was it Sanji's mysterious Higher Power? Or just coincidence?

Which snapped a suggestion to the front of his mind.

"Let's go home to watch a scary movie," he said, Sanji looking at him with a puzzled face.

"But do you know what I'm saying?" Sanji asked gently.

Law continued to play dumb because he recognized that the fragile rope they were both clinging to at the crevice's edge was snapping slowly. Too much weight would overwhelm them both. To acknowledge that Sanji was softly rejecting his feelings before Law could even express them would push either of them into the darkness.

He gave a slight nod, looking at him grimly. "Yes. You must've read my texts to Penguin the other night, regarding the nurse that was looking for a companion for the symphony this weekend. I'll tell him you're not interested."

Sanji scowled at him, but Law was off the bench before he could say anything else.

"Before you violate my messages to Shachi, please understand that we're men that's comfortable with body emissions as a joke," Law then warned Sanji, who followed after him with his cup in hand. "I still find it funny when someone farts in public."

" _Ugh_ , you're so childish."

"Considering our high vegetable consumption, it's no joke."

Sanji looked relieved in a way that the looming thing between them wasn't being addressed out rightly – but still a little troubled. Considering the weight of his frown, Law supposed that Sanji wasn't brave enough to be direct about it; he was still considering Law's feelings and reactions over his own.

Law wished Sanji were a little more bold.

: :

They ended up watching "Signs". The subject of coincidences and things falling into place, no matter how unfair, made the atmosphere suddenly tense. Sanji ended up going to his room early after that, and Law wondered what was going through his head to feel so stressed about it.

He understood that Sanji couldn't have feelings for him at this point in time, but Law was used to being selfish. He wanted to keep the support the man gave him; he wanted his companionship; he wanted to say that he enjoyed spending their outings out together, doing simple things and taking spontaneous trips that neither of them could see themselves doing on their own. He liked their conversations, and he liked laughing with him.

But Law had to ask himself – was he truly attracted, or just clinging to the friendship because it worked?

He knew that saying anything before he was confident of himself was only going to cause uncomfortable trouble.

He supposed he had to sort this out with himself.

So the next day, he wrote down a list and checked off the things that he found relevant. Once he realized that physical attraction was needed for a deciding factor, he realized he had to pay attention to that. Sanji left for work, already smoking a cigarette – he hoped Bege didn't catch him doing so – and Law wrote another list while standing at the kitchen counter.

He spoke aloud to Bepo as he did so.

"I like his smile," he said, the lizard blinking slowly as he tilted his head up. "It automatically makes me smile. That's important, isn't it?"

He wrote that down on his list.

"When he dresses up, he looks quite dashing. Like a man put together."

He wrote that.

"When he doesn't stink like he ran a marathon through the grime of the Thames River, it's actually nice."

Bepo placed his left arm over the list, the sound of his skin rasping against the paper startling in the quiet left behind. The television was off – there were day time shows Law liked to catch, but he had a list to complete.

Law then made a couple of checks off his next item. "I like his cooking."

Bepo coughed.

Law frowned at him as he crossed that item off. "You're right, that's not a physical thing."

The gecko seemed to frown back, claws clinging to the paper.

"We get along very well," Law decided, writing that, then crossing it out. He reviewed the list. "Most of this is emotional clinginess. I've grown dependent on someone I can count on."

He lowered the paper with horror as Bepo slithered off, taking advantage of his concentration to explore the nearby fruit bowl.

"What if this is the exact same things his ex-husband had thought?" he wondered aloud. He crumbled the paper up, then shredded it into tiny pieces as he concentrated on the subject. He understood that because he hadn't a relationship where he felt this way about any of them – all his roommates with their odd quirks and his overly concerned friends – so he might be mixing up his feelings with that of unaccustomed affection.

So he ended up watching shows where bromances were the mantle – at the end of the day, he realized that he didn't share that type of affection for his roommate. It was a confusing sort where he realized he couldn't step back and just drop it. So he ended up subtly looking at his roommate when Sanji returned home from work. Back in high school, when his disorder wasn't as overwhelming as it was now, Law did recognize that he had his share of "guy crushes". He'd admired the smart math whiz in his algebra class, the senior basketball center, the quiet emo-dude in the corner that always showed up in black. He had the same amount of feeling he had towards girls, so he lightly assumed that he was capable of having same sex feelings.

Throughout his life, he'd admired other fellow doctors, blushed in the presence of an attractive pediatrician and admired the veiny forearms of a male nurse so he was quite sure that this was not a platonic like.

He liked Sanji's hands – they were crafted with gifted fingers that were lightly scarred with burn marks, white stripes of old cuts and what looked like tobacco stains. He liked the deep set of his eyes, the pink of his lips, and the swash of messy blond hair that desperately needed a scissor's attention. He liked the way Sanji used his feet to open and close things when his hands were full – he fit his pants and jeans nicely. And the furred lower legs that glittered with blondish-brown hair often had Law wondering how it would feel to run his own fingers over it.

He understood that Sanji wasn't ready for a relationship, but Law felt that what they had was precious. All the shows he watched showed him confident, secure people doing what they could to get their love interest's attention and having it returned, without any doubt in waiting because waiting wasn't entertaining.

Not that he should think of this as 'entertainment', but he'd used television to avoid the real world because he was occupied with his disorder. That had come first. But now that he was getting a handle on it, slowly recovering, shouldn't it be okay to start looking at other things?

During his session with Marco a day later, Marco brought up the subject of dating after Law spoke of old relationships with people throughout his lifetime.

"Does the idea intimidate you in any manner?"

"I haven't any interest," Law said slowly. "Because I couldn't bear the thought of hearing them nag at me."

"But eventually, you'll realize that there's more beyond the company of yourself."

"Are you asking me out? Isn't that a boundary issue?"

"No," Marco denied with a light smile. "I can see the subject is invasive, so you must feel some way about it."

Law considered being truthful with his answer, then said heavily, "I do have interest. But…I also recognize that I'm not ready. In a way, I'm still thinking of myself."

"You can start off slowly. A coffee date, a walk around the park – all things now aren't total commitments," Marco said with a frown. "It doesn't mean throwing yourself at the first person that shows interest, but I think as a way to build up your confidence into an eventual goal, this would be a way about it."

"I don't understand the correlation."

"Taking small risks outside the wall you've created for yourself will allow you to see what else is out there in the world. You spend most of your time relying on television to live, and living by the voices of your disorder – what would it feel like to actually live life without those voices?"

"You sound like my roommate."

"Why don't both of you try it out? It might be good to have some support."

"He's not ready to date. We actually had this conversation very recently."

Marco shifted in his seat. "I'm sure he'd be very supportive of your efforts."

"He was trying to cast me off."

Marco studied him for a few moments, then said, "How did the subject of dating come up?"

"We were watching Law & Order with a dating situation, so I assumed that's what prompted the conversation."

"Do you both feel comfortable talking about those types of subjects? Directly addressing your separate experiences?"

"Well…it's been an eventual thing. Both of us are focused on ourselves, so…I only know what he tells me, and vice versa. I think…perhaps he just wanted to be clear where he was in his path."

"Pretty random if the subject hadn't been brought up ultimately."

"Yeah…I guess it was. He has a lot on his mind. I don't know what to tell him, so we end up watching things that are relevant to his situation. I guess it's my way of assuring him that he isn't alone in the matter."

"What's wrong with telling him that directly, from yourself? Relying on your shows isn't that…"

"I'd feel awkward saying something personally."

"Let's give it a try," Marco suggested. "The next time you feel a show should speak for you, perhaps telling Sanji these things with your own voice and opinion would be a step into the right direction."

Law gave him a puzzled look. "In what direction am I planning on venturing into?"

Marco just gave him a smile. "Let's build that confidence and experience level you're already exploring."

At first, Law was panicked because he thought he'd revealed a secret part of himself to the therapist, but he told himself that was his old paranoia speaking for him. One of those annoying little voices that had controlled him for far too long. But he talked himself out of that because he was working away from being that person controlled by his disorder.

He just assumed Marco wanted him to try living out his own experiences by taking tentative steps in building a stronger relationship with his supportive roommate. So he took the challenge.

That weekend, they ended up getting haircuts at a nearby barbershop that Law was already familiar with. Then they set out in search of an international food store, working off a meal list that Belladonna had assigned Law earlier that week. Sanji was interested in the dishes so he tagged along without any other hesitation. The store was a wide building with an open market, and while Law made a face at the many different smells that seemed to hit him at once, Sanji looked nostalgic.

"I used to come here a lot," he confessed quietly, while they stood near the open marketplace. "I was always afraid that I'd run into…him, here, but that's a stupid idea. He never did the shopping."

Law glanced at him, hands fisted in his sweater pockets. Both of them were dressed for the warm weather, but he felt more comfortable in a pair of slacks he'd never been able to fit into before, his hat, and a sweater shirt that was still too baggy on him. But his belt was notched looser, and he felt like he had more energy than he did in years. His appearance wasn't quite striking, but he noticed that people would only glance at him without adding hurtful comments.

He held his head a little higher because of this.

Sanji was still tense, Law noticed, as his paper list was crumbled in one of the cook's hands before he hastily loosened it. Then he actually drew out a small bottle of alcohol from his shorts pocket; uncapping and swigging it empty before tossing it into a nearby trashcan, much to the disapproval of others that had noticed him doing it. Though he had his hair trimmed, the layered mass hung past his ears and grazed his jawline in a fashionable mess. He had that exotic look of a foreigner amongst men with plainer appearances that earned him skeptical looks from other males and appreciation from women. Law thought Sanji was just exotic.

It was almost exciting to feel this way after feeling like he was dead for most of his life. New feelings were exciting. Because of this, the situation made Law feel tense. He felt like he was looking at Sanji too much so he focused hard on other things around him, giving off the appearance that he was extra-cranky.

"Is this a good step?" Law asked cautiously.

Sanji bit his lower lip, then silently counted off on his free hand. Law assumed he was counting off the months that had passed in the wake of his divorce. He ended up nodding, reaching up to push strands of hair behind one ear. They promptly escaped. "Yeah. Yeah…it's a good step. I'm here, aren't I?"

"I wouldn't know where to start in here, so I'm glad you're here," Law said. "Thank you."

Sanji glanced at him, looking pained. He couldn't help but wonder why Zoro couldn't be this appreciative. It made him feel confused and intimidated because these small things Law said and did were things Sanji had wanted. He kept telling himself that this man did these things because he somehow acquired manners required of human beings and Zoro lacked them because he was a selfish breed of his own. But in that anger was a hopeless sense of regret for still comparing Zoro to others around him, long after the divorce. When was he going to stop thinking of that man?

When was he going to stop confusing himself with Law's actions towards him? He was pretty sure Law was just being nice – not flirting or interested in him in anyway. How could he be, after seeing what a mess Sanji had been these past few months? There was nothing attractive about that. He had to tell himself his loneliness and pain was making him feel these things from someone that wasn't aware he was making Sanji feel this way.

Sanji didn't know how to address it without possibly making a fool of himself for making anymore assumptions. He had to concentrate hard on this task.

"I'll carry the basket and guide you – it's up to you to pick these things out," Sanji then said, with much trouble. "Then maybe we can make these things together. I won't do it, I'll just…keep you company."

"I like it when you cook," Law grumbled, pouting slightly as he took the list from him. "My stuff comes out tasting like shit. Smelling like it, too. When are you going to stop this ridiculous strike of yours? You're killing us both, you know. I hope you feel guilty in Hell when we die."

"You're so dramatic!"

"Considering that Bepo is carnivorous, he could feed off both our carcasses for some weeks before being discovered. He'd be iguana sized by then," Law said, looking excited at the concept. "A _majestic_ beast."

Sanji shook his head, unable to picture that of a hand sized gecko. He ended up relaxing a little – whether it was because of the alcohol or the conversation with someone that was comfortable in his imaginative world, he felt his shoulders loosen. As he usually did, he walked outside so that Law couldn't be bumped by other aggressive shoppers.

The man's appearance was slowly starting to change – little things here and there that weren't so obvious, but Sanji still felt like he should do these things because Law was still quite bony. Maybe he wasn't as fragile as he looked, but anyone would think that the smallest bump or fall could possibly hurt him.

It was so different with Zoro; Zoro was like a rhinoceros of a man, thick with muscle and strength that people usually hurried out of his way if he were walking towards them. Sanji struggled not to think of him, but it filled his heart with anxiety possibly seeing him again.

Halfway through obtaining the list's items, both of them were lingering near the fresh meat counter when Sanji felt like they were being watched. He glanced about from the corner of his eyes to see who was giving them this attention, and felt a ripple of awareness pimple his skin. _It couldn't be_. Zoro never shopped at places like these – he was always good with a regular chain and if he couldn't find what Sanji had requested of him he'd make do with some poor substitute.

But considering that he couldn't spot the man amongst the shoppers, he had to assume that Zoro was only present inside the store. Sanji couldn't imagine Zoro hiding like Sanji did; that man liked confrontations of any type. Unless he was still angry, and avoiding Sanji for that very reason.

Sanji did not want to see him. It still hurt. He didn't want Zoro to see that he was still doing badly, but he didn't want him seeing that Sanji was succeeding, either. If it looked as if he was doing well, then Zoro would never believe that Sanji felt the way he did. These things – he didn't understand why it mattered, and he couldn't sort them out properly.

He ended up snatching Law's arm as the man examined something in his hands, pulling him along with him.

"We're done here," Sanji said with explanation, herding Law towards the registers.

"Did you run into someone you know?" Law asked, holding tightly onto the jar with both hands while looking surprised.

"Hopefully not," Sanji muttered, snatching the jar from Law and going ahead to the self-checkout line. "I'm sorry, I don't think I can come here, anymore. At least, not for now."

"Why are you apologizing?" Law asked curiously, following along at a slower pace. "Eventually, it's a good idea to stand back and face the discomfort."

Sanji paused as he unloaded the items onto the conveyor belt, looking at him. "I don't want to."

Law focused on the different brands of gum and vegan snacks on the racks nearby. "But you're not alone in this, right?"

Sanji glanced at Law with a troubled expression. "I'm _not_ , but…I just…don't want the wrong idea had."

Law gave an impatient snuff. "But who cares what others think? Why are you still trying to preserve an appearance after all this time?"

Sanji gave a pained look at the items that left him to settle near the register. What was wrong with showing a little weakness at this point? It wasn't that Zoro would care; it wouldn't change anything. Zoro was still angry at him, and Sanji deserved that. The cook ended up exhaling heavily, supporting himself against the conveyor with slightly shaking hands.

"You're right," he decided, snatching up the basket he'd sat down. He threw in all the things he'd unloaded, causing a couple of waiting customers some impatience. "Things have changed. I can't keep hiding away forever. What's done is done."

Law picked out the jar he'd been examining, handling it carefully within both hands as they skirted away from the register to allow other customers their turn. Sanji looked quite nervous as he carried the basket, jaw held tight.

"Besides, you're doing much better than before," Law added quietly.

Pausing aside the bread aisle, Sanji thought about it for a few moments, then looked up at him with what could be described as a rather insecure expression. It made Law want to pat the top of his head like he would have with Brook.

"But it's still going to hurt when I see him."

"But what would you miss about it if you feel the way you do, now? Do you aspire to return to the relationship strictly because you miss the company? It was because you were miserable that you left it with your actions."

Sanji sighed heavily. He wanted to argue about it, the spontaneous bubble lifting up with some strength to a throat tight with anxiety. But Law's words made sense. Why wasn't he capable of thinking these things on his own? Why was he still making such a big deal of this months later? What kind of a man had he become?

"I just feel bad for the way it went," Sanji mumbled, looking at his shoes. "Like…guilty and ashamed. I think I'll always feel that way."

"But it's over, now, so…like…it's time to move on."

Sanji looked at him sharply. "Did you do that vocal fry on purpose?"

Law bit his lips, unaware that he had.

"Are you quoting me a _show_?" Sanji asked, a tinge of outrage in his voice.

Law looked stubborn as he looked away. "I…think it…pertains to the situation…"

Aware that the man was awkward in his own standing when it came to relationships with others, Sanji couldn't be outraged that he'd used a television show to spit some helpful advice. It made more sense that he'd apply some written fantasy to something like this. It made Sanji feel better because at least Law was _trying_.

"You're such a _dork_ ," Sanji ended up chuckling. "I'll give you a 'C' for effort. But please don't do that again – I had the urge to help you cough that thing out with the heel of my foot."

Law then spoke seriously. "But I think it's time to stop hiding yourself away. You've picked yourself up, so it's not right if you're attacked again for something that was settled. You've acknowledged that you've done wrong. Anymore running is just…giving them more power over you. You have a right to continue living, too."

Sanji frowned up at him. But he ended up dropping his eyes to Law's face and neck. His jaw line wasn't so pronounced – his tendons weren't so prominent and his Adam's apple wasn't so jutting. He'd put so much effort into his recovery that Sanji could see it for himself. There were times when Law still struggled to eat, but at least he was fighting. Sanji had to use him as an example of strength after being knocked down.

 _If he can do this, I can, too_ , Sanji thought to himself.

Law then made a face, as if he were regretting what he said so Sanji looked at him suspiciously. "Then again, Heidi and Spencer went on to have a very successful relationship that flourished away from the limelight…"

" _Who_?"

Law fiddled with the jar of pig's feet while Sanji glared up at him. Eventually his face reddened and he looked sheepish. "About ninety percent of what I just said was of my own perception, and the other ten percent was from a show I'd binged watched while you were at work because I thought it was important to the situation now."

"You're comparing my situation to some high school drama that I caught you watching yesterday?"

"It's…the only thing I can actually relate the situation to, considering I don't…know…anyone else in the same predicament…"

"You're so _lame_!" Sanji exclaimed, but he ended up laughing while Law looked insulted, frowning at the jar in his hands. Sanji snatched that away from him impatiently. "You're not buying this. Stop playing with food."

They headed back to the meat counter. Law didn't know who it was that had made Sanji retreat earlier, and he wondered if he should ask. He noticed that Sanji was still looking around them nervously, tense in the jaw.

"Are we being followed?" Law asked. When he didn't get an answer, he reached out and caught Sanji's arm to capture his nervous attention.

Sanji jerked his arm out of Law's grasp. "I just don't want any trouble coming to you because of…certain suspicions."

"I remember I kicked that one guy into a UFO display," Law said. "I also remembering telling you countless times to stop treating me like a thing that needs taking care of."

Sanji sighed noisily, causing Law to push a hand into his face to make him stop mid-way.

"If anyone has anything to say, let's face it together and let them say it. Maybe you need this."

"To do what? Move on? Move onto _what_? Making a similar mistake?" Sanji hissed at him, starting to grow tense once more.

Law frowned at him, crossing his arms over his chest. "Or you can just remain in this place for the rest of your life."

Sanji frowned up at him for several moments, then looked uncomfortable. He studied the cut meats behind the counter before mumbling, "It sounds weird to say this…but I don't know if I'm ready to move on."

"You want to cling to this?"

"I feel _stuck_."

"Then, get _un_ stuck."

Sanji continued frowning, looking from him to the meat before looking at him once more. He held Law's eyes for a few moments – uncomfortable for their individual reasons. Sanji felt like he was being forced to reveal an uncomfortable intimacy with someone he had been denying being seen with; Law felt that maybe he was being too pushy.

Sanji ended up looking away, thinning his lips. Law looked off in the other direction, turning away from him.

"Maybe you're right," Law then muttered uncomfortably. "I have no place to push you, and I apologize."

"Why?" Sanji asked, furrowing his brow. "Don't."

"I just feel like I'm pushing you into doing something you're clearly uncomfortable with. It's not my place to do that."

"But you're my friend," Sanji said quietly. "And I trust you."

 _So this is the misery one feels when they are placed into the friendzone_ , Law thought to himself wearing a frozen expression he couldn't control as Sanji looked to his shoes.

"Besides, I think it's apparent he feels the same way I do," Sanji mumbled. "Because I know he's here, but he's not showing his face."

Law looked at him with alarm. One slender hand went to his hat with a protective gesture. "Are you of telepathic abilities?"

"No, idiot. It's just…a feeling."

"It's scary how observant you are," Sanji heard Law mumble, adjusting his hat about. Sanji could picture him wondering how to fit tinfoil inside of there, considering the alien movie they'd watched the other day.

Sanji ordered the meat on the list while Law's attention returned to the display he had been engrossed in earlier. While they waited, Sanji asked, "You want to try that? There's a recipe you can do – "

"The idea is both fascinating and gross."

" _You'll_ have to make it, because I still don't have any heart in it."

Law sighed so hard that his whole body looked as if it'd taken a hit.

It made Sanji think of how much effort he'd put into Zoro's meals. How he waited for a compliment or appreciation with expectant action, but all Zoro had ever said upon prompting was that it was "fine".

'This is fine,' he'd said of their first Thanksgiving meal together.

'This is good,' he'd said tiredly after Sanji wanted to know if his detailed meals were acceptable.

'I'm eating it, I'm not complaining, what are you asking from me?' Zoro had complained, the night Sanji had made an elaborate meal before deciding on taking the affections of a stranger that expressed his liking for Sanji's cooking at the restaurant.

Because he'd lost the feeling of love, cooking wasn't of the same appeal. Sanji couldn't bear to do it – it was near similar to giving his heart, and his heart was still broken and in need of sensitive repair. Law often expressed how much he wanted Sanji to take over the meals; he often showed his appreciation for the ones Sanji used to make. He did his best to finish, and sometimes he couldn't do that, so Sanji adjusted and negotiated. But Law always thanked him.

So Sanji couldn't do it. It was a matter of the heart. He would receive and give the wrong idea towards a man that was only being nice to him, and Sanji knew he was too sensitive and desperate for someone _nice_. He didn't want to ruin this friendship with his own wrong assumptions.

He wondered if he'd ever love again. The aftermath of it was just so painful.

"I'm sorry," he apologized low, standing close to Law to do so because there were too many people at the counter.

Law stiffened, shoulder raising to avoid Sanji's contact. "If you apologize for something stupid again, I will make sure you'll wake up with Bepo in your bed."

"I just…I know you're uncomfortable with cooking, but these things are good for you to learn. Feeding and nourishing yourself – that's important," Sanji mumbled.

"So is doing something you enjoy," Law pointed out impatiently, arms crossed tightly over his chest. "Unless it's murdering or dismembering people. Small animals. Torturing whales…that sort of thing."

"I'm not ready to. Cook, that is, not…your idea of shit."

"I understand, but…Thanksgiving this year – with the way things are going, I'm building up the nerve to indulge in things I never allowed myself. And I'm hoping you'll find yourself by then," Law said, a little nervously.

Since the holiday was still months away, the fact that he was expressing long-term goals made Sanji feel anxious. Was he still going to feel this miserable? Will the pain lessen? Were they still going to be roommates? Law had an expectation of him – could he allow himself to be relied upon?

Everything about it made him apprehensive. He ended up grabbing one bony elbow for a grip, to keep himself from falling away in that dangerous crevice they were both dangling over.

"Do you have that much confidence in me?" he ended up asking.

Law looked pained because it was obvious Sanji was relying on him for some type of strength. Maybe he asked too much – maybe he was putting too much pressure on him. But at the same time, he was happy to be helpful. Clearly, he could be relied upon. And he _definitely_ felt he could rely on the other man when he needed help.

How was this wrong?

It felt difficult to say anything because he felt like words were awkward, so he ended up just patting the top of Sanji's head for assurance.

Sanji exhaled shakily, grateful for the support. He watched his own fingers give Law's elbow a light squeeze. "Thank you for being my friend," he said with much appreciation.

He had his head down, so he missed the cringe Law made.

Feeling stronger, he straightened away from the man to retrieve their order.

Law ending up needing to use the restroom. He'd just finished drying his hands with paper towels when he became aware of a rather familiar presence coming from just outside the open doorway.

 _Imagine if he were a Super Saiyan_ , Law thought to himself, picturing green energy instead of the traditional yellow or blue. He walked out from the restroom and paused near the man leaning against the wall. He was wearing a black hat, but something was different about his appearance – his hair was also dyed black. He was wearing a faded jean jacket with a tank top and shorts – visibly unable to hide that he was a muscular thick man that could intimidate anybody.

Due to his height, Law couldn't really see Zoro's features, but they'd changed since the last time he saw them. He looked a little haggard, with eye bags that matched Sanji's; he had stubble around his jawline. Law caught the scent of alcohol wafting away from him – he held his mouth tightly, like someone had placed some invisible muzzle there. Despite his appearance, Zoro looked as if he were struggling to remain upright as Sanji was doing.

 _Is this truly what love does_? he thought vaguely. _Tears people apart and breaks them down until they can't stand anymore_?

It made him feel hesitant because he himself was struggling to get back to his feet because of his disorder. But at the same time, he recognized that his disorder had happened because he lost his family – and he'd loved them.

"You look like shit, just like he did," Law said skeptically, unable to decide if this was a fitting color.

Zoro glared at him, so Law ended up looking around his feet to discourage Zoro's thinking in that he was some sort of threat. But there was another part of him that felt bewildered by this constant attack.

"He finally started taking showers and did something about that face of his, so…I just thought…if it makes you feel any better – "

"I don't care about what he does."

"I haven't seen Brook in a very long time," Law then added after Zoro snapped at him. "Is it possible there's a chance I could perhaps walk him, or something?"

"I just want the truth," Zoro interrupted him, causing Law's hands to fiddle together with nervousness. Compared to him, Law was fully aware that he was just a toothpick of a man who would most likely die on impact if Zoro chose to _Kamehameha_ him into the nearby wall. He struggled not to show these thoughts on his face as Zoro glared up at him. "Were you one of the guys he was messing with?"

"No."

Zoro's face told him that he didn't believe him. He still looked as angry as he did that time at the UFO exhibit. He scratched at his nose. "Every time I run into you two, it's obvious that there's some kind of energy there. I just want the fucking truth. I just want him to tell me the fucking truth."

Law knew that any answer he could give would be one that Zoro wouldn't believe. So he said, "What would happen if I changed my answer?"

Zoro glared at him, searching for the answer he seemed so desperate to find. "Thirteen years together was a very long time. Wrecking someone's home…is a low blow."

Law considered these words. It appeared that with the time that passed, Zoro had stopped thinking so much of the crime committed and started thinking of what he lost. Law honestly felt a little threatened. It was hard to not think of Sanji's reaction to the possibility that Zoro would work to fix their relationship. He almost felt slapped.

"I only met him after," he ended up saying, his voice faltering slightly.

Zoro ended up frowning, reaching up to ruffle his dyed hair. There were tinges of green at the roots.

"If you want to talk to him yourself, maybe it's best you both get it over with," Law said, gesturing towards the busy section of the store.

"I don't want to talk to him," Zoro muttered stubbornly. "I saw what I needed to."

Law considered what happened between himself and Sanji. It wasn't much – it wasn't all obvious. Neither of them acted suspiciously. But maybe his feelings were on display. Maybe it was more obvious to the outside that Sanji relied on him for support. All these things that Zoro could have seen, and every bit of it continued to give the man every reason to question them.

Zoro crossed his arms over his chest tightly, glaring off into the distance. Law eased away from the wall he'd been backed into, reminded of how he wanted to stay out of confrontations. Zoro then suddenly walked into the restroom without saying anything. A second later, Sanji appeared around the corner of the hallway, looking at Law with a puzzled expression.

"What are you doing?"

Law understood why Zoro took the chance to disappear. But he was caught in the middle, and that was an uncomfortable feeling. He could lie and say "nothing" to pretend he wasn't in some odd confrontation with Sanji's ex, or he could just call Zoro out on it, and they could both have it out.

He glanced at the restroom – Law didn't want to lie, nor did he feel he _should_ have to feel he had something to hide. Before he could say anything at all, Zoro revealed himself and Sanji stiffened at the sight of him. Law felt the tension rise with all the unbearable heat of standing too close to a volcano.

Both of them glared at each other, the energy so thick and sharp that Law cringed and looked around nervously. Law expected Zoro to say something to Sanji that was similar to what he was asking him, but Zoro said nothing. Sanji glared right back, neither of them backing down from the other. Law noticed with some interest that both of them did not show the previous vulnerabilities that both of them had shown earlier; they had steely expressions and equally rigid postures.

Law took an uncomfortable breath because he thought one of them would strike out at each other. He would break a leg if he attempted to kick that man.

Astonishingly, Zoro stepped down first. It was unexpected because Sanji's expression was unmistakable. It looked like a struggle for him to speak, because Zoro's face twisted with effort, and he lost that tension that made it seem like he was going to strangle a man with his bare hands.

"I need that recipe you use to make Robin's birthday dinner with," he said gruffly, Sanji looking shocked. "I don't have it because I threw away all your cookbooks."

Law found himself holding his breath because this sounded very much like a verbal white flag. But he recognized the edges of panic because he was sure Sanji would find some hope in his return to the man.

It took a few seconds for Sanji to find his voice. "I can mail it to you."

Zoro looked at him sharply. "Just text it to me."

"I don't have a phone."

"Why don't you have a phone?"

"I don't need one."

"So if anyone wants to get a hold of you, you won't let them."

"I don't need to talk to anyone. All I have is my roommate and my boss."

Zoro said something that was too low for Law to hear but Sanji's face twisted with some feeling that Law couldn't identify.

"I'm fine," he replied in a voice that clearly struggled to stay steady.

After studying the cook's expression, his own seemed to soften just a smidge. Zoro then walked away. Law watched Sanji the entire time, feeling uncertainty creep through him. Sanji looked like he was struggling to stay composed. When he looked at Law, he gave a somewhat cheery smile.

"He asked if I were okay," he said as if Law had asked. Maybe Law was wearing the question on his face – he wasn't sure.

But he nodded to acknowledge this.

Sanji looked rather cheered. "It's his way of an apology. It's a good sign."

Law wasn't sure what sort of face to make.

"Good for you," he said in response.

"Maybe things can change between us. Maybe it can be fixed," Sanji said, the hope in his tone evident.

Law told himself to be happy for him. This is what Sanji wanted. This was what he'd been looking for. But Law didn't feel it. He just felt numb – like the door he was waiting for to open had just suddenly locked under his hand. But he nodded again, and felt the corners of his mouth twitch with some movement.

"I'm happy for you," he said.

"I should go get another phone," Sanji then said, gesturing at him to follow. "I'll text him. Maybe we can start talking again."

"That's so great," Law said flatly. He could imagine hearing Dashboard Confessional in the background. All that was missing was a visual spread of the beach.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** This might be the only chapter this week D: **Harmonica Smile, Naghi-Tan, Snowflake97, fyoyaran –** _thank you_ guys for your reviews! I know it's been difficult these past few, and this one will be just as much – BUT! Just wait until you get to the end :D Thank you for reading and leaving me your thoughts!

 **: : 13**

Summer crept in without much of a fight. After some improvement, Law was able to return to work. Sanji found himself occupied with taking on the position of food prep and work as one of the waiters. He still couldn't bring himself to actually cook a meal – he thought it'd be easier to do so as time moved on and things grew easier, but every time he found himself poised over various vegetables and tools on the counter, his hands and heart just wasn't in it. Zeff kept kicking him and the cooks yelling at him for preparing "slop work"; it was hard for them to believe he'd been a worthy cook in an upscale restaurant. It was odd how forgiving Zeff actually was; despite his crotchety exterior and flagrant display of harsh administrations, the old man always had a way of checking in with Sanji to see how he was and giving gruff advice that made Sanji wonder if this was what it felt like to have a caring father.

He began communicating with Zoro again – impersonal texts that grew into eventual tense talks. Brook was allowed back at the apartment.

It cheered both men up immensely to have the old bulldog lunging at their legs, greeting them with frantic licking, happy pee, and whining. Bepo hissed and snapped at him from his tank, but Brook had missed him too, nearly knocking it over with his frantic lunges to try and include him into the licking as well. He followed Sanji from room to room, then occupied Law's space when Sanji had to leave him behind.

Brook was there now, sitting on Law's lap like a heavy, lumpy blanket that occasionally bathed him with the scent of rotten dog food, but Law was grateful for the company of the droopy eyed dog. Bepo took to a safe space atop of his head while he glared down at the mammal. Every little while the dog would grunt and sigh, tucking his head up against the man's chest and armpit, seeking affection while he waited for Sanji's return. The gecko would venture in for a closer look, then retreat when Brook looked at him. Eventually, the lizard would climb atop of the dog's back and glare at Law from this position, as if the human made him do it.

Law was happy with the dog's presence. Brook brought with him a comfort that he needed right now. His hands no longer shook as they drifted over the warm rolls of the dog's head and back. His last physical checkup assured him he'd gained fifteen pounds. His mind still whispered hurtful, hateful things every time he looked at himself in the mirror, but that was a battle he didn't think would ever go away. He still didn't finish the contents of his plate and had found himself using other methods to cope with the intake of food, so his progress was gradual. He wasn't so cold anymore, his clothes felt different, and he had a little more energy. His hair wasn't falling out so much, regrowth visible in the patches he'd taken care of combing over. He didn't take naps after a shopping trip, he started finishing his drinks and he took adventurous bites of things he wouldn't allow himself before.

The memories of his family that visited him were gentle and sweet, and he felt fine remembering pictures that had been pushed to the back of his mind for the occupation of his disorder. It was nice to remember the way his mother did laundry, how his father sneaked candy between meals and how Lamie hung up posters of her favorite male idols in their shared room. He wouldn't share these things, though – it was just a memory that popped up while he was doing certain things. Pausing to reflect on them was a nice distraction.

Marco had noticed and commented that Law had suddenly started approaching him with a sense of high-guard once more. Gentle prodding and what felt like tricky questions popped up in an effort to get Law to talk, but Law was prepared and found the method amusing. He hated that his rejection showed in such a petulant manner, but he supposed that was just how it went.

Law had retracted his growing interest in his roommate and resumed his earlier indifference. He insisted on solo grocery trips and watched more movies in place of their outings. Sanji didn't seem to notice, intent on fixing his relationship with Zoro and talking of a future where they could at least get along amicably.

Law thought Sanji was stupid but what did his opinion matter? He wasn't the one involved. It wasn't his place to say anything at all.

They were just _friends_ , as Sanji stressed. Friends and roommates.

He supposed friends would intervene and say _something_ , but he thought if he did, he'd only sound…stupid.

Jealous.

Sad.

Hurt.

All things that he shouldn't feel if he hadn't been able to say anything at all.

It was just another one of his useless pinings that happened to hurt day after day because things had changed suddenly.

The animals made things easier – it was easy to talk when Brook was about, but when he was gone it was quiet indifference. Law ended up focusing more intensely on his recovery because he recognized that when it grew emotionally stressful, he tended to fall back on certain habits to at least have _something_ under his control. It was an easier excuse to give himself rather than expressing that he was feeling hurt.

One night he sat at the counter, staring at the dish he'd eventually perfected. There was nothing unappetizing about it, but he had a hard time lifting fork to mouth. He ended up resting his head upon his palm, shuffling pieces about with the tines, looking for his earlier interest to complete the action.

Sanji stood across from him with a container of leftovers from the restaurant, Brook panting noisily at his feet as he waited for the next piece of fish.

"You have a consultation coming up?" Sanji asked, his voice sharply breaking the noise coming from the television and Brook's impatient noises. "Something stressful?"

"No," Law answered, and left it at that. Every piece of meat he'd seared and cooked looked well done, and though he'd enjoyed the combination of it, it felt like his mouth wasn't interested. He recognized that this was one of his warning triggers – recognized that if he didn't complete at least a few bites tonight, his intake would lessen the next day because the portion eaten had to be either exactly the same or less to make up for any overeating.

He had to work on eliminating those thoughts.

Sanji gave him a worried look after giving Brook what he'd been begging for. Having lived here as long as he did, he saw the same things Law did. He wished that things were as easy as they were back then – but he knew that Law had retreated back into his shell because Sanji thought he was planning on going back to Zoro.

Sanji wasn't planning to.

Despite his initial hope, he realized through the distance of the divorce that even _if_ they worked on things together, even if he'd wanted it, Zoro wasn't going to risk the chance of taking him back again.

At the same time, Sanji didn't trust himself or his own judgement on pursuing something new. He still didn't believe in love.

Of course, he couldn't say that to Law because it felt like a wall had been built between them. And he hated himself because while he knew that Law had some feelings for him, Sanji didn't trust himself on making the right choice in accepting them. Because how could he love another person when he'd had such a wrong idea of it during his time with Zoro?

It felt like explaining that to Law would cause a great misunderstanding between them. Despite his instinct, _what if_ Sanji had been wrong? It would be presumptuous if it came down to a wrong idea. It would make things awkward.

He wished Law would _say_ something that would open up this conversation to at least start somewhere. But with the way Law handled things, it would most likely stay vaulted up somewhere.

Sanji wished he wasn't such a wounded coward – but he felt he was doing the man a favor at the same time.

He wasn't that good of a person – he'd cheated on his husband _five_ times; what was there about him that someone could take a risk on? Didn't they understand that he'd possibly do it to them, too? He didn't trust himself to be the person that said, "I learned my lesson", or "I'll never do it again", because he'd never thought he'd do it in the first place. If he couldn't trust himself, how could anybody else?

He exhaled slowly, watching Brook as he chewed clumsily. There were greys around his mouth and nose, extending up past his droopy eyes, and just the sight of his deformed features made Sanji smile fondly. Brook's stub of a tail wagged as he saw the movement, eyes lighting up with delight. He encouraged Sanji to pet him, heavy body wiggling mightily as he stretched himself upward.

"What's wrong with your food?" he then asked Law, looking the meal over. It looked and seemed fine to him.

"Nothing," Law answered, pushing some vegetables around his plate.

"Do you just…not feel like eating?" Sanji pressed, looking the man over. He saw the irritated expression cross Law's face at the question, knowing that Law grew annoyed whenever he felt pushed. "Don't get mad at me, I'm just asking."

"I choose not to have a conversation with you about this."

"I know it's difficult, but at least take a few bites – "

"I don't need you telling me what to do. I _know_ what I have to do, I don't want you huffing at my shoulder to do it."

"I can be concerned. You can be angry at me all you want, it's not really me you're mad at. You're just angry at yourself, again."

Exasperated by Sanji's prodding, recognizing he was right, Law felt his veins warm with building irritation. He knew he was just tired and angry with himself, but his patience and temper wasn't having the conversation. He dropped the fork and said, "Why don't you mind your business?"

Sanji frowned at him. Brook rose and quickly scuttled back towards Sanji's room, Sanji looking after him with tired worry because he knew the dog didn't like confrontation. But he looked to Law again. "I just want to help. If you're having trouble with something, let me help you."

"I don't need your fucking help to eat. It's just one of those days."

"If you've got something on your mind, just say it," Sanji snapped at him. "Don't let it eat you up inside. Building any sort of resentment because you can't say it isn't helping you."

"The only resentment I feel is talking to you."

Sanji frowned at him, then closed the container he was picking out of. He then retreated to his room, shutting the door behind him. Law sighed heavily, regretting his words and the matter.

 _Why am I such an asshole_? he thought crossly, resting forehead onto palm.

 _I'm angry because I like you, and don't want you to leave_.

 _I'm frustrated that I can't eat like other people do_.

 _I_ _think you're stupid for thinking that things can change between you two_.

 _I feel stupid for thinking that I have any sort of a chance when I don't even like myself_.

All these things Law thought but didn't have the courage to say. So they festered in his mind and he eventually dumped his dinner into a Tupperware container and went to bed. He went to his room and sat on his bed with a heavy sigh. His ugly pants – with the yellow and purple plaid – caught his attention. He'd taken the pins out so now he ended up rolling them just so that they stayed in place. But he noticed that they fit differently on areas that only he noticed were filling out, and he used his hands to measure the new width of his thighs. Still considerably thinner than most adult's, but at least he was starting to gain some.

 _It's only taken all these years to do so_ , he thought bitterly. But he couldn't help but think that one day he'd look like a normal adult. He'd look normal, so people would glance at him with _whatever_ on their minds, and not with the disgust and wonder that they did. Then he stared at the ceiling, thinking about the words that were shared and the obviousness of the things that went unsaid. He supposed he should say _something_ – maybe apologize because of the way he was feeling about his mood; _anything_ other than silence. Just to keep Sanji from creating his own conclusions because that guy was eerily perceptive and that made Law nervous. He'd never lived with such a sharply perceptive person – Aokiji was the type to see things, but never cared to delve or push.

As Law debated on how to approach the apology, Sanji sat sullenly in his room, petting Brook. The dog was looking at him sadly, tongue reaching out to lick him just to remind him he was there for him. Sanji knew Law was frustrated with many things, but he was positive it was because Law thought Sanji would leave.

As much as he'd wanted that, that was months ago. He wanted an amicable relationship with the others, but there was such a strong feeling of being shunned because of what he did that he felt it wouldn't ever be the same. He'd be the outsider amongst them, someone who had to go over and beyond just to show them that he wasn't a villain. It was difficult thinking of himself otherwise after what he did.

He liked it here – he liked the relationship he had with Law, he liked the location, he liked his job, he appreciated Zeff for his gruff presence, he was still learning what sort of a person he was on his own. He was a capable adult of handling his own responsibilities, and even if he were single, he knew he wasn't alone. There were many factors in his decision and he felt like he couldn't say all of them.

Mainly because he still wasn't sure what to feel of Law.

There were many positive things Sanji could think of when it came to the older man, but _he just did not trust himself_. He realized that in order to change his way of thinking, he would have to confront it directly. And doing that…was frightening. Because what if it wasn't what he thought? Despite his instinct telling him these things, _what if he were wrong_ and he just ended up making a fool of himself and Law?

He decided it was best to just go and apologize to the man for being so pushy. It was an easy apology and it would deescalate the building tension between them. He didn't want to cause trouble in yet another household.

Brook's head snapped up suddenly as he looked at the door. His tail wagged a little but he remained at Sanji's side. Sanji glanced at the door, petting the dog with comfort – he hadn't heard Law moving about, but by Brook's reaction he knew he was out there. It made Sanji feel achy inside. The length of time it was taking Law to approach him made Sanji think that Law was just putting his words together.

And it made him feel rotten because did he really deserve that?

What made him feel more awful was thinking that Law deserved someone like Sanji when Sanji was this…mess. The man deserved so much better.

Before he could do or say anything, Law knocked once and walked in, Brook standing up with his tail wagging furiously to greet him.

"Sorry for the attitude," Law muttered, fiddling with his hands. "I just…well…"

He trailed off for so long that Sanji grew apprehensive. He could hear his heart start to pound with anxiety, not wanting _and_ wanting to hear what he truly had to say. Before he could interrupt it, Law continued on with, "It's just the anniversary of my cat's death, so…"

"You had a cat?" Sanji asked as Law made a face and looked off to the side. "You _didn't_ have a cat."

"I _did_. When…I was…five…" Law trailed off again and looked so damn awkward that Sanji had to settle his own expression to keep himself from making one of his own. "But he ran away. Probably parent speak for saying it was found as road kill, or snatched by a coyote, or – but…and it was in the middle of the winter, not summer, so – "

"Law…"

"The point is, I'm sorry I said those things. I just…have…a mess of things going on in my head, and it…I took it out on you unfairly. I didn't mean to be an asshole," Law finished clumsily, growing red from the neck up. "But…I meant it when I said I didn't need your help because this is something I have to do on my own. It's not like…somebody took the spoon from my mouth, it was me, so this is my entire responsibility – "

"Even if it was your responsibility, there's nothing in the rulebooks that says it has to be only you helping you," Sanji interrupted.

"No," Law then stressed, hand cutting through the air. Brook hurried over to him, panting noisily so he ended up patting him atop of the head. "If I end up relying on someone else to aid my battle with me, then I start thinking it's acceptable to do so – "

"And what's wrong with that?" Sanji asked, moving to the edge of the bed, swinging his legs over. "It's okay to rely on people."

"Not with…how temporary they can be," Law said carefully.

"Then take advantage."

"Is that something you'd do?" Law asked sharply.

"No," Sanji admitted with an uncomfortable frown.

"Then don't tell me how I should be when you can't yourself."

"Why am I being thought of as temporary?" Sanji then asked, taking advantage of the moment.

"Well…you don't…plan on living here for as long as I, right? And considering your circumstances, it isn't as if you'll be here for very long?"

"Am I being kicked out?" Sanji asked.

"No, I'm just saying – "

"You assumed my situation, so what gave you that comfortable conclusion?"

Law picked at his knuckles with a somewhat sheepish expression. "Well, aren't you…working on reconciliation? With your…ex?"

"I'm trying," Sanji started off slowly, Brook sitting down once he had a sufficient amount of pats, "to restart a friendship. But it'll be impossible for things to return as they were when they were working. I can't be trusted."

"Because you'll do it again."

"I don't trust myself, Law. A long time ago, I could never picture myself doing what I did, yet I did it. _Five_ fucking times. He lost faith in me, _I_ lost faith in me. When someone does something shitty to you, how do you forgive them?"

Law exhaled low, looking off to the side. It occurred to Sanji that he wasn't making any eye contact with him. He'd apologized to Sanji's bed, and not to him. So the fact that something was still troubling him made Sanji eager to get it over with.

He licked his suddenly dry lips. "Have you come to rely on me?"

"Well, not lately…I mean…I admit, I was used to you supplying the kitchen with things so that I wouldn't have to visit the supermarket, but…I do miss your cooking."

"Is that it?"

"Well, you pay rent and utilities on time, so I guess I rely on that like clockwork, but – "

"It's okay to admit that you learned to rely on me," Sanji said, elbows on knees. "And I just want to say that you can continue on doing so. I wouldn't just _leave_ – it took a restraining order to unplant my ass, so…"

"But that's not a great idea to have," Law said slowly. He looked like he was going to add more to that, but he suddenly lost the courage to do so. His troubled expression gave Sanji the strength he needed to address it.

"It's also not a good idea to have you thinking you can rely on me for more than this," Sanji said low in a whisper, looking to Brook. "Because I'm not the type of person you think I am."

"I get that you think you'll always be this…bad person," Law said slowly, unsure of the right words, "but you should really consider breaking more laws. Not _me_ , but…like…. _real_ laws. Rob a bank. Kill an old man. Kick some kids. Steal a helicopter. Because that's how you're making yourself out to be."

"It's just…like I said before, I believe in fairy tales and love stories and I just… _ruined_ mine by being someone I never thought I would be! So how can I trust that I won't do it again?"

"I guess nobody can trust themselves once they've made a mistake that they can't forgive themselves for," Law said, sitting beside him. Brook hurried around Sanji to insert himself between them, nuzzling up against him, tail wagging mightily. "But there's always a new start to make up for that. At least…that's what I'm told."

Sanji sighed. "I just feel that you rely on me to be this person I'm not…I can't be. I _can't_ be the person you think I am."

Law nodded gravely. "It's tough thinking of you as Bepo in human form."

Sanji reached over to push him impatiently. "Stop with your weird lizard love!"

After straightening up, Law said, "But things aren't…as obvious as you think they are. Or even what _you_ think they are."

"And that's where our lines are crossing," Sanji said. "Because if that's so, then why are things not being said?"

Law considered this. He took too long to answer, but when he finally did, Sanji _knew_ that he'd lost the courage to say what he really wanted. "I _know_ you weren't thinking about that ice cream from the mall we'd had that one time."

Sanji knew that he wasn't going to get the answer they were both looking for because both of them were cowards. But he put it away. "Do you want to go to the mall?"

Law's eyes closed – he seemed exasperated with himself. But he said, "Yes. Let's go to the mall."

They ended up at the crowded food court, which offered loud options from nearly every direction. But the cloud of tension had eased up from them. It was encouraging to see Law give his own order and eat it without the troubles he'd experienced months earlier. He didn't finish it but it was considerably more than he had the first time he did so.

Sanji couldn't help but watch him over his own ice cream. In a way, he felt so proud of the other man and his efforts to recover. It looked like he was in a much better place than he was when Sanji first met him. He attributed it to the clinic that Zeff had recommended, sure it was the remarkable staff and settings that allowed Law to feel that he was important.

He smiled at him, lowering his spoon to his cup. "You look really good," he said, startling the older man. "It doesn't look like you're fighting it as much as you used to. I'm really proud of you, man."

Abashed, Law reddened. He still had at least a scoop left from the pair he'd wanted to try, but it was nice hearing those words. Maybe it didn't seem like much to someone else looking in, but this was a large step for him.

"Yes, well…it's still a difficult thing to do," he mumbled.

"I'm just happy for you. You're doing amazing. You should definitely be very proud of yourself." Sanji reached over and patted his shoulder, returning his own attention to his ice cream. "And if you don't, I do. I think you're amazing. You inspire others, you know?"

Law didn't think so, thinking that what he was doing wasn't that big of a deal – he was basically climbing out of the hole he'd dug with his own two hands. But with the way Sanji expressed it, it felt like he'd actually accomplished something. He looked at the other man with some longing, wanting to say something similar but feeling too awkward to do so. His face still felt warm with the praise.

They ended up walking about, window shopping and people watching.

Unconsciously, they made a lot of body contact – the occasional bump of a hip, the brush of a hand from standing too close. It was like both were now awakening from some long sleep. It felt different from their other outings; Law realized how unhappy he was without him, and Sanji realized the same. It felt like a weight lifted from shoulders that had been bent for too long under the force of unsaid pressure. Both of them were happy to see the other smile; both relieved that they could still be this way with things unsaid.

Maybe those things didn't have to be said.

But Sanji still felt reluctant, and Law couldn't be pushy. Both of them were aware of that edge, but they could occasionally, and conveniently, forget. Both of them were too involved with each other's company to realize just what they looked like to others that might be watching them.

They eventually wandered into the shop Aokiji worked. Law claimed he'd lost his bracelet – Sanji really had no idea what happened to his.

Aokiji perked up when he saw them. He was restocking some clothing onto a rack, tie dyed material that made Sanji wince at the sight of them.

"This hurts my inner energies," he commented, flipping through the various sizes. "Whoever wears this shit must live in the basement of their mom's house and hits on high school girls because girls his age _know_ he's a rotten potato."

"This one is perfect for you," Aokiji mentioned, holding out a shirt with a tied middle, the back proclaiming, 'I Am Your Sunshine!' He pressed it against Sanji's black v-neck shirt, where his sunglasses clung to the collar. The yellow of the tie-dye clashed with his creased orange chinos. Aokiji ended up making a face at the sight of Sanji's matching socks and sandals.

Sanji tossed the shirt aside.

"Has your lamp died? Did you think to replace the bulb?" Aokiji asked with concern.

"No, we're here for… _he's_ here for another bracelet."

Aokiji's eyes seemed to sparkle with delight as he looked to Law, who was holding a pair of linen overalls against his frame, considering that with a mesh hooded shirt. Sanji snatched them both away from him and rehung them with a wild shake of his head.

Hands on his hips, the tall man looked the pair over. "It looks like the previous ones had worked very well."

"I probably ended up throwing mine at someone to ward off dangerous energies," Sanji said, furrowing his brow.

"At this moment in time, will you now consider obsidian?"

"I can do better with tinfoil wrapped around my head."

"I believe in the properties mine had," Law said, hands in his pockets. He was wearing a pair of jeans he hadn't fit into since the last time he'd gained weight, so they still felt new. Despite the hot weather, he wore a light yellow sweater to hide the thinness of his frame. But he still looked impressively improved since the last time he ventured into this shop. "So maybe just a replacement."

"You look well," Aokiji said lightly. "So perhaps it works, but I just received some tourmaline, so perhaps let's work with that. And for _you_ , maybe weed will fit you better."

Sanji rolled his eyes. "Har, har."

"We have many different flavors of vape – "

"No, no, I enjoy the taste of cancer."

"Well, it has similar properties – "

"If I wanted a vagina, I could change my sex."

Aokiji stared at him, trying to imagine the man as a woman. Law began looking through the coin dresses and aprons hanging nearby. Sanji frowned up at Aokiji.

"You're imagining it, aren't you?"

"You'd probably make for a very scary woman."

" _Enough_ with the flattery! I have a big enough head as it is!"

"Well, I'm glad you're here," Aokiji said, reaching for a bright yellow coin skirt and unraveling it from the hangar. Like some slow-moving sloth, he wrapped it around Law's hips. "Because it has been some time since I'd last seen you both, and I'd grown concerned that the items I'd recommended weren't working. Now that I see you, I see that I'd made excellent choices. It's important to always change your energies because you as a person constantly evolve, and it's important to encourage that."

Once he tied off the skirt, Law gave an awkward jiggle of his hips so that the coins sounded out.

The female cashier they'd seen last time happened to see this, and she did an answering jiggle of her own hips. "Cool baby making moves, man!" she said, clapping enthusiastically.

Sanji ripped the skirt away from Law. He shoved the material back into Aokiji's hands.

"I think you're in need of howlite," Aokiji said with concern. "It's difficult for you to let go of toxic attachments. Therefore, difficult for you to find joy in life."

"I have plenty of joy, but it seems to evaporate when I'm in here."

"How did the incense work out, by the way?" Aokiji asked as he set the material aside, heading towards the counter.

"I forgot I bought it," Sanji said with a concerned frown. "Maybe it's a good thing I did."

Aokiji rummaged behind the counter for a few things, and laid them out over the glass top. He leaned up against the display while Sanji looked down at the items with a frown. Law immediately picked up the opal carved knife that had some filmy red splotches over the blade.

Aokiji took that back from him. "Sorry, I was looking for that," he apologized, pushing it back into his pants pocket. "I didn't clean it after the last murder."

"It happens," Law said, causing Sanji to look at Aokiji with alarm.

"Don't worry," Aokiji told Sanji. "I only murder for the good of the citizens living here to prevent any strife caused by those warring against your way of life."

"I'm _so_ happy to hear that," Sanji muttered, wondering if he should be concerned.

"Here is the tourmaline," Aokiji then said, holding out the bracelet. "It's guaranteed to purify your negative energies and turn them positive. It will also help block out harmful radiation and environmental pollutants – essential, considering your tv habits. Also, you can attach a charm to it."

"I actually cut down on my viewing habits," Law said, pulling the bracelet from the plastic to fit it on his wrist. It wasn't as loose as the other one – but it still slipped down to his forearm. He was happy to see that, considering that it had taken an extra tie to keep it from slipping all the way down to his elbow. "I'm living life, now."

"It appears you're in a good place, my friend," Aokiji said cheerily.

"Here are the available charms," Aokiji then said, pushing forward a small box of gaudy looking charms.

"And for you," Aokiji boomed, Sanji jumping at the volume of his voice. He picked out a set of multicolored stones, "this is another form of jasper, but it is called unakite. It purges old wounds and bad former attachments while also settles bad habits. You smell like a chimney."

" _Awesome_. It looks like it goes well with my grandma couch inspired three piece suit," Sanji said sarcastically.

"You'll need _a lot_ of jasper," Aokiji decided, plucking out the green one and handing it to him.

"Sanji, pick out a charm to go with it," Law said encouragingly, fisting the one he'd decided upon.

Sanji was not having that extra step; he snatched the bracelets, shaking his head. He went to pay for them while Aokiji looked after him with some worry. He looked at Law.

"Rocinante tells me you're seeing Marco, now," he said.

Law looked surprised. "How does he know…?"

"Marco is good people."

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he knows all this."

"It's good seeing you like this. There's life to your eyes."

"It hasn't been easy."

"Keep up the good work. You should compliment yourself more," Aokiji suggested. "Instead of talking down upon yourself and others, lift yourself up."

"Those things are difficult to say."

"Then practice them. Not on yourself, but others. Eventually, you'll hear yourself saying them to yourself," Aokiji said with a yawn. "It's time for my nap. It was good seeing you. Oh, and Rocinante said he'd be able to visit soon. His ulcer is flaring up so he needs to take leave. Or…so he says…"

"I wasn't aware that he had an ulcer."

"Literally worries himself sick."

Law went and paid for his charm, meeting Sanji near the doors. He pocketed the bracelet Sanji paid for, but held the charm up so the other man could see it.

"It's for your bracelet," he said, handing it over. "Hopefully it helps you recover your love of cooking."

Sanji looked at it. It was a sterling silver dish with fork and knife crossed over it, but the dish had what looked like a skull on it. It seemed more like a curse than a charm, but it had its appeal. He snickered, closing his fingers over it.

"Hopefully it works," he said.

In a moment of daring, Law placed his hand over Sanji's closed fist. Sanji looked at him with surprise.

"I will wait for the day you decide to cook again," Law said, but Sanji was pretty sure he wasn't talking about his cooking. There was a deeper meaning to it. He was quite positive of it. It was all in the intensity of his expression, the warmth of his hands, the feeling he could _feel_ radiating from the man. It made his thoughts stutter a bit, his cheeks warming slightly under the passionate look.

"R-really?" he stammered.

"Yeah." Law then gave him a confused look. "Because my cooking sucks. Why are you blushing?"

Sanji jerked his hand away to recover. "You're doing fine! You're obviously not dying! Don't complain! I don't want to hear any more of this complaining!"

He huffed as he strode off, red-faced.

Law looked at the mannequin poised in the window nearby. Once he saw his reflection, he shook his head with such a shocked look at himself.

"You fucking _pussy_ ," he told himself with utter disgust. "You're _such_ a pussy. You are a dumbass _coward_. _Where are your balls_? You have _none_. You have _no_ balls. You are _not_ a man. You – "

"You weirdo, stop talking to that thing and let's _go_!"

Law glanced at his reflection once more. "We'll continue this later."

: :

It wasn't because of the charm. It wasn't because of the bracelet. Sanji was sure it was because he was able to find a foothold in the broken foundation that was his shattered life and was able to steady himself. But that weekend he was able to decide on a meal and had bought the ingredients for it. It was a basic dish, with slightly more calories in it than the light stuff he had been making for Law's preference. But he poised himself over the counter with tools and food out while the older man napped on the couch.

Sanji pulled the unakite bracelet from his pants pocket, the charm dangling from it heavily. He'd been given gifts – plenty of them from Zoro – and it wasn't that he was some old blushing maiden. A man had thought of him while choosing this gift and it was full of meanings that meant something for both of them. Law chose to remain adamant that it was only his cooking that he hoped Sanji would find again, but Sanji absolutely knew better what this was.

Despite his own thinking, the gift was precious.

Someone had hope for him, and someone was waiting for him. They'd seen his downs, they'd picked him up when he'd been kicked, they'd seen him at his most vulnerable. He was scared, but he felt the first edges of hope, too.

He unwrapped the meat, then picked up the seasoning. He turned on the burner to warm up the oil then began cutting.

: :

In the crowded hospital cafeteria, Law slowly became aware that he was being stared at. It took some considerable effort to pull his attention away from the delicious omelet and accompanying fruit parfait to look up, chewing slowly so that he could appreciate all the seasonings, flavor and general sensation of feeling put into this meal. Once he saw that Penguin and Shachi were just staring at him, he grew self-conscious. He wiped his mouth with his wrist.

"What?" he asked cautiously, tongue running over his teeth.

Penguin made a concentrative effort to focus on his question. "Are…are you…like, I know there's no other way to ask, but are you and your roommate… _seeing_ each other?"

Law gave him a confused expression. "I, uh, see him every day."

"That's not what I meant."

"He meant, are you guys…" Shachi trailed off uncomfortably. "Like, in a relationship?"

"No."

Penguin gave him an uncomfortable look. "I…didn't think it was any of my business, but…it was…surprising seeing you guys at the mall the other day."

"We're just friends, so…"

Penguin and Shachi looked at each other, then gave him impatient looks. "We're friends. We've been friends for, like, _ever_ , and I sure as heck know _we_ don't look at each other the way we saw you guys doing."

"Look at each other _how_? I mean, to carry a conversation, you have to look at someone," Law said, panic racing through him.

Shachi hit Penguin with the back of his hand to get his attention. Law took another bite of his omelet as the pair of them exchanged a silent agreement. Then, Shachi's face took on a blatant adoring expression while Penguin did the same. Both of them made bashful touches to each other's face and shoulders, Law spitting out his food with a mortified cough.

Penguin hit the table. " _Friends don't look at each other that way_!"

Shachi mimicked the action. "It would _gross_ me out looking at this guy like he were Megan Fox!"

Penguin looked hurt. "…Hey…!"

Law wiped his mouth then wiped up the mushy contents of his chewed omelet, setting that aside. His face and neck were bright red with mortification. "You've got the wrong idea."

"Yeah, right. Because that's just what dudes do in public," Penguin said, frowning at him. "I know he's gay, but you aren't. When did this happen?"

"You have the wrong idea."

"I just hope you aren't being manipulated or forced into something you don't normally do," Shachi said with concern. "Like…I know it's been awhile since you seen anybody, but…this isn't a good idea."

"I mean, not that it's wrong that you decided to switch teams," Penguin amended gently, "but I don't think having any sort of…closeness with someone who had a really long relationship with another…dude…and having it end badly is going to be of any good. I mean…like, he might have the wrong idea, too. He might be getting the wrong idea if you're being too nice to him, and you might be getting the wrong idea if he's being nice…"

Penguin indicated Law's meal.

"…to you. Both of you might be seeking affection and ideas for all the wrong reasons."

Law fiddled with his napkin at his lap. He felt defensive and irritated, but he could see their point, too. They were his friends, they were always clear-cut with him; they were worry-warts and they had years of standing behind him. They had a right to express their doubts and concerns.

"I hear what you're saying, but you're wrong," he said. "It's for me to decide what's best for me and what I want. You are allowed to express your thoughts and feelings but none of them, at this point, is something I'll listen to."

"We're not trying to cause any shit, Law," Penguin said firmly. "It's just…we're worried. You have a great job, you're good at it, you have a place that doesn't change rent at a wind's change. But you also have a health condition and we have a right to be suspicious of someone that's basically in from the streets and has nowhere else to go."

Shachi cut in. "He was a scary guy when he first came in. I know you were there to see some things – I mean, there was a _restraining order_ involved, he acknowledged breaking into that house to steal a dog, he goes through your things like they're his - !"

Law frowned at both of them. "First off, the shit he was going through was some terrible shit. There were reasons behind all the things he did, but now that he's moved on – "

"And that's the thing that gets me! If it doesn't work out between you two, how is he going to act?" Penguin pointed out. "We're already aware that he has this violent temper, we already know he isn't afraid of the police, we're aware that he has no qualm with breaking and entering – he's already done this to one person. What's he going to do with you? I hate to say it, but you're a vulnerable person."

Law sat uncomfortably. He did not want to feel this way, but his friends, trusted and valued, were expressing their discomfort. They were definitely things to be considered. He could put them at the back of his mind and call Penguin and Shachi worrywarts, but the truth was that they could be right. Common sense told him not to be angry at them, but another part of him wanted to disregard this entire conversation.

"Thank you for telling me what you feel," he said slowly. "I'll keep that in mind."

"I don't want to come off as a dick, Law," Penguin urged gently. "I know I sound like one because…these things are difficult to hear. But…it's important to hear."

"I think," Shachi came in carefully, "that it's great you're feeling happy and everything feels like it's going right for you, but at the same time you've got to keep your head. He's younger than you. He's… _healthy_. And gay guys, they…I don't know if they're capable of monogamy. They're always – look at the dental clinic! They're always hooking up and breaking up with each other, and what about that Bon Clay dude! Look at him and his – "

"That sort of generalization is rather small minded. I might point out that he was in a relationship for years – "

"Yeah, until he decided to _cheat_ on the dude and he only stopped because he got caught! _Plus_ ," Penguin added, finger up, "he was really young when he got married. So he probably doesn't know what it feels like being an individual. He's probably latching onto you because he feels more comfortable and secure being part of a couple, and those types of people will settle for anyone. You – you've been single for most of your life. This part is exciting, but when it's time to settle down – can you see yourself settling down with someone that's just going to cling to you because they don't know how _not_ to be a barnacle?"

Law exhaled through his nose. He couldn't come up with a reply.

After some silence, Penguin's shoulders drooped. "I'm sorry. I know this all sounds negative, but…it's…we're just worried, okay? I know we're not around all the time, but…you're our friend."

"We just want you to be safe," Shachi added softly.

"Thanks," Law said shortly, feeling let down and sad. Mostly because these were his friends – they weren't enemies, they weren't the type to restlessly interfere. They were only looking out for him. He knew he was going to stubbornly ignore their advice, though. It was his own lesson to learn in the end. His own decision. His own choice. If this made him happy, then it didn't make sense for others to talk down on it.

He tried to ignore the strumming of some Blink 182 song playing in the background.

: :

"It took me a long time to say this, but I don't think you should rush into something new," Zoro said, his voice heavy with reluctance. Sanji made an uncomfortable face as he sat down on the bench that happened to overlook the car garage and attached artist lofts a couple of blocks from his apartment. Zoro had called him over a change of Brook's medication, and the subject had shifted rather suddenly.

"Why do you say that?" Sanji mumbled, thinking about the weekend excursion to the mall. He had been feeling butterflies and nervousness thinking about it, recognizing that he was growing attached. He was starting to feel like a teenager all over again; that combination of excitement, hope and romance coming back to him like a slow moving fire. He kept stamping it out with thoughts of reluctance and reasoning, but the smoke eventually kept putting out flames.

"I mean…I saw it before, so…Nami brought it up. I guess she saw you guys at the mall, and…I just don't think it's a good idea."

Sanji was glad he didn't see Nami – he would have left if he had. But he also recognized that Nami, usually loud and nosey, had not approached him. Which still suggested that their mutual friend still had some reservations about him. He felt that awkward, ugly feeling in his gut again that told him that the friends he'd shared with Zoro were still not _his_ friends. He pulled his hair out of his hair tie, fitting it over his wrist. Then lit up a cigarette.

"I mean, not that I have any say in whatever shit you do," Zoro continued, mumbling, "you can do whatever you want, I just don't think it's a good idea because it's you."

"Because I'll ruin someone else's life?" Sanji asked bitterly.

"No – well, _that_ , and…I don't know, you attach too easily to anyone that looks at you nice. And…I don't know what's going on with him, but… _whatever_ it is, it's probably not a good thing to think that you can…like, either cure it, or help it, or _whatever_ , then get the idea that things would last. I mean – I get that we're not a part of each other lives anymore, so it doesn't make sense to say anything, but at the same time, I've known you the longest and this shit is just something you'd do."

"It's not what anyone thinks," Sanji mumbled. "Whatever they see, it's not what they think. I would know, I'm there, right? So…"

"I'm just saying. I'm not the only one that sees it. And I think you shouldn't do it because…"

Sanji heard Zoro exhale noisily, like this was too troubling to get out at all. And it probably was – but the fact that Zoro was saying anything at all spoke volumes of the level they were finally at. Sanji could still hear the anger and reluctance in his voice; he could still see disappointment and anger in Zoro's face when they saw each other; he could still feel anger in the other man when they met. So the fact that Zoro would even share this with him despite that anger – maybe it was something that Sanji should listen to.

"Not only would you ruin _their_ life," Zoro added bitterly, "but you'll ruin yours, too. Where are you going to go when it doesn't work out? That's his place, right? It wouldn't be appropriate if…I let you come back, so…you need to think about these things before you actually do them."

Sanji thought that was sound advice. It was something he could reasonably think about.

"This thing should only be temporary until…you figure shit out for sure," Zoro muttered. "Because…you're only rushing into something _from_ something you haven't even fixed."

"I think the thing I rushed out from is considered _fixed_ ," Sanji couldn't help but point out snidely.

"You know what I mean!"

"I _know_ what you mean, but - ! It's not what you think. It's not what anybody thinks! He's my – my _friend_ , my roommate, and, yeah, he's got some things going on with him, but he's doing so much better, and both of us just need to get out and do shit without feeling like pariahs, and - !"

"I don't care what you do, Sanji! I don't care who you do it with! I don't care about you, I'm just saying! I know you, and you're just taking up something that you think is going to fill a hole and it's not going to end right because _you're_ not all right! That's all I'm saying!"

Exhaling harshly, Sanji pulled his cigarette away to say, "So, after all that I did, are you saying that I'm not allowed to move on and find something to finally make me happy?"

He heard a grit of teeth from the other end. Then a derisive snort. "Do whatever makes you happy. Even if it fucks someone else's life up. I don't care."

Hearing the dial tone moments later, Sanji hung up. He sat at the park bench and wondered when it was appropriate to start "breaking laws". Once a villain, _always_ a villain, he supposed.

When he arrived home, he realized that Law had come back early. His overnight bag was sitting in the middle of the hall, so he used a foot to push it aside. He worried that the older man was sick or troubled, and quickly set out to his room to check on him. He opened the door and stopped short, seeing the man sprawled out on his bed, facing the window. He had such a gloomy look to his face that Sanji felt better despite it.

"Bad day at the office?" he asked, relaxing against the doorframe.

Law was quiet for a few moments before his eyes found Sanji's in the reflection of the window. He ended up pushing himself up to look back at him.

"Food poisoning at the restaurant?" he asked instead, noting the gloomy look in the younger man's face.

Sanji shrugged in response. Neither of them could talk about it.

But how the air seemed to shift and change between them.

Law patted the bed. "Want to mope with me?"

Sanji considered the offer, then nodded. "I'd love to."

"It always feels better when there's someone more miserable than you to wallow in these feelings with," Law said, giving him room to sprawl. Sanji pulled off his shoes and dropped down onto the other side, exhaling noisily. He couldn't describe how happy and peaceful he felt with being in the same room as the other man; how smelling his sheets made him feel excited and nervous; how knowing that he could just _be there_ without the pressure of speaking or doing anything made him feel at ease.

He rolled onto his back to stare up at the ceiling as Law resumed staring out the window. Both of them lost themselves to their thoughts, Bepo scratching at the glass walls of his tank in an effort to get out. Sanji couldn't hear any crickets. But he thought about Zoro's warning while Law thought about his friends, and each of them were more aware of each other than ever.

Sanji took a deep breath. "Once a villain, always a villain."

Law turned his head to look at him. "I'm a vulnerable, fragile person."

Sanji thought that Law was a fragile person in body, but not in spirit or mind. So it was amusing. He couldn't stop his smile from showing. "Then it works out, doesn't it?"

"In the Netflix way of things, I guess it's a good balance for entertainment," Law agreed with a light shrug.

"It's a good pairing."

"It's a _great_ pairing."

"Not everyone has to like it."

"Who cares what people think if you just like it?"

"It's not like they're the ones actually…in it. They can change the channel."

"Or make their own."

"Right."

Both of them looked at each other, surprised to know that they were experiencing the same things. It was both exciting and scary to realize that both of them were on the same wavelength, having experienced the same thing that happened to trouble them. But neither of them were bold enough to make that first move. Both of them were scared for individual reasons.

Sanji exhaled shakily while Law drummed up the courage needed to say or do something. But his heart was racing wildly, almost out of control – painfully. He was scared, but this was his chance. There was an opening in the wall they'd built between them.

 _I'm going to ruin this_ , Sanji thought heavily. _I'm going to fuck it up_.

 _I'm_ _not going to do this right_ , Law thought in a panic. _I'm not worth it_.

After a hard swallow, Law reached out with one shaking hand to touch Sanji's shoulder. It was pretty brave of him to do so, so Sanji ended up turning to face him. His expression was quite detailed for Law to know that he was tense but eager for this contact. He reached up to cover the other man's hand with his own, his own palms sweaty with nervousness.

Because he knew Law had a certain degree of courage before he immediately stepped back, Sanji pulled his hand to his mouth. He pressed gentle kisses to the moist palm and fingers, glad he could do so. Finally touching the man out of passion and not as something platonic gave him a shiver of sensation. Every part of him was nervous, anxious for a reaction – wondering if it would be reciprocated.

It was enough encouragement for Law to use – he shifted forward to kiss Sanji, and both of them froze at the contact. It was warm and clumsy and new, but it felt good. Once the contact was made, it felt like the wall they'd built came down. All new sensations, feelings and thoughts seemed to spark and ignite, bodies relaxing from earlier tension. The startling sizzle of connection was almost too scary to acknowledge – like electricity that had been building for some time, finally released at a touch.

Their kisses were gentle and slow at first, then turned warm and fast, insistent. Hands grabbed at hair and shirt collars, breathing growing labored. Both of them looked at each other to see if the other felt the same way, and each of them acknowledged the similar need in the other's face. Mouths opened and tongues explored, chests rising and falling with excitement. Sanji pulled Law over him, his body eager for more contact. Law managed to separate his fingers from Sanji's hair, moving over the fast moving flutter at his throat down to his chest, brushing against his nipple. Both of them had eager hands that wanted to explore, tensions rising as nothing else mattered.

But then a sound grew too obvious to ignore.

Both of them tensed, then startled at the sound of the locks shifting from the front door. Still in a haze, both of them listened as the door opened. Because neither of them could fathom _who the hell_ could be walking in at this important time, both of them were frozen in place.

"Hellooooo? Hey, sorry, I still have this spare key, and – I brought dinner! …Hello? Law?"

Law rolled off Sanji like a fire had been lit at his heels. Sanji quickly sat up and covered himself as his flesh lit with a fiery flush – not that he was naked in any way, but it was obvious he was enjoying where things had been going. Then it became apparent that in the midst of their actions, the bed squeaked loudly enough under their frantic movements for footsteps to venture their way. Not even thinking, Sanji rolled off the other side of the bed to hide while Law hissed a curse and slammed the door shut.

A huge resounding clang of sound told them he'd, literally, shut the door against someone's head.

" _OW_!"

"SORRY! I'm – getting _dressed_!" Law exclaimed airlessly, wondering how he could possibly hide his damn boner from Rocinante's prying eyes. Sanji rolled underneath the bed, slapping his forehead with his palm – he wondered how to explain himself out of this one, this awkward situation that had to be obvious to Law's adoptive father.

Law looked pretty frantic, crouching awkwardly to hiss, "Sneak to your room!" before getting up and straightening his clothes. Then he left the room, coaxing what sounded like a very tall man towards the living room. Sanji did his best to sneak back to his own room without being detected, softly shutting his door behind him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Naghi-Tan: Hopefully this chapter fixes that! :D**

 **HS: Law reflected that he was capable of same sex feelings, but hadn't really had the chance. He had man crushes here and there through life – but definite experience with women – but only this time could he actually find someone to return his interest. The tourmaline was the usual color. I left severe subjects very light – there will be some references here as well! – because the focus on these two and not a whole other world of distractions lol I can be easily distracted XD**

 **Snowflake97: LOL! Usually the beginning of the week I can update! Everyone helped but in the opposite way they thought – they'll still have these feelings, unfortunately. What a bad reputation to have D: More boundaries will be crossed here (smirk)**

 **: : 14**

Law hadn't given any thought to Rocinante's return, so he wasn't exactly sure what to think or how to act in front of the man that had raised him. But seeing him now, at such a considerably inconvenient time – he could still taste Sanji on his lips – made all his thoughts scatter. But he felt as guilty as a kid caught doing something he wasn't supposed to, which absolutely bewildered him. He was a damn _adult_ who took care of himself and his responsibilities – at his age, why was he reacting in such a way in front of a man who basically left without much explanation?

Rocinante looked as he always did – sloppily dressed in what should be sharp clothes; but his eyes were a little older and he had a couple of new wrinkles around his mouth. His hair was cut shorter, allowing his features to stand out – sunglasses hung from the unbuttoned collar of his white shirt. He carried a bag of food that smelled too sharply of Chinese and it automatically made Law's stomach turn.

"I'm so happy to see you!" Rocinante exclaimed, rubbing at the red mark on his forehead, his nose swelling slightly. He set the bag down on the coffee table, looking Law over with joy in his eyes. He promptly hugged the man, Law smothered by the smell of cigarettes and cologne. His eyes watered and he sneezed, forcing Rocinante to push him away abruptly. He was like an oversized puppy, nearly expanding with all his excited cheer and joy.

Then his face abruptly changed to look solemn. Law had forgotten that Rocinante was capable of hiding his true emotions and thoughts with an intense expression and softly spoken words; much like he'd been trained to do so.

"You look good," Rocinante said in a voice that was much too stoic from the emotion he'd shown earlier.

"How'd you know I was seeing Marco?" Law asked him curiously, hoping Sanji made it back to his room. He wondered of a proper way to "introduce" his roommate to Rocinante, but he was sure Rocinante already knew of Sanji.

Rocinante gave a single nod. "I know _almost_ everything."

Law was aware of his help from time to time, but he wondered _how_ the man was capable of knowing these things.

"Once I heard you were seeing him, it was a relief for me that things should turn for the better," Rocinante said. He gestured at Law to take a seat, but Law looked nervously down the hall to Sanji's room. Rocinante's expression looked forced at this point. "Where is your roommate? Is he here?"

"In his room," Law answered clumsily, looking down to avoid his eyes. He hoped Rocinante had no idea what was just transpiring between the pair – he had an unreasonable suspicion that the man was of psychic capabilities.

Rocinante exhaled shortly. "Then we should eat. I brought dinner."

"We don't…really eat…out," Law responded awkwardly, as to not hurt his feelings. "We already had dinner – he cooks, so…"

Rocinante observed the pristinely cleaned kitchen and Law wondered why he had lied about that.

"Law," Rocinante said with slight chiding. He began unpacking the containers from the bag while Law told himself to take at least a few bites. He didn't have to finish it. He didn't have to eat at all if he didn't want to – but he didn't want to be rude, he didn't want things to start off badly.

Then he recognized that he was already shifting back into that mode he'd adapted as a teen – trying to please someone by being as less trouble as possible. It was absolutely fine to be firm and to express his refusal without having to feel any other way about it.

"I don't want to eat," Law said, feeling his hands clench at his sides. "I don't really like that stuff."

"It'll be fine, it'll be fine," Rocinante said, waving at him. "All guys like eating this stuff. It's the stuff men eat when they're single – "

"What's that disgusting smell?" Sanji demanded, leaving the hallway after overhearing the exchange. His presence startled Rocinante, nearly dumping a container of noodles over the shaggy white carpet. Law looked nervously at Sanji before looking to Rocinante, unsure of what to say. He couldn't help feeling like some kid all over again – guilty on the inside for hiding something from the man.

"Disgusting?" Rocinante repeated sharply.

Sanji looked the containers over with a frown. "This stuff always leaves behind some bad memories. I'm Sanji, by the way. But you knew this, right?"

"Yes, of course," Rocinante said with a stiff expression, extending a hand out. Sanji glared at it, and Law wondered what that was about. There was a sudden hostility that arose between them like billowing smoke clouds born from a widening rupture on the ground. Law felt like he missed _something_.

Rocinante picked up a set of chopsticks so he could eat. "Not what I was expecting. I thought guests would be well treated around here. In any event, I thought I'd drop by to see how everyone was doing," he said, sitting back down on the couch to eat.

"Aokiji mentioned something of an ulcer?" Law said, unable to help from looking to one to the other, looking for clues to this hostility that he felt from both of them.

Rocinante rolled his eyes. "Aokiji and his dramatics."

"So you think eating all this grease will help it any?" Sanji asked snidely, Rocinante pausing in mid-chew. Giving the man a disgusted look, Sanji then muttered, "Why don't I make something suitable for it?"

"If you can cook, then do so," Rocinante returned, a little sharply.

Law looked after Sanji with utter bewilderment as he strode off for the kitchen, Rocinante set the container on the coffee table as Sanji rummaged through the fridge for what he needed, then looked to Law.

"Let's catch up," he suggested, patting the cushion next to him. "Maybe we should update your wardrobe now that you're starting to look like a normal human being."

Something slammed to the floor and rattled noisily, causing both men to look over with a start. Sanji picked up whatever he'd dropped and continued rummaging through the cupboards. Because of this unexplained attitude, Law just looked at him with utter bewilderment. Sanji's actions and words were bordering on rude, and he wondered if he should call him out on it.

He looked to Rocinante, who looked to him with question. "No thank you," he said politely. He noticed that there was a light sheen of moisture at his hairline – Rocinante was curiously stressed. Law wasn't sure how to feel about it, patting at his pants uselessly. "So…where have you been?"

"My job has kept me busy," Rocinante muttered grimly. He picked up the container and noodles, once again with chopsticks in hand. "Flying all over the country, talking to too many people, seeing too many places. But my supervisor isn't ready to let me go just yet."

"Ah, Sengokou? I…forget. What exactly do you do?" Law asked, sitting slowly at the edge of the couch.

"Oh, yes, I did run into Aokiji about a couple of weeks ago," Rocinante said, stuffing his mouth with noodles anyway. Law furrowed his brow at his question being ignored, but he was used to the secrecy. _The less he knew_ , he supposed. "I've been pushing him to properly deal with that chronic fatigue thing he has going on, but he distrusts doctors."

"Ah, you must be doing the same weird things Aokiji does," Sanji said from the kitchen, angrily cutting through vegetables. "Something involving some type of _espionage_."

"What a strange word to describe working as a recruitment officer," Rocinante commented, with a tone that did little to disguise his distaste. Law felt his skin pop out with sweat because he was trying to assess the weird situation; he found it startling that Rocinante was so…prickly. Not that it wasn't unusual for him to speak in this fashion around those he wasn't familiar with, but Law sensed a lot of tension coming from him.

Sanji glanced at him. "I noticed you didn't ask about Bepo."

"I saw the lizard, but didn't think it was important to ask," Rocinante said, spilling noodles over himself as he stood up. " _Oops_."

Sanji rolled his eyes. Law looked at him with such bewilderment that he was caught between calling out the younger man for his attitude and keeping it to himself for later, for polite reasons.

Law did introduce Bepo to Rocinante, pulling him out of his tank. The spotted gecko stared up at Rocinante, then crawled up Law's arm to reach his favorite spot.

"He's a cute iguana," Rocinante said lamely.

"He's a spotted gecko. I'm sure he's still a 'he'," Law added, plucking the lizard down from the back of his neck to examine his underside. Bepo's legs waved about, as if embarrassed. Law put him back into the tank, much to the gecko's dismay. "He's a great companion. But Sanji shares custody of a dog – "

"Ah, yes, Brook."

Law looked at Rocinante with a puzzled expression as the tall man looked delighted, searching for the animal. "How'd you know - ?"

Rocinante sucked in his lips with a start, then sputtered, "Oh, Bege told me all about him."

"I haven't even met that guy," Sanji said. "And I've lived here for _months_. So you guys communicate regularly?"

"I help out with rent from time to time, so it isn't that suspicious."

"How does Bege know Brook's name if Law or myself hasn't even spoken to him?" Sanji then asked, in a tone full of mock curiosity. Law knew it was mocking because he'd become familiar with that tone during Sanji's first few months here.

Law looked back at Sanji with discomfort. "Do you two know each other? Because it sounds like there's some familiarity there."

"We've never met," both of them said in unison, then glared at each other.

" _Someone_ is a liar."

"Not it," Sanji said quickly, Rocinante looking at him with disgust.

Rocinante then looked down at Law, grabbing his chin to look him over. "It's been quite a journey for you, and I just can't express how relieved and happy I am that you're now on the right path. I realized that I wasn't making things any easier," Rocinante added, brushing noodles from his shirt. He bent to pick them up and nearly knocked over Bepo's tank with his ass. Law quickly caught it, struggling to reset it when Rocinante took over the task himself with a look of panic.

Glass cracked underneath his hands and everyone froze. Bepo took advantage of the moment to quickly crawl up the edge and leapt onto Rocinante's arm. He scurried up and over his sleeve, Rocinante's eyes widening with horror. Bepo then settled at his neck with a look of content, Law watching his gecko with an expression of betrayal.

"Um…help?"

"He needed a new tank anyway," Law said, helping him reset the stand and tank. The breakage of the glass was glaringly obvious from where Rocinante's grip had been applied. He supposed that was normal for a man of his size. He couldn't reach Bepo but the man's shoulders was raised and cringing so hard that Bepo had to shift to avoid being smushed by the back of his head.

"He seems very comfortable with you. I think that's a good sign."

"Almost like they met before," Sanji commented with a fake smile, throwing everything into a heated wok.

"Rocinante has a way with animals," Law mumbled. But he thought of all the times dogs barked at the man – how cats hissed and ran away. How birds dropped shit flying over him or slamming into him while they were walking outside. But he was sure that all these things meant that Rocinante's size was just that noticeable.

"I've never met a lizard that didn't like me," Rocinante said, plucking Bepo from his shoulder and putting him back into the tank gently. Law watched this, so he didn't understand how Rocinante's foot slid forward and carried the man's weight unexpectedly into the wall, creating a large dent.

Law then noticed that he'd slipped on the noodles he'd brushed from his shirt earlier. "Ah."

"Will you sit down?" Sanji hissed at Rocinante. "For fuck's sake!"

"It was a long trip," Rocinante admitted, sitting quickly onto the couch with his hands held primly together between his knees. "Add to it that it's been so many years since I've seen Law, I am unsure how to relax. Sometimes I wondered if his condition was the effect of my actions."

"It wasn't," Law said gently. He felt like he couldn't exactly delve into personal reasons – this man was absent from his life for years. But at the same time he was aware of his eagerness to reconnect. Rocinante might be a clumsy, sloppy man but he raised him, put him through school, and did his best to be a father when Law lost his. So Law had a very high level of respect and affection for him; but he was also an adult, not a teenager, so he needed to keep that in mind.

He sat down on the couch. "It's good seeing you again. Did you resolve your fight with your brother?"

Rocinante plucked out a cigarette from his shirt pocket, then remembered he couldn't smoke here. "Let's go outside."

Once out on the roof, Rocinante exhaled smoke like it were a gust of hot air. He wiggled his shoulders and turned his head from this way and that; as if he were releasing all his tension. The hot air felt good, but night had fallen so the city lights were bright.

"He's still on the lam," he said in response to Law's question. "That aspect has nothing to do with you. And don't worry about your roommate's behavior, Law. I'm taking nothing personally. Frankly, I'm pretty sure it'll come out eventually so the reason why I'm so comfortable knowing things is that I have the place monitored closely _because_ of the situation with my brother."

Law furrowed his brow. "How would Sanji know that?"

Rocinante reluctantly said, "I think he's comfortable around this sort of thing, considering his own family's situation…"

Law looked at him blankly. Everything was going over his head.

"…so he's well aware of my interferences from time to time. He's taken advantage of it, but…"

Rocinante crushed his cigarette in his hand. He wore an intense look. "This only motivates me to do better."

 _Doing better in sneaking about_? Law wondered. He wore a troubled expression. "So…this was how the FBI was aware of Kid being an arms dealer?"

"If only that guy wasn't so hard to find!" Rocinante hissed bitterly.

Law pictured Kid as they'd seen him at the bookstore. Reading "titty books" and drinking coffee in his hipster attire. Since it "had to do with him", he found it no reason to talk at all about Kid.

Rocinante looked at him with regret. "So you can bet I know every detail of this one's life, as well. But don't worry," he added, hand up, "he's _totally_ estranged and has nothing to do with the Vinsmoke case now. Your job is secure."

Law had no idea what he was talking about, but he was going to leave it at that. He had different worries on his mind. "Well…that explains some things. I apologize for his behavior, he's not always so…"

Law trailed off. Sanji was pretty aggressive towards men in general so he restarted his apology. "Well, it now makes sense," he finished lamely.

Rocinante then smiled fondly at him. "Law. I'm aware that things have been changing for you lately."

"Wait – how much do you monitor?" Law then asked, frozen.

"I'm aware that things have been changing – "

"Can you hear sound from…anywhere?"

"Just the living room. Now – "

"Audio _and_ visual?"

Rocinante sighed. "This is for your own protection, Law."

Law looked at him with horror. " _My bedroom_?"

"Oh, no! No, no no, that's…pretty much off limits! The living room includes the front door and kitchen – main points where any conversation or situation can be overheard." Rocinante then smiled at Law with understanding. "I understand that you have yet to bring anyone home and I refuse to invade your privacy, so when you happen to lose your virginity – "

"I lost it in _high school_ to my classmate I brought home to 'help me study'!" Law exclaimed with horror, using finger quotes. "I have an _eating disorder_ , there's nothing wrong with my hormones!"

Rocinante crinkled his brow with thought, gasped with horror. "That _homely_ girl with _glasses_?"

"She was pretty aggressive, I couldn't say 'no'. And in any event – "

Rocinante gasped again. " _In our old house_?"

"I was a teenage boy, Cora. It couldn't be helped. And furthermore - !"

"Where did you get the condoms from?"

"SHARE class!"

Rocinante looked like he was going to faint. Law was exhausted from his dramatics. At his age, this was ridiculous.

"You're so embarrassing. I'm glad we're outside where no one can see us," he said flatly.

Rocinante made a whirling motion with his finger, and Law found himself scanning surrounding high rises with suspicion.

"Anyway," Rocinante sighed heavily, pulling himself to his feet with weary action, "I just want to confess because I know that guy will rat me out with the way he's treating me, so…it's for your own protection. And his, I guess. My brother is capable of many things, and that includes a nuclear destruction of this particular coast if we don't find who is supplying him with the arms necessary from across the pond…"

Law decided he didn't need to know any more than that.

"So I suppose I understand that you're in good hands," he finished slowly. "I did step in a few times while both of you were…"

Law looked at him with surprise. It made sense to him, now, where Bepo was. "Thank you for taking care of Bepo for me. I was just…there was no way I could take care of him while I was so out of it."

Rocinante trailed off, then looked guilty. "I'm so _sorry_ , Law. I'm _sorry_ I couldn't be here when you needed someone. I…after that first hospital visit, I…didn't know what to do. I…am not capable of…doing anything right."

"Don't say that," Law chided gently. "It wasn't your fault. It was all on me."

"It shouldn't have been! You _shouldn't_ have been going through that alone for as long as you had! It's just…this job, the immensity of the care and conditions that you require…I failed because I didn't know what to do or how to deal with it! All I can do is pay for things, and - ! But…I'm glad you were able to connect with someone that watched out for you. Which is why I didn't kill him for the first rude comment he made."

Law gave him a skeptical look. "I doubt you're capable of killing anyone if it weren't by accident, but okay."

"I'm glad that you're looking and feeling much better," Rocinante then said, reaching out to pat his shoulder. "…I'm so sorry I couldn't be here for you."

"It's _fine_ ," Law stressed. He gave the man a small smile. "I've never blamed you for anything. I don't think you should feel that way – even if you were here directly, I wouldn't have listened to a word you had to say. I would have continued doing this to myself because of the other issues that I was dealing with, and now that I'm…recovering…it was apparent that I turned to unhealthy coping mechanisms in order to deal with the loss of my family."

Rocinante's eyes teared up. He embraced the man clumsily, pulling him off the roof to do so. Law struggled to get released. "Oh, my little brave boy!"

"I'm not a _child_ \- !"

Rocinante set him down roughly, the shock racing up Law's legs with so much force that he stumbled. But Rocinante had dropped the stoic act and pulled him forward to grasp onto his hands, saying intensely, "I'm so happy that everything's going to be okay! You just keep doing what you're doing, okay? Keep moving forward! And if there's anything you want or need, you just let me know, alright? Just talk about it – I'm so happy to hear your voice, now, and you're _smiling_ , and you're getting _healthy_ , and when you're ready to, let's hit the buffet! And you can eat _all_ you want, no matter what it is because I swear to you, it won't show at all, you're such a skinny little thing!"

Law sighed.

"And I'm sorry for eavesdropping, but I need to keep you safe," Rocinante finished, pulling back on his expressions and excitement to maintain his previous indifferent air. "I'd keep you locked in a box if I could, but there are laws against that. Ask your roommate."

Law felt like he was overloaded with unnecessary information. But he noticed that Rocinante was growing nervous the longer he stood there in the open. "Are you leaving?"

"I'm sorry …job security and all that. Let's check in with your roommate so I can clear up any misunderstandings…"

Law stopped him with hand on arm. "It's fine. You'll just make things awkward in there."

Rocinante looked hurt. "But – "

"Maybe when you're all settled down and can enjoy life, we can meet again."

"No," Rocinante said firmly. "It's important that I establish my place in your world. I might be absent from it, but I'm not that far away. Let's go talk."

Law exhaled heavily, feeling like it was a bad idea.

Once they reentered the apartment, dinner was nearly ready. Fat bricks of salmon were being deposited onto steamed greens. Rocinante immediately lit up with delight.

"This is something I'd seen on the website from your restaurant!" he exclaimed merrily before hastily resuming his indifferent expression. Sanji gave him a skeptical look while Law tried to imagine such dishes being served at the Baratie.

"From the place I got fired from? _Yes_. Not the crap being served at the other one," Sanji said as Law looked his choices over. Numbers automatically ran through his thoughts – he trusted that Sanji made them "correctly", but at the same time he trusted that Sanji cooked for Rocinante's ulcer and not Law's old habits. These things were hard to kill.

"Oh…you…switched workplaces?" Rocinante asked dumbly.

Sanji stared at him with the expression of someone that wasn't accepting sorry stories. Rocinante made a caught frown.

" _Fine_. Look, let's get things straight," Rocinante snapped at him, supporting himself on the counter with one hand and using the other to point. Law looked nervously at him, unconsciously fiddling with the hem of his shirt as he dreaded any sort of forceful confrontation between the pair. Despite his clandestine background, Law pretty much counted on Sanji being able to kill Rocinante easily, and Law would have to be the unfortunate witness. "We had a talk about _everything_."

Sanji gave him a relaxed look. "That makes things a whole lot easier."

"So he knows what I know what you know."

Sanji's expression turned to that of concern. "It must be very difficult for you…"

Rocinante paused.

"Not having any more brain cells than the last five you got left after the last dye job."

"The…last…wait… _what_?"

Law looked at Sanji with impatience. "Stop teasing him."

Sanji looked at him with pity. "You're such an intelligent man. Him leaving you behind made you that much smarter."

"Please don't be mean."

Sanji then looked at Rocinante with distrust. "I don't trust this guy any further than _you_ can kick him."

"You don't have to, but he's…my father."

Rocinante's eyes teared up but he quickly covered it up with sunglasses over his eyes and lit a cigarette. Despite that, he stuffed the entire brick of fish into his mouth and pulled out the fishbones slowly, cigarette hanging from the corner of his mouth. It was an amazing parlor trick that Law couldn't help but be astonished by.

Sanji turned back around to finish setting out the other vegetables. He had a petulant look to his face as he waited for Law to pick a plate. He addressed Rocinante with a rather bitter tone. "I just think it's messed up that you left the way you did. Where was his support?"

"This isn't a subject we're going to discuss," Law told him firmly, much to Sanji's frustration.

"It's understandable that you'd be angry," Rocinante told Sanji, chewing severely. "I left because there was no way on Earth I could keep up with him intelligently, and I'd also found my calling with my brother's…condition."

"What's wrong with him?" Sanji had to ask.

"He's a creative evil genius bent on country-wide destruction and financial ruin."

Sanji looked like he didn't know whether to be concerned or puzzled, and settled for an expression with both.

"I told you it was weird," Law muttered from the corner of his mouth, taking his fork tines to his fish. He took small bites and tried not to count them – the flavor took over his senses. The battle started when his mind told him that this fish was too fatty to finish entirely – another part of him wanted to ignore it and eat normally. Another part of him was stressed over the confrontation between the pair.

"As such," Rocinante continued gravely, spearing up his greens, "I was incapable of doing the proper thing by standing by Law. As his support, as you insist. I could only do so financially. I didn't know what to do. He doesn't listen. He's a stubborn jerk. I'd only end up making it worse."

Sanji looked upset.

"But I'm glad you came along," Rocinante said. "It was fortunate that you had problems and he could feel better about himself with the mess you turned out to be."

Sanji wondered if he truly was an idiot. Standing as close as he was, Law used his foot to touch Sanji's, trying to communicate with him without Rocinante noticing. As such, Sanji bit his tongue and kept it there.

Rocinante nodded. "His dieting was out of control – he was such a chubby child, headed for husky sizes and men's sizes – "

" _You are_ \- !"

"It's true, Sanji," Law cut in, elbow against his arm to stop the man in mid-shout. "I was."

"NO YOU WEREN'T!"

"Observe his high school pictures," Rocinante said, searching for his wallet while Law looked at it with horror. Sure enough, he had some old school IDs from Law's teenage years, and he showed them to Sanji. Sanji was horrified to see that Law was nothing as Rocinante had described – he was just a baby faced teenager that already looked like he had too many sleepless nights and preferred slogan shirts. He inhaled deeply to rip this man into shreds before Law cut in.

"I can't believe I styled my hair that way," he said, taking the IDs for himself. "This was such an emo stage."

Despite the rising fury he felt building inside of him, Sanji restrained himself. His face and neck reddened with the effort as his fists clenched at his sides. Law gave Rocinante the IDs back, and Rocinante examined them with pride.

"Maybe when your appearance gets better, I can get a new picture of you," he said, looking over the grumpy teenage face. "We shouldn't allow reminders of this bad phase to exist, in case you decide to fall back into it. What do they call it? Thinspo?"

He put his wallet away.

Law said, "That sounds like a good idea. I don't like taking any pictures, now. Maybe we can take a trip somewhere, or something. We were talking about visiting some of the national parks around here, weren't we Sanji?"

Sanji struggled to stay calm. But it was a tremendous effort. He eked out some sort of answer, but it was a strange noise.

"Ah, yes," Rocinante nodded with agreement. "Maybe just visit the parking lot. It would be terrible if you died from the effort of taking a short hike. Imagine the amount of the bill if rescue efforts were made to fly you in. I'd have to work overtime just for that."

"YOU ARE A FUCKING JERK! You dumbass, _enough_ with your stupid mouth!" Sanji roared at him. "This is all your fault!"

"Oh?" Rocinante asked, affronted. "All I'm saying is what everyone is thinking. Law is in no condition for outdoor activities. As much progress as he's made so far, he shouldn't even be thinking in this direction right now."

"Sanji, this is a wasted effort on your part," Law said to Sanji calmly. "It's not what you think."

" _Not what I think_? I can't just stand here and listen to this piece of shit talk down on you like you're not worth any effort! Just his idiocy alone - !"

"You're not a very calm man, are you?" Rocinante asked him with concern. "No shred of patience or understanding…"

He looked at Law furiously. " _What is wrong with you_?"

Law looked at him with a startled expression, utterly lost as to what this conversation was leading to.

"I don't like this at all!" Rocinante then roared at both of them, hitting the counter with both hands and rattling dishes while Sanji looked a little confused. "I was shocked with Law's admission about his study buddy from high school, but this isn't a fucking roommate thing – this is a _thing_ -thing! I suspected something fishy with your relationship together, and this isn't something I approve of! YOU! You're too feeble and weak to take on any sort of support for my Law! You can't even speak up when someone's tearing him down!"

Shocked, Sanji exclaimed with a red face, "You went this fair for a fucking suspicion? _I want to kick your ass_ , you shitty crook!"

"Just try it! I am a black belt, I will _ruin_ you! I don't approve of this, Law!" Rocinante snarled at the man, who looked mortified. "I _knew_ you were into men, and how _dare_ you not think to confide in me about it! Your own _father_!"

Law was surprised that Rocinante knew of his secret. He wondered how it had been obvious.

Sanji, unfamiliar with Rocinante and his shifting moods, looked at the man dangerously. He was prepared to fight for both of them if he had to. "Do you have a problem with it?"

Rocinante glared at him. "I _do_ have a problem with this! He's obviously a fragile person incapable of making proper decisions - !"

"He is _not_! He might be stupid sometimes, but he's not a fucking fragile person!"

"And this is the shittiest decision he could make! _Law_! Is this some sort of father complex? He smokes, he's blond, he and I have the same fashion sense - !"

"For fuck's sake! What shit is that?"

Law sighed noisily as they continued to argue. "It's not a father complex," he mumbled, fingers tapping together. "I wasn't looking for anything to fill a hole, but when things started falling into place, I…I found comfort and support from him."

Sanji heard this and looked at him with trouble while Rocinante looked frazzled. His hands went to his hair, cigarette burning between his fingers.

"We became good friends," Law said softly. "Then it finally became more."

"I forbid it," Rocinante snapped at him, huffing at his cigarette. "Mostly because he's obviously me but younger. So it's weird."

" _NOT_!" Sanji exclaimed with horror. "I look nor act anything like you!"

"This is a load off my chest," Law confessed. "I was wondering how I should say anything in regards to this situation."

Sanji looked at him, feeling slightly panicked. He wasn't sure what to say in response, or even how to process what was happening between them. He suddenly regretted the situation; quite certain he'd ruin this person with his selfishness and lack of proper love. He ruined his own marriage with his actions – what if he did the same to a situation that wasn't even defined?

He swallowed tightly. "Not that anything is of any confirmation or denial, it's…nothing defined just yet, so it isn't as if...this is a sure thing, it's…complicated."

"Oh. Right," Law mumbled, looking awkward.

Rocinante watched him closely, puffing out fragrant smoke so Sanji put his worries aside. Leaning over the counter once more, he warned Sanji, "You break this man's heart, I break _you_. Understand that I know how to get rid of a dead body."

"Cora - !"

"In any event," Rocinante ignored Law's protest, "my time is finished here."

Law followed him to the door while Sanji stood at the counter, looking over the remaining food with a thoughtful frown. "I think that you should understand," he said slowly as Rocinante opened the door to step out, giving a cautious look out into the hall, "that while I appreciate your help, it's not that I'm some helpless kid, anymore. I don't need you looking over my back."

"You can say that, but…I am still your father," Rocinante reminded him before tearing up once more. He tilted his head back to look up at the overhead lights, inches away from his face. "We don't just stop watching and listening because our kids are getting older."

"About those audio devices – "

"Goodbye! I shall return at another time! Don't change the locks," Rocinante then added in a whisper before striding off towards the elevator.

Law frowned after him, then slowly closed the door. He heard a loud metallic bang but he figured he didn't need to investigate because Rocinante could trip walking over thin air. Then he pulled the chain lock over the door as a precaution.

He looked to Sanji with an awkward expression while Sanji looked at him.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this," Sanji then said quietly, fingers fiddling nervously over the counter. "I…"

"I think this situation is different," Law insisted, crossing the space between them.

"But _I'm_ not different."

"I think it's okay to be scared, because I am, too," Law confessed, reaching out to touch his face, excitement fluttering through him. "Maybe we shouldn't think of this as what you're used to, and just…go with the flow."

"One of us is going to get hurt, and I feel that it's _not_ going to be me, because I'm going to ruin it somehow - !" Sanji insisted, pulling his head from Law's touch. "Maybe everyone is right!"

"Why does their opinion matter?" Law asked, reaching out to grab his arm because it seemed like Sanji was going to pull himself, physically and emotionally, away from this. If he held onto him, that wouldn't happen. "It's what _you_ feel, right? And it's not like this is rushed in any way – it's not something decided on a whim. This was eventual. It took you months to even _see_ me."

Sanji could feel his touch burning through his flesh, warming him from the inside. He was filled with so much uncertainty now that he could think, and his heart was fluttering with immense anxiety. As he stood there with all these thoughts running through his mind, Law kissed him. It felt good, just as warm and unrelenting as before but Sanji had lost his confidence. He ended up jerking his head away, hands placed on the taller man's shoulders.

"I'm _scared_ ," he insisted. "What if I'm confusing this with something else? I – I'm weak to any expression of affection, what it I'm losing my own head to something I want, I crave, but I ruin it the moment I overthink it and – and I panic?"

"I think that defining anything right now is a misstep," Law said, pushing past Sanji's defense to pin him against the counter.

"You're quite aggressive," Sanji noticed with a startled look, bracing himself against the counter.

"What if things don't have to be defined? Why can't they just go where they're going without having either of us define it?" Law asked, reaching up to touch his face once more, forcing Sanji to look at him.

"It's smarter if it is," Sanji warned. "Anything could go wrong, or could be misinterpreted, or – "

"I _want_ this," Law stated clearly. "I want what we already have, and I want more of it. That can't be misinterpreted for anything else. The only aspect I question myself over is if I myself am worthy to have it."

"Your worth should allow you so much more than what I can give - !"

"Then we're equal, right? You think you don't deserve anything, I think I don't deserve this. Doesn't that cancel each other out?"

Sanji inhaled and exhaled unevenly, wanting to believe that. Sensing his moment, Law kissed him again. Sanji was a little more compliant this time, tentatively returning the action while his hands lost some strength in keeping space between them. After some minutes of kissing, he ended up pushing him away again.

" _Are you sure_?" he asked cautiously.

"I have a mental and physical boner, here," Law told him with a frown.

Sanji looked down between them. "So you do. Where the hell has that thing been hiding all this time?"

"Let me show you where."

"Do you have experience with men?" Sanji asked skeptically.

"Just my enthusiasm," Law admitted sheepishly.

Considering it, Sanji then shrugged. "Fine. But not in here. I'm adventurous but definitely not the sort that does things right under your dad's nose where he can hear."

"Tomorrow, when we're more put together," Law said, reaching up to brush hair from Sanji's face, to expose both eyes to him, "we'll go look for these things and remove them."

Sanji wondered if Law somehow knew that being touched so tenderly was one of his weaknesses. He felt like melting underneath the older man's cool fingertips. It was such a difference from Zoro's clumsy, rough, warm skin that he almost panicked once again before reminding himself that other men had touched him, too. He couldn't help but think of his ex, though. It felt like everything he was set to do had Zoro's imprint on it. He wondered if there would be a day when he _wouldn't_ think of that man.

He took a deep breath to focus. He found the courage needed to draw the man close with an arm around his waist, his other hand placed up against his chest. Law was so much more slender than the other men he had been with – but while his body felt and seemed dangerously weak, it was the man's stubborn spirit that made him strong.

"I don't have...anything, I never thought I'd be hooking up with my roommate. So I don't have the necessary equipment…"

Law understood that a battle had been won, but the war wasn't over.

"It's on the To-Do list for tomorrow, then," he decided, pulling him away from the counter, to head towards his room. "But there's we can do some things without it, right?"

Sanji nodded shyly. "Sure. Just…we'll take it slow. If you don't have any experience, then it's best to go slow."

Once in the room, Law shut the door behind him while Sanji nervously looked at the bed.

 _Take it slow_ , he thought to himself before turning to face the other man. But Law was more enthuasitic about this, pulling him close to kiss. Sanji realized that he could get used to this - he felt the man was surprisingly aggressive and it was really nice to be wanted this way. He opened his mouth at the feel of Laws tongue prying against his lips, his hands reaching up to press against those that had settled on his hips. He managed to insert his fingers between his, gripping tightly.

" _Slow_ ," he mumbled against the man's mouth, but at the same time he could feel Law's dick pressing against his stomach.

"I am going slow," Law managed to say, pushing Sanji against the bed. Sanji caught himself quickly, but opened his legs to allow the man between them. He reached up to cradle Law's face between his hands as the man carefully moved over him. "But I've wanted this for awhile so forgive me if I'm a little overeager."

Sanji was flattered to hear that. He knew at some level that this was so but to hear it, to experience it was different. He felt his face redden with a slow moving blush.

"How?" he managed to ask. "I'm such a mess -!"

"It was...everything," Law said clumsily, reaching between them to touch Sanji's chest. He couldn't wait to see everything - couldn't wait to touch and explore. "Less talk."

Sanji agreed on a mumble, reaching up to pull him down. He closed his knees around the man's slender waist, grinding up against his boner. Just to exert some friction there. He liked the way Law answered with a grind of his own, surprisingly forceful. It was only surprising because of his condition, but Sanji had to tell himself Law had an eating disorder, not a dick disorder. He was sure there was nothing wrong with his hormones; he probably just lacked the opportunity to hook up with anyone.

He reached up to grip Law's hips, guiding him against him as his mouth stayed busy with his. He felt Law's hand moving over his chest, finding his nipple. A firm tweak and a gentle tug had him uttering a noise.

"How should I do this?" Law asked breathlessly, teaching down between them to grab Sanji's dick. Sanji squeaked in surprise, jolting up against him. He snatched that hand away.

"Slow it down, tiger," he warned, bringing Law's hand up to his mouth to bite gently. "When I say we're going into this slowly, I meant let's start like we're high school kids."

Law wore a disgusted pout. "Handjobs?"

Sanji had to laugh at his expression, grabbing hold of his head to press a kiss against his curled lips. "Don't be such a shitty brat. Doing this right means building up the tension."

"Sanji. I'm not going to tell you how long it's been for me."

"I want to do this with some romance, damn it."

"Like candles, wine and a bubble bath? Sanji, no."

"Sanji _yes_ ," Sanji said, sitting back and finding Law's zipper and button. He spit into his palm while Law looked disappointed. Pulling out the waistband of his underwear, Sanji didn't have to delve deep to find his dick. He pushed back on Law to sit on his knees, looking with horror into his briefs. "How the fuck do you hide that snake?"

"Enough with the flattery," Law complained, pulling his underwear down so he had the chance to see Sanji's face blanche. "Put your girlish hands on me."

"I feel like I'm going to choke just looking at it," Sanji muttered with some trepidation, working up spit for both hands.

"It's either oxygen or dick, you can't have both."

"I'm not letting you up my ass without getting used to it," Sanji said firmly, watching his fingers overlap with a bit of horror. But he applied pressure with some alternating stroking, looking up at him with worry. "Maybe _two_ bottles of wine."

Law frowned at him, but a part of him liked the insecure look on the man's face. It gave him some masculine pride knowing that his dick gave his partner - such a beautiful word! - worry. He watched Sanji's hands work, enjoying the feel of his grip, impatient with the process. While his hands moved, Sanji scooted forward so he could touch his mouth to the veiny planes of Law's hips. Law shivered at the feel of Sanji's mouth against his warming skin, running his fingers through the blond's hair. He hoped that with Sanji kissing him in this fashion he'd go elsewhere with his mouth. Anticipation made him shiver again, his fingers combing through Sanji's hair with rough action.

Sanji's tongue wet a trail over the indentures of thigh and hip, skin suckled briefly. He moved his way tantalizingly down towards the wiry hairline of his pubes before moving up and away.

"You tease!" Law accused him, tightening his fingers.

Sanji chuckled as Law tilted his head back to glare at him. One slimy hand settled against Law's lower belly, snaking up his shirt. Law pulled away suddenly, shirt hem clenched tight.

" _Wait_."

"Oh, now you're shy?" Sanji asked, wiping his hands on the duvet.

"I'm not exactly normal," Law said with hesitation. "I'm...a little self conscious about my appearance."

"Yet your one eyed monster was eager to get up in my face."

"That's different. Just...it's better with my shirt on, please."

Sanji sighed, giving an acquiescing nod. He pulled on Law's hips, doing his best to open his mouth wide over his dick.

After some moments of concentration, Law muttered, " _This_ is what you did in high school?"

Sanji answered around his dick, so Law regretfully pulled himself out. It was surprisingly hot to see drool and fluid string out between his mouth and Law's dick. Sanji wiped his chin and cheek before saying, "I said, compared to your high school study buddy?"

"That was different. That was a surprise attack to which I had no defense."

He felt Sanji's hands creeping up the backs of his thighs, moving over his backside and back as his mouth once again began moving over his hips and thighs. Law wiggled out of his grasp, and pushed him into his back. He somehow kicked out of his pants and underwear while Sanji watched him smugly, chin glittering with drool.

Law studied him, laying over Sanji's fully clothed body, his ass growing cold in the AC cooled air. He wiped the moisture from sanjis face with his thumb, then licked it clean. Sanji's eyes seemed the darken then, reaching up to cradle Law's face between his hands. They resumed kissing, touching each other tenderly in the darkness.

He managed to wrangle Sanji's shirt off and over his head, inhaling of his skin and touching mouth to pulse points. Trapping Sanji's wrists in his shirt, Law held his hands over Sanji's head with one hand while the other explored him. Sanji's excited breath against his face told Law he was doing this right. Law ended up licking his lips open to delve inside, tasting ash and their own musky mixture of saliva.

His heart was racing soundly against his chest, marveling over the cushion of flesh against Sanji's ribs, reaching up to grasp tightly over one breast.

"I don't have boobs, goddamn it," Sanji cursed against his mouth. Law squeezed that area anyway before shifting and taking that pert nipple into his mouth. He sucked and licked, feeling the man tremble against him. Sanji's dick was poking him insistently against one leg, so Law reached down to grab and hold, stroking palm over the length of it.

Restlessly, Sanji sought friction against Law's hand.

"Just a handjob, right?" Law asked, undoing Sanji's pants and reaching into his underwear. "Oh...how _cute_."

"Don't call my dick cute!" Sanji roared with outrage before laughing.

"It's so warm and small. Like holding a newborn animal -"

"Not everyone has a damn anaconda in their pants!"

"No choking hazards here," Law commented with relief, pushing down to pull Sanji's dick into his mouth. Sanji eked a strangled sound as Law sucked hard as he drew his mouth up the length of it and released it with a pop.

"You did this before?" Sanji asked with disbelief, sure no straight guy could delve into it so abruptly.

"No. I just learn fast," Law commented with confidence, returning his attention to Sanji's dick. He had to slurp before adding, "Weird way of giving a handjob, though."

"Shut up and come here. I'll show you how to finish this," Sanji snapped at him, red faced.

Early the next morning, Law awoke suddenly. He had the panicked feeling that the events of last night had been nothing but a dream. But Sanji had his back to him, releasing low sputters of a snore as he slept. He had pulled his clothes over him like a blanket to protect himself against the cold air of the running AC. Relieved, Law watched his shoulders twitch. It took him some moments to pull his duvet out from the sleeping man and tuck over him before retreating into his own sheets.

' _Romance', huh?_ he thought.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I see the end! :D And it hurts me. D: This chapter actually made me feel good to write.**

 **Harmonica Smile: Humor is important lol otherwise I'd go crazy!**

 **: : 15**

Sanji was pretty distracted at work that day. He wiped tables slowly, feeling like he was walking through heavy fog. Despite the number of times he'd brushed his teeth and gargled with gum-burning mouthwash, he could still taste Law in his mouth. Not that it was a bad taste to have – it just kept him aware that he'd crossed a line with his roommate. That he'd started another affair with another man. That he'd pleasured and been pleasured by another man. Despite the fact that he was a divorcee with nobody to answer to, he felt like he'd just done something wrong.

He told himself he didn't. What he shared with Law was wonderful and beautiful – there was laughter and seriousness, comfort and security in the acts. But after so many years spent with one man – yet ended by five others! – Sanji felt like he'd done something _wrong_. He wondered when the guilt would finally go away.

"Keep rubbing that spot, and you're going to wear a hole right through it," Zeff snapped at him, lightly kicking his leg. Sanji cringed and caught himself, straightening up to look at him.

"Maybe it'll improve the looks of things!" Sanji snapped at him, tossing his rag aside. "When are you going to redecorate the place?"

Zeff closed his eyes, turning to the ceiling with his hands in prayer form. "I imagine once I get the thirty millions dollars I asked the mighty Lord for, which should be arriving in the mail any day now, these things should be done upon your demand."

Sanji scowled up at him. "Your sarcasm makes you that much more old."

Zeff ended up kicking him again. "People like you make me old, little shit! What are you so ungrateful for? Can you not see the birds for the trees?"

"I never understood that expression."

"You young people piss me off. Always demanding more more _more_ , you can't be grateful for what you have right now. You broke? At least your bills paid! You live in a shitty place? At least it ain't the streets! You got a hole in your shirt! Thank God you're not running about naked like them third country folk! Learn some damn humility."

" _Sorry_ , dad! Sheesh."

"If you were my kid, I'd take myself out back and run myself over with Carne's moped."

"I'd like to see that happen! In fact, I'll be on the moped to do it!"

"Then you better get to revving, or get back to work!"

Sanji sighed heavily, rubbing his forehead. "Fact is, I have nothing to complain about. I don't know why I'm like this, today. I should be happy."

Zeff frowned down at him, crossing his arms over his chest. "You feeling guilty over something?"

Sanji looked at him with a start, then wondered if he should be wearing tinfoil. He didn't answer, but his expression caused Zeff to snort. The diners taking up space at the tables were of the usual sort – down on their luck types of people who sometimes repaid for their meals by doing various chores inside. There was a table of tourists who were taking selfies and pictures of their plates that were making plenty of noise from the other side of the restaurant floor.

Before he could say anything, the doors jingled noisily, admitting in Zoro, Luffy, Ussop and Nami. Sanji's face fell heavily in seconds as he used Zeff's large frame to obstruct himself from view, Zeff looking over his shoulder to see what the commotion was about. He then saw that Sanji was using him to hide, conforming his figure to fit next to the length and width of his taller body.

He rolled his eyes, turning, Sanji conforming to that position as well. "Find a spot," Zeff ordered, the group looking around uneasily before choosing a booth on Sanji's section. "And don't be busting up anymore of my tables, green boy. I should charge you extra for that."

"I don't want to do this right now," Sanji hissed from behind him as Zeff watched the group settle into the booth. "I can't do it."

"You can't hide away forever," Zeff said, turning to face him. "What's the point of living if you've got to hide doing it? Besides, you don't owe them shit. Them papers were final. Which reminds me, I still didn't get anything saying you changed your name."

Sanji was still using his married name – the hassle of the paperwork to change his name was immense. "Today's just not a good day to start doing that," he insisted low, still using Zeff's form to hide.

"Is this going to start any fights in here?"

Sanji reluctantly admitted, "Only if I bring it up."

"Then don't bring it up," Zeff said, stepping away and exposing him to the wandering gazes of the group. "Get to work."

Sanji reluctantly picked up the rag he'd been using to wipe the table down. With heavy reluctance, he then ventured towards the table, every step heavy. Every part of his insides felt like they were being twisted and rearranged as the group caught sight of him. He kept his eyes to the table to avoid meeting anyone's gazes.

 _God, this can't get any worse_ , he thought morosely. "Menus are on the table," he mumbled, scanning the other tables. "What do you want to drink?"

"Hi, Sanji!" Luffy said brightly, sitting at the edge of the booth. "You don't know _how_ many times I've passed this place by because I never thought you'd be working here!"

"Yeah, whatever. I'm pretty busy, so if you don't know what you want yet – "

"I missed your cooking!" Luffy exclaimed, wearing an expression of joy while the other three noticed that Sanji wasn't wearing kitchen attire. Nami and Ussop had expressions of awkward concern while Zoro looked irritated. "So could you make my favorite?"

Sanji thinned his lips. "I don't cook here."

Luffy opened his mouth to say more, but looked pretty flummoxed as the words sunk in. Eventually, his face began to shift through a multitude of expressions that settled into horror. Sanji impatiently glanced at the others.

"The menu's pretty basic, but if there's something you want that's not there, you can request it. There's a bunch of dudes in here that'll be game to cook anything."

"Why don't you cook?" Luffy interrupted, looking like all the blood had drained from his face.

"I just _don't_. There's a breakfast special going on, so do you want that?"

"Do you cook at home?" Luffy asked as Zoro gave his friend a look of irritation, Nami bracing her elbows atop of the table and looking at Sanji with a rather stony stare. Ussop just looked nervous, the menu shaking in his hands as he looked at it.

"Sometimes."

"I'll just have coffee, Sanji," Nami spoke up – her tone wasn't as light as it used to be, but dripping with ice. Ussop looked at her with a pointed expression. Before anything else could be said, Zeff was at Sanji's back, upending a couple of coffee mugs to pour coffee into.

"I don't want that," Luffy said on a heavy sigh. "I guess I'll just have _whatever_. Just put it on a super huge plate because I brought my appetite with me, today, thinking you were the cook."

"There's a process he has to undergo before he can be one of those," Zeff said gruffly. "I just don't throw anyone behind the counter to make food."

"But Sanji used to work at this really fancy restaurant - !"

"I don't give a shit, kid. Rules are different in this place." Zeff then walked off while Nami took a mug and Ussop looked over the table at Zoro.

"This is a huge step down from where you used to work, Sanji," Nami said, her tone still cold as she warmed her fingers around the mug. "I imagine you don't get by with much here."

"It was the only place hiring at the time," Sanji muttered, focused on a scar on the table.

"Yeah, I heard you were _fired_ – "

"Just bring us all the breakfast specials," Zoro muttered with disgust. "Extra for the trash can over there."

"Please and thank you," Ussop hurriedly added with a timid sort of air.

Sanji walked off without saying anything. His stomach turned with anxiety. Once upon a time he could sit with the group, carefree and happy, sharing stories, comments and moods with the others as a welcomed friend. Now he felt ostracized and reminded of what he did and what he lost. But Zeff was right – Law was right – he had a right to live and be happy, too. He wondered when he'd finally feel free to do so. He remembered what they preferred to drink and made those before telling the cooks what was requested. He then brought the drinks to the table and distributed those.

Then he attended to the other tables, doing his best to ignore that particular section. He wondered why they had to be here – maybe they just wanted to make sure he was still miserable. Maybe this was Zoro's way of getting back at him, for the satisfaction of Sanji's continued misery. Maybe this was just a whim – whichever, it felt like cruel and unusual punishment.

He had just returned from the drink station to set down the tray at a new table when the door jingled noisily. Law caught sight of him and smiled as Sanji felt his stomach churn with nausea. He strode right towards him, hands in his jacket pockets.

"Look at this," Law said, pulling his fisted hands out to expose several small wires with what looked like chips attached. "I spent most of the morning looking and found all of them, I think. He'd even bugged Bepo's _tank_."

Sanji saw that the table against the wall was watching them – with the exception of Zoro, whose face was turned to the window. Stiffly, Sanji took the drink tray with him back to the station.

"It's not a good time right now," he said low, Law looking at him with question before realizing Sanji's expression. He ended up looking in the direction of the table and made an awkward face before stuffing the wires into his pocket.

Luffy immediately lumbered into their direction, Ussop snatching at him uselessly while Nami looked haughtily from one man to the other before looking at Zoro. Luffy studied Law's face before looking at Sanji with understanding.

"You've been _feeding_ him," he said with an appreciative nod.

"His circumstances aren't what you think they are," Sanji snapped at him. "Go back to your seat and wait. I'll bring your food to you."

"You look good," Luffy said, ignoring Sanji's order and patting Law on the back and causing the man to stumble. "Good for you!"

"Sorry, I hadn't realized – " Law apologized to Sanji awkwardly before Zeff appeared like a ghost at their backs and snapped, "No apologies needed. Take a seat at the counter before you die of a heart attack. How'd you get down here? Did you walk here on your own?"

" _Rude_. Obviously my legs work. And I'm not hungry, I just – "

"Nothing wrong with your choice being here," Zeff told him, but Sanji felt like his situation was being addressed obviously. Luffy just looked up at Zeff's mustache with fascination, fingers at his own upper lip with consideration. "Look at you - have you graduated from oatmeal?"

"I already had breakfast. Sanji made me this omelet – "

"Sanji's _cooking_ for you?" Luffy exclaimed excitedly. "Sanji, _please_ , invite me to your home and cook me something good, too!"

"Go sit down!" Sanji hissed at him.

Law nervously fiddled with his jacket. "I'm going to go. I already have some things I need to do – "

"Why are you wearing a jacket in this blazing heat?" Luffy asked him curiously. "Are you crazy?"

Zeff rolled his eyes as he observed the pair's behavior. Both of them looked as guilty as could be under the scrutiny, Luffy looking at Zeff with a pout.

The back of his hand against his palm, Luffy insisted, "You _need_ to _promote_ Sanji to _cook_ , sir. You're making a huge mistake by not letting him cook – "

"He can cook if he wants!" Zeff snapped at him. "He just chooses not to."

Luffy looked at Sanji with betrayal.

"Go sit down," Zeff then snapped at Law, gesturing at the counter.

"No, I'm – " Law started to say when Sanji said at the same time, " _He's_ going home."

Zeff crossed his arms as he looked at them both. "So, this is how it's going to be?"

" _Zeff_ \- !"

"It's not that anybody's hiding," Law said quickly, unsure of what he'd stumbled into but quite aware that he'd accidently stepped onto an unsettled minefield, "it's just that – "

"Do you want more tables busted, old man?" Sanji asked.

"Why?" Luffy asked curiously, looking interested in the conversation. "Are we fighting?"

"I told you earlier, you owe nobody _nothing_ ," Zeff said firmly to Sanji, who looked quite mortified as Luffy and Law listened with interest. Law looked startled when Zeff then gestured at him. " _You're_ allowed to be anywhere where he is, there ain't no rule against it. It's _nobody's_ business, not even theirs, what you two do on your own time!"

Luffy looked from one to the other while the pair looked intensely guilty. Then he lost the blood to his face. "Sanji," he said slowly, finger lifting to point accusingly, "is this guy one of your - ?"

"NO! Go sit down!"

"I understand what you're trying to do," Law told Zeff, arms crossed over his chest. "But you're wrong."

Zeff bent slightly to face him and Law realized he couldn't exactly look the old man in the face. So he sweated anxiously while looking off into the other direction while Sanji's face turned purplish-red, glancing at the table nervously.

"Am I?" Zeff asked Law in a challenging tone. He then straightened up, looking at the trio with disgust. "I've been walking this earth for fifty-three years - !"

"There's _no way_ you're only fifty-three!" Luffy laughed while Sanji had to agree with him.

" – so don't think I don't know a thing or two!" Zeff finished, knuckling the younger man atop of the head. "I'm an old man with not much time left – "

"Ain't that the truth," Luffy muttered, rubbing his scalp.

" – and I can tell you this – spending your life hiding is a waste of your life. You can't do it forever!" Zeff finished, knuckling Luffy again. To Sanji, Zeff said, "What happened is over and done with. You owe nobody nothing. You got only yourself to answer to. And YOU! Sit down – Patty already knows you're here and started your meal so you might as well as lick the spoon clean."

Fiddling with his apron, Sanji considered Zeff's words. Law glanced at him, then at Zeff. With a shrug, he turned and marched over to the table, much to Sanji's horror.

"Where's Brook?" he asked Zoro, noting the anxious look from Ussop while Nami looked upon him with distaste. "Animals are allowed in this restaurant as long as they are well behaved."

It took Zoro some moments to answer. But when he did, his voice was tight. "He's home. I didn't think we were going to be out this long."

"So, _you're_ Sanji's _roommate_ ," Nami cut in with interest. Law could tell the woman wasn't happy about the choice coming here – her face was absolutely bitter. "What's going on with you? Took fitting into teenage girls' jeans a little too far for fashion?"

"Nami, shut up," Zoro said to her, looking a little mortified.

"No," Law replied, hands tucked into his jacket pocket. "I…for most of my life, from teenage years to adulthood, I am an anorexic. Despite my efforts to recover, it appears that my appearance still requires commentary from the peanut gallery. Would you like to know more?"

Nami looked sufficiently ashamed, face and neck clashing with the color of her hair. "I…I'm sorry. That was…really catty of me."

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you," Law said as way of accepting her apology. He looked to Zoro. His hands were clammy as his fingers were clenched. "Was this a wise choice to make? Or was this the lost child's?"

"I thought there was nothing wrong with having something to eat," Zoro said between gritted teeth while Nami sipped at her coffee.

"Knowing full well what would happen in the meantime. Like the old man was saying, isn't it time to move on?"

"Coming up to my face like you're starting a confrontation isn't the best idea, _guy_ ," Zoro said with warning. "I thought we were at a point where we can be cool with things."

"For yourself, maybe. But not from them," Law pointed out, looking from Nami to Ussop with derision. "It appears neither of them are as willing to forgive and forget."

"What business is it of yours?" Nami asked, recovering from her earlier flounder. "Other than the fact that you've _clearly_ taken up an empty space?"

Zoro grit his teeth again.

"And is that of your business?" Law returned. "How does what he do affect you personally?"

Nami's fist clenched as she glared at him. With a petulant expression, she ground out, "Weren't we all good friends at one point? It felt like he betrayed us, too!"

"It's not _your_ problem. Move on," Law added, heading to the counter as Luffy rushed to his seat to meet with the two waiters bringing out platters of their food.

He then sat stiffly as he observed everyone's face. " _Wow_ ," he said awkwardly. "You can cut through the air with a knife."

"This wasn't a good idea, Luffy," Zoro snapped at him.

Luffy looked meek as plates were distributed by the pair of glaring waiters, making Ussop look at them nervously. "I didn't think things were _that_ bad. You guys are talking now, right? Why can't we just be friends again?"

Forehead in hand, Nami said, "Because it doesn't work that way, numb nuts! _I'm_ still mad at him – aren't you, Ussop?"

"Not…really," Ussop said weakly. He stared at his plate, food still steaming as the waiters looked at them with warning.

"You got any complaints?" one asked, crossing his arms menacingly.

"You think what we brought out is bad? Then you say it to our faces," the other said, mimicking his stance. Ussop and Nami hurriedly took bites under the threat of their glare while Zoro gave them a frown and Luffy stretched an arm across the table for ketchup and syrup.

"It's good! It's good!" Nami and Ussop said with full mouths, breathing in and out hastily in an effort to cool it off.

The waiters sneered at them before turning and walking off, grumbling. Zoro frowned after them, then caught sight of Sanji talking low to a similarly frowning Law. It looked like the blond was reprimanding him for the earlier confrontation, while the older man just looked sullen about it. Zeff shook his head and walked off with his coffee pot.

Sanji then approached them with a bitter look. He glanced at the plates then gestured at their drink cups. "You want a refill?"

"Why aren't you cooking anymore, Sanji?" Luffy asked through a mouthful of toast and bacon. "I thought you loved cooking?"

"Sanji," Nami interrupted before he could answer, "at least be straight with us. Well, considering the circumstances. Are you dating again?"

"None of that is anyone's business," Zoro cut in firmly, much to Sanji's relief and dismay; that tone pretty much assured him that Zoro expected their friends – _his_ friends – to obey it. "It doesn't matter."

Nami looked at her plate bitterly.

"I think," Ussop spoke up cautiously, looking to each one of his friends before looking at Sanji, "that it's fine that you are. I think it's okay to – disregard some stuff and just…let's just talk again."

"There's nothing to talk about," Sanji snapped.

"He's offering an olive branch, idiot," Zoro snapped at him. "Why don't you just take it?"

" _I think_ ," Nami cut in before Sanji could respond, "that while time is needed between _certain_ people here, if you want to be friends, be friends!"

" _I_ just want to be friends again," Luffy said around another mouthful of food, looking at them worriedly. "I think that everything is over and done with."

"It's not that easy," Sanji said with a shake of his head. "You can't just say that things will be fine just because a couple of people insist on it."

"Because _you_ fucked up!" Nami snapped at him, lowering her mug abruptly. " _I'm_ still mad, I can't forget! And then it's obvious that you moved on that quickly - !"

"How is it any of your business?" Zoro ended up asking her. "It wasn't between you two, it was between us!"

"Loyalty!" Nami exclaimed. She glared at Sanji. "Which you have no concept of!"

Sanji thinned his lips bitterly. "You're right. I don't."

Luffy hit the table with a fist, causing the plates, cups and utensils to rattle noisily. Once he had their attention, surprised faces on his grave expression, he said, "It's over with, Nami. You weren't a part of it. If you're still mad, then you can be mad – but there's no point trying to make everyone else mad. If Zoro says things are fine now, then they're fine. If you want to be loyal, then be loyal to what _he_ wants."

"That's the thing of it," Sanji said, scooping up empty cups to set onto his drink tray, "nothing can be repaired after what I did. So I don't expect any of you to treat me any differently."

"This is a thing you do," Zoro said slowly, hands curling into frustrated fists, "you lay the guilt on anybody listening over your victim status – "

"I never claimed being a victim! I accept that what I did fucked everyone up!'

"You always act like you're the _only_ one that can take on the pain of something happening, you don't give anyone a chance to help fix it!"

"What can be fixed? _Huh_? What's here that can be fixed?"

Nami covered her temples with her palms. "Guys, _please_ , not here, don't do this here."

"Look, okay, maybe this was a bad idea!" Ussop exclaimed, hand out. "Let us pay for our meal, and we'll get out of here!"

" _NO_!"

Everyone looked at Luffy, who stubbornly held his position, ketchup around his mouth. "No, we're not leaving. Not until we're done eating. And there's no need to fight about this anymore. So stop bringing it up."

"And another thing," Zoro insisted on saying, "I told you not to do this so soon. It's obvious you don't listen to a thing I say."

"Whatever idea you have," Sanji started slowly before Zoro interrupted with, " _Don't fucking lie_! You can't lie to me about this when I am fully aware of what things look like!"

Sanji said nothing, jaw held tightly. He couldn't meet anyone's look, head too heavy to lift.

"Not that I'm jealous, or anything," Zoro muttered. "I just think you're rushing into something without fixing what you broke, thinking it's going to fit over the empty places."

"I can't do that when I'm responsible for – "

"Like, one wrong move is going to fuck that guy up. You can't help but notice that he's a head case of his own – how are you going to live with the consequences on your conscience?"

"I think this is sound advice, Sanji," Nami said tentatively. "You might end up hurt again, so…maybe reconsider some things before relying on someone else."

Sanji exhaled shallowly. Luffy looked up at him with worry, chewing more slowly than before while Ussop just looked uncomfortable.

"He's my friend," Sanji said slowly. "That's all it is."

Zoro snorted at that. "But what irony is it that someone who loves to cook can't feed a dude that won't eat anything you make."

"None of what I do should be of any judgement to you," Sanji said, pain visible on his face. "It no longer matters."

"I'm not saying that any of this is of my concern! I'm just saying – look at us! I wasn't the only one fucked up by your selfish choices! You fuck _him_ up, he'll probably end up dead in some closet while you're feasting on what he did give you. Like a goddamn…demon," Zoro ended up muttering bitterly.

Sanji acknowledged this with a slow nod. "I agree with you."

Luffy looked at Zoro angrily. "Stop saying that! Stop saying things like that! You're just being shitty."

"No, he's right," Sanji said to Luffy. "I was very selfish. I…ruined our marriage, I made some terrible scenes – knowing what he's going through, I'll end up doing the same to him."

"Then _why_?" Zoro asked impatiently, crossing his arms. " _Why_ do that to another person?"

Sanji chewed on the inside of his cheek before admitting, "I'm very lonely."

"Maybe you should stay that way until you figure yourself out. None of us are going to recover, why do you think he would? I'm only expressing this because…look at him. He looks like he's wearing kids' clothes."

Zoro then snorted once he saw that he wasn't getting much of a reaction from Sanji. All the blond was doing was agreeing with whatever was being said just to look a certain way to the others. It boiled his blood. It was so frustrating that he could not get any sort of reaction from him when he was showing Sanji practically everything of his.

"Well whatever. At that rate, he's probably going to die anyway."

Nami screamed when Sanji hit Zoro with his drinking tray, cups flying everywhere. Ussop quickly slid underneath the table. The waiters hurriedly came out from their eavesdropping spots to pull Sanji back, but Zoro was out of his seat in moments, tackling all of them onto the floor. He easily managed to push the others away so that he and Sanji could slug it out between each other. Diners hurriedly pulled themselves out of the war zone.

Zeff inserted himself between the two men and managed to separate them both. Law stared at the oatmeal dipping from his spoon, unable to turn and look at them while he wore a heavy expression.

"Get him to the back," Zeff said to Patty and Carne, who quickly pulled Sanji with them. He turned to look at Zoro, who wiped his face with one hand, Ussop quickly at his back to tug on his shirt. Luffy continued to eat, wearing a miserable expression as he stared down at his food. Nami had both her hands over her mouth, struggling not to cry.

"Your ass is banned from this restaurant. The next time you show up here, I won't hesitate to stab you myself. Is this in any way unclear?" Zeff said quietly.

Looking up from the blood on his hand, Zoro just looked at him bitterly. "I didn't come in here to cause a fight. I guess I'm still carrying a grudge. My bad."

"Take 'your bad' out of here and don't come back."

Outside, the group of them walked to the main sidewalk, Nami handing Zoro a fistful of napkins for his nose. Luffy said nothing, his expression heavy as Ussop awkwardly twisted at his loose ponytail. After blotting his nose, Zoro threw the crumbled waste away from him with frustration, cursing noisily. The other three froze, watching him cautiously as those walking the sidewalk hurried around the quartet.

" _I don't know why I did that_!" he exploded with immense frustration. "Why the fuck am I still so pissed about this?"

"Zoro," Nami said cautiously, reaching out to touch him.

"It's not that…I loved him," Zoro confessed tightly, looking at the sidewalk. "I _didn't_. I was just…used to him being around. All this time without him, I got to thinking, I got to just…but _why the fuck_ am I so angry about it? If I don't have feelings, why am I so fucking pissed?"

"If you didn't, then it wouldn't hurt so much, right?" Luffy asked tentatively. "I know it hurts still, so you can't say that you didn't."

"I don't. _I didn't_. I just…" Zoro looked off into the distance, shaking his head slightly. In disbelief over his own actions. "We were just friends. Things like that got out of control, and…they were what they were, but I'm just…I don't understand why I have to be so angry about it when…like, _everything_ he does still pisses me off, and I can't say why. I can't _say_ these things to him. I say shit like that to him, he's going to hold it over my head."

"You two were always so competitive…"

"All he does is agrees and say some dumb shit like that to make it worse just to get it over with, and I started believing in it, and it pisses me off that I lost control of myself over all this time to just…" Zoro trailed off, hands on his hips as he glared out at traffic. The other three didn't know what to say, so all they could do was watch him from a cautious distance. "I just let it happen. And now I'm… _so angry at him_. _All_ the fucking time. I'm angry at him, and I'm angrier at myself, so I don't know who the fuck I'm more angry at!"

"Then tell him that," Luffy advised softly. "Tell him this stuff."

" _I can't_! I already made a dick of myself in there!"

"He'll forgive you for that - "

"And why should he? _Huh_? _Why_?" Zoro was frustrated when none of them could give an answer. "I wasn't trying to go in there and start shit, but it…lunged out of my control. It turned into that. Standing out here now, it's so plainly obvious that I was just being _stupid_. I'm stupidly pissed – it's been _months_ , why aren't I over this shit already?"

Nami gave him a rue smile. "Then tell him that."

"I can't. _I can't do it_. I'm angry, the words I use are angry…I _can't_. It comes off entirely wrong!" Zoro rubbed his hands through his hair with agitation. "I keep fucking this up!"

"Then let's give this a few days," Ussop suggested gently. "Let's just…I mean, you guys are talking, right? So let's just…let's just let this rest for a bit."

Zoro considered this for a few moments, then looked at them. "I'll go talk to him. None of you were helpful. You _helped_ me fuck it up."

All three of them gave him shocked expressions, but the moment he left to take the nearby alley towards the back of the building, the trio exchanged cringes.

"I can't help it," Nami muttered. "I didn't know Zoro felt that way. He doesn't talk to us."

" _Right_! How are we supposed to know all this? Dude went on a bender for months and _finally_ started acting human, _then_ springs _this_ on us? I could've popped him!" Ussop exclaimed with outrage, hands on his hips.

Luffy sighed noisily. For once, he didn't have anything to say.

In the back alley, Sanji struggled to repress the rage and frustration he felt with the confrontation. He'd kicked the Dumpster, trashcans and miscellaneous trash he saw, littering the alleyway with debris. Now he was on the end of the adrenaline dump, shaking. Law stood quietly nearby, watching him. Zeff exhaled shortly.

"What a mess," he muttered before returning into the restaurant. "Glad I never had the choice."

Law wondered what that meant.

Taking a deep breath, Sanji fell onto his knees, angrily hitting the surface with both hands. He pressed his forehead against the wall of the building, breathing shallow, angry breaths. Law knew there wasn't much he could say, but there was his own roil of thought and emotions running through him that didn't fit to soothe anything.

' _But what irony is it that someone who loves to cook can't feed a dude that won't eat anything you make_ ,' Zoro had said. Law felt immense guilt in that statement; he'd wanted to speak up for himself at that moment, but this wasn't his fight. He felt it was unfair of Zoro to say that but after some thinking, he realized Zoro was only saying these things to hurt Sanji and not him.

Still, the guilt ate at him.

After some minutes of listening to the city sounds around them, he heard Sanji say, "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

Law looked back at him to see who he was talking to, and realized that he was the one being addressed. He exhaled tiredly. "What are you apologizing to me for?"

"I couldn't _say_ anything in defense of what they saying! I…let them talk shit about you like - !"

"Like any of their words can hurt me," Law stated plainly. "They're not _my_ former friends. They're useless words from strangers."

He watched Sanji pull at his own hair with frustration.

"I shouldn't have done that," Sanji spit, forehead tapping against the wall. "I shouldn't – I just – I let his stupid words get to me!"

Law frowned down at him, taking the steps necessary to be aside of him. He had been pretty impressed with the way Sanji was handling himself up until whatever it was Zoro had said caused the fight. Law was sure that if he were in that situation, he would have snapped so much sooner.

"Why are you worried about such useless things? Nothing anyone has to say about me affects me in any way – "

"It affects _me_! It affects _me_ because _fuck_ _them_! It _bothers_ me that people can say such fucked up things about you, and they know _nothing_ of what's going on with you!"

 _And they question his loyalty_? Law wondered with some bitterness. He didn't feel worthy of it, but it touched him so that he had to let it in.

"I don't care about what they say, Sanji. And you shouldn't either."

"Don't tell me I shouldn't!" Sanji spit at him, still so visibly angry. "Don't tell me I can't care about you, or - ! _Damn it_!"

After some harsh breathing, Sanji rested his palms against the street, head thumping against the wall. " _I lost my job_. I lost my fucking job freaking the fuck out at nothing, attacking a customer - !"

"You didn't. That old man's not going to fire you," Law assured him with a droll smile. "But you're going to owe him a new restaurant after everything you put him through."

Sanji rested his head against the wall with a troubled sigh. Law had the thought that this full grown adult was doing his best to hide himself away, much like an animal slinking away from a crime and hiding his face from his owner. Like Brook when he was caught in the middle of doing something he wasn't supposed to.

He exhaled shortly. "Get up. You've done enough moping."

"I'm not moping, I'm just - ! _So angry_ \- !"

"Villains don't let the hero win. You have a reputation to uphold. So…get up."

Sanji gave a derisive snort, but he shakily pushed himself up to stand. Law cringed slightly at the sight of his blood smeared face, the traces of brick on his forehead.

" _Nice_ ," he commented. "So attractive."

"Shut up…"

Law reached out to grab his shoulders, shaking him slightly to get his downcast eyes to look up at him. "Sanji. I don't care what people say about me. The only opinion that matters…is yours."

He quickly amended himself. " _After_ Bepo's and Brook's, of course."

Sanji rolled his eyes.

Law tenderly swept his hair from his face, combing out shards of brick and bits of blood from clotted strands. "I don't want you to fight anymore over my appearance, my choices, or me. That's not your battle to lose. Both of us are fully aware what my battle is, and that's mine alone – "

"I don't think -!"

Law shook him again then touched his chin, Sanji smearing blood from his split eyebrow down onto his apron. Once he made eye contact with the younger man, he insisted firmly, "No more fights. From this point on, you can only fight for you."

Sanji was silent for some time, blood dripping from his eyelashes to splatter between them. Law ended up tugging the sleeve of his jacket up and over his hand, pressing it against his head.

"You're going to need stitches," he said quietly.

"I have no insurance. Can you just…do it at home?"

Law leaned over and kissed a bare patch of skin below his right eye. "I can. But I get to use my initials for a cool scar."

Sanji touched his hand, finding enormous comfort from the man. He didn't like what he was saying, but the world felt different when Law here. The guilt he'd felt earlier didn't feel so immense. He wanted those feelings to disappear – he wanted this situation to disappear. He just wanted to be back at the apartment where it was just the two of them. Hiding away, as Zeff said – not to hide what they were, but just to be together without interruption.

"I'm sorry," he apologized roughly.

"Stop apologizing for stupid shit!" Law exclaimed with irritation.

"I just…today I started out feeling bad about what was happening between us, but…right now, I just…think it was so dumb to feel that way because I…I need this," Sanji finished with trouble, clasping onto one of his hands with his. "I need this, I need your words, and your presence and - ! Everything! I can't…I can't be alone again - !"

Law frowned at him. Despite himself, he did wonder if it wasn't him then maybe another person. Maybe he was but a simple substitute – but he had to admit that was his own self-worth whispering to him.

"If you don't know…"

Both of them jolted in surprise, ripping away from each other like they were caught in the middle of something forbidden. Zoro was standing there with an awkward look.

"Maybe he didn't say anything, but those brothers of his – they're quadruplets," Zoro said uselessly. "So he gets really uppity about being alone, sometimes."

"Get the fuck out of here - !" Sanji snarled at him, red-faced and humiliated but Law nodded to accept this information.

"He doesn't talk about his family, so you probably don't know about a lot of things," Zoro continued awkwardly. "Look…I'm sorry. This wasn't what I expected to happen. I just…"

He exhaled heavily. Law thought that if people saw the pair of them, they'd most likely question where they'd hid the body. Both were covered in blood – most of which obviously didn't belong to them.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry," Zoro continued. "About… a lot of things. But if this is something you want to do, then…it's not my opinion for you to follow."

Sanji felt his face take on a surprised one, smearing blood away from his eye once again.

"It was the wrong way to end things," Zoro then said slowly. "But eventually…it would have, anyway."

" _Why_?" Sanji heard himself ask abruptly.

With visible frustration, Zoro sought to get his words together. "I should've told you a long time ago that it wasn't working. I just…I made the mistake of just…agreeing to shit you said to make things easier. Much like how _you_ do with accepting shit people say to you."

Sanji just stared at him with upset. He wasn't sure what face to make. He couldn't forgive himself for the choices he made, despite what Zoro was saying. But the confirmation he'd suspected made its place deep inside of him. It almost felt like such a waste – a waste of time, a waste of feeling, a waste of everything!

At the same time…

"I wasn't the right one," Zoro insisted. "But it wasn't…you were my best friend, we did all the shit together, so it's hard to separate the two."

I _couldn't sleep with my best friends_ , Law thought with a troubled look. But he understood that what Zoro needed to say right now was important for both of them, so he kept his thoughts to himself.

"But I should have said something. I…was…lazy."

"How could you make me feel this way?" Sanji asked, tone dripping with betrayal. "How could you just let this happen all these years without saying anything and then - !"

"Because maybe it wasn't _all_ that I'm saying right now!" Zoro exclaimed. "I don't know! All I know, all that I can sort out right now is that…I was angry because I felt betrayed, _yes_ , but - ! That's a weird feeling to have, too, because I didn't – like, I didn't have feelings for you like you did for me. I was just – there, taking advantage – "

" _You're a fucking dick_!"

"But it hurt me, too, when you fucked up without saying anything so maybe I'm still confused over that! Maybe I did have feelings for you, but just – not enough."

"I told you everything! And you never said anything back! You could've told me this a long fucking time ago!"

" _I know_ ," Zoro accepted with a rotten expression at the street. "I know all this, I just…it's over, now. All of it."

"It's not _over_ , it's never going to be fixed, I'm always going to feel fucked up inside over everything - !"

" _I know_. And maybe you deserve that still. But it's like that for me, too. Maybe this is meant to be for both of us because…we did this too young, and we were stupid, and…it was a hard lesson to learn, but maybe it was the only way we could learn."

Law wanted to slip away to give them some privacy, but his feet were rooted awkwardly in place.

"Aren't we both stupid, stubborn and strong-willed?" Zoro added bitterly.

Sanji frowned, but his expression pretty much matched his.

"I was wrong to be mad…but I have to admit that I was hurt about what you did, Sanji," Zoro then said tentatively before looking at him. "So I think it's fine that I still am. And you should be, too. I think it's fine that we're both mad at each other."

Zoro then ended up exhaling heavily while Sanji stared at him in silence, unable to get a word out. "I just needed to say all that. It was important that I could get that out."

Sanji frowned at him again.

Zoro looked awkwardly at Law. "Thanks for being his support. I can't control my friends, but…I'm grateful he found someone he could rely on. Just be better than me. Speak up. Don't let him bulldoze you into whatever decision he makes."

Overwhelmed with the responsibility, Law ended up nodding.

Zoro then turned and walked off, reaching up to rub blood from his face. Or so, that was the impression Law got from it. It was hard to tell from this angle. He looked at Sanji and realized he was doing the same thing. But the air felt different, now.

It felt almost…clear.

"Sounds like there was a breakthrough, just now," Law commented low. "As hard as things were…Sanji, the fact that you two could talk abuot it…maybe it was necessary to hear?"

Sanji wiped his face again. "There are a lot of things about this conversation that are fucked up."

"Then let's start sweeping up the pieces."

"This is _my_ mess to sweep up," Sanji muttered. "Just…it's funny how you two can talk peacefully without all that childish shit between us, so…I'm grateful for that."

It was a rather awkward fact to acknowledge, but Law had to agree with that. He just didn't want to be an intrusive third party to anything that either of them could use against each other for future fights. Then he realized how much he'd changed since the first time he'd inserted himself into their war; from wanting to shy away and avoid to actively engaging. In a way, it helped him too.

He reached for Sanji's pockets, the blond looking at him with alarm until Law found what he was looking for. He pulled out the bracelet that Aokiji had given the blond, Sanji reddening with embarrassment.

"This probably helped."

Sanji snatched it back from him, shoving it back into his pocket.

Law ended up hugging the man, smearing his bloodied face against his clothes. He wanted to give comfort and say all the right things, but he truthfully didn't know what to say. So he thought to convey these things with touch, instead. Sanji was grateful for it, though. He closed his eyes to accept the gesture.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Slowly but surely this fic chugs to the end! I see one more chapter and an epilogue after this one! Hope to end it next week, but I'm off to experience some adventure!**

 **WulfyFang3: Nope, they're not ready but they're a little more than willing! Lol Rocinante has no idea he's contributing – he's just an idiot D: But how will he know if he isn't told? One day, Law will tell him but not any time soon.**

 **HS: It is because I've already decided on it D: Ever so slowly, Sanji is allowing himself to open up to the idea but he knows not to rush in – good thing Law is patient (but only for the things he likes!) Zoro is maturing up – he continues to do so the more he thinks about things and owns up to his end of the failed deal. Both of them continue to heal and change – I'm trying so very hard to write about it DX Zeff just didn't want Law retreating when he feels he doesn't have to – and it worked out well!**

 **HeileWelt: I love Zeff, I always have. He's always the supportive old man in every one of my fics (well, except for that Beast and Beauty one!) because I absolutely love him in canon! Everyone needs that supportive old man father figure T_T I hope that the more you read, the more it's realized that both of them failed each other. I'm trying to convey that so that not one of them is the worst. Their friends didn't even know things were happening until they were told – which they often expressed. So they only knew that Sanji had cheated but didn't know there was even trouble before that. Now they feel awful for not noticing and coming to their judgements, and hopefully their relationship will be fixed in the end. And thanks for your comment – it's always my goal to make a reader *feel something in my writing. So your comment made me pretty happy lol**

 **Fyoyaran: They finally did! and they will continue to do so! (slowly) And it will be awkward for them to all come together to fix and repair things, but healing is never easy! it can be done, though!**

 **Guest: No, I think that would be more complicated! I'm trying to keep this story *short lol I'm more of a LuNa fan, actually. XD**

 **: : 16**

When Law returned to Marco's later that week, he must've been wearing some type of expression because the man said as Law was sitting, "Before we even start, I just want to state that things seem to be going _very_ well with you."

Surprised, Law removed his jacket, setting it over his lap rather than accept Marco's offer to hang it up. "Is it that obvious?"

"What did your check-up say?"

"I gained only two pounds."

"It may not seem that much to you, but I can assure you, that's a great advancement."

"When does it get easier?"

"Time will tell. What do you feel about the difference?"

Law considered it before admitting, "It feels horrible on one hand. It feels like I've lost control but…"

Marco waited for him to finish, the chime of some far away clock ringing in the distance.

"On another…there's a lot of positive things that logically outweigh those things. _Logically_. I hear the same voices though, screaming at me whenever I sit to focus on what I'm doing."

"Are those voices…changing tone?"

"A little," Law admitted. "They're still as judgmental as before, and…Rocinante actually visited the other day."

"And how did that make you feel?"

"It's hard to ignore that he's an idiot," Law said. "He still says the same dumb shit as he had when I was younger, but…he means well, he just doesn't…do well with expressing them."

"Do you carry any resentment towards him?"

"Not at all," Law said firmly. "He's just an idiot that doesn't realize what he's saying. He chose to remove himself from a situation he wasn't helping, and I hold absolutely no resentment of the matter in the slightest. I just think that…well, the only thing that truly bothers me is that I…"

He trailed off, aware that he was speaking ahead of himself. He didn't want to bring up his blossoming relationship with Sanji just yet – that was a whole different can of information that was unnecessary to his recovery, he felt. But the comment Zoro had made towards him continued to smother his every waking thought.

Marco sensed his reluctance to continue, settling ankle atop of knee. "Does it have any involvement with your recovery?"

Law made a reluctant frown. "I just want to think normally. Like other people. I resent feeling and thinking this way and not being instantly cured because I want to be – I can't see any reason why it should make me stumble, but – "

"It's okay to stumble," Marco said gently. "It happens. What matters is how you pick yourself up."

"I'm tired of picking myself up."

"Then it's okay to rely on others."

"I sense that, but I…am I the right person for others to depend on?"

"Are you?"

"I can be. I'm well aware that I am…a necessity," Law ventured carefully. "And that's motivating, but…I question myself about it a lot."

Marco shifted in his seat. "It sounds like you're very confident in wanting to continue your path in recovery, but you're not very certain of yourself regarding different matters. Tell me – in which way do these matters reflect on your disorder?"

Law frowned. He had to ease away from that question. He licked his lip before saying, "What matters in the end is that I am alive to enjoy what's rest of my life."

Marco did his best to repress a knowing smile; aware that Law avoided answering what was really bothering him.

"Yes, this is true," he said slowly. "I'm curious – how do you look at food, now? Belladonna has mentioned how much enthusiasm you have in completing food projects."

Law exhaled. "Well, I've been missing out on a lot," he said slowly. "Before, I saw food as…a frenemy, as you will. Not necessarily _hating_ it as the accepted perception others have of people like me, but…hating the _effect_ it has on me. I hated that I only saw calories as a sort of antagonism – _this_ has that many, _that_ has this many, all of it can do _this_ , all of it can do _that_. I loved and enjoyed eating to the point of an uncomfortable obsession, but hated that I can only love and enjoy certain foods that I allowed myself to. Now…my perception has changed. I dread looking forward to eating because…I am enjoying what I am eating. And enjoyment of it means I am allowing what I hadn't allowed myself before, and dreading it because I am still fucking fighting it every time."

"The fight gets exhausting," Marco agreed.

"I just want to be able to sit and enjoy his cooking without thinking too much into it," Law muttered bitterly.

Marco's smile ghosted over his face again. "He must cook very well."

"I do," Law amended quickly. " _I_ cook pretty good, but…I'd rather…I wasn't the one cooking because it – I don't cook very well."

Marco thought that sorting out that comment was going to cause some trouble, so he just took it as is.

"I can enjoy eating," Law said slowly, "but only under my acceptable conditions and terms. Which drives me crazy because while I can explore and enjoy tastes, textures and the very aspect of it, a part of me still denies eating carelessly. I can't lose control while another part of me practically cries for the _want_ of it. Does any of that make sense?"

"Absolutely."

"Now it's not about allowing myself a certain number of bites – it's about allowing myself to fully _enjoy_ it as a normal human being. I don't know how many times I've enviously watched people eat thinking how _lucky_ they are for the simple act of eating. My thinking has changed to where I can sit and think about every bite I take and think about how _good_ it is but I'm also thinking about how bad it is for me caloric-wise, if I'll be able to allow myself more, _when_ I'll allow myself seconds, etc., etc.. I am eating much better than I've allowed myself before, but I'm still hearing myself tell myself _That's enough_. It feels like I've been eating excessively, so to hear I've only gained two pounds since my last checkup…it feels like a letdown after so much fight I've put into this."

"It shows. You walked into here with more confidence and cheer than I'd ever seen you with. You shouldn't be discouraged, Law. You're doing _great_. Despite the battle you're undergoing and recognizing what's happening with yourself, you are picking up that spoon or fork and _eating_. That's more than what could be said when you first came in here, so please – be proud of yourself for how far you've come. Don't beat yourself up for something you can't control – your body needs to adjust after years of being denied regular eating; you have take in mind that you _and_ it have to adjust thinking and comfort in order to allow big changes to happen. And it's happening! It's coming along marvelously, so build yourself up with the compliment on how far you've come, and not look back to a landscape you've just left." Marco shifted in his seat again. "But you've been coming into Belladonna's sessions alone. Where's Sanji?"

Law crossed his ankles while studying a nearby window. "This isn't about my roommate."

"I apologize for being so intrusive. Let's talk about Rocinante. I told him if I ever caught him hacking into my computer files again I'll cut his head off, but I've logged at least two more attacks since then. You should talk to him."

Law was amused. "I could, but honestly – it's not about him. He's…I'm appreciative of him and everything's he's done. He's an idiot, and you can't really help idiots. I feel comfortable telling him pretty much anything and everything but – telling him that he was indirectly a cause to my disorder? That would savage him. I don't feel laying any guilt onto him is necessary. He feels guilt already. Plus, this wasn't about Rocinante in the first place."

"You don't need any more voices, Law."

"My voices are…I think they'll always be there," Law said vaguely. "I can't imagine _not_ hearing them. I look at myself now, did I tell you that? And I'm getting…compliments from those that have seen me before. Some of the things they say are quite unnecessary, but…it's noticeable, now, that I am helping myself. And that makes me feel good."

"What also makes you feel good?"

"An actual future," Law responded after thinking about it. "All I ever thought about was food and now…I can think of other things. I can look forward to waking up each and every day and find myself thinking about something that doesn't involve calories. Though, I still think of them – it just isn't my first and last thought anymore."

"You've made some excellent progress, Law."

"Some of my coworkers often joke that I should stop hating food. I _don't_ hate food. But it feels exhausting trying to explain it to them."

"So don't."

"I don't and didn't hate food. I _hated_ my control of it. I don't _not_ eat – at my lowest, I was eating eight times a day, but my caloric intake was…significantly less. This was about control over things I…don't have control over. Losing my family. Filling holes. But people say such cruel things that I feel like…eating disorders to them are just…glamorous myths attained by individuals that are glorified by other people lost in the concept of it. They don't give a thought about how basic it can be. They just want to hurt and judge because they only believe in a myth society set as a standard. And that's hard to express to people who ask."

"Then why don't you tell this to those closest to you so that they understand?"

"That'll take a little more effort. I'm just starting to like myself, again. Educating others at this point…that's asking too much from me."

"What _do_ you like about yourself, Law?"

Law gave a lop-sided smile.

"I am open minded," he said carefully. "I have a horrible sense of humor. I like animals."

"Those are good qualities of a person."

"I'm stubborn. I'm willful. I chuckle loudly when I hear someone fart in public."

"Well, hmm…"

"I used to hold that last one in, afraid of drawing negative attention but I have found that they're more embarrassed of themselves then they are of noticing that I noticed. Because of my progress, I feel like I can engage more with outsider interaction. I can look people in the eyes. I can speak of my disorder out loud to strangers. I believe that my growing confidence will turn me into a monster by the completion of my recovery," Law said with assurance.

"I agree," Marco said with light-hearted concern.

Law considered these things for a brief moment before saying, "I think I'm going in the right direction, doc. I feel very good about myself. Despite some things, I feel very…proud…of how far I've come since I've started. I don't doubt that it'll get any easier, but I feel like I've been in the dark for so long that once I had a feel of the light, I'll do anything to continue holding onto that warmth."

"I'm glad. I'm very happy for you, Law."

: :

After his appointment, Law met Sanji at a nearby coffee shop. Since that day in the restaurant, Sanji just looked tired and lifeless, but there was something different about him as well. Law wasn't sure what it was. After they both ordered coffee, they took a seat at a corner booth.

"How'd it go today?" Sanji asked, butterfly Band-Aid covering his healing wound. He then perked up after he examined the older man's expression. "It went well, didn't it?"

"I was able to talk more, so…it was a good day," Law answered. "I was thinking about it as I was walking here – I usually make that man work to get words out of me, and today I was spilling most of it out like I were a coffeepot."

Sanji could just imagine how difficult it was getting anything out of Law that wasn't sarcasm or judgement, but to hear the proud tone in Law's voice just now assured him that Law himself felt he was doing great. That was a positive sign, and he couldn't help but let that reflect on his face.

"That's great. I'm happy for you."

"One day I'll be able to talk about it more. I just feel that not many would understand it."

"I had very biased opinions about what you were going through, but seeing it, really being around it helped me understand a little more about it. I'll wait for the day you can correct me on it."

"I…held things in because why the fuck would people want to know things about me? _I_ didn't know many things about me. Half of my life was spent thinking about food. Holding in everything was my way of avoiding trouble. Now I'm finding that the more adventurous I become, the more I can't shut the fuck up."

Sanji chuckled. "I _know_."

"It's like I just discovered what a mouth can do."

"That can go in so many different directions, buddy," Sanji said with some amused discomfort.

Law just smiled down at the table, quite aware of all his implications. After some moments he said, "I don't think I could have done this without you and your mess."

Sanji groaned. "I'm sorry you were drawn into it."

"Every time you apologize for something stupid, I deserve to kick you in the shin." Law looked serious. "But I mean it. If I hadn't been drawn into that…I would've never found my voice. Maybe I owe it more to Brook, because he was the true reason I started talking to the Saiyan."

"Who's…what's a 'Saiyan'?"

"I should really thank Brook," Law murmured thoughtfully to himself.

Sanji rolled his eyes. Law studied him for a few moments then said, "But it was because you answered my ad that things changed so much. You think it was the work of your Higher Power?"

Sanji drummed the table top with his fingertips. "I believe in bits and pieces here and there," he said slowly, "but our given free will – that's where we really make something of it. Our lives. We make our choices that end up making more sense in the end. Like…your movie. _Shit_. That stupid alien movie. Things had to fall apart before they could make any sense."

"What a trip," Law commented, vaguely awestruck. But he had to wonder why he had to suffer an eating disorder for him to find any relief associated to a higher power – it was best he didn't put anymore thought into it, he figured. "Do you think that of your situation?"

Sanji wore a rue expression. "My opinion of it changes day to day."

He ended up grimacing out the window, unable to look at Law as he added, "It's not that I want to rush into anything else – I don't…after what he said, I just feel dead. I don't trust myself anymore, I don't trust anyone, I don't…believe in love. And…that's something I will have to continue sorting out."

Law thought that this was fair – considering the circumstances, anyone left in the dust of that aftermath would have some trouble standing. In a way, he still felt hopeful that perhaps Sanji would regain confidence in himself.

"But in the end I have to remind myself of what was happening under that roof compared to what's happening today and just…be thankful that it did," Sanji finished uncomfortably, picking at his cup. "I'd still be living a fucking lie."

Law looked horrified. "I would've never met Bepo."

Sanji shook his head with amusement, looking out the window. Law reached out to touch his hand, which was tapping nervously on the table top. After giving him his attention, Sanji cautiously took his hand.

"I'm still afraid," he admitted softly.

"I think it's okay," Law said stoically. "I'm here for a good time, not a long time."

Sanji tossed his hand away. "You're an awful person!" he laughed. "Learn some damn restraint!"

"Let's get some ice cream, Sanji. Then go look at dogs."

"…Looking at dogs _does_ sound nice."

"I'm not making light of your situation," Law then added. "I understand why they're there. I just want to make sure that you don't shut me out while my hands are clinging to the brick while I'm climbing out of my own made moat."

After some moments of quiet consideration, Sanji said, "I know where your hands are, Law. I want to support you in any way that I can."

"I'm comfortable establishing boundaries, but…I require your patience."

"And you trust that I have any?"

"No." Law covered his hand with one of his hands. "But thank you."

"I just want to apologize for – OW!" Sanji shouted out, holding onto his shin as Law retracted his foot. " _Fucker_!"

"I warned you."

Rubbing out the pain, Sanji scowled at him. "You made me forget what I was going to say!"

"Let's go look at puppies."

"I'll get my revenge. Sleep lightly."

"This is fine, isn't it?" Law then asked as they stood from their booth, fiddling with his cup nervously. He'd taken a few sips but hadn't finished it – being that it wasn't something he thought tasted any good.

"Looking at dogs? Hanging out? Yeah."

"No. _This_ ," Law indicated the pair of them. Before Sanji could say anything, he rushed to say, "just…this. It doesn't have to be labeled. It doesn't have to be fleshed out. Where it's going is…fine."

Sanji considered this with effort. Because Law's friendship was important, because everything else included had only been realized recently, he felt he should put up his boundaries just to be clear on the matter. But he didn't _feel_ threatened right now. He only recognized that there were feelings hidden down in the muddy remains of the mess left behind by his marriage. Something clean and sparkly, something worth digging for.

"No labels," he decided.

Law looked satisfied with that. "Fine."

: :

That night, Sanji watched his cellphone screen flash with an incoming call. He didn't bother answering it. It was painful knowing that Zoro hadn't loved him. It was painful acknowledging that these years spent with the other man had been nothing but a lie. At the same time, he acknowledged that he was the one to end the marriage in an equally as painful way. A part of him felt angry that Zoro had been so furious at him when he didn't even love him; it felt overwhelmingly unfair. It felt unfair that their friends chose Zoro's side; it felt unfair that he was the one that lost everything despite Zoro never loving him.

But he had to recognize that perhaps Zoro had in a way that Sanji had yet to understand. Because if Zoro hadn't, then why was he there? Why agree to the marriage? Why do all these things with Sanji if Zoro didn't love him?

Perhaps Zoro was the confused one in all this. Perhaps he did love Sanji but in a way that didn't match Sanji's. But did that excuse the ending?

When the phone stopped ringing – it was on silent – Sanji stared at the screen of calls he'd also deliberately missed. Some were texts from Luffy, some were from Ussop, one was from Nami, apologizing for her behavior after Zoro talked to them about his feelings.

There was a time when Sanji would have felt relief in having their friends reaching out for him, but he couldn't feel that now. All he felt was a sense of overwhelming despair that he'd been the only one to ruin things. It was that guilt complex that Zoro always brought up. Things had changed between all of them – there was potential in apology and forgiveness, but there was still a looming crevice that seemed too broken to fix.

He was convinced that they still wouldn't look at him the same.

How could something like this be fixed?

He reached for his phone, reluctantly clearing the screen and noting the notifications left behind. Was it okay to acknowledge this thing he had with Law to his friends? Was it okay to actually have it after how his marriage ended? What if he did the same to that man?

What if he were falling right back into a situation he had to leave behind?

In the beginning of the relationship he had with Zoro, it was all competitive rivalry and a bond that couldn't be severed because of their rivalry. They were always clashing as children – then, as they grew older, it turned into something different. An attraction that was noticeable to others – then it grew into a familiarity that felt comfortable to pursue and indulge in because both of them always ran so hot and fiery that it felt uncomfortably cold when they were separated. Zoro helped distract him from the suffocating weight of the lack of his family's love and made Sanji feel like he was wanted.

He didn't feel appreciated – Zoro never said 'thanks' or complimented Sanji on what he provided. But Zoro had different ways of showing he depended on Sanji that Sanji had found this acceptable. It was only when he started to feel starved that he set out to find something to "fill that hole".

It was frightening to think that it could start all over again with someone new, but Sanji had to tell himself that the relationship he had with Law was different. His cooking was an expression of his feelings, so for Law to openly appreciate it was different. The pair of them somehow managed to pull each other out from the depths of a crevice without expectations; Sanji and Zoro had competed and expected reciprocation in a way that was natural of their relationship.

Their competitive friendship turned into a marriage that was supposed to be a continuation of that relationship, but maybe neither of them changed accordingly to make the marriage work. Sanji had to tell himself that just because he loved Zoro didn't mean that he was the only one to make it work; he had expectations that were unrealistic of the other man as well. He was just as thoughtless as Zoro was.

He stared out the window for quite some time, thinking about the painful past he had with the other man. When he looked at his phone again, Zoro had texted him some long paragraphs. A few of the words Sanji caught were apologies, angry accusations and undecided efforts towards at least maintaining a friendship. Sanji couldn't read that just yet, so he just cleared the screen and let his message notifications build up.

He watched as Law drifted into his room and immediately went to his closet, causing Sanji to furrow his brow.

"What are you looking for?" he asked crankily.

"A shirt," Law answered, shoving aside all of Sanji's hangers. "Shachi wants us to go to this restaurant across town, and it is dress up."

Sanji found himself battling a combination of approval and disapproval in the plan. He felt a little hurt that he wasn't invited, but also relieved that this "thing" wasn't something where either had to be clingy. If Law were Zoro, Sanji would have made a scene about being left behind; independence was something neither of them felt the other should have. At least…that was how it was felt until Zoro decided that he actually did need it.

These were Sanji's own feelings he had to sort out and fix.

"What kind of restaurant?" he then asked.

"A buffet."

"That's _not_ a restaurant! And you have to dress up for it?"

"Well, yes. Plus," Law added, taking out a black, long sleeved shirt and holding it up against his chest for measurement, "it's sort of an annual company meeting thing. It'll be the first time I showed up."

Sanji understood that both of them had individual lives with different expectations – what he had done with Zoro did not apply to anyone else afterward. But he understood that this was a significant step for the other man – a venture into an area he avoided because of food. So those earlier feelings melted away to be replaced by a sense of support.

"This was a last minute decision?" he asked, rising up from the bed and taking the shirt from him. He retrieved a white one instead. "You mentioned nothing about this, today."

"Very last minute," Law assured him. "Shachi's outside."

Sanji gave him an impatient look. Sure enough, the front door opened with Shachi hollering out for Law. Law gave the white shirt a frown. "That stands out way too much."

"Give us five minutes!" Sanji shouted towards his open door, ignoring Law's protest. He shoved it at him. "Put this on, come out here for a tie, then get that ugly black blazer that looks like something you held onto from high school prom. Don't you dare wear those ugly slacks you have – just wear those jeans with the weird hems."

Law gave him an insulted look, but obeyed. He just buttoned the shirt on over the pj shirt he had already been wearing – Sanji tugged on a black tie. It did not look like Law was wearing extra clothes underneath the shirt, but he still had a very concerning thin appearance.

"After you get dressed, brush your hair. Don't wear a hat. For fuck's sake, brush your teeth at least."

"Can you wipe my ass, too, please? I might have missed a spot."

Sanji tugged on his earrings. "Don't fuck with me."

As Law walked off to find the other pieces to his outfit, Sanji headed out into the front area to see Shachi talking to Bepo. The older man straightened up at the sight of his approach, a little nervous.

"Don't you dare push him to eat," Sanji warned him. "Don't even think of saying 'That's not enough', or even commenting on what he does pick. I don't want him coming back here feeling any guilty about what he managed to do, tonight. If I see even a shred of insecurity returning, I will find you, cut your balls and let you watch as I feed them to Bepo. Is that understood?"

Shachi swallowed tightly. "Well, let's not get overly dramatic – "

"I'm aware of how you people talk to him! I'm just giving fair warning."

"We're not bad people, Sanji."

"I know you guys mean well, but none of you have any tact! All of you are like that bigger idiot, Rocinante. Just letting shit fly from your mouth without even thinking about the impact."

At the sound of Law leaving his room, Sanji held a warning finger up to Shachi's face then turned to face him as Shachi looked outraged. Seeing that Law had followed his orders, Sanji approved with a nod. He still intercepted him as Law intended on saying goodbye to Bepo.

"Don't loosen your tie, you're not a kid," he said, fixing it. Then attempting to fix his hair, which Law pulled away from. "Keep your fart jokes to yourself, don't comment on people's relationships the way you do when we're out shopping, don't stare at old men's bald spots. Do not aggravate anything if you should see the four shit blocks there."

"Why are you stealing the fun right out of our evening?" Shachi asked with a curled lip.

"Mom, you're _embarrassing_ me in front of my friends," Law said, gesturing at Shachi and Bepo. He rolled his eyes, loosening his tie as he grabbed his keys and wallet from the hallway table. As Shachi opened and exited the doorway, Law looked at Sanji. "Answer your phone."

Sanji frowned at him, crossing his arms stiffly. "Have a good time."

After Law was gone, he shuffled back to his room to flop onto his bed and retrieve his phone to see that more messages had arrived. He wasn't ready to respond. It was going to take more time doing so.

A couple of weeks later found the pair of them sitting on a bench at a nearby national park. The hiking trail was shady and the pathway was gentle, and Sanji was inwardly wondering if Law were pushing himself too hard. He seemed so eager to "be better" that it was now him making all the plans for their outings; Sanji worried that it was too much too soon. He wore a backpack that had their snacks, water and basic supplies while Law wore a hat, cooling-kerchief and brand new hiking shoes that looked absurdly big for him. He was wearing shorts for the first time – the weight he was steadily putting on was starting to show.

Insects buzzed around them, Sanji waving at his face impatiently.

"I'd always looked at this place, but never thought I'd make it here," Law confessed, looking over the cityscape visible to them over a few rolling hills and a sporadic treeline. "So sitting here is one of my biggest accomplishments. I hope to see a moose."

"Moose are further north. I didn't have the courage to do this stuff," Sanji said. "Guess I was too busy to appreciate nature."

"Should we take a picture?"

Sanji quickly pulled his phone out from his backpack before Law could change his mind. He took one of both of them, then sat to examine the quality. For the first time in a long time, Law could honestly say that he looked better. Not a spectacular picture, but something he could definitely be proud of. The little voices argued with him for several moments before he said, "Let me send that one to Rocinante."

"Let me take one of you by yourself, then."

"No. It has to be that one."

Sanji looked at him, fiddling with his phone. "Slowly. Okay? Do this slowly."

"I just want him to see that I'm not out here on my own, otherwise, there will be a drone flying overhead." Once Law saw the understanding in the other man's eyes, he then added, "Besides, he already knows about us. So it shouldn't be that big of a surprise."

"I know, but…no labels, right?"

"I wish you would bring that up before you suck my insides out – "

Sanji slapped a hand over his mouth with a reddened face, two hikers nearby walking by with concerned expressions. "Don't say it like that! Jerk!"

"I mean, I'm just saying," Law said with an eye roll. "The fact is it's happening. So pretending that it's not – "

"It's not 'pretending'. It's…going fifteen miles per hour in a sixty-five zone."

"Causing accidental assumptions in the meantime."

Exhaling heavily, Sanji sat back on the bench. "Don't do this. Don't pressure me. I warned you, I am having a hard time with letting this happen as is."

"See, the thing is, I'm fairly happy with the way my life is going. You're a big part of that. I feel that it's necessary to include you in that."

"It's like taking a clearance item off the rack and trying to pass it off as a first sale! Anyone can see that it's busted with some chips on the edges!"

"Are we talking about a dinner plate? A ceramic mug?"

Lost for a few moments, Sanji then answered, "A gravy boat."

"Sometimes, things that need to be put back together look better than they were. Like the Japanese do with their broken ceramics. Or a cherished rag doll repaired with visibly different stitches."

"Jesus Christ with the analogy…one person can see the beauty in that, but in your mind, I see you thinking of some bloody corpse with obvious stitch work! Some reanimated body…"

Law thinned his lips, trying to put away the image of Sally from 'Nightmare Before Christmas' away. Then he realized that he could see Sanji's face over hers. "Do you like Tim Burton?" he had to ask.

"Is he one of your doctor friends?" Sanji asked, furrowing his brow with concentration.

Law gave him a look of disdain. "How are you this young and yet so stupid?"

Sanji rolled his eyes.

"I confess, I was thinking of replacing you with Sally, so…but that movie has some relevance to the situation as well, doesn't it? Jack discovered a brand new world that he wanted to exploit for his own purposes – he meant well, but it was a mistake to think that he could fit into it while belonging to another."

"I wish I could have met you sooner," Sanji mumbled. " _That_ way you had more life experience than movie experience – "

"I think that it pertains to my situation here. I want part of your glittering, manic world but mine is – "

"It's not that I don't want you in it, I just - ! I doubt myself! I doubt _everything_ , and I don't want to be the cause of some negative effect. I'm still recovering from this one."

"But didn't Jack help save Santa in the end, and they came to a beautiful agreement to overcome adversary?"

Sanji sighed because it was important to communicate, no matter how difficult the content. But this was something he had to adjust and fit to with another person. Law wasn't like Zoro – conversations could actually lead to conversation and not yet another competitive shouting match.

"Oogie Boogie is the depression monster in both of us. The point is," Law said, "you can't keep doubting yourself. You can't keep thinking that everything is going to be like what it was before."

"Look at you with this fresh, new confidence!"

Law did a minimal curtsy from the bench, which allowed Sanji to think that his words were taken as sarcasm and not a shitty comment – which he'd internally meant it to be.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I'm just being an asshole."

He sent the picture to Law.

Law felt his phone vibrate with the message then looked to Sanji from the corner of his eye. "So…I've noticed you've been avoiding your phone a lot."

Sanji sighed noisily, wiping dust from his shins. "I'm not ready to talk about it."

"When will you be?"

"It was thirteen years of being with this person, so…I have a lot of things stuffed in that closet to sort out."

"You were together since you were kids?"

"We met as kids…then it turned into something more."

Law looked at him with concern. "You do this with all your friends?"

" _Of course not_!"

"Why did you think things would change when you got married?"

Sanji grimaced. Weren't there rules stated that one couldn't speak of their past relationship to a new relationship? Was he acknowledging this as a 'relationship' despite all his protests? A part of him hoped that this would discourage the older man's insistence.

"Because we'd changed," he said slowly, "and I thought that both of us would appreciate each other better. It didn't turn out that way. On both our parts. My expectations were…unrealistic. Stupid. _Ugh_. I relied on the fairy tale to fix things and make them better, but they obviously didn't. We didn't really communicate, we _expected_. I essentially just destroyed what was already broken."

Law thought about it and couldn't help the images that popped to mind. Screaming matches from reality tv shows crossed his thoughts with bright exuberance.

"Both of us were the villain," Sanji mumbled. "Both of us…had grown together but with different expectations that neither of us could fulfill because neither of us knew how to talk about it. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah."

"That was the first time I really saw him angry at me," Sanji said, thinking of their talk at the restaurant before court. "And to this day, I didn't want him seeing me…in the way that you had…because it was something I had power over him. Showing each other emotions and really telling them your thoughts instead of holding them back because of being afraid of them – that's not…it didn't help anything between us. I'm still disappointed in myself for doing what I did, but I'm also angry at him for…having everything. I still can't look at his friends the same, and maybe I'm still angry at them, too. I don't know. I just know that if I choose to move on so quickly, I'll just make the same mistakes."

"Possibly," Law agreed lightly. "But now that you're aware of them, you can just do it differently, right?"

"But will I catch myself in time?"

"Probably not. But isn't that life? You make mistakes, you fix them and move on. That's what I learned from J-Wow. Look at her. She's got a loving husband and kids that she proudly shows off while looking completely different from her hoe-days."

Sanji frowned over at him while Law realized he hadn't finished watching that particular season. He whistled low. "And Snooki! Look at her 180! _That_ should be inspirational."

Sanji's frown deepened. "I just…don't know if these are real people that we should actually depend upon for major life lessons."

"The point is, Sanji, that if you really want to change you can. So if you _really_ want something different, or to _be_ something different, then do it. Snookie's infamy lives on through memes and clips, but she looks back at these things with laughter and now she's happy being who she is now. So anybody can do it."

Sanji stared at him with disdain while Law thought that Snooki did a pretty good job of moving away from being that drunken girl getting arrested on the beach.

He looked at Sanji. "Or, for another example – "

"Enough."

"But I was going to use Will Smith as my next example – "

" _Enough_! Let's finish this trail! …and that's the ice guy from that cartoon, right?"

"You are unbelievably racist."

"I am busy _living_ life, not relying on movies to live them for me! I can't relate to any of that until you actually show it to me!"

"You're a good kid, Sanji. You've got potential."

"I'm tired of your endless rambling, old man…"

Law rose from the bench, brushing himself off. "I was too embarrassed to say it before, but my motivational speech actually helped me stir up a bit of courage. I'm fucking tired of being out in actual nature, and I want to go home. I mean, these bugs…I can't be that delicious. Why are they attacking me?"

"This is something you organized, so let's finish it!"

"There's always another day. Besides, my heart feels funny – "

Sanji looked at him with concern. "You want a piggy back?"

"You won't feel like a dork carrying me?"

"It's going to be all you, so I don't feel self-conscious at all."

Minutes later, Law was grinning to himself because he acknowledged being a selfish jerk using low-blows to get his way; Sanji hauled the taller man back to the car they rented, thinking that maybe he should watch the shows Law did to actually make sense of the things he was saying.

But one thing they could both agree upon was that this thing they had was, indeed, a beautiful thing.

: :

Brook pulled desperately at his leash, panting heavily and choking himself as he struggled to get away from Zoro's grasp. Zoro gave him an impatient look and let the dog run to him. Whining and crying, Brook demanded to be pet, drool flying as he twisted this way and that in an effort to get all his zones covered. Law took his leash before he could give the dog what he was asking for.

There was a sense of awkwardness between them, but the dog's comfort was acknowledged with heavy reluctance. Zoro didn't trust anyone that Brook shied away from, and the dog's cheer with the skinny man spoke uncomfortable volumes that he just had to accept.

"I was hoping he would just show up himself," Zoro said uncomfortably. The black of his hair dye was gone with a short haircut. The green seemed rather shiny in the stark summer light. "But it doesn't mean I'm going to keep the dog from him because of it."

"We've got one more season to go," Law told him seriously. "He was stuck on the specials, but I'm sure he's starting to warm up to the idea of what some serious effort it will take to change."

Zoro wore a puzzled expression. "What kind of change?"

"As you should already know," Law said, crouching at Brook's side, "the reason why he's avoiding all of you."

Zoro sighed with reluctance. Luffy had come with him, but he was busy playing at the nearby splash pad with some kids and a feisty wiener dog that had intimidated Brook earlier. The younger man was soaking wet.

"But I think he's just getting the courage needed to talk. Like Finn," Law said, massaging Brook's neck in the way he liked. The dog grunted, droopy eyes closing with pleasure before flopping up against him. "It took awhile for Finn to admit he was a former Storm Trooper, but once he did, he as accepted almost immediately because of the effort he had already put into righting a terrible wrong."

"…Who?"

Law looked up at Zoro sharply. "Are you not a fan of Star Wars?"

"That show with the…the ship, right? That…with the eyebrows…"

"Star Trek and Star Wars are completely _different_ worlds - ! Never mind. The point being is that when he's ready to talk to you, he will," Law said, almost breathless with horror.

Zoro stared at him. He could not see _how_ Sanji could possibly tolerate someone as absent minded and bewildering as this older man. Sanji always had an eye for beautiful and striking men; for men with mass, for men that could give him a hard time (in and out of bed). To acknowledge that he'd fallen for this one that looked like he could disappear standing sideways, that rattled on aimlessly on things that had no relevance to the subject – it felt incredibly painful to even recognize.

Not painful in a betrayal sense; but painful because if he hadn't already seen it, he would be hard pressed to believe that Sanji could be affectionate for this weirdo.

That was it – this man was a weirdo. To be treated specially and carefully. Surely there was something Sanji had in mind to use; maybe this guy was rich.

But at the same time Zoro could not see Sanji using anybody; that guy refused help like it were a curse. He refused to take advantage of the elderly and the sick, and he had always been the first to jump if someone needed help.

Maybe that was it.

This guy was a cry for help and Sanji thought he could save him. It made more sense that way.

He furrowed his brow suspiciously. "What does he do for you?"

"Hmm?" Law looked up from rubbing Brook's ample belly. "Brook?"

"No. Sanji."

"Ah, well, that's a loaded question," Law said, standing. "Are you sure you want to hear it?"

Zoro felt his face redden with emotion.

Counting off his fingers, Law said, "Provides me with an endless amount of entertainment reserved for reality drama; pays his half of rent; introduced me to Brook, here; introduced me to Bepo; fluffs my favorite blanket; doesn't talk during my favorite shows; and sometimes, just sometimes, he has clean socks I can just snatch up whenever I haven't the time to do my wash. Oh, and replenishes the toilet paper. I cannot stand anything else but the Charmin Strong – "

"Is that it? Is that really it?"

Law shyly fiddled with his fingers. "And cooks me shit upon request. I admit, I used him selfishly for that. Once a guy has real food, they can't ever go back to canned stuff – in fact, I'd probably fake a grandparents' death just to get him to cook for me - "

"Do you even eat it?"

"I have. I appreciate it. I tell him so. Constantly. But it's still difficult for him to do it freely, so fuck you for that."

Zoro frowned deeply at him, Brook lifting onto his feet once he sensed the presence of a curse word.

"Admittedly, Goku – "

"It's _Zoro_!"

" – I have no reservations into admitting what that cook means to me. He might not see it the same way, but…I'm hoping one day he'll just let it happen."

Zoro glared at him before looking away. Luffy had a couple of kids on his shoulders as he raced about with others at his feet, parents looking on with concern.

Sanji wasn't his anymore. Hadn't been for a very long time. So he knew he couldn't be angry at Law for saying this openly to his face. But he did respect someone that was open about their intentions. He couldn't find it within himself to fully accept it, but he respected it. Some time ago, he'd do his best to discourage Law's way of thinking but now…it wasn't up to him to govern anyone's actions.

It was a tough pill to swallow. It was letting go of something he'd loosely held onto, simply for the familiarity of it.

"One day," he agreed tightly.

"In the meantime, I'm sure he'll return your calls once he's ready to talk. But you understand him the most – so you should understand this."

"The thing is, I _don't_. I'm used to him being in my fucking face, taking up all the air to express his every thought and whim so this silence and avoidance is new to me."

"Then understand it for what it is."

"A change?" Zoro mumbled, a little bitterly.

"What's wrong with change?"

"It's just…for you it's a good thing, but for us…it's sort of a…scary venture. Years underneath our feet fell out and left us both floundering."

Law felt some threat rise up within him, acknowledging that Zoro was just as down about it as Sanji was. But it was quite apparent to him that neither wanted to go back. So that threatening feeling went away.

"New worlds are always fun to explore."

"Yeah, but finding the spirit to do so is a little troublesome…"

"Well, plants have no problem growing once they find water."

"You're trying to plant a seed in my brain."

"Don't be silly. I know of nothing that grows in solid rock."

Zoro looked at him suspiciously while Law snickered to himself. "Was that a 'Cheers' quote?"

Law looked at him with surprise. "You _fucker_. You know of that show?"

"It used to run on repeats in an old dojo I used to – anyway," Zoro cut himself off while Law looked at him with an awestruck expression. "I'm not doing this. _Civil_ , not friendly."

Law frowned over at Luffy as the younger man was sprawled out on the splash pad, seemingly drowning in front of everyone. "That child looks like he's in some trouble."

Zoro glanced over, then looked panicked. He rushed off to assist while Law picked up Brook, grunting with the effort. The dog looked down at him with surprise and concern, stilling his entire body so that Law could hold him safely. Assessing his trembling muscles, Law was sure he could carry the dog home without too much effort. He was quite happy about that.

Everything about his life right now made him quite happy.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:** I ended up deleting what I hadn't saved to a proper document. I had to rewrite this entire chapter. It destroys me inside when I do that dumb shit. It literally makes me not want to write anymore (dramatic Disney moment of flinging one's self onto the bed and sobbing) I finally fixed it but…maybe one more chapter before epilogue!

 **HS** : Honestly, I had to go and rewatch some of the shows he was quoting from. It was a dreadful walk back into my own past lol! Pretty sure my life was as dramatic XD Thank you for your thoughts throughout the entire story! As you can see after reading this chapter…my mood had changed XD

 **: : 17**

Looking at his wedding ring, Sanji thought about the day that the pair of them picked them out. They were both clumsy at it; noisy, argumentative. The saleslady had looked worn and grumpy herself by the time the two of them decided on a matching pair. It was plain gold with a single wave with a tiny chip of a diamond – a moon overlooking the sea. Inside were inscribed "pet names" ; Shitty M, Shitty C. Sanji remembered the first night he took his off when he set out on his first affair – how his hand trembled, fingers shaking before it was deposited into his wallet. It had been easier the last time he did it. His tan line had faded and Zoro hadn't even noticed until the phone call.

Twirling it within one hand, Sanji thought about how he would talk to Zoro. All the fight that had warmed him months earlier with the divorce had died down to only dirty ashes – warm only because he was too sad to feel anything at all. But it was _over_ – his marriage was done. Both of them had accepted that. All that remained was the feeling of how these years were wasted living a terrible lie.

 _We're both to blame_ , he thought. _Neither one of us is the victim_.

It was time to repair the broken edges, he supposed, as long as Brook was in his life. They could talk uncomfortably but Sanji wasn't sure how to accept Zoro's apologies, and maybe Zoro shouldn't accept his. Maybe it'll even out.

At the same time, he was aware that this was something that should have happened a long time ago. This happened for a reason. This happened because neither of them was good for each other and they were both too stubborn to see it as such. He clasped the ring within one palm, feeling the heat of it on his skin. He couldn't imagine sliding it on for one last wear. It made his finger burn.

He wondered what Zoro did with his. Sanji was positive he did not want to keep this sad reminder of his failed marriage. He did not want to marry anyone again. Once he finally changed his name, he would not do it again. He'd promised himself he would not love someone again; he promised to keep what was left of himself to himself. He'd given too much of himself away and had barely anything more to give.

Which was why this thing with Law hurt so much. That man's feelings were so open and obvious and Sanji feared he could only do him wrong. But at the same time, he couldn't help but continue taking because, goddamn it, he was so _alone_ \- ! He felt so warm and capable when he was with Law; he felt like he was doing everything right.

But the moment he remembered why he was even here in the first place…

He closed his eyes, settling his hands on his chest with the ring falling to the bed.

 _What should I feel_? he thought to himself, feeling his gut burn with anxiety. _How do I let go of_ that _to take_ this?

He heard the door open, Brook's toenails scraping against the floor as he shot forward with low barks to announce that he was home. Sanji quickly sat up and searched for the ring he'd dropped but the dog was already in his room with Law close behind him. Sanji picked the old man up from the floor with a whooshing sound, Brook's legs kicking with a frenzy.

After drawing the heavy dog to his lap with a careful hug, Sanji looked at Law cautiously. He checked to make sure Brook's medication had come with him – he wondered why the bag was wet.

Law wiped his hands on his shorts. "There was an unfortunate drowning incident – this is all Goku was able to save."

Sanji figured Luffy had come along with Zoro and fell into a ditch, or something. What irritated the hell out of him was Zoro relying on Luffy to hold onto anything properly. What mattered was that Law had done this favor for him despite the obvious awkwardness of it all. He understood he couldn't avoid Zoro forever.

Then he realized what Law had said. "Who is 'Goku'?"

Law looked at him impatiently so Sanji hurried added, "Thank you."

"It's no problem. I found out he's a 'Cheers' fan," Law said, sitting on the bed with a tired sigh.

Sanji wasn't sure how he felt about his ex and potential getting along. In the long run, it might be a lovely idea. On another, it was weird to think that they could bond over the subject of him. Hell, in the future, they could possibly become best friends after Sanji screwed Law over, too. He rubbed Brook's heaving sides with his hands, the dog licking his face and nuzzling against his chest.

Law looked at Sanji once he registered the silence. "Was that weird?"

"A lot of things are," Sanji said slowly. "Because…well, I mean, it's great that you can talk and be the go-between but…the point is, both of you know what my dick tastes like, so…it's weird."

Law wondered with stark realization that this was a perfect plotline for a show – the thing was, no one was competing. And it wasn't as if Sanji was trying to pick either one of them for affection. But it still felt like one.

"It's…nothing I'd imagined myself ever participating in," he said slowly, fumbling for the right words, "but now that I am in it, looking at it from the outside, it's not as if this were a competition when the players have already declared their loss."

Sanji frowned at him. "Right," he said just as slowly, "but…for example, if you fell in love with one of Penguin's exes and you two still got along but both of you already knew the planes of his ex-lover's valleys…"

Law frowned thoughtfully. "What's wrong with knowing charted territory?"

Sanji sighed impatiently, realizing that Law couldn't relate to this without having it compared to something of a show of his. "It's like Mike hooking up with Sammi despite knowing Ronnie's been all over that!"

"I guess I see what you're saying but…this is for Brook and not you," Law reminded him, playing with one of the dog's ears. Brook looked at him with a light 'woof!', stubby tail wagging.

"Yeah…I know, but…I'd just prefer you weren't friends with him. Just…keep it civil."

After fiddling with the light markings around Brook's face, Law looked at Sanji once more. "You've been thinking again…"

Sanji sighed noisily, still patting the bed for the ring. "I know I need to put a resolution on this but I…I can't just put it on the back stop and say ' _oh well_!'. This is _years_ of being together with one person! I know it's done, I know neither of us has feelings for the other, I know that - !"

"I think it's important to remember that life does go on."

"Yeah, I know, those ridiculous shows you made me watch shows me that people can change but…that took _years_ , Law."

"At the risk of sounding like a jerk, how long has it been since either of you properly loved each other? Wasn't it long dead before this?"

Sanji felt irritation rip through him, but Law was right. "Ugh…I know, you're right, I just…things are so hard. I just feel that I don't know what I'm doing. I want to move on, but I know I'm not going to do it right - !"

"I wouldn't know if you're doing it right, either," Law said skeptically.

Sanji looked at him with consideration.

"But it's your company I want, so…isn't that enough?"

Put that way, Sanji felt something inside of him give a little. A smile tugged at his lips. "I guess so…"

The older man thinned his lips, playing with the duvet for a few moments before retrieving the ring Sanji had been looking for. Sanji took it from him before he could get a closer look at it.

"I want to get rid of it," he mumbled. "To cover some of the bills I have being married to him. My credit took a steep dive because of things I hadn't yet paid for…I hadn't realized how deep in debt I am."

"Marriage is expensive."

"I have credit cards to pay off – he has everything, but…half of my name is in that stuff. I just…can't…leave. _Clean_. This thing will put a chip into that."

"Then work on it slowly. Meanwhile," Law said, rising from the bed, "I remembered that I bought Killer Clowns from Outer Space that we haven't yet watched."

"Law."

Sanji waited for the man to look at him. He said gently, "I want to return Brook. Not right now," he interrupted himself to say as he was given twin looks of horror, "but when it's time…I'll take him."

Relaxing as Brook struggled to get down onto the floor and being helped by Sanji, Law said, "Okay. That's good."

Sanji struggled to add on what he wanted to say. But saying it felt much harder than he imagined. Law realized that he was trying to finish a new sentence and tried to guess for him.

"Poop?"

"NO! Come with me?"

"Ah. At that time?"

"Yes. Mostly…they know, now. Right? _He_ knows. So…it'd feel…wrong if I kept hiding the fact that we have this…unlabeled _thing_."

Law felt a hot rush of excitement and nervousness fly through him. It wasn't as if they were some secret, but to know that he was being formerly introduced as, well, Sanji's _unlabeled thing_ – it was as close as he'd been to a relationship since high school. Adult relationships had been so complicated to start that it hadn't gone past basic awkward dates so this…this was a definite _thing_. He fiddled with his hands nervously while Sanji looked like he was dreading it.

"Do I dress up for this?" Law asked, Sanji looking at him with confusion.

"No. Just…be yourself," Sanji said tentatively, realizing that Law was taking this with a scary amount of feeling to it. He had to backpedal. "I mean, they know, right? They already know, so it's not like…I'm introducing you, or…they're not my family."

His words fell heavy at that. They _were_ his family. Zoro and their friends were all the family he'd had since he'd left his biological one. He felt his eyes burn a little, looking down at Brook to hide his sudden emotions. Law didn't see this, already anticipating the visit with some anxiousness.

When the day came, Sanji found his stomach twisted with anxiety. Would this turn out like the last time at the restaurant? Or would it not turn into such a big deal? All they were doing was returning Brook, meeting Zoro at the park. But he felt like he was walking back into something incredibly disastrous because he intended on making it known that he was not going to hide Law. Let his former friends' speculation turn into a confirmation. They had a 'thing', but it _wasn't_ a relationship.

"Friends with benefits, and not just the sexual kind," Law had assured him, managing to look away from some Housewives' show. They were in the middle of screaming at each other while husbands looked lost.

 _It's not just friends_ , Sanji had thought awkwardly. _We're more than that_.

"Is that what you'd call it?" he'd asked.

Law had shrugged. "I don't know about these types of things, but it looks fun."

Sanji had looked from him to the screen, then scowled. "After everything that has happened already, this sort of thing is appealing? Drama and excitement?"

Law had looked back at him with concern. "Was I too excited about that aspect? I really haven't lived a normal life…I'm grasping at the chance, now."

Sanji had wanted to smack him because from any other person he'd take it personally but Law was his friend. They were close. They survived some shit. So he was pretty sure Law was only saying this because he was nervous about it, too. So he let it slide with a throw pillow to the face.

Brook happily examined a few flower boxes and some strangers' feet – shying away whenever attention was brought his way. His inverted feet were already scraping heavily at the pavement so Sanji picked him up, the dog whining with disappointment. They sat at a bench, Sanji smoking without regard to the sign nearby. Law noticed how tense the man was, knowing that anything he said wouldn't help until the moment came and went. Brook licked at Sanji's hairy chin before pulling out of his arms to sit by himself, panting heavily.

Law reached out and patted Sanji's back for support. Sanji automatically tensed because was show of affection _okay_ at this point? But he had to remind himself that he was _not_ married, that what he was doing wasn't wrong. He looked at Law apologetically. But he couldn't bring himself to touch him back, limbs heavy with apprehension. Law had no idea Sanji was going through this anxiety – his attention was on Brook, who looked so goofy and yet so happy sitting by himself; like a _big dog_. Once Sanji saw that the older man's attention was not on him but latched onto the animal next to him, he felt a wall start to crumble. Mostly because Law was so clueless that it felt like Sanji was making a big deal out of nothing.

He ended up reaching out and grabbing Brook's medication from Law's grasp to get his attention. "I'm _right_ here."

"Sorry," Law apologized clumsily. "But he's so happy with being ugly that it hurts me inside. It might be love."

"You're so dumb, it hurts _me_ inside."

Brook barked excitedly down the sidewalk, tail wagging wildly as he perched at the edge of the bench. Sanji saw that it was Zoro with Nami and Luffy, carrying fast food containers and looking hungover as hell.

 _I should've thought of that_ , Sanji thought regretfully.

Law chuckled. "Apparently, they were more nervous than you."

"Keep your leg to yourself," Sanji advised sharply, rising from the bench to face them while Law looked down at his lap to make sure everything was still in his shorts. Sanji felt tense as he crossed his arms tightly, looking for trouble that was sure to happen. He left the bench to meet them halfway, in case any of them tried to cause any problems.

 _He is so cute_ , Law thought with amusement, reaching out to pat Brook assuredly. _Like an uptight mother at a kiddie park, watching out for danger_.

Nami shifted away once Zoro approached Sanji, both men bristly and tense while Luffy spotted Brook. He wobbled over on unsteady legs while Nami took a seat aside of Law, fluffing out her hair.

"He was nervous about this because Sanji wouldn't talk to him," Nami explained to Law airily, snapping her gum noisily. The woman with a low cut shirt and even smaller shorts made Law nervous. Mostly because he'd already seen her in action once – plus she reminded him of Jersey Shore's Angelina; an instigator with nothing to do. "One thing led to another and _boom_ – we're seventeen minutes late because this guy had to throw up a few times."

"I'm not immune to alcohol like you guys are," Luffy accused her, patting Brook clumsily. He ended up pulling the dog from the bench so that Brook could scamper over to his owners. He took the seat Brook abandoned. "I did not know we were out that long! You never open the curtains during the day time!"

"Because it's boring if there's no one around to see me," Nami replied with a sniff.

"I am surprised at how wide awake I am," Luffy said, gripping his own shirt tightly with a horrified look.

"My name is Nami," she said, looking at Law with one manicured hand out. He took it cautiously – her grip was surprisingly firm. "Zoro doesn't seem to know yours."

"After all this time?" Law asked with amazement.

"The thing is, pumpkin, Sanji never mentioned it, either."

Law shrugged in response. Then introduced himself formerly. It was interesting to see how her face and attitude changed in reaction while Luffy looked at Law with interest.

"So when you say 'heart surgeon'," he said slowly, "that means you fix hearts?"

" _Duh_ ," Law said as Nami frantically adjusted her shirt and fluffed out her hair, adjusting the sparkling jewelry around her neck and ears.

Luffy then grinned. "So you fixed Sanji's! That's great!"

 _Did I_? Law thought wondrously, looking to the other man. He and Zoro were speaking quietly, but with intense expressions. Like they were moments from busting out the fists once more – the other two didn't seem very concerned about it.

"A _surgeon_!" Nami exclaimed with delight, her tone different from before. "So, you guys must be living in a big house! With a yard – where's your car?"

As she scanned the parking area, Law looked at her skeptically. "No. We live in an apartment controlled by gangsters with rent that hadn't changed within the last fifteen years. We rent or use Uber, the bus. Shop at Walmart for underwear. Argue over who has to pay the tip at the restaurants. It's not as glamourous as you think."

Nami looked at him with shock.

"That's _if_ we get underwear at all," Law added. "I bought mine from Sears before they went under. _On sale_ from the clearance bin."

"But…medical professionals roll in the dough - !"

"In this city? Most are lucky to be able to pay for their Starbucks habits. If those gangsters wanted me to work in the back alley to pay rent, I'd probably have to take it. Not because I'm in fear of my life, but because Netflix upped their monthly charges."

Nami looked crestfallen while Law thought about it, rubbing his chin.

"Of course, if it ever came to it," he mused, "I'd have to trick my roommate of one of his kidneys to continue paying my cable bill. He's healthier than I."

"You can't do that to Sanji," Luffy said with some shock.

"I would. I'd hate to miss a season of 'Insatiable'."

Nami frowned at him while Luffy proceeded to look outraged. "Okay, this is why Zoro says you're a weirdo. Luffy, don't take him seriously. Zoro was right – this guy is weird."

Law gave the sidewalk a pouty frown. "But I _am_ serious."

"And because you're 'serious', I can't take you seriously! Rich people laze around in sales bins to appear approachable – I was for certain that this was the case! I thought Sanji had leveled up!"

"His power rating is absurdly high already," Law said skeptically.

Luffy gave a nervous laugh. "Were you able to see that through your scouter?"

"When I first met him, it was over 9,000," Law answered cautiously, to which Luffy laughed again.

"Zoro was so mad when you called him 'Goku'! He doesn't watch anime, he doesn't know shit about it!"

Law looked relieved, finding some similar ground while Nami just looked disgusted.

"I think we can be good friends," Luffy said seriously, nodding.

Nami sighed, glancing over at the pair that had Brook sitting between them, whining nervously through words that she couldn't hear. Disappointed that Law was no one she could truly relate to, she had to tune out the conversation in order to save her sanity. She couldn't hear what the pair was saying, but she hoped with all her heart it was a resolution.

As the three were talking on the bench, Zoro immediately approached Sanji. "All these things I've been trying to tell you were apologies," he said low. "Those things aren't things you want to hear?"

"First off, jack-ass, I don't need to talk to you if I don't feel like it," Sanji returned tersely. "And I didn't. I didn't feel like talking to you after all that shit."

"So, not even an apology is something you need from me?"

"There were _years_ , dipshit, between us that ended up being lies. On both our ends," Sanji quickly amended once Zoro started to speak up. "It was a lot to sort through. I'm still dealing with that."

"In the end, it's over."

"It is," Sanji agreed with a short nod. "All of it. But…I don't think apologies are needed at this point. Because…both of us fucked it up. Right?"

Zoro shrugged.

"So apologizing is pointless."

"You never could apologize, that's just what I wanted to point out."

"Apologize for _what_?"

Zoro recognized drawing the subject up was pointless. It was only building more conflict. So he had to let it go.

"Everything is over and done with," he said slowly, "and…I get that both of us are dealing with shit – uncomfortable shit. But the point is – we're done. So any argument that comes up between us has to be something unrelated to it."

Sanji nodded to agree. He held out the new bag of medication. "Don't let Luffy carry this stuff again."

"It was a mistake. I wasn't thinking. But…he's fine, right?"

"It sucks that I can't take him to see his doc, but you need to do everything right and careful and not give any of Brook's vital medication to the care of that idiot over there."

Zoro nodded. "Maybe…I can fix that."

"With how deep in debt I am, I can't," Sanji said regretfully. "So you'll have to do this on your own."

"What's that supposed to mean? You work, right?"

"I get paid minimum fucking wage, asshole. For now," Sanji added. "I'm working my way up from the ground."

"Then that guy's taking care of everything, isn't he?"

"You overheard our conversations before. Obviously not. He might be a doc, but it's not the picture that you think. He has his issues to pay for, too."

Zoro glanced over as Brook bounded their way. "I don't know, looks like he's getting better."

"He is. He's doing great."

After acknowledging the old dog that pushed against his leg, Zoro straightened up, arms crossed tightly over his chest.

"You love him?"

Sanji scowled at him. "I don't believe in that, anymore. You ruined it for me."

Zoro sighed impatiently. "Just because I fucked it up doesn't mean you have to fuck it up with someone else."

"Don't talk to me like you're giving me some sound advice!"

"I'm just _saying_ \- !" Zoro said with frustration, hands to his hair with brief clenches, "I don't care if you do! I don't care that you moved on! All I'm saying is shit that only you can take because despite this shit, we know each other, right?"

"…right."

"Then don't either of us have an opinion? If it needs to be said, it should be said without thinking that we're trying to make each other jealous, or – or – "

"I just don't want you commenting on what I'm doing, and I'll do the same!"

"Everything isn't a fucking fight, Sanji! I'm not trying to make this into a fight! All I'm saying is that I…despite my reservations…support that you've moved on," Zoro finished, Brook whining at the slow rise of their voices, the tension growing between them. Sanji couldn't help but cross his arms tightly once more, his face heavy with a scowl.

"It feels weird hearing you say that," he mumbled. "It feels weird because it doesn't seem right."

"You _have_ , right? Don't fucking lie, I know it already. Don't say shit like 'we're just friends' because you're not! Just admit it. Admit it to me, admit to yourself! Lying to yourself isn't doing anybody any good!"

"It's not that I'm lying, it's just that I'm not saying because I know I'll fuck this up, too! Yeah, I am, _yeah_ , I have a thing with my roommate – "

"Yeah, you're screwing it up already," Zoro interrupted with a disgusted look while Sanji glared at him. "Pretending it's something it's not – hey, at least you're doing this early in rather than years later."

"Fuck you, you miserable piece of - !"

"I didn't come out here to start a fight!" Zoro exclaimed, as if reminding himself. "All I wanted to say was I'm sorry, good for you, and if you wanted to help take over on Brook's doctor visits. That's all I wanted to say! I don't care that you moved on, I don't care what you do or how you do it – just – we're not a big part of each other's lives, anymore, so neither of us has any say on what the other does. I didn't come out here to argue and fight with you."

Sanji huffed, forcibly reining in his response. He had to wonder if they could get along amicably when it seemed like every time they ran into each other, they fought. But then again…this was _their_ relationship. Everything was an argument. Everything had been a back and forth snap with a competitive edge. Each of them wanted to be someone the other could follow. He vaguely recognized that this was not the relationship he had with Law, with both of them sharing a lead.

What he had with Law right now was different – uncharted territory. Unfamiliar grounds. But both of them seemed to walk safely, amicably, compromising and sharing without argument. The situation he had with the older man suddenly told him he couldn't mess this up in the way that he had with Zoro because it wasn't the same.

He ended up glancing back at the three at the bench. Nami looked glum while Luffy chatted a mile a minute with wide gestures and laughter while Law looked vaguely lost and awkward.

After some reluctance, he said, "Yes, I have a relationship with my roommate."

"From the start?"

" _No_ , you bastard. It was…eventual."

Zoro gave a reluctant expression, but the question that had persisted the most in his thoughts finally seemed agreeable to the insisted answer. Not like it mattered in any way, now. He saw that this was only his own miserable search for something that felt like a useless anchor. Brook whined at their feet, pawing at Sanji's shoes while looking up at Zoro; as if the dog wanted them to stop fighting.

"Then act like it," Zoro ended up mumbling.

"It feels weird," Sanji mumbled back, a bit of shame in his face to admit that. "I feel guilty about it."

"That's your own shit to sort out. I just want this over and done with so that the next time we talk about Brook, it's not some stupid shit."

A part of Sanji wanted to demand why Zoro didn't care – but then he told himself that was just an old part of himself that should be dead just like his marriage. Another part of Sanji was relieved because what was between them was dead and it was fine to move on. To remove the label and insert a new one. Then he had to think about how he would feel if Zoro found someone else – a large part of him would feel relieved about it. He realized he was just searching for permission to have something, and wondered why he needed it.

Old things lingering inside of him had to be put to rest.

"Right," he murmured. "Well…with that said, no more stupid messages from you. I don't want to hear apologies. I don't want to acknowledge anything personal – but things like our debt and – "

"Ah, right," Zoro said with a tired sigh. "Yeah, that's important."

"I will gladly pay for my half, I just need the information…of course, I'm going to have a hard time paying it with what I already have…"

"I guess it can't be helped. But it's a lot of legal shit that just needs a good eye to sort through. Robin was already working on it, but…things were going in one ear and out the other at the time."

"Maybe I can talk to her about it myself – "

"That's fine, I'll just give her your number. You guys just tell me what I have to pay."

Sanji frowned at him again, seeing the relief on Zoro's face. The man often shied away from small print because he didn't have the patience to read it; he'd often relied on Sanji to just 'handle it' for him. Brook wagged his tail with a hopeful expression, having never looked away from either of them. His attention was devoted on them both.

Awkwardly, Sanji realized he had nothing more to say. But it felt like a weight off his chest, now. At least they talked – at least major things were covered. It was still tense, but it was _over_.

Zoro was frowning uncomfortably with having come to the same conclusion. He looked over to seeing Luffy laughing uproariously while the other two looked fairly traumatized. Brook leaned against his leg with a heavy sigh while Sanji crouched to pet him, assuring him.

"Everyone knows," Zoro said vaguely, "so no point hiding it, now."

"It was a thing until I decided what I wanted to do with it," Sanji mumbled.

"It's just really weird," Zoro said with a frown, "because he's not your typical snack."

"You'd know what those were?" Sanji replied snottily.

" _Duh_ , I lived with you for years! Like I'm blind to the way you oogled other men when you thought I wasn't looking!"

"I didn't 'oogle' - !"

"It doesn't matter because it didn't bother me," Zoro added with discomfort. "But I'm glad that…this is settled. After everything. I don't know if we'd all get along, but...everyone else would be happy if you were around, again."

"It's just too weird right now. Like, I wanted it but…to come back around when I'm with someone else – "

"I mean, it is, but…now _he_ gets to deal with your shit. Not me. We're in debt because of you, so…I'm glad to pass on the torch."

Sanji scowled up at him as Zoro walked away, heading towards the bench. Brook looked to Sanji, tail wagging slightly before snorting, following after the other man. After some moments, Sanji followed.

They ended up eating at a pet friendly restaurant down the street. Law was nervous because he was being included; because his eating habits, while improved, were nowhere like the others'. Sanji just looked uncomfortable, but the three of them carried most of the conversation where it was only about their other friends and what they were doing. Zoro just ate like he hadn't eaten before, keeping his mouth stuffed so that he didn't have to contribute.

By the time they returned home without Brook, both of them felt drained. Bepo was already in the process of his escaping his new tank, watching them from the lid as he eased out. Law retrieved him while Sanji sank onto the couch, feeling emotionally wrung out. Turning on the tv, Law sat atop of him because Sanji didn't want to move.

Placing Bepo onto his shoulder, Law found a favored daytime soap while Sanji frowned at the television – only slightly inconvenienced by the man sitting atop of his back.

"That wasn't so bad," Law said with relief. "Once you gave that kid a topic, he made the most of a conversation so I didn't have to say anything."

"Awkward as fuck," Sanji mumbled into the cushion.

"It was," Law agreed, "but it felt much different than before. More amicable. I don't understand why you're so unhappy."

"Mostly because it was awkward as fuck. But," Sanji said with a sigh, rising up and having Law fall away from him, "it's over. All of it. I can contact Robin and get to settling my debts."

After straightening up, Law took over on his favored spot on the couch. Instead of walking away with his thoughts with mindless puttering around the apartment, Sanji retrieved a pillow and set it over Law's lap. He relaxed with the length of him taking over the rest of the couch. He listened to the older man's stomach settle with the light meal he'd ate while people spoke in verbal italics from the screen. Bepo watched Sanji with a stern expression while Law followed the storyline with a concentrative frown - he realized minutes later Sanji was sleeping, face turned towards him with his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

He played with the man's hair, still focused on the television. It didn't occur to him until another show later that Sanji had mentioned the pair of them as 'we' and none of them batted an eye. Sanji had established them in front of his ex-husband and friends as a pair and Law was just a little disappointed that no dramatics followed.

Not that he'd want them to – but it would have been funny to see the chaos.

What was odd was that none of them had a problem with it – not like last time. They just seemed to accept and move on without any lingering resentment.

It was _over_ , he realized. Maybe this _thing_ could have a label. He thought about how cool it would sound casually mentioning that he had a boyfriend. He never used the word, before, so now it had the same hot _ping_! as it had when he'd had a girlfriend in high school. He felt giddy about it, actually. Not that he'd blast it to the world because it was a shaky matter in his profession, but to Penguin and Shachi and Bepo once he had a moment alone with his lizard. To any lingering 'bugs' in the living room so that Rocinante knew that this was a real thing.

He could reject potentials by saying " _I have a boyfriend_."

It was exciting to think about. He was pretty sure he'd end up telling it to the cashiers at the gas station or the cafeteria ladies unnecessarily because having the opportunity to say it hadn't always been his.

He pet Sanji's head and continued watching television with a slight smile on his face.

: :

Sanji was suspicious when he walked into the apartment after work one evening. Seeing the collection of candles on the counter – unlit – made Sanji feel tired. All those swirling feelings about taking their thing/relationship to the next level built in his gut like hot, angry bubbles as he ventured towards the bathroom, expecting all the things he'd mentioned the day they started messing around. He wasn't sure if he could do it just yet – considering the applications, it was going to be a big step. A very big one that required abusive amounts of wine and adventurous gusto that he didn't have just yet.

Of course, neither of them had discussed it – Law was literally going with the flow. It never occurred to Sanji that they would have to actually talk about it, having assumed that Law just _knew_.

"Law," he said tiredly before spotting the man in his room, looking through what looked like a CD case. He ended up glancing into his bathroom, expecting to see a bubble bath and flowers and the works - but it was empty and dark. He headed back to Law's room, the other man standing from his bed.

"What are you doing?" Sanji asked curiously.

"You okay?" Law asked with some concern, but Sanji could see he looked a little guilty.

Seeing that Law wasn't pressuring him into something his heart wasn't fully into just yet, Sanji had to shrug. "I'm fine. What's...what's going on here?"

"I ended up taking a trip down memory lane today," Law said, picking up what looked like a CD player, headphones still attached. He held up a couple of scratched CDs. "I ended up finding these. One album is from R. Kelly, pre-piss days. The other is a collection of songs that someone made for me."

Sanji had to admit he was curious. He set down his phone onto the bed, taking the latter CD from Law's skinny finger. The titles were written in bubbly letters, with hearts dotting the i's.

"Were these your make out tunes?" he asked with a sneer.

Law chuckled. "Yeah, actually. I listened to the entire album, remembering everything."

Sanji frowned at him. _How dare he do that_ , he thought rather childishly.

"Is this before your time?" Law asked. "Do you know who Brandy is? Aaliyah?"

"I am _five_ years younger than you!"

"Anyway, since I was revisiting memory lane," Law continued, sitting down onto the bed, "I thought I'd rewatch movies from that time period. I have them lined up. Want to watch them with me?"

Surprised that Law wasn't pressuring him despite the obvious signs on the kitchen counter, Sanji just stared at him.

Law frowned up at him. "I hope you're not thinking I wanted to push things after last night."

Sanji briefly remembered that a good night kiss had turned into sloppy hand jobs that ended up making a mess on the couch. He'd left Law with instructions to clean while he was away. "Well according to my generation, we must do it until our balls are empty."

Law shuddered. "Give me a few days."

Sanji sighed; not with any irritation, but because it had been a tiresome day and his mood was teetering on the negative side. One part of him wanted a fight started because he felt restless; another part of him wanted alone time to reflect on building debt issues. He instead settled on the bed while Law inserted fresh batteries into the CD player.

"We need to talk about specifics before – "

"Hold that thought. JNCO jeans are still on my mind and I'd honestly want to keep thinking about them."

Sanji furrowed his brow, unsure of what those were and why they were more important than sex. But he was so flummoxed for words that he ended up biting his tongue, despite irritation lighting his veins with his urge to fight.

"Here." Law offered him the left side of his headphones so Sanji settled up against the headboard. "Don't make fun of me until after. But back in my day, these were serious confession jams."

"Are you planning on confessing to me?" Sanji asked as Law settled aside of him with what looked like an old Vibe magazine. He pushed play.

"Read between the lines, loser."

Sanji was amused at how much the CD skipped. Law ended up swiping through his phone while music played with poor quality at their ears. Crickets sounded out somewhere, but their sound was muffled. Being in this room with the other man, dropping back into Memory Lane, Sanji found himself relaxing and warming up to the thought of messing around for a bit. It was weird how he could be soothed from his negative mood to a lighter one with just a few old props and a man that was either really clueless or just that relaxed. He ended up with his head resting on Law's shoulder, comforted by the smell and feel of him as he browsed through the internet with random searches that made absolutely no sense to Sanji. It was so much different from being with Zoro – both of them would have been at each other's throats by now; either physically or verbally. But he had to reflect how calm he was in this relationship; peaceful even. Not in any stretch 'boring', but it gave him a feeling of being at home. An odd feeling to have, considering how short of a time it had been since he was forcefully removed from the one he'd made with the other man.

So many things had been resolved since then. So much to a point where he and Zoro could talk without arguing over stupid shit, and where Sanji could sit on a bench while his ex and current man could talk about how it was easier to clip Brook's nails with an unknown brand of clippers compared to an actual groomer's. A surreal moment to reflect on…

Sanji ended up teasing Law over a few titles - Law blushed and said nothing in response. Eventually he sheepishly confessed he'd made the CD for a girl that ended up rejecting him because he was "skinnier" than her. Sanji didn't know how it happened, but he found himself making out with the man while Boyz II Men played in the background.

He was on his back with the man aside of him; they'd touch each other lightly, hands moving without rush to various places; mouths leaving behind marks that could easily be hidden behind clothes. Eventually Sanji forgot about the events of his day; he was focused on the feel of Law's goatee scraping over his skin, the feel of his fingers against his scalp, the taste of his mouth on his tongue. He was engulfed in the scent of the other man; how it seemed to permeate Sanji's senses even after he left him to go retrieve tissue.

Law was still self-conscious about himself, completely clothed aside from a missing sock - Sanji was surprised he'd lost most of his clothes. _I'm such an idiot_ , he thought with irritation, sticky hand to his forehead. _What the hell is wrong with me? Is it okay to feel happy_?

Law returned with tissue and wet wipes and they resumed where they left off. Sanji was surprised that Law had the confidence to do these things with him. He'd expected a completely different act from the older man; maybe some doubt, hesitation, some reluctance; but he was all hands and mouth and enthusiasm.

Sanji respected his request to leave his shirt in place; but he touched where he was allowed. He nibbled at Law's painfully protruding collarbone, licked at his tight jawline, sucked on his fingers. Used the advantage to play with his dick, to draw patterns on his own thigh with the beads of moisture that dripped from it. Law sucked on his earlobes, caused him to pant with the touch of his tongue in his ear. Sanji played with his balls, showed him where it felt good, taught him how to touch him in the way he liked. Law played with his pubes, showed Sanji where he liked to be kissed, drew the cook's hands over his body over his shirt. They talked about past hook-ups and shared horror stories.

By the time either of them realized the time, it was early morning. It was surprising how time flew by just being this way with each other.

 _Was this alright_? Sanji wondered sleepily. _When was it okay to feel "all right"_?

"Why are you still thinking?" he heard Law ask from his side of the bed.

Sanji was startled at his question. But the guilt came back, leaving him feeling upset. They had a good evening - why was he ruining this?

"I'm afraid to be happy," he eventually confessed.

Law thought about his answer. "I see," he then said quietly. Sanji couldn't tell what his tone was - hard to see his face in the dark. He sat up to look over at him, eyes heavy with sleeplessness.

"I want to be, but...do I deserve it?"

Law understood that Sanji still felt a certain way about things - but he also understood that the younger man felt a certain way about him. In the dark of the room, Sanji wanted to be happy with him, but the ghosts of his past were too strong. These negative beings would haunt him until enough time had passed for Sanji to forget.

Realistically, Law wondered if he had that much time himself.

"Yes," he answered slowly. "Both of us do."

He felt Sanji's hand on him, touching his shoulder lightly. He reached up to grasp it, entwining their fingers. He could feel the stickiness between his fingers - a combined result of their earlier activities. Which told Law they still had so much to do.

"Promise me," Sanji said low, forehead against the back of Laws arm, " _promise_ me you'll say something once you start losing interest in me. Please tell me you don't love me before I start loving you."

"Sanji, are you drunk?" Law asked with concern. "Because who are you talking to?"

"I just - I need to be told these things. I can't go through that again," Sanji said tightly. "I can't - do this without -!"

Law rolled onto his back. He couldn't really see the other man in the dark, but he could tell Sanji wasn't alright. "All I ask in return is that you have patience with me," he said, tightening his grip on his fingers. "When I don't want to listen to the voice of reason, when I don't want to do what's right. I just need you to be here, like you are, like you have been and just...be understanding."

Sanji's fingers tightened on Law's.

"Let's just be happy together," Law said low. "Like we have been. Let's not worry about things like, 'Do I deserve this or that' when it's fairly obvious being here together means something already. Instead of thinking what happened, let's look forward to What's Next?"

"I know, I know, I just-!" Sanji exhaled noisily. "I'm scared."

Law understood. A part of him understood that Sanji was feeling this way because his feelings were growing for Law - another part of him felt relieved that Sanji could express these things to fit both of them. He felt scared himself. He had many insecurities that caused him to want to back up but this seemed to cause an opposite effect. The fact that Sanji was feeling scared was because he had genuine feelings for Law, and this was a good thing.

He pulled the man into his arms - relieved when Sanji hugged him back. The smell of his hair - cigarettes and greasy food - made him inhale deeply of it. Made him hungry. His stomach growled and Sanji's hands immediately went to it.

"Let me feed you," he said low, causing Law a shiver.

In the kitchen, Law immediately looked at the candles and as he was setting out ingredients for breakfast, Sanji looked at him with a question building on his tongue.

"I was growing aware to the fact that," Law lowered his voice to a whisper, "that Bepo sort of stinks. So I thought burning these would help."

Sanji tried not to set his frying pan down with anger. He was annoyed that he wasn't the man's first thought but at the same time, stifling his annoyance probably wouldn't help them as a pair.

"Oh," he said with his back turned towards him, "I thought you were just readying yourself for the next step."

He wasn't aware of the expression Law made then – the older man knew exactly what he was doing but he was treading cautiously because it seemed to him that Sanji wasn't ready for the next step. So he had only been testing the waters. He felt clumsy having to explain that. He was aware that sex between men wasn't the same as women but wasn't sure of the mechanics. After all, PornHub told him that guys just entered the backdoor and that was it. Quite aware that the mechanics were different, he just thought that this situation would be similar.

"I wouldn't know how to approach that topic correctly," he said slowly. "My curiosity is peaked but you also mentioned being drunk to do it, so…"

"Now that we're on the topic," Sanji said, a touch too eagerly as he turned to face him, Law feeling as awkward as a teenager being addressed on the topic of sex, "it isn't just push in and go, you know. I volunteered to being bottom because I am already comfortable with it. It takes a lot of preparation beforehand if you don't want to have a mess on your hands."

Law could just imagine. Frankly, his libido crashed. "What kind of preparation?" he had to ask, aware that he was in for a biology lesson. Sanji gave it to him frankly. By the end of his speech, he had food cooking and Law looked a little bothered.

Sanji braced himself against the counter to frown at him. "You're a heart surgeon. Why does it gross you out?" he asked.

To demonstrate, Law used a rolling pin against a circle created with his thumb and index finger. Sanji had to laugh.

"I'm aware of it! That's why I told you, it has to be a special night! But if you're volunteering, then…"

"I mean, I'm not against the thought. I trust you to know what you're doing. But I think I need a little more…motivation," Law said slowly, crinkling his brow.

"Some guys are just more prepared than others," Sanji said with a shrug.

"It's not that I don't want to. But…I suppose when we're both ready, then I'm sure there will be plenty of time beforehand to decide."

"It gets easier."

"This is almost like a consultation before a procedure."

"Once it happens, I'm sure it'll happen again and again."

"I'm excited for that," Law said, sitting at the counter with hands folded. "I like the sound of that because it's part of the future."

Sanji looked at him once more. After a few moments, he had to chuckle.

"What?"

"I just…never had such a _mature_ conversation about this," Sanji said, laughing nervously. "You're something else."

Law _really_ hoped that was a good thing.

 _God, please don't make me mess this up_ , Sanji thought, hiding his expression.

"It's okay to be happy," Law said quietly. "I just feel that you aren't allowing yourself to be."

"Are you fucking psychic, now?"

"Sometimes I think you're upset and not saying why. So I'm wondering if this is the same type of resentment that built in your – "

"It's not that I don't say anything, it's just – are you going to hear it? Are you actually going to sit there and listen to me being irritated and upset and being insecure? I just want you to fucking like me so you can forget what I'm really like."

Law frowned at him. "I think you forget that I've seen you lounging in the rock bottom of your lowest point. Why can't you just…be yourself?"

Sanji sighed heavily because Law was right and he wasn't exactly sure why he was feeling so agitated. He dished him up a plate, depositing it in front of him. Then leaned over the counter while Law examined the hot dish, the brilliant array of colors assuring him that this meal was healthy and the cook behind it hadn't left any sloppy details. The voices in his head were softer, now. They allowed him to pick up a fork to spear a tomato and they were fine with tasting the sharp tang of its juice, to be accompanied with a light array of carbs and proteins that were forgivable.

He ate slowly while waiting for an answer.

"You're right on that point," Sanji said tiredly, wiping his face with both hands. "I don't know why I'm holding back. All I did was talk shit in the beginning."

"You were a rude motherfucker."

"I just…" Sanji trailed off because he didn't know what to say. He watched Law as he ate. Months ago, the man wouldn't even touch half of the things on his plate. Months ago, he was looking at a living skeleton – now he was looking at a man in the process of recovery, and it really filled him with pride to know that Law had come a long way from that.

Law noticed he'd trailed off and looked at him with consideration. After chewing, he said, "What?"

"I don't know how to finish my sentence. Just…it's all a blank."

"Whatever, Sanji. Just say you want matching buttholes and be done with it."

Sanji chuckled. "That _is_ romantic."

"We're not a thing, now. At this point. You have my Netflix password."

"Bepo is King exclamation point one one isn't a very strong goddamn password." But Sanji had to agree with him. "This isn't a thing. This is a relationship. But I don't want to marry again. My debts…my name change, it's…such a hassle."

"The subject might change when you seize my tender virginity."

" _Might_!" Sanji had to laugh.

He put Law's empty plate into the sink before both of them headed back to bed. It would be the first of many empty plates he'd put down as the days progressed.


	18. Epilogue

**A/N:** Thank you to all that found this story and followed it all the way to the end! It was an angsty ride (ending with getting bucked off in the end) but I hope that by the end of this epilogue that it'll linger somewhere in the back of your thoughts. :D

 **Sarge1130** : Thank you so much for reading and reviewing each chapter! I'm in awe of the dedication! I'm truly unworthy T_T I hope you continue to enjoy this story as it progresses.

 **Harmonica Smile** : I know, my moods are dangerous! But I'm sticking with the ending I'd seen way back then.

 **Naghi-Tan** : I hope everything's alright!

 **WulfyFang3** : I'm happy you feel that way – it's been a rough ride for both of them, but things are on the good path now!

 **Fyoyaran** : After much hesitation he is! Both of them are recovering nicely from their troubles and the future looks quite promising. I have my fingers crossed that luck continues looking down on them. :B The friendship grew stronger – which is a relief!

 **Epilogue** :

It was the first time either of them showed any vulnerability without issuing a challenge or making it into a competition to be stronger than the other. The hall was quiet and heavy, the hospital setting uncomfortably stark. All that was left in the aftermath was Sanji's sniffling as he grieved. Zoro had his hands in his pockets, battling his own expression because it was silently important that one of them stay composed in order to walk away. He was quite aware that arrangements had to be made and people contacted and he didn't want to leave that entirely to Sanji.

The cook blew his nose into tissue he'd grabbed from the box a nurse had offered nearby. Standing, he asked, "How the hell do we move on?"

Zoro found it a tough question to answer because he wasn't sure himself. So he shrugged, exhaling heavily. His throat felt tight with emotion and it took him awhile to speak.

"Eventually…a step at a time," he said, mangling his original gesture of support.

But Sanji found it agreeable. He wiped his nose, stuffed tissue into the trash can. He was glad Zoro was more composed than he because he felt absolutely useless.

Zoro cleared his throat. "At least he was happy…he was…he had a good life."

Sanji wiped his eyes. "After everything he's been through, I'm glad he was happy. You could tell he was. I loved him so much..."

Zoro had to agree, nodding gravely. He ended up wiping an eye. "I'm sorry…"

"No apologies needed," Sanji said, exhaling heavily in order to compose himself. Both of them were dressed for the winter weather – in thick coats, warm clothes – it had been a mad dash to the hospital, hours of anxiety waiting for answers and sudden acceptance of death that both had known loomed so closely. "Despite our efforts…no one lives forever."

Zoro nodded in agreement. "We did the best we could. But getting that guy to cooperate was nearly impossible. I guess he was ready to go."

Sanji frowned. But he had to agree. He thought of the times he'd spent making meals that went uneaten, the efforts he put into administering support and comfort. But it was well apparent that his struggles, while appreciated, weren't enough to avoid the inevitable.

"What matters is that he was loved," Zoro said slowly. "That's _all_ that matters."

Sanji nodded, tearing up once again. He wiped his eyes. After some moments, Zoro reached out and patted his shoulder with gruff comfort.

Both of them looked up the closed door nearby opened. Sanji stood quickly while Zoro steeled himself.

Seeing their faces, red and strained with grief, Law exhaled heavily. "I made the arrangements."

"Sorry you ended up doing that," Zoro muttered while Sanji blew his nose once more. "Neither of us wanted to leave him so soon."

"It's no problem," Law said, aware that they'd spent as much time as possible with Brook after his last injection. The dog's unavoidable death was the result of natural order – his body had simply given out as the result of age and mill animal breeding. No amount of surgeries or medication could keep him going, and the dog had seemed prepared to go the last few weeks.

"They will arrange for two urns to split his ashes," Law continued. "If that's suitable."

The two men muttered their agreements awkwardly while Law fiddled with the paperwork. He eventually passed them both copies of the forms he'd filled out, both taking them sheepishly.

They left the veterinary clinic, Zoro eventually snatching tissues from the front counter to deal with his own sniffling. Law awkwardly walked them to the sidewalk, hearing twin exertions into tissues and catching sight of similar grieving faces. Death was never any easier; he felt like showing a bit of emotion but had a certain numbness to it, having dealt with others' grief over the years. His emotions weren't any less, just more suspended.

"I can give you a ride home, Zoro," he said. "Unless you called for one of the others?"

"Nah, I'm not going to bother with those guys," Zoro said, wadding up his tissue.

"Those guys would get a hundred times more emotional than us," Sanji grunted. "They'd get nowhere."

"I'll just walk home. I need some time to clear my head. Besides, I see how well you drive," Zoro trailed off, looking to the Camry parked nearby, Sanji wincing humorously. There were new dents to the wheel well, scratches against the passenger side door – Law made a stiff expression. "I'd want to wind up home in one piece."

"What are you saying? Are you suggesting I'm a bad driver?"

"I'm not _suggesting_ , I'm absolutely saying, _yes_ , you're a horrible driver."

"Sorry," Sanji whispered in apology to the taller man, who looked insulted, "but you are, love."

"Fuck you both," Law muttered bitterly, crossing his arms stiffly. "See if I ever offer to drive either of you."

" _Thank God_ because it allows me to decline without having to decline." Zoro looked to Law. "Thank you. For everything."

Feeling good in that he could be relied upon, Law just nodded. Sanji rubbed the other man's arm with some amused comfort before looking to Zoro. "Then let us know when you make it back."

Zoro waved an impatient hand in his direction before walking off. Law wore a sad frown as the events of today made him feel heavy, his mind jumbled by the old dog's death. He would be missed but Law was thankful he had the chance to know him. He reached out and touched the top of Sanji's head as the cook wiped his eyes again.

"I'm glad you guys stayed with him until the end. The doc was telling me how many people leave their pets because they couldn't handle their final moments."

"It was difficult letting it happen, but he was in our arms. He knew he was loved. Thank you for bringing us, for taking care of the other details," Sanji added gratefully, then looked at the Camry with skeptic action. "I hope that's not another ticket on the windshield."

Law looked away with a start, seeing the folded slip of paper underneath one windshield wiper. Despite his current feelings, Sanji felt amusement warm him from the inside as the surgeon hurried over to his car to examine the contents. Ever since he'd completed his initial recovery, Law had improved significantly. His eating habits had changed, he'd gained nearly thirty pounds, and Zoro had been taking him to the gym to "make some gains."

It was impossible to believe how things had wound up with a seemingly fairytale ending – after everything the pair had gone through, they'd made so many more advancements throughout these few years that made Sanji think that he'd somehow obtained what he'd only dreamed of since he was a kid. He'd finally fallen in love with someone that could love him back – he'd gained a father figure in Zeff and acquired the title of sous chef – he'd started talking amicably with Reiju, again. His debts were still problematic but they were being taken care of with his attention; his friends were friends again, extending their hands out to Law with the same effort.

The other man found a better employer that was more understanding of his former eating disorder; Law sometimes volunteered at the clinic with Marco to provide support to other sufferers, which made him feel good about himself. The long term effects of his disorder had left him with bone loss and heart damage – he took vitamins and exercised lightly to rebuild, but had to be monitored by another professional when it came to his own heart. Sanji worried about him constantly but Law was determined to make up for lost time by doing things with the others that sounded unreasonable. Law had also acquired his driver's license but ended up being a terrible driver – it wasn't about his vision, which suffered as a result of years of his eating disorder, but a definite lack of experience being behind the wheel. The 'First Time Driver' and 'Caution: Student Driver' signs pinned to the back window was Luffy's attempt at trying to get other drivers to understand the Camry owner's terrible attempts.

Admittedly, his disorder was quiet, but sometimes spoke up to remind the man that it was still there inside of him. Sometimes he'd be fine to eat but other times he'd find himself picking at his meals, thinking about his old habits; it wasn't enough to make him backslide, but always seemed to be present. Especially when he reached new physical milestones – he was still a skinny man, but his shoulders stooped as a result of his bone loss and sometimes his back and bones ached in a way that remind him he was a damaged man. But his attitude and spirit was quite different and he did speak out of line with more confidence, and in such a way that Sanji found himself inserting himself into Law's conversations just to make some peace.

It had been difficult the first couple of years while Law pulled himself out from the crevice with Sanji's help – he battled depression and frustration, which caused most of his decision to resign from his position at the hospital and take another's offer. Both of them clashed heads, sometimes; Law had been single for too long and Sanji was too clingy – but they always seemed to work that out.

Sanji wandered over when Law looked at the folder paper with trepidation, then watched as his face pulled into a puzzled expression. Looking over, he saw, 'U drive like an arshole.'

"Well," he said slowly, "it's better than a ticket."

"Pretty sure I know this handwriting," Law mumbled, crumbling it while looking around them. The veterinary hospital was different from the one across the hospital he used to work for, so the area was unfamiliar to him. There was no one parked around him – but he had to admit he wasn't exactly inside the lines. There was a park nearby, a place for various people to relax in, so he scanned the individuals there.

"Let's go home," Sanji prodded.

"You think he'll be okay?" Law asked while fumbling with his keys. "Should we follow from a distance just to make sure he goes the right way?"

"Nah…just let him be. The walk will be good for him. However long it takes – he's dressed warm."

Sanji moved to the passenger side when something caught his eye. In the distance, there was some sort of a chase going on. He pointed it out as Law accidently pushed the Panic Alarm on the fob instead of the unlocking button, looking over to see what Sanji was seeing. They watched a very tall redheaded man shout in alarm as he tried to keep distance from two other very tall men. He looked away very quickly to quiet the alarm and unlock the doors.

"I see and know absolutely nothing," he said resolutely, climbing in.

Sanji chuckled, watching as Rocinante tackled Kid into the pavement, Aokiji slowing his pace. He could hear Kid shouting as the car started. People were watching with fascination as the "arms dealer" was apprehended. He couldn't understand a single thing Kid was shouting, but Rocinante looked pretty pleased – until he somehow slipped and Kid managed to get away. Aokiji had his hands on his knees, breathing heavily, so once he saw Kid running he looked exasperated. He opened his jacket, sent something flying after the fleeing hipster, and Kid sprawled over the ground once again. Rocinante managed a better grip this time.

Sanji shook his head lightly, making his way to the passenger seat. He shut the door firmly behind him, tightened his seatbelt and prayed hard that they'd get home in one piece.


End file.
